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GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions Please post topics or discussions here that do not fit in the appropriate state or federal forums.

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  #1  
Old 06-13-2015, 02:35 AM
nadezhda nadezhda is offline
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Default What Do You Put Under Relationship to Prisoner?

Hi everyone,

This is not completely urgent though I hope I might get some useful advice - when registering as a visitor, what did you put under "Relationship"?

I have a feeling that because of the strict regulations they have in my country, my man has gone and put me down on his list as 'cousin' (he had teased me about writing in his language in a 'formal' tone and wrote that perhaps it's suitable 'since we are "cousins" '). Should I list myself as 'cousin' tomorrow when I visit then?
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Old 06-13-2015, 02:55 AM
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UPDATE: I just called his officer to double check (they are very nice people), he advised me to list myself when I visit using what my man has listed me as. So, cousin it is.

P.s. I should mention that we have an odd running joke that because we both have somewhat similar features, we could be 'cousins' (though no, we are not because his family is from Western Europe and mine is a mix of Asia and Central Asia/Eastern Europe).
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Old 06-13-2015, 04:41 AM
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His officer advised you to lie? Never a good idea IMHO....and i wouldn't trust an officer who condones breaking the rules. But that's just me
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Old 06-13-2015, 04:52 AM
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You told an officer you were going to lie on your visit application form and he told you that was ok? It doesnt sound right to me, in my experience no good ever comes of lying.I would tell the truth and I would tell your boyfriend to do the same.
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Old 06-13-2015, 06:22 AM
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Lying to government officials is NEVER a good idea. The visitor can be banned from the property and the offender can be sanctioned through the loss of good time and other custody-related issues.

The inmate has placed you in an untenable situation and showed ZERO disregard for any consequences you WILL incur...
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Old 06-13-2015, 06:33 AM
nadezhda nadezhda is offline
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Yes, I'm not sure how the heck to remedy this, honestly. Suggestions welcome.
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Old 06-13-2015, 06:47 AM
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You don't know how to remedy it? Really?

Just for grins, how about you tell everyone involved that you are going to be honest, and if that's an issue, then whatever comes of it will come, but you're not going to lie to anyone for anyone's personal gain.

I don't think I'd go to a prison and wait in line to lie to them, verbally and in writing, just to see what happens to me next. I can't think of very much good that I'd get out of that.

Of all the people involved in the situation, you included, none seem to have a track record of making very good decisions. But you will be the only one to pay.

Best of luck.
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Old 06-13-2015, 06:53 AM
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No I honestly am unsure of how to remedy it, and frankly I'm stressed enough about it without people piling on about how good or bad my decisions are. I clearly did not decided to be listed as a cousin, and I posted this because I am not sure I want to make the visit based on a lie. If someone can offer a direction as to whom I should be writing to or speaking with to remedy the situation, that'd be great.
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Old 06-13-2015, 07:08 AM
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There's not a lot you can do. If we take lying off the table, then all that's left is for him to correct it at his end. If he could call it a mistake and get away with it, then so be it.

The other alternative is for you to go and list yourself properly and see if they let you in or call the visit off for the stories not matching.

You could spin some sort of yarn about how you and him feel like cousins to each other and he didn't understand the importance of how it was listed, or something along those lines, but I wouldn't expect a lot of traction from that.

You can either be honest or you can go with the cousin story. You could try to muddy the water a bit, but it boils down to that decision.

He set the works in motion for this to go wrong in several ways, from the visit being cancelled, to you not ever being able to visit, to him getting charges for false information, and the worst, for you to get some sort of ordeal if you plan to go along with it.

I don't think anyone is piling on. Everyone here sees you as a person faced with a decision, and this is a place where a LOT of people wish they had been there to help make sure bad decisions weren't made. If anyone makes you feel ill at ease over the slightest prospect of doing something to get you in trouble, your response should be 'thank you.'

My dad said something to be a long time ago that I never forgot. I use it every time I'm offered a chance to make a bad choice. He told me - you can get yourself into more trouble in 5 minutes than you can get out of in a lifetime.

Little things can go wrong in a big way. And damned if I'd want things going wrong for me in a Chinese owned country.

Best of luck.
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  #10  
Old 06-13-2015, 07:10 AM
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I would list friend and let the chips fall where they may. If you get caught lying, it could be your first and last visit. And you're going to want to kiss him hello and hold hands, right?

What if you decide to get married while he's inside? Can cousins marry where you are?
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Old 06-13-2015, 07:33 AM
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I am definitely going in there tomorrow and telling the truth - since he has no family here, I am the closest to family he has here, and therefore it must've been a stupid mistake on his part to choose 'cousin' because he counts me as family though obviously as an unmarried couple who never lived together, we don't have legal paperwork that proves we are a couple in a way that the law recognizes.
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Old 06-13-2015, 07:41 AM
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I don't know how to remedy what has happened either, but maybe he can amend whatever he already submitted claiming that you are his cousin. It sounds like if your application doesn't match his, your visit won't be allowed, so you have to decide what to do, lie or tell the truth (we posted at the same time, so I see that you have already decided to be truthful, the right thing to do in my opinion, but don't be surprised if you are turned away).
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Old 06-13-2015, 07:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nadezhda View Post
Hi everyone,

This is not completely urgent though I hope I might get some useful advice - when registering as a visitor, what did you put under "Relationship"?

