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  #1  
Old 04-12-2012, 03:15 PM
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Default What to do about his sister in law? UPDATE

So as I've posted before, there was a time about a year ago that I decided that this life wasn't for me. I got an attorney to start divorce proceedings and started dating another man. My husband and I have since reconciled and obviously didn't get divorced and put everything behind us. The man I dated remained friends and he is a mechanic, and my vehicle continuously breaks down. I'm raising 3 kids on a VERY small income, and can't afford to take it to the shop every week. I asked my husband if he would be ok with having my ex fix my car and he said yes. I never went alone, although that wasn't a requirement of my husband. He trusts me. I just didn't want him to ever have any reason to question anything, so I usually took either a friend of his or his mother with me when I went. One time, my van broke down and I took my husband's sister in law with me when I went to get it fixed. This happened months ago. After we went, she told his entire family that I was cheating on him and now most of his family won't speak to me and pretend like my children and I don't exist. Now, months later after I told my husband everything and he said she was being ridiculous, she sent him a letter. She tried to make it seem like she was just writing a friendly letter, but in it she said she doesn't trust me and she doesn't want to have any part in the fact that I'm cheating on him. My husband doesn't take it seriously, he sent me the letter and asked what I wanted him to say back to her.

Here's my question, should I just let him handle this, or should I call her on it? I have a feeling that she's jealous because our marriage is a lot more real than her marriage to his brother is. She made his brother marry her 2 days after he graduated high school, and then made him join the army, and all they do is fight and he hates his life. I'm tired of this woman disrespecting me, and her actions are affecting my kids. They absolutely love their uncle and my husband's family, and don't understand why they can't see them anymore. They think that they did something wrong and that everybody hates them. I've tried to explain it's not their fault, but kids take everything personally.

If you've made it this far, I'm sorry it was so long, but this has been making me so mad for so long I really needed to vent. Any advice is appreciated. I should add that I've never lied to my husband about any of this. I told him up front when I was filing for divorce and when I was dating the other man. I have always been 100% faithful when we were together, so her telling people I'm cheating is a complete lie.
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:20 PM
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you only have a month left tell them all to s*** your d*** end of story they are just unhappy n trying to cause problems that dont revolve around their mess of a lives. when your husband comes home they will see n u all will laugh at them. obviously your husband isnt taking it serious that is all u need to worry about

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Old 04-12-2012, 03:26 PM
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I don't have much experience in this type of situation but,I say you should let him handle it. He trusts you and for you to flip out on his sister in law could just cause more trouble between his family and you and make alot more miserable drama. Plusall of the fighting wouldn't be good for your kids. I wouldn't even bother with them unless they came around first. Once he handles it then you should have nothing else to worry about. She's just causing trouble. Just focus on you and him and not the lies others are making. To flip on her would just show how bad she can get under your skin and I'm sure that's what she wants. Just be honest with your husband and everything will work itself out. Good Luck!!!
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:26 PM
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seriously, u have a month to go. Don't reply to her and tell your husband not too also. When he gets home just go about your business. And if it continues, you confront them together as a married couple! Don't get drawn into drama!
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:53 PM
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So as I've posted before, there was a time about a year ago that I decided that this life wasn't for me. I got an attorney to start divorce proceedings and started dating another man. My husband and I have since reconciled and obviously didn't get divorced and put everything behind us. The man I dated remained friends and he is a mechanic, and my vehicle continuously breaks down. I'm raising 3 kids on a VERY small income, and can't afford to take it to the shop every week. I asked my husband if he would be ok with having my ex fix my car and he said yes. I never went alone, although that wasn't a requirement of my husband. He trusts me. I just didn't want him to ever have any reason to question anything, so I usually took either a friend of his or his mother with me when I went. One time, my van broke down and I took my husband's sister in law with me when I went to get it fixed. This happened months ago. After we went, she told his entire family that I was cheating on him and now most of his family won't speak to me and pretend like my children and I don't exist. Now, months later after I told my husband everything and he said she was being ridiculous, she sent him a letter. She tried to make it seem like she was just writing a friendly letter, but in it she said she doesn't trust me and she doesn't want to have any part in the fact that I'm cheating on him. My husband doesn't take it seriously, he sent me the letter and asked what I wanted him to say back to her.

