Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!

Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Has him going to jail brought positive changes to your life?
Yes 37 49.33%
No 18 24.00%
Maybe 7 9.33%
Too soon to tell 13 17.33%
Voters: 75. You may not vote on this poll

Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-23-2014, 04:27 PM
Lexanianna Lexanianna is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 278
Thanks: 724
Thanked 305 Times in 146 Posts
Default Has him going to jail brought positive changes to your life?

I don't mean this as life being better without him (honestly, if that's the case you probably shouldn't be together).

For me and my man him going to jail changed a lot. But not just negative. After we overcame the first period of chock and doubt and grief and anger things started heading in a very positive direction. Before he went to jail I had just graduated university and I was unemployed and really struggling financially. Him going to jail forced me to move back to Sweden where I have gone back to university to get a second degree in medicine and nursing and I have a job on top of that. This means in the future I will be financially stable and in a position to look after both of us.
My man was severely depressed and was heading in a dangerous direction regarding drugs and some of his "friends" were taking advantage of him (which is why he is in jail unfortunately). Since he was locked up he's told his "friends" to eff off, he's taken a class in stress management and his depression has gotten better. He's also taking a TAFE course in welding and is working full time.
And we have gotten so much closer! We can only talk every second day and write letters which take 2-4 weeks, but this has led us to become so much stronger both separately and as a couple. We are better at communicating, we talk things through instead of arguing, we don't keep things from each other and we have a much higher level of trust for each other.

As difficult as this is and as much as we miss each other we truly believe that this time apart will be better for us in the long run.
Together since 2010. Waiting since 2013.
Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Lexanianna For This Useful Post:
Driver For Hire (11-25-2014), Mikesgirl73 (11-30-2014), Monkey Mookie (11-24-2014), oli1967 (11-25-2014), rosefinalfight (11-23-2014), Sinner86 (11-24-2014), Sunnielg (09-09-2018), Wendy1918 (11-29-2014)
Sponsored Links
Old 11-23-2014, 05:55 PM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 5,738
Thanks: 12,223
Thanked 5,948 Times in 3,103 Posts

No I think this has been total nightmare. Fianancially it ruined us. Yes I still love my husband but I have to say this whole thing screwed us so bad.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2014, 07:33 PM
delilah19's Avatar
delilah19 delilah19 is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Nevada United States
Posts: 663
Thanks: 1,303
Thanked 784 Times in 401 Posts

I feel the same way. It gave me a chance to take a step back and I met my best friend. We for the last 4 years have evaluated my situation and he helped me through all my issues and I now understand the world around me more. My fiance and I communicate way better now because of our best friend who is also our mentor. We are more open and loving, I am finally getting all my emotional needs met from him, and I now know what those are. He is less defensive to me and opens up About his feelings. This whole thing has shown him how much I love him and what I have had to endure to be with him. It has strengthened us as a couple. I wasn't in a position before to do any of the positive things I am doing for myself now before, and he is doing positive things inside. Now I am ready for this next few years to pass so he can hopefully get parole and we can be together. I miss him so much, and know we will be happy together when he is out.
"We loved with a love that was more than love"
Edgar Allen Poe

Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to delilah19 For This Useful Post:
Lexanianna (11-24-2014)
Old 11-23-2014, 08:20 PM
charok1 charok1 is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: ok USA
Posts: 252
Thanks: 714
Thanked 179 Times in 120 Posts

i had to vote "too soon to tell" - while i would LOVE for him to succeed with this "second chance" ( once he gets out, last visit on 9-28 he said he had like 630-some odd days left) and do good and get a job and keep on the straight and narrow, ( hence bringing some positivity out of a not so ideal situation) that day is just not here yet...so far he has been going good ( from his case managers at the prison, then the work center and now the half way house)
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to charok1 For This Useful Post:
Sinner86 (11-24-2014), Wendy1918 (11-29-2014)
Old 11-24-2014, 08:08 AM
Sinner86 Sinner86 is offline

Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 


Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Connecticut, USA
Posts: 308
Thanks: 376
Thanked 243 Times in 138 Posts

I voted for yes because it has shown me a side of myself that I didn't realize truly existed. It's been a pain in the ass at times, more than I'd openly admit to J, but I know for a fact that come ANY storm, I am capable of weathering it. We have always bonded on an emotional/mental level that was strong before he got locked up, but is now even stronger because of it.

Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Sinner86 For This Useful Post:
charok1 (11-24-2014), jadah (11-29-2014), Lexanianna (11-24-2014), Mikesgirl73 (11-30-2014), Wendy1918 (11-29-2014)
Old 11-24-2014, 10:28 AM
Monkey Mookie's Avatar
Monkey Mookie Monkey Mookie is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 337
Thanks: 398
Thanked 323 Times in 166 Posts

Absolutely! This is his first case/arrest/prison term and he has had a bumpy road on the inside but has finally (hopefully) seen that prison or the life he had is not where he wants to be for SO many reasons. As a couple we have overcome a lot, we learned so much more about each other, our trust is strong, our communication is great! I've done positive things in my life while waiting for him to complete his sentence. I honestly feel we both have gotten to know each other on level that you normally would not do out here and I'm thankful for that. I have no illusions, he did something wrong and had to pay his debt, he needs to be sitting where he is, so I tried to see this time as something our relationship would only benefit from and as we come down to the last couple months I see that it has. He's grown, I've grown, as individuals, and our relationship has grown.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Monkey Mookie For This Useful Post:
Lexanianna (11-24-2014), Mikesgirl73 (11-30-2014), Wendy1918 (11-29-2014)
Old 11-27-2014, 05:09 PM
CottonBall1122 CottonBall1122 is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 91
Thanks: 30
Thanked 16 Times in 12 Posts

yes because it helped me appreciate the little things. It made me stop and think what really matters and what doesn't matter. And with that, i gained strength and faith that i've never had before
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to CottonBall1122 For This Useful Post:
Lexanianna (11-27-2014), Sinner86 (12-02-2014), TheSweetestGirl (09-27-2018), Wendy1918 (11-29-2014), Yulia89 (09-10-2018)
Old 11-27-2014, 10:46 PM
missmyhusband44 missmyhusband44 is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: san bernardino county, California
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

Yes!!! My husband and I believe that our family wouldn't be back together if he wasn't taken into custody back in April 2014. I'm 37 and he's 38. I've been with him since I was 15. We got married 13 years ago when I was 23. We have three beautiful daughters, 14, 10 and 9. We were living a destructive life before that day in April 2014. I actually had filed for divorce in march. We were both addicted to meth running completely out of control. Things had to get worse for our situation before they got better. He believes everything happened for a reason that being behind bars was gods will. I am so thankful and so blessed to have our marriage and family back together again.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to missmyhusband44 For This Useful Post:
Lexanianna (11-28-2014)
Old 11-28-2014, 02:22 PM
LillyVphoenix's Avatar
LillyVphoenix LillyVphoenix is offline
Spook's Lazy Butt

Join Date: May 2014
Location: Home is AZ/ my heart is in Tennessee
Posts: 1,444
Thanks: 271
Thanked 981 Times in 634 Posts

even though we are MWI, him being in prison made me change real fast and straighten up, because how can i be HERE for him with me dead or in prison too, i can't so yes it changed me for the best, i would never want to have him be without me.
We're fearless, we're stupid, we're dealers, we're losers.
We're killers, we're orphans, we're addicts, we're stealers.
We're shooters so kill us. We are what they say we are until conformity hits us.

Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to LillyVphoenix For This Useful Post:
charok1 (11-29-2014), delilah19 (11-30-2014), Wendy1918 (11-29-2014)
Old 11-29-2014, 04:46 PM
Wendy1918 Wendy1918 is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Arizona, united states
Posts: 342
Thanks: 1,970
Thanked 384 Times in 170 Posts

Yes. Absolutely. We are both sober now, and as a result the positive changes in both of our lives are numerous.

Him being gone has made me so much stronger in big ways and little ones for example: Now I know that I can carry all the groceries up the stairs by myself. Ive never had to even try before. I can hold down a job. I was a stay at home mom before. I gotta admit... it's nice not having to check if the toilet seat is down in the middle of the night either lol
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Wendy1918 For This Useful Post:
charok1 (11-29-2014), Lexanianna (12-01-2014), Mikesgirl73 (11-30-2014), Sinner86 (12-02-2014)
Old 11-30-2014, 08:00 AM
Mikesgirl73's Avatar
Mikesgirl73 Mikesgirl73 is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 705
Thanks: 647
Thanked 963 Times in 365 Posts

Good Thread! I, too, voted yes. Abso-fuckin-lutely! I have been forced more than ever to depend just on myself, which has seemed to result in our relationship being stronger/better. The 20 minute a day phone calls, JPAY'S, getting to know him all over again, and having a friendship FIRST and foremost. The whole experience has been hard to say the least, however, it has made me stronger than I have ever been. We just had this convo yesterday. Although, I hate he went to Prison, had he not I may not be sitting here today. I am grateful things happened the way they did and now it's almost over. I'm moving back to Colorado after Christmas, he gets released in March. Yes, the "time" has been "good time" for sure!
"Remember Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels." ~ Faith Whittlesey
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Mikesgirl73 For This Useful Post:
charok1 (11-30-2014), Lexanianna (12-01-2014), loveylove (11-30-2014), Sinner86 (12-02-2014), TheSweetestGirl (09-27-2018), Wendy1918 (12-03-2014)
Old 11-30-2014, 09:43 PM
Jene88 Jene88 is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 17
Thanks: 16
Thanked 10 Times in 6 Posts

Great thread! I've even told my bf this so many times before. This incarceration was a healing for both of us. While I was getting my undergrad degree, I had my mind made up that I was definitely going back for my Masters. But once I graduated, he and I got really closes again as friends and then it turned into our beautiful relationship we have now. While he was home, I pretty much canned the idea of going back to school because I wanted to spend all my time with him (clingy I know lol) But when he left, I enrolled in school and got accepted to the Masters program that I applied for.