I have a feeling that because of the strict regulations they have in my country, my man has gone and put me down on his list as 'cousin' (he had teased me about writing in his language in a 'formal' tone and wrote that perhaps it's suitable 'since we are "cousins" '). Should I list myself as 'cousin' tomorrow when I visit then?
If thats what he list you as then yes I knwo my boyfriend listed me as his girlfriend and now we don't have contact visit at the facility he's at, which is at East Texas Treatment Facility.
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Old 06-13-2015, 07:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fbopnomore View Post
I don't know how to remedy what has happened either, but maybe he can amend whatever he already submitted claiming that you are his cousin. It sounds like if your application doesn't match his, your visit won't be allowed, so you have to decide what to do, lie or tell the truth (we posted at the same time, so I see that you have already decided to be truthful, the right thing to do in my opinion, but don't be surprised if you are turned away).
Thanks fbopnomore, I've written up a letter to clarify the situation so hopefully the nice officers at the facility can pass it to whomever it needs to be passed along to. I honestly don't know what will happen, though so far, everyone I've encountered at the facility seem to be very understanding and kind, so fingers crossed they'll understand he's a bit of an idiot sometimes, especially since English isn't his first language.
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Old 06-13-2015, 07:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by _letitbefree View Post
If thats what he list you as then yes I knwo my boyfriend listed me as his girlfriend and now we don't have contact visit at the facility he's at, which is at East Texas Treatment Facility.
I had a glimpse of the visiting rooms in the facilities last time and I don't think contact is allowed where he's at either. Then again, I think that in my country, no contact is allowed in any circumstances.
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Old 06-13-2015, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by _letitbefree View Post
If thats what he list you as then yes I knwo my boyfriend listed me as his girlfriend and now we don't have contact visit at the facility he's at, which is at East Texas Treatment Facility.
HORRIBLE GUIDANCE.

Perpetuating a lie does neither of them any good. It WILL be discovered.

And, quite frankly, the fact that YOUR boyfriend was trying to skirt the rules within TDCJ sends a very strong message that he WILL also be back...not a question of IF but rather WHEN.

If you want contact, then both parties need to learn not to commit felony offenses...it IS that simple.
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Old 06-13-2015, 10:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nadezhda View Post
UPDATE: I just called his officer to double check (they are very nice people), he advised me to list myself when I visit using what my man has listed me as. So, cousin it is.

P.s. I should mention that we have an odd running joke that because we both have somewhat similar features, we could be 'cousins' (though no, we are not because his family is from Western Europe and mine is a mix of Asia and Central Asia/Eastern Europe).

I don't think the officer was telling you to lie. I think he was enforcing that what the inmate used as your relationship title needs to match what you list as your relationship title. I'm pretty sure you didn't tell them he lied and you were wondering what to put down on your slip...you just asked what you should write on your slip, correct?
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Old 06-17-2015, 09:40 AM
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I had been debating on whether or not to post an update on the situation. Some of you seem to be under the impression that I wanted in on the lie, some of you criticised the situation I was in, and my decision-making skills, even when I was already feeling a lot of stress from a situation that I did not instigate.

But, in the interest of those who want to know the outcome - whether it's helpful to them or not - I decided to post this update. On Sunday, I went in there and when I was filling up the forms, I told all 4 officers in the room that I am his girlfriend, not cousin. All 4 of them asked me to write 'cousin', even after I made it very clear to them. So having gone through this situation now, what would I advise anyone who ever encounters my situation? Definitely just go in with the truth, and as someone else in this thread said, "let the chips fall where they may".
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Old 06-17-2015, 04:04 PM
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I think that you handled it the proper way: you told the officers present that what the real relationship was and then followed their instructions as to what to put on the form.

If some CO decides to be a jerk it is possible that he could deny you future visitations based on what you put on the form. That probably isn't very likely, but it is possible. They wouldn't need any proof and you would have little recourse.

It is possible, in an extreme case, that they could bring charges against you, but any decent lawyer would be able to beat the charge. After all, the definition of a "cousin" is that you have a common ancestor.

In the eyes of many religions, we would all be cousins.

R. Mc.
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Old 06-17-2015, 08:18 PM
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Quote:
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On Sunday, I went in there and when I was filling up the forms, I told all 4 officers in the room that I am his girlfriend, not cousin. All 4 of them asked me to write 'cousin', even after I made it very clear to them.
Did you get the names of the 4 CO's? A badge number, or something? It'd be good to have just in case an issue comes up in the future about what you wrote.
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Old 06-17-2015, 09:07 PM
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Old 06-18-2015, 01:22 AM
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Quote:
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Did you get the names of the 4 CO's? A badge number, or something? It'd be good to have just in case an issue comes up in the future about what you wrote.
I tried but I couldn't get a good look at the names or badge numbers, unfortunately.
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