Here's my question, should I just let him handle this, or should I call her on it? I have a feeling that she's jealous because our marriage is a lot more real than her marriage to his brother is. She made his brother marry her 2 days after he graduated high school, and then made him join the army, and all they do is fight and he hates his life. I'm tired of this woman disrespecting me, and her actions are affecting my kids. They absolutely love their uncle and my husband's family, and don't understand why they can't see them anymore. They think that they did something wrong and that everybody hates them. I've tried to explain it's not their fault, but kids take everything personally.

If you've made it this far, I'm sorry it was so long, but this has been making me so mad for so long I really needed to vent. Any advice is appreciated. I should add that I've never lied to my husband about any of this. I told him up front when I was filing for divorce and when I was dating the other man. I have always been 100% faithful when we were together, so her telling people I'm cheating is a complete lie.
He needs to call her out on her bs and tell his other family members that she lied to them. I dont think it will do any good for you to talk to her. She wont believe anything youre saying. Just have him humiliate her to his family and she should leave you two alone after that. Good luck
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Old 04-12-2012, 04:10 PM
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So as I've posted before, there was a time about a year ago that I decided that this life wasn't for me. I got an attorney to start divorce proceedings and started dating another man. My husband and I have since reconciled and obviously didn't get divorced and put everything behind us. The man I dated remained friends and he is a mechanic, and my vehicle continuously breaks down. I'm raising 3 kids on a VERY small income, and can't afford to take it to the shop every week. I asked my husband if he would be ok with having my ex fix my car and he said yes. I never went alone, although that wasn't a requirement of my husband. He trusts me. I just didn't want him to ever have any reason to question anything, so I usually took either a friend of his or his mother with me when I went. One time, my van broke down and I took my husband's sister in law with me when I went to get it fixed. This happened months ago. After we went, she told his entire family that I was cheating on him and now most of his family won't speak to me and pretend like my children and I don't exist. Now, months later after I told my husband everything and he said she was being ridiculous, she sent him a letter. She tried to make it seem like she was just writing a friendly letter, but in it she said she doesn't trust me and she doesn't want to have any part in the fact that I'm cheating on him. My husband doesn't take it seriously, he sent me the letter and asked what I wanted him to say back to her.

Here's my question, should I just let him handle this, or should I call her on it? I have a feeling that she's jealous because our marriage is a lot more real than her marriage to his brother is. She made his brother marry her 2 days after he graduated high school, and then made him join the army, and all they do is fight and he hates his life. I'm tired of this woman disrespecting me, and her actions are affecting my kids. They absolutely love their uncle and my husband's family, and don't understand why they can't see them anymore. They think that they did something wrong and that everybody hates them. I've tried to explain it's not their fault, but kids take everything personally.

If you've made it this far, I'm sorry it was so long, but this has been making me so mad for so long I really needed to vent. Any advice is appreciated. I should add that I've never lied to my husband about any of this. I told him up front when I was filing for divorce and when I was dating the other man. I have always been 100% faithful when we were together, so her telling people I'm cheating is a complete lie.
Let it go, Sugar. If he thinks its best for him to contact his SIL about this, let him. YOU stay out of it. The only relationship that matters here is between you and your husband. Her marriage, her relationship to the rest of the family, etc is none of your business (just as yours is none of hers).

Take care of yourself, your children and your man. DO NOT discuss the mechanic with any of his family EVER. IF they ask questions, calmly tell them that discussions regarding your marriage are between you and your husband only. Be polite, reasonably friendly and don't let them see you sweat.

As for your kids and the extended family, why not wait for hubby to get home and let him lead the way? They're less likely to cause drama if he's handling it.