I work and Im in grad school full time so Ive been EXTREMELY busy. Working 12 hr shifts, and internship for school and a full load with classes. He'll be home a month before a graduate so Ive always felt like it was perfect timing for us.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Jene88 For This Useful Post:
Lexanianna (12-01-2014)
Old 12-02-2014, 05:35 PM
SteveO's_woman SteveO's_woman is offline

Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Michigan USA
Posts: 4
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

I voted yes because we have been able to connect on a much deeper level than we were! It has given us time to reevaluate our lives and get things from our past! We are now looking to get married but don't know how sandstone works! Does anyone have any ideas of how we can go about getting married while he's in sandstone?
Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2014, 02:00 PM
andej135 andej135 is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: wi, usa
Posts: 2
Thanks: 2
Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post

Him and I talk about this all the time. A much as we hate being apart, there have been some positive things to come out of this. We definitely appreciate each other a lot more. I see all of the small things he did for me that I overlooked and now have to do on my own. Also I have learned to manage my money better. And I am seeing how strong of a woman I am. Instead of breaking down and giving up, I am handling my business and just dealung with it.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to andej135 For This Useful Post:
krtnywalker1 (09-10-2018), Lexanianna (12-07-2014)
Old 09-11-2018, 06:18 PM
dsb76 dsb76 is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Nashville TN
Posts: 40
Thanks: 15
Thanked 29 Times in 19 Posts

I voted no. He made me feel like a normal human being. I suffer from depression and tend to isolate, he would actually make me leave the house daily even if it's just to go have coffee. Today I went to visit him and it was the first time I'd left the house since Saturday.

He cleaned the house, cared for our cats, and packed my lunches for me for work. Yes he was a house husband but a dang good one. My life is definitely much easier with him here, and there have been no positive changes with him gone.

I was the strong one in my marriage for 15 years. I finished nursing school with a verbally abusive alcoholic husband and three young (at the time) children. I know what I'm capable of. I was tired of being the strong one and was happy to have found someone to take care of me for a change. He did a wonderful job of it too.

Last edited by dsb76; 09-11-2018 at 06:42 PM..
Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2018, 03:33 PM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,522
Thanks: 153
Thanked 2,926 Times in 1,788 Posts

Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to nygirl17 For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (09-15-2018)
Old 09-15-2018, 07:16 AM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 5,738
Thanks: 12,223
Thanked 5,948 Times in 3,103 Posts

Old thread I answered no the first time and it definitley no this time!!!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2018, 05:49 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,123
Thanks: 381
Thanked 2,663 Times in 1,256 Posts

Yes. I'm personally financially stronger than I was before. I channeled all this extra time into work and my kids.

I'm also less afraid of things. Still have a long way to go, but I have learned to deal with my anxiety in a healthy way. I also care less about what other people think. I still have to work on this area more as well.

I chose to keep drama and stress to a minimum. I used to worry about others problems and ignore my own. I don't engage in the daily bs other have. I can't anymore. No one is helping me or asks if I'm ok, so I don't go out of my way anymore.

I'm more confident in my ability to take care of myself and my family.

So yes a lot of good has come from it, but with deliberate conscious choices. I promised myself not to waste this time and be as productive as possible.

Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2018, 06:32 PM
GZyberi GZyberi is offline
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 27
Thanks: 0
Thanked 11 Times in 8 Posts

My husband going to prison only made things positive in the sense that I learned what type of man I DO NOT WANT and the type of stress I DO NOT WANT. So yes. It was very positive for my life. He on the other hand learned absolutely nothing so no positive changes came from his experience in and out of jail and prison.
Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Jail brought us back together dluvneg217 Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 5 05-10-2013 10:47 AM
Court Hearing brought back all pain...positive thoughts & advice would help LostLove4ever Friends & Families of Addicts 4 09-03-2012 08:58 PM
A Positive Thread - Share the positive things in your life at the moment! J&D7 PTO Lounge 32 11-02-2009 08:28 PM
The Positive Side of Life shell021001 Michigan General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat 3 03-18-2005 06:10 PM
name a nice thing someone has done that has brought joy to your life Sunnie PTO Lounge 12 10-21-2003 03:49 PM

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:50 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics