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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: If the roles were reversed, would your LO do everything you have done?
Yes, Without a doubt 123 43.77%
No, They would drop me like a hot potato 32 11.39%
For a little while, then they would stop 43 15.30%
I don't know 83 29.54%
Voters: 281. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 09-26-2013, 09:15 AM
Kerima Kerima is offline
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Default If the Roles were reversed?

I briefly looked for this question but did not find it but if it is already out there, please excuse my overlooking it.

If the roles were reversed and you were in prison and your LO was out in the free world, do you think they would do everything you have done for them? Including waiting, money, letters, calls, being faithful, etc.?

As much as I want to say yes, my LO would do everything I have done, I still have this doubt in the back of my mind. Sometimes I believe those of us waiting on the outside must be stronger than those on the inside as we must maneuver both worlds; The Real World and The Prison System.

So was curious as to others thoughts on this.

Thank you in advance for your participation.
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Old 09-26-2013, 12:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerima View Post
I briefly looked for this question but did not find it but if it is already out there, please excuse my overlooking it.

If the roles were reversed and you were in prison and your LO was out in the free world, do you think they would do everything you have done for them? Including waiting, money, letters, calls, being faithful, etc.?

As much as I want to say yes, my LO would do everything I have done, I still have this doubt in the back of my mind. Sometimes I believe those of us waiting on the outside must be stronger than those on the inside as we must maneuver both worlds; The Real World and The Prison System.

So was curious as to others thoughts on this.