Don't let this mess get to you.
You didn't do anything wrong and it sounds like your hubby is a keeper.
Enjoy your relationship and forget the other BS.
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Old 04-12-2012, 10:39 PM
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This is what I love about PTO. Reading all of your replies made me take a step back from the situation even though I was so mad I wanted to get on a plane to Fort Leavenworth and knock her teeth out! You're all right, I'm going to let him handle the situation. As much as I would like for everyone to get along, it's obviously never going to happen and the only person I care about in his family is him. I know that he will always stand up for me no matter what, so he can write back if he wants or he can wait until he gets out. I appreciate you ladies so much! Things would have gotten much worse if I had followed my own instincts.
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:01 PM
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I don't understand why the family is mad at you and not at her. How dare she. That could cause problems between brothers have the family ever thought of that. This girl is not even their blood relative. I do not like miserable people. You said his mom has even went with you before she can't use her brain to see if something was going on between you two. Who would cheat and then bring your man's family around the guy your cheating with. I wouldn't even address the issue because when your man comes home it is going to hurt this chick more by seeing you two happy in love and then with him being free he will be able to tell her just what tree she can go climb.
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:18 PM
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This is what I love about PTO. Reading all of your replies made me take a step back from the situation even though I was so mad I wanted to get on a plane to Fort Leavenworth and knock her teeth out! You're all right, I'm going to let him handle the situation. As much as I would like for everyone to get along, it's obviously never going to happen and the only person I care about in his family is him. I know that he will always stand up for me no matter what, so he can write back if he wants or he can wait until he gets out. I appreciate you ladies so much! Things would have gotten much worse if I had followed my own instincts.
Atta girl! You got this!
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:33 PM
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OK. Not endorsing this really, but if someone lied in me like that, I'd pop her in the jaw to stop that lying mouth. But realistically, when your man gets out, drag her happy ass to the mechanic shop and make her repeat her lies in front of your husband and your ex. But yeah, find a different mechanic shop. How could this not end in drama?
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Old 04-13-2012, 03:05 PM
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I say he nor you should reply at all. Im sure that will aggravate her even more that she didn't get a rise out of you or him. And when he comes home I would wait for the family to come around. See if they wont be ashamed of themselves for feeding in to the bull. But the bad girl part of me would say confront her and beat her ass. Of course that's not realistic for you being a mother. I would be pissed. I say leave it alone. It will irritate the hell outta her.
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:26 PM
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Well ladies, it seems as though my sister in law's lies might have ended my marriage. She recently decided to take them to facebook, and I hate to say it, but I refused to sit back and watch as she publicly lied about me. So I addressed the issue. I found out that apparently my husband wrote her a letter and said he wanted her version of the story because he doesn't trust me. So I wrote him a letter, told him everything she said, everything I said, and how hurt I am about the fact that he's let these people lie about me for the last 4 months and just keeps letting it happen. He even fed into it! I haven't heard from him in about a week now. Usually I get letters every Saturday, Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I called the prison, there is no reason he shouldn't be writing to me. She has sent him more letters though, since the one I originally posted about. Who knows what she said to him to make him just completely stop talking to me, but at this point I'm thinking the worst.
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:09 PM
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Well ladies, it seems as though my sister in law's lies might have ended my marriage. She recently decided to take them to facebook, and I hate to say it, but I refused to sit back and watch as she publicly lied about me. So I addressed the issue. I found out that apparently my husband wrote her a letter and said he wanted her version of the story because he doesn't trust me. So I wrote him a letter, told him everything she said, everything I said, and how hurt I am about the fact that he's let these people lie about me for the last 4 months and just keeps letting it happen. He even fed into it! I haven't heard from him in about a week now. Usually I get letters every Saturday, Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I called the prison, there is no reason he shouldn't be writing to me. She has sent him more letters though, since the one I originally posted about. Who knows what she said to him to make him just completely stop talking to me, but at this point I'm thinking the worst.
Oh, no. I'm sorry, Sweetie. Is there anything truthful she could have told him that he did not already know? If so, that might be a problem. If not, I think the best thing to do is to sit still. I KNOW that's the hardest thing in the world to do right now. You already wrote him and explained your side of things. It sounds to me like maybe he needs time to process everything. Give him space, don't push him.
Look - you've been by his side throughout this bid. You called off the lawyers and rededicated yourself to your marriage. You've demonstrated your loyalty and devotion. Hopefully, when the dust settles he'll see and value all that. I hope he does, Honey. I really do.

The past is the past. He's obviously done regrettable things, also. I pray he has the humility to acknowledge that and extend the same forgiveness you offer him.

