My brother/Moms death

[HsPersonalAngel]

I've been scared to post here, But here's my story!!!

My baby brother fought this case for almost 3 yrs (8 mons in). Running back and forth to court every 2-3 months sometimes 2x in one week depending on how the judge felt or what she had going on. On March 19th they took him outta court saying serve 30 day. At 12:40am on March 20th my mother was rushed to the hospital where she lived on the vent until we puller her off on April 4th. She turned 47 years old on April 7th and Died Easter Sunday April 8th. She was never sick, to this day we still have no clue on what happened, well, God was just ready for his Angel.

I (being the oldest ( its 4 of us 32,30,25 and 16)) decided not to tell him everything that was going on with mom. He has a bad temper and I didn't want to add stress when we really didn't know which way things were gonna go (she started moving and opening her eyes). Well, we told him when it all stopd. He took it hard and I knew he would, he was the baby boy, he was with her the day before, and he blames himself. He would call and talk to her, we paid for him to view her and say his good-byes and try to get some closer. They shipped him to Stateville a few weeks ago and the only reason he called me was to relay msg to his kids mothers. It kinda hurts because i'm concerned about him because he hasn't had chance to really cry and mourn her and he really could careless if he talks to me. Me and my mom were bestfriend and was always together, he would call my phone for her if she didn't answer hers. I just want to try to help him deal with the way our life is now. But I also know he's upset with me for not telling him in the beginning of it all and not visiting him after it happened. I also am having a hard time adjusting to this and I have 2 kids( my oldest lived with her and was there when she go sick) who really is taking it hard. They were grandma- babies.

Should I step back and let him come to me when he's ready? Or should I kinda force myself on him (writing letters and sending cards)?

Thanks for reading my story, (sorry, so long) any/all suggestion aer welcomed!!

[Sheryl P.]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother and the problems you are having with your brother.
I would probably write him and explain why you made the choices you did.
Tell him how much this hurts you and that you are sorry he is suffering also.
Let him now that you love him and his mother loved him and that you would love to have a good brother/sister relationship with him.
Let him know that you understnd he is angry right now and you will give him some space to grieve.
Send cards on special occasions,maybe put a little money on his books or send writing supplies and then leave it to him as to how he chooses to respond.
Perhaps if he did not have an anger problem and had not gotten himself incarcerated he could have been more a part of saying goodbye to his mother.
That must be tough for him.
I'm sorry you both had this happen and hope an autopsey can give you some answers so you know it is not a genetic issue you should be concerned about.
Huggs

[Scotties_Girl21]

First off I'm so very sorry for your loss. I teared up reading your post, and my heart hurt for your situation. May God bless you, your family, and your brother during this very difficult time.

I guess it really depends on how did he deal with things when he wasn't incarcerated? I would just try and be there for him, write him lots of letters and tell him its okay to greive and its what he needs to do. Maybe if he's having problems coping or mourning he could speak with the chaplain of the facility to help deal.

I really hope everything works out for you and your family and I'm sending thoughts and prayers your way.
:goodluck:

Every day brings me one day closer to you....<3