Thank you in advance for your participation.
My babe and i had this conversation once , he said that most likely he would be able to do everything except maybe down the road the only thang that would make him weak sooner or later would be intamcy ( hit it n quit it kind of thang lol ) i think guys are weaker , we are the strong ones at least his being honest
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Old 09-26-2013, 09:27 PM
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Those of us who WOULD stay "til the end" are a special breed. There's not many like us...no matter what some may say. Given a weak moment...they'd throw life as "we" know it away in a heartbeat. If my situation was reversed, I think so, but I don't know for sure...I'm loosing faith in people regularly.
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Old 09-26-2013, 09:59 PM
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I'm loosing faith in people regularly.
I SO know what you mean!! I have more faith in my animals than I do in a lot of people now a days!!
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Old 09-26-2013, 11:06 PM
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I said idk because my LO just went back to court and I just found out his ex was there. I could not be there. Why she was...we do not know, unless it was just so she could get a look at him and see what was going on. She happens to NOT be the reason he is there, tho they have 2 kids together and she has neither one nor one of the other two she has. To sum up what I'm trying to say is she's lost custody of his two, plus one, and has one that she manages to keep. The first two are by the same daddy, my MWI, the other two are by 2 different men, and she claims to be prego again even after telling on facebook that she had her tubes tied after the last baby, who just turned 8 years old. She has been kind of wishy washy thru out the years. We (she & I) did maintain contact for awhile...but we aren't fb friends anymore. Well, it bothers me that she shows up at his court thingy, announcing herself as family...and I couldn't be there...it's just messing me up. I also posted elsewhere (although I'm not sure it's this thread) about this, but I'm trying to gain as much insight as possible. grrrr....
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Old 09-27-2013, 07:54 AM
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I said idk because my LO just went back to court and I just found out his ex was there. I could not be there. Why she was...we do not know, unless it was just so she could get a look at him and see what was going on. She happens to NOT be the reason he is there, tho they have 2 kids together and she has neither one nor one of the other two she has. To sum up what I'm trying to say is she's lost custody of his two, plus one, and has one that she manages to keep. The first two are by the same daddy, my MWI, the other two are by 2 different men, and she claims to be prego again even after telling on facebook that she had her tubes tied after the last baby, who just turned 8 years old. She has been kind of wishy washy thru out the years. We (she & I) did maintain contact for awhile...but we aren't fb friends anymore. Well, it bothers me that she shows up at his court thingy, announcing herself as family...and I couldn't be there...it's just messing me up. I also posted elsewhere (although I'm not sure it's this thread) about this, but I'm trying to gain as much insight as possible. grrrr....
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Old 09-27-2013, 08:29 AM
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I didn't vote cuz I don't see my answer up there. I would say no, I honestly don't think he could do everything I've done n continue 2 do but I know he wouldn't just "drop me like a hot potato." I know that if the roles were reversed, he would still be there 4 me. I'm sure he would write, visit (if approved), accept my phone calls, n send money n packages. But would he wait 4 me faithfully n stick by my side til I come home n we can finally be together? I know he loves me but I don't think he could handle it. He'd prolly end up with somebody else but I know he would still always love me n be there 4 me as a friend. But if things didn't work out between him n whoever he ended up with, we woulda definitely ended up back together in the end. Cuz that's just the way it was meant 2 be.
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Old 09-27-2013, 05:07 PM
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Sigh. First off...I'm a super straight and narrow rule-following type THESE DAYS but I could easily have gotten a drinking related offense (which is way my husband is incarcerated for) almost any Friday night. God's grace is the only reason I didn't crash a car and kill someone's baby back then. It's shameful, looking back. So the notion of me in Prison now is laughable...but back then...well, I'm just lucky. As for that role reversal. My husband would love me. He would call me. He would encourage our children to think of me often and fondly. But I honestly don't think he could handle what I'm dealing with now. Single mother, sole provider, emotional supporter, parole-support-letter strategist, information specialist, researcher, social services expert...all these things I have had to become to keep our family's life intact while waiting for him. I just don't think he would be any good at it, and it would be too complex and he would outsource more of our children's care to his mom or my mom, and he would not handle things as I am. Don't get me wrong...it's not a role I wanted or am happy to accept...but when I said those vows, I meant them. Whatever it takes to get through a 23-month sentence...I will do it. And whatever our life looks like afterward...I will make it work. Could he have? Would he have? Sure. Would he have done as well at it as I am? No, I don't think so. But he would have done his best, which is all I am doing.
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Old 09-27-2013, 07:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lizabethwelch View Post
Sigh. First off...I'm a super straight and narrow rule-following type THESE DAYS but I could easily have gotten a drinking related offense (which is way my husband is incarcerated for) almost any Friday night. God's grace is the only reason I didn't crash a car and kill someone's baby back then. It's shameful, looking back. So the notion of me in Prison now is laughable...but back then...well, I'm just lucky. As for that role reversal. My husband would love me. He would call me. He would encourage our children to think of me often and fondly. But I honestly don't think he could handle what I'm dealing with now. Single mother, sole provider, emotional supporter, parole-support-letter strategist, information specialist, researcher, social services expert...all these things I have had to become to keep our family's life intact while waiting for him. I just don't think he would be any good at it, and it would be too complex and he would outsource more of our children's care to his mom or my mom, and he would not handle things as I am. Don't get me wrong...it's not a role I wanted or am happy to accept...but when I said those vows, I meant them. Whatever it takes to get through a 23-month sentence...I will do it. And whatever our life looks like afterward...I will make it work. Could he have? Would he have? Sure. Would he have done as well at it as I am? No, I don't think so. But he would have done his best, which is all I am doing.
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Old 10-04-2013, 03:50 PM
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to be honest,i don't know.i do know that men will be men and i'm not sure if he'd cheat or not.however if he did it would be with some meaningless little trollop.not that that would make it okay..
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Old 10-07-2013, 11:52 AM
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I can honestly say yes, he would. The tables are kind of turning, in that I am on my way in... He is being strong and loving me through it. It has been the other way around for the last 16 years...
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Old 10-08-2013, 12:40 PM
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I can honestly say yes, he would. The tables are kind of turning, in that I am on my way in... He is being strong and loving me through it. It has been the other way around for the last 16 years...
So sorry to hear of your coming journey... I hope all is as smooth as possible for you and yours. Good Luck MamaLizzard!! I hope your stay is short!!
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Old 10-08-2013, 01:42 PM
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So sorry to hear of your coming journey... I hope all is as smooth as possible for you and yours. Good Luck MamaLizzard!! I hope your stay is short!!
It is only 10 months Fed. I did 14 months in State Jail 10 years ago. Now THAT was bad time! I was pregnant and medically unassigned, so the time went SO slowly! I slept as much as possible, but when I would sleep all I would dream about was being home and my other kids... and once I dreamed I got out and my son's dad had smoked up all my cigarettes. That one was funny, but it's one I'll never forget.