In the meanwhile, use this time to build yourself up. You have A LOT to be proud of! You've raised your young children, kept a home, worked on your inner self, kept a household, held him down and somehow, through it all, maintained your sanity and decency. You are a lioness! So listen up -Square your shoulders, hold your head up high, and feel your empowerment. Whatever happens, YOU will be OK. I know it.
We're here for you, Sweetheart. xo
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:12 PM
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WOW! If he is believing that non sense then maybe you should realy consider continuing. Sounds like to me like she wants to do a possible brother swap. Now tahts just my thought, anyway she has no business doing or saying anything. What a you know what!
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:32 PM
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Oh, no. I'm sorry, Sweetie. Is there anything truthful she could have told him that he did not already know? If so, that might be a problem. If not, I think the best thing to do is to sit still. I KNOW that's the hardest thing in the world to do right now. You already wrote him and explained your side of things. It sounds to me like maybe he needs time to process everything. Give him space, don't push him.
Look - you've been by his side throughout this bid. You called off the lawyers and rededicated yourself to your marriage. You've demonstrated your loyalty and devotion. Hopefully, when the dust settles he'll see and value all that. I hope he does, Honey. I really do.

The past is the past. He's obviously done regrettable things, also. I pray he has the humility to acknowledge that and extend the same forgiveness you offer him.

In the meanwhile, use this time to build yourself up. You have A LOT to be proud of! You've raised your young children, kept a home, worked on your inner self, kept a household, held him down and somehow, through it all, maintained your sanity and decency. You are a lioness! So listen up -Square your shoulders, hold your head up high, and feel your empowerment. Whatever happens, YOU will be OK. I know it.
We're here for you, Sweetheart. xo
I wish I could have hit the "thanks" button a thousand more times! I really needed to hear everything you just said.

There is absolutely no way that there is anything truthful she could have told him that he didn't already know. I made it a point to tell him absolutely everything, especially when it came to the ex.

Really, when I sit back and think about it, what exactly do I get out of this relationship? For the rest of my life, the majority of the responsibility of providing my family will land squarely on my shoulders. I have to worry about whether or not certain places will rent to a convicted felon. His family consists of a bunch of untrustworthy, shady people, that obviously don't like me and are gunning for us to get divorced. There isn't ANYTHING tying me to him, besides the fact that I love him with everything I've got. So if he can't see that, and realize that if I was going to cheat, it would just be a whole lot easier to walk away and find someone that could help me provide for my kids and not come with all of his baggage, I suppose it's going to be his loss. You are right, I am an intelligent, strong woman and I'm gonna be just fine no matter what. I would obviously prefer not to have to face forever without him by my side, but if it comes to that I can handle it. Thank you for helping me remember that!
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:40 PM
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WOW! If he is believing that non sense then maybe you should realy consider continuing. Sounds like to me like she wants to do a possible brother swap. Now tahts just my thought, anyway she has no business doing or saying anything. What a you know what!
You know, I have been thinking this very thing lately. I think that even though my husband is in prison and hers is in the military, she is incredibly jealous that my husband is very much a "man's man" while hers acts like a 12 year old girl. Just my thoughts on the matter
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:56 PM
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I wish I could have hit the "thanks" button a thousand more times! I really needed to hear everything you just said.

There is absolutely no way that there is anything truthful she could have told him that he didn't already know. I made it a point to tell him absolutely everything, especially when it came to the ex.

Really, when I sit back and think about it, what exactly do I get out of this relationship? For the rest of my life, the majority of the responsibility of providing my family will land squarely on my shoulders. I have to worry about whether or not certain places will rent to a convicted felon. His family consists of a bunch of untrustworthy, shady people, that obviously don't like me and are gunning for us to get divorced. There isn't ANYTHING tying me to him, besides the fact that I love him with everything I've got. So if he can't see that, and realize that if I was going to cheat, it would just be a whole lot easier to walk away and find someone that could help me provide for my kids and not come with all of his baggage, I suppose it's going to be his loss. You are right, I am an intelligent, strong woman and I'm gonna be just fine no matter what. I would obviously prefer not to have to face forever without him by my side, but if it comes to that I can handle it. Thank you for helping me remember that!
Sure thing. Any time you need a reminder, you know where to come.

Everything you wrote here is exactly right. You're awesome!

Maybe some of this has to do with timing? I've noticed many couples tend to have a big blow out about 2 weeks before he gets out (it seems it's usually the guy who throws the tantrum). Then things calm down and everything is cool. There's so much pressure and anxiety even though it's a happy, optimisitic time. I wonder if some of that isn't going on here?
Hang in there, Sweets!
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Old 05-03-2012, 05:14 PM
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Sure thing. Any time you need a reminder, you know where to come.

Everything you wrote here is exactly right. You're awesome!

