Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > LOVING A... > Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #76  
Old 07-17-2010, 05:29 PM
Mrs. T's Avatar
Mrs. T Mrs. T is offline
Registered member
 

Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Florida, USA & Michigan, USA
Posts: 398
Thanks: 8
Thanked 69 Times in 46 Posts
Default

jd czy luv...thank u! that sounds like a good book for all of us! Eventually our guys will all be coming home & it will be an adjustment!

-Mrs. T
__________________


Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #77  
Old 10-17-2010, 12:06 PM
Retlew Retlew is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA, Texas
Posts: 22
Thanks: 24
Thanked 22 Times in 10 Posts
Default Thanks for posting this information

Thanks for posting this info. I'm a male, never been in trouble with any laws anywhere on the globe, have a good income and place to live, but I'm in love with a woman who has been in prison for 17 years and just got to see parole. She has seen parole seven times before, only to be denied each time. She thinks that it is going to be different this time, and so does the asst. warden. If it shouldn't work out, she will max out in early 2013. Most of you all are women, and many of you are nearly saints (from my point of view), but you don't know it. Due to my love, I've become familiar with a world I was not aware of much before, and I have discovered that that the folks on the outside who have decided to stick with the person behind bars are getting hurt in the process, too.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Retlew For This Useful Post:
kiki1013 (02-02-2011)
  #78  
Old 11-09-2010, 11:45 PM
ckm1818's Avatar
ckm1818 ckm1818 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

wishing you the best
Reply With Quote
  #79  
Old 01-04-2011, 07:27 AM
olivia29 olivia29 is offline
olivia
 

Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: milford
Posts: 2
Thanks: 1
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Manzanita View Post
I wonder about that too!
Good Question?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #80  
Old 02-25-2011, 10:49 PM
isabelle-clay's Avatar
isabelle-clay isabelle-clay is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Michigan - Oakland
Posts: 40
Thanks: 8
Thanked 16 Times in 10 Posts
Default

good info, thanks
Reply With Quote
  #81  
Old 08-01-2011, 01:54 AM
vblatt vblatt is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Independence Missouri USA
Posts: 7
Thanks: 0
Thanked 11 Times in 2 Posts
Default Long Term Wives

Hello,

My husband was sentenced to 20 years. Served 12, came home 2 1/2, and is back in for 2 1/2. He comes back home again in 2 months.
You bring up a very valid topic and not just regarding the affect on long term wives but also the affect on long term families in general.
We have 3 children, have been married 30 years, 14 years when he went to prison. One of the children is his from his 1st marriage. When he went to prison they were 19, 12, and 10. When he came home, they were 31, 24, and 22. They all had children of their own, that he did not know, and wasn't going to be able to get to know because he is an SO.
My step son would have nothing at all to do with his dad.
Our 2 and myself were so excited he was coming home. We knew it wouldn't be easy, but we all had way too high hopes and expectations. Bottom line, none of us had a clue, and ended up heartbroken and disappointed. Worse we were ill prepared, with nowhere to turn for help.
For my husband I couldn't imagine how difficult is was to adjust from 12 years in a totally structured and controlled environment to real life in the real world. We totally made a mistake of trying to do it all.
Hind sight says it would have been much wiser to get him home, and give him space to focus just on readjusting, working, and taking care of his parole requirements. Throwing the whole family dynamics into the mix right off the bat was poor judgement and obviously did not work.
Let's face it, when they do time, so do we. As they adjust to life behind bars, we adjust to life out here with them behind bars. It affect each member of the family. It takes a toll on each relationship, that will take time to work through and nurture back to health. There is so so so much that needs to be addressed. There is a shame and disgrace that befalls the entire household. Each trip to the prison to visit, stips away a little more of your dignity.
Onlookers do not understand, other than this PTO site, I have found nowhere for genuine, sincere support. You feel alienated and cut off from most of society. You've been dealing with this for the whole time of their incarceration. You are thinking that now they have served their time to society and hopefully will be able to come home and start mending the devastation they caused in the family. That was a totally foolish expectation. If they are going to be on parole, they are still not yours and if you try to pull them in too many directions, it is just too much.
We didn't have a solid understanding of how we planned to manage the family relationships. Here I am an engaged and active grandma and now my grandchildren can't come over as they always did. They don't understand why or what's going on.
He didn't understand a lot of things out here, we don't think about all the changes since they went in, because we grew with the changes, but to them a lot of things are like a whole new world. For the first 6 months, he wanted me by his side constantly. He didn't feel comfortable stepping outside the house unless I was with him.
But I had to get back on with the demands of life. Something he hadn't had to deal with for 12 years. I felt alienated from all my other relationships and became very resentful of the limited time I was getting with my grandchildren.