This time around it is Fed time and I have 2 college degrees, so they will let me work. That will really help a lot! I am not depressed like before because like I said, this time around, my son's dad is hanging tough with me and I know it will not be bad.

Thank you for your well-wishes. I really appreciate them! PTO has helped immensely in getting ready for this new adventure that I am about to go on.
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Old 10-08-2013, 09:21 PM
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He claims that he would. But we'll never know and I'm quite alright with that.
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Old 10-12-2013, 09:01 PM
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Before this? No. I would hope to think that he would be by my side no matter what now.. But men are a different animal and it takes alot for them to live up to what we do... but thats just my experiences... I know he loves me and would probally be there when I got home... but would he walk with me through it? Definantly not like i do...
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Old 10-14-2013, 12:26 PM
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Didn't answer the poll because nothing applies to me. While I'd have to answer no, I don't believe he would drop me like a hot potato lol. I have asked my man this before. He told me that I would still be his wife, he would visit, talk on the phone, send money and that we would be together upon my release, but he would have another woman. That he honestly couldn't do it as far as sexually. I appreciate his honesty. We all know women have more self control in that department.
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Old 10-15-2013, 12:26 PM
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He'd have spiraled downward and ended up in prison if our roles had been reversed.
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Old 10-18-2013, 02:57 AM
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If I thought he couldn't do it, there was no point for me personally to be married with him.

We did have this conversation at the beginning of our relationship, and he said that because he is a man, he can wait faithfully. He said that if I went to prison it was probably somehow his fault anyway and he would be working his behind off for getting me out.
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Old 11-20-2013, 03:14 AM
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Yes, the love of my life would do the same for me, without a doubt.
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Old 12-24-2013, 11:08 PM
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My husband and I have had this discussion before. He says he would stay by my side, send me letters, packages, money; he would visit, and if they moved me somewhere else, he would move also. He did say though, he would still need sex (unless I was someplace that had family visits) occasionally....which I expected him to say, lol. And I believe him on all counts.
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Old 02-14-2014, 10:41 PM
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most definately he'd do everything I do.
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Old 02-15-2014, 03:17 PM
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My hubby would do everything I've done and that's what I'd expect lol we're too much alike but at least we're realistic
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Old 02-18-2014, 02:53 PM
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if roles were reversed and from my interning at a prison when I was in college and seeing the difference between female inmate and male inmate visitors. I feel that we would be friends till I was out. I wouldn't want him to wait and if anything I would just want him to write me. include me in his life but i don't think he would wait and I sure wouldn't want him to.
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Old 07-19-2014, 02:23 PM
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well lets see. I did vote yes. My love and I have come a long way in a short time. I trust in GOD to keep him on the straight and narrow and I trust in him and his love for me that he would do all that I've done for him. On the flipside I'd never put myself in the position where the roles would be reversed but only GOD knows all things.
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Old 08-12-2014, 07:47 PM
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This is a great question! It really made me think. If roles were reversed, I'm not sure what would have unfolded. There are so many variables and we MWI. I think if he was out, he'd be dead, honestly. I mean, if he'd gotten out 26 years ago when his appeals were active. If we met when we met and he was single and we had the same relationship we have now, then yes. He already does a lot. He writes every day, pays for phone calls, pays for me to visit. So... Yes, but with lots of qualifiers because I don't know how things would have unfolded under different circumstances.

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