Maybe some of this has to do with timing? I've noticed many couples tend to have a big blow out about 2 weeks before he gets out (it seems it's usually the guy who throws the tantrum). Then things calm down and everything is cool. There's so much pressure and anxiety even though it's a happy, optimisitic time. I wonder if some of that isn't going on here?
Hang in there, Sweets!
I sure hope that's what's going on. All I can do is wait and see I guess. It sure would be a shame if I've wasted the last 3 years of my life on him though.

I hate to be so pessimistic and look for the silver lining already, but I really want to move back to my home town. He didn't want to move across the country. If this is as bad as I'm suspecting and he's not coming home to me, there's nothing holding me back from moving anymore.
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Old 05-03-2012, 07:31 PM
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Be sure to do what is best for you, I'm sure you will. Good luck to you and I hope you have a happy future, with or without him.
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Old 05-04-2012, 11:28 AM
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Thank you all. I guess my temper is too quick and I let my emotions and fears get the best of me. I was being stupid and jumping to conclusions. This isn't over, but it will be taken care of when he gets home. I heard from him today, we are far from over lol.
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Old 05-04-2012, 11:50 AM
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Thank you all. I guess my temper is too quick and I let my emotions and fears get the best of me. I was being stupid and jumping to conclusions. This isn't over, but it will be taken care of when he gets home. I heard from him today, we are far from over lol.
Whew! Glad things are back on track. Yea!
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Old 05-04-2012, 12:39 PM
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Thank you all. I guess my temper is too quick and I let my emotions and fears get the best of me. I was being stupid and jumping to conclusions. This isn't over, but it will be taken care of when he gets home. I heard from him today, we are far from over lol.
I'm glad to hear you 2 will be working thisngs out...AS IT should be , just the 2 of you working things out with no 3rd party involved. Obvisouly you 2 want to stay together (I mean you didn't go thru with the divorce & called off the lawyer) .... I am glad to hear you guys will be dealing with this when he gets home.
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Old 05-04-2012, 12:51 PM
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Thanks ladies. I should have known that sitting here stewing and worrying was pointless. I know that man would never believe someone else over me. My only defense is that it is completely out of character for him to not write to me, so my mind immediately went to the worst case scenario. It's really hard to argue when the only means of communication we have is letters. That's why I've decided to set the issue aside and just work it out when he gets home.
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Old 05-04-2012, 01:09 PM
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Thanks ladies. I should have known that sitting here stewing and worrying was pointless. I know that man would never believe someone else over me. My only defense is that it is completely out of character for him to not write to me, so my mind immediately went to the worst case scenario. It's really hard to argue when the only means of communication we have is letters. That's why I've decided to set the issue aside and just work it out when he gets home.
Don't be so hard on yourself. FWIW, I woulda been thinking and feeling the same things. You handled yourself and the situation very well, IMO. Go you!
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:14 PM
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I'm glad you situation is better. I have a sister-in-law from He##...she makes your situation look like sunshine. She has done EVERYTHING in her power to break us up, and when that didn't work she tried to get their father to disown my husband, his son. Their father was a millionaire, and helped her all the time, I'm talking over 500K, then she conned him into becoming his power of attorney, and because my husband was in and out of prison convinced him to leave all his money/assets to her and SHE would divide everything up...so that the "State" wouldn't take it (which never would have happened) well, when their father died, she not only wouldn't hold a funeral (until after my husband went to jail..he had been sentenced right after he died, but didn't have to report for a month) but she took every single dime and even all the family memories...pictures and keepsakes. The reason I'm telling you all this is because if he had stood up for me and us to his sister and family from the beginning none of this would have happened. But he always just "turned the other cheek" and never said anything. I didn't expect him to cause a huge fight, but merely stand up for us. We never got to have the good relationship with his family because of her. People in the family believed her because she was the only one tellin' the story. My husband kept saying "we know what's right and what's going on, that's enough" no it wasn't. I don't care about the money, but all the pictures that he will never have of his childhood and family is horrible. The money could have helped him start a business as he always wanted, but we will do it ourselves. Their Dad payed for her education, her two businesses, her beautiful home and convertable BMW...She is a selfish person, and shunned the entire family after he died...took the money and ran so to speak. Someday I hope that she realizes what she did, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I have gotten in several fights with her and their father, but I truly believe that it should have come from my husband. He regrets it now...Sorry so long!
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