There is much more to share, but it is late and I must wrap it up. I will continue at another time, because if I can help someone else avoid the pitfalls we experienced, I certainly want to do that.

Cudo to PTO for creating a place where we don't have to be in this mess alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronnie View Post
I have found all of these articles to be great and very informative; but I have to wonder about the effects of being a "long term" wife.

I was recently speaking with my sister-in-law and she is going through her own "long term" effects. Her husband was in for 25 years and he came home almost a year ago. They are still adjusting to living together. He has done things his own way for the past 25 years and so has she. Now that they are home together pretty often their ways are colliding. She also has this lack of trust of him because now he is exposed to other women, whereas inside he wasn't.

All of this made me wonder about the effects that being a "long term" wife has on us. My husband comes up for parole in less than 2 years. We have been married for 12 years. I have been living out here doing my own thing for that long. Now when I think about the possibility of him coming home, of course I am elated with the hope that he will; but at the same time I have to wonder how we will be together out here. I wonder if I am too much of an independent woman to now have someone else coming in to say "no, we'll do it this way" as opposed to my way. How long will it take for us to adjust to one another? Will this transition be a smooth or rocky one?

Just curious if anyone else has thought about these things or have experienced these things after surviving through a long sentence.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to vblatt For This Useful Post:
do97jdl (01-26-2018), JERRYSGIRL05 (08-01-2011), LoveReigns (11-05-2014), Prison Wife BC (03-21-2012), Tina (08-14-2011)
  #82  
Old 01-10-2012, 06:40 PM
christy789's Avatar
christy789 christy789 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: houston tx
Posts: 44
Thanks: 53
Thanked 8 Times in 6 Posts
Default

wow thanks im printing it our and sending it to my cousin
Reply With Quote
  #83  
Old 03-21-2012, 10:47 PM
Prison Wife BC Prison Wife BC is offline
Boom's Wife Mrs. Mekediak
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Battle creek, michigan USA
Posts: 33
Thanks: 3
Thanked 36 Times in 6 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronnie View Post
I have found all of these articles to be great and very informative; but I have to wonder about the effects of being a "long term" wife.

I was recently speaking with my sister-in-law and she is going through her own "long term" effects. Her husband was in for 25 years and he came home almost a year ago. They are still adjusting to living together. He has done things his own way for the past 25 years and so has she. Now that they are home together pretty often their ways are colliding. She also has this lack of trust of him because now he is exposed to other women, whereas inside he wasn't.

All of this made me wonder about the effects that being a "long term" wife has on us. My husband comes up for parole in less than 2 years. We have been married for 12 years. I have been living out here doing my own thing for that long. Now when I think about the possibility of him coming home, of course I am elated with the hope that he will; but at the same time I have to wonder how we will be together out here. I wonder if I am too much of an independent woman to now have someone else coming in to say "no, we'll do it this way" as opposed to my way. How long will it take for us to adjust to one another? Will this transition be a smooth or rocky one?

Just curious if anyone else has thought about these things or have experienced these things after surviving through a long sentence.
Only beginning my long term sentence as a prison wife and these are things I haven't even begun to think about but it scares me. You wait all this time for them to come imagining the whole time how great it be for them to be home and then its just not. How could it be? UGH... FML
Reply With Quote
  #84  
Old 04-29-2012, 07:36 PM
carmen negron carmen negron is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
Default

My husband was given 35yrs. He had to serve half 17 1/2yrs. I married him in there 8yrs ago and been w him over 13yrs our love has held us together. Be strong follow your heart I now have 33 days before he finally is released. We also are sentenced out here without our loved ones, faced to survive n support our families alone. Keep strong n never give up.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to carmen negron For This Useful Post:
countrygirl9 (05-06-2013), PrettyBluLuv (01-22-2018)
  #85  
Old 05-06-2013, 05:30 AM
countrygirl9's Avatar
countrygirl9 countrygirl9 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Terre Haute, Indiana
Posts: 492
Thanks: 70
Thanked 202 Times in 145 Posts
Default

I am sure there are going to be alot of emotional things to deal with after our loved ones get out, everything in the world is changing and the way it was when they went in is now so different. Can you imagine not knowing what a cell phone or a computer is like or how to not know how to use one? For us, it is a normal thing we do it without thinking. In my opinion it would be like teaching a child, they have to learn a new way of life. We love them and look forward to this new journey we will be taking with them. Have you thought about how they would feel I mean some of them may come out with anger issues we have to deal with as well.
Reply With Quote
  #86  
Old 05-06-2013, 05:33 AM
countrygirl9's Avatar
countrygirl9 countrygirl9 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Terre Haute, Indiana
Posts: 492
Thanks: 70
Thanked 202 Times in 145 Posts
Default Carmen

Quote:
Originally Posted by Manzanita View Post
http://www.johnhoward.ab.ca/PUB/C35.htm

http://www.prisonsucks.com/scans/IncarcRecid.pdf

http://www.csc-scc.gc.ca/text/pblct/...123/123e_e.pdf

these are interesting reads on The Long Term Effects of Incarceration, Release Outcomes for long term offenders
Quote:
Originally Posted by carmen negron View Post
My husband was given 35yrs. He had to serve half 17 1/2yrs. I married him in there 8yrs ago and been w him over 13yrs our love has held us together. Be strong follow your heart I now have 33 days before he finally is released. We also are sentenced out here without our loved ones, faced to survive n support our families alone. Keep strong n never give up.
I am so happy for you that he is coming home wow, it's been such a long road for you. Good luck I hope everything works out great for you two.
Reply With Quote
  #87  
Old 11-05-2014, 08:34 PM
LoveReigns LoveReigns is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Florida United States
Posts: 6
Thanks: 11
Thanked 3 Times in 1 Post
Default Thank you!

Thank you for this post. So hard to find any positive stories of couples who are still together after an inmate is released...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronnie View Post
You are so right. My brother in law came home 10 months ago after serving 25 years and he is doing great. His wife stood by him and with him the entire time. They are just having a ball loving life and living life together! They are truly our inspiration!
Reply With Quote
  #88  
Old 03-03-2015, 12:14 AM
trevorsmom trevorsmom is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Cherryville, CA
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

I don't know how to post a new discussion, but does anyone know what it is like in Lumley in solitary? who goes there? is it for the worst of the worst, lifers
Reply With Quote
  #89  
Old 01-20-2018, 02:12 AM
Steph009's Avatar
Steph009 Steph009 is offline
*Us3AgainstTheWorld*
 

Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Arizona
Posts: 67
Thanks: 42
Thanked 16 Times in 14 Posts
Default

Wow... Minez got a couple more but been in over ten already and thank you.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is Ohio S.B. No. 182 Law or not if it is the parole board totally ignores the laws bebopp7 Ohio Parole, Probation, Work Release, Halfway Houses & Community Service 7 02-27-2006 08:59 PM
Article: Long: State crime lab not accredited but fully capable Phil in Paris SOUTH DAKOTA Prison & Criminal Justice Discussions 0 09-19-2004 10:28 AM
Facing Long Term Imprisonment Luke Letters & Stories from Inmates & X-Cons 21 09-05-2004 02:10 AM
Backfire: When Incarceration Increases Crime torrey General Prison Talk 6 03-17-2004 10:06 AM
Effects Of Long Term Incarceration flygirlaa2 General Prison Talk 16 01-04-2003 08:51 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:35 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics