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Old 01-06-2019, 11:48 PM
MrsTreyY MrsTreyY is offline
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Default BOP: questions about shu, tort claims, financial support..

This is kind of doing emotional damage control since I already cut him off but I know that I'll start to doubt myself and my decision so I guess I'm asking for validation.

My husband and I MBI. He's incredibly intelligent, loving, charming, attentive and is far beyond his years in terms of relational health. He's sixteen years my junior and I have to remind myself that although he's very mature in some areas, he's still a kid in others. He's also a recovering heroin addict. Three months after we got married, he relapsed and committed the mother of all f*ck ups. He was subsequently sentenced to state and fed prison. He's finished his state time and was sent to McCreary to finish his fed time, which is supposed to be in the fall of 2022. We had issues while he was in state custody and when I found out he was still using, I walked away and cut him off completely. A year later, he wrote and asked me to see him in person to discuss divorce and when I went, we began reconciling. He was sober, clear and contrite and I was hopeful. Then he went to the BOP and it's been falling apart. I'll bullet point for brevity:

**When he first got there, he indicated to me that he was going to have to 'put in work' at some point, that it was a one time thing that everyone has to do. Now, I was at the state level and certainly not a max facility so although I was skeptical and concerned, I fully understand that prison is it's own self contained society and what goes on in there is foreign to anyone who hasn't experienced it. My question is this: does everyone have to do this or just those who owe or are attempting to affiliate? I was furious that he wasn't able to just put his head down, mind his own crap and walk it down.

**I have been incarcerated so I'm well aware of the incredible expense involved with the BOP and how much is necessary to establish any reasonable level of comfort. Between his family and I, he was sent more than enough to buy all necessities and wants.However, when he was involved in his first fight and he came out of shu, he said he was going to have to file a torte claim since all of his things were thrown out. He also claimed to have been given restriction from commissary so against my better judgment, I funded elsewhere for him to be able to reestablish, again. Next thing I know, he's in shu again for literally flipping out (methinks someone spiced up their life and he finally admitted to doing so) and surprise, surprise, he is missing all the stuff I just bought AGAIN. This time he said he got all but one thing back. They are locked down with annoying frequency and every time, he runs up a tab because he says they starve them and he gets food on credit. I know how he eats so I'm not entirely discounting that claim but I was furious about him assuming the tab would be covered. I'm a convicted felon, single parent, so I make less than average for three times the amount of work. I quite literally bust my ass 75 hours a week to not only keep us housed (we were homeless when I first got released, my daughter and I. I slaved for a year and with the help of some wonderful people, we signed our apartment lease in March of 17) but to try to save for retirement, emergencies, etc, and every time I get a tiny bit of traction, I have to use it for (insert latest catastrophe here). He was recently involved in fight number 3 and thrown in shu, again. Now he's saying they threw his stuff away. Again. Has anyone ever heard of co's behaving like this?? Three freaking times? I've seen the torte claim paperwork from the first incident and before I call and make a fool of myself, I thought I would ask.

The latest fight was a doozy: something disappeared from a cell and he's blamed. He says some junkies set him up and I do know he wouldn't be stupid enough to steal anything and that's not his nature but I don't know if I believe any of the story to begin with. So I get a call from some charming guy to transfer to this place by this time and although I complied, my husband gets jumped anyway. While he's in shu I get another call from the same charismatic douche nozzle who informs me that unless I do this amount by this time - as a fine, mind you, he's practically near sainthood for suggesting it because he knows my husband didn't steal anything - things will get darker. Douche nozzle further informs me that he's the shot caller (which I immediately called bulls**t on. If you're the sc, YOU DON'T MAKE THOSE KINDS OF PHONE CALLS THAT CAN INCRIMINATE YOU, GENIUS) and nothing further will happen, he'll be safe as a kitten for the remaining time. I remind him that my husband isn't a b*tch, he goes out fighting every time and always causes collateral damage so he doesn't need protection from fights. DN, on a recorded line and with as much subtlety as a chainsaw, indicates that it's not protection from fights as much as it is from lethal things. I complied and when my husband got out of shu, he was livid. He said he'd given my number to one person to call me and let me know he was going to the hole and it wasn't the person who called me. He further said he did not ask anyone to call me about the original amount and that's why he fought, because he wasn't paying for something he didn't take. He's now saying he'll be going back when he determines who extorted me and I've just thrown my hands up because, sure, why the hell not.

Wow. I used the word 'brevity' and that was a blatant lie, wasn't it?

I digress....to recap:

1. Do you have to put in work, max security bop, when called upon and does everyone have to do it?

2. Possible that co's have thrown his stuff away three different times now when he's gone to shu?

3. Any ideas about how I would maybe find out if any of this is true? He signed a release of medical and all pertinent information which was notarized and given to his counselor with me as point of contact but they don't even return my calls. The verbiage is clear in that they're supposed to be able to tell me anything related to his well being while he's in their custody but I'm sure it's in a file somewhere with a coffee cup stain and a doodling of boobs on it. In other words, I know they are the government and can do whatever they like. Ideas?

I very curtly told him to not contact me until he starts doing things the right way which means he doesn't associate with trouble, he stops landing in shu and starts telling me the truth. I love him and I meant what I said in my vows so I'm not divorcing him. I didn't say "for better or for worse. Well, unless you relapse. Or go to prison. Or regress and become an overgrown toddler. Those are all deal breakers."

I'll give him until he's released and if he doesn't make changes then I guess I'll be that middle aged woman at the bar, sipping some pretentious crap like Prosecco and spewing bitterness at the bartender (because he or she is trapped back there) about wasted youth and dying alone and all men are scum, should have listened to my mother, should have married that millionaire and various other stereotypical things indicating my complete loss of hope, dignity and estrogen.

Last edited by MrsTreyY; 01-07-2019 at 12:13 AM.. Reason: editing for my potty mouth
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Old 01-07-2019, 06:29 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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If he angered the guards, then yes his property could have been "lost". His actions there will determine how the staff deals with him.

If he is affiliated with a gang, then he will be subject to their whims about "work". I'm afraid he will be your only source of information about what's happening, true or false, the bop won't tell you anything.

Tort claims are the way to try for a monetary resolution for lost property, but they are purposely inefficient and extremely slow too.
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Old 01-07-2019, 07:42 AM
bellisq bellisq is offline
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If this is your idea of a healthy and fulfilling relationship, then it works for you. I doubt many people would want to deal with the chaos a heroin addict bring with them. Maximum security is serious and usually would indicate a violent past. Rather than spending this time waiting for him to change, why not go out and find yourself a more compatible companion.
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Old 04-15-2019, 11:53 AM
noeliz4life noeliz4life is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsTreyY View Post
This is kind of doing emotional damage control since I already cut him off but I know that I'll start to doubt myself and my decision so I guess I'm asking for validation.

My husband and I MBI. He's incredibly intelligent, loving, charming, attentive and is far beyond his years in terms of relational health. He's sixteen years my junior and I have to remind myself that although he's very mature in some areas, he's still a kid in others. He's also a recovering heroin addict. Three months after we got married, he relapsed and committed the mother of all f*ck ups. He was subsequently sentenced to state and fed prison. He's finished his state time and was sent to McCreary to finish his fed time, which is supposed to be in the fall of 2022. We had issues while he was in state custody and when I found out he was still using, I walked away and cut him off completely. A year later, he wrote and asked me to see him in person to discuss divorce and when I went, we began reconciling. He was sober, clear and contrite and I was hopeful. Then he went to the BOP and it's been falling apart. I'll bullet point for brevity:

**When he first got there, he indicated to me that he was going to have to 'put in work' at some point, that it was a one time thing that everyone has to do. Now, I was at the state level and certainly not a max facility so although I was skeptical and concerned, I fully understand that prison is it's own self contained society and what goes on in there is foreign to anyone who hasn't experienced it. My question is this: does everyone have to do this or just those who owe or are attempting to affiliate? I was furious that he wasn't able to just put his head down, mind his own crap and walk it down.

**I have been incarcerated so I'm well aware of the incredible expense involved with the BOP and how much is necessary to establish any reasonable level of comfort. Between his family and I, he was sent more than enough to buy all necessities and wants.However, when he was involved in his first fight and he came out of shu, he said he was going to have to file a torte claim since all of his things were thrown out. He also claimed to have been given restriction from commissary so against my better judgment, I funded elsewhere for him to be able to reestablish, again. Next thing I know, he's in shu again for literally flipping out (methinks someone spiced up their life and he finally admitted to doing so) and surprise, surprise, he is missing all the stuff I just bought AGAIN. This time he said he got all but one thing back. They are locked down with annoying frequency and every time, he runs up a tab because he says they starve them and he gets food on credit. I know how he eats so I'm not entirely discounting that claim but I was furious about him assuming the tab would be covered. I'm a convicted felon, single parent, so I make less than average for three times the amount of work. I quite literally bust my ass 75 hours a week to not only keep us housed (we were homeless when I first got released, my daughter and I. I slaved for a year and with the help of some wonderful people, we signed our apartment lease in March of 17) but to try to save for retirement, emergencies, etc, and every time I get a tiny bit of traction, I have to use it for (insert latest catastrophe here). He was recently involved in fight number 3 and thrown in shu, again. Now he's saying they threw his stuff away. Again. Has anyone ever heard of co's behaving like this?? Three freaking times? I've seen the torte claim paperwork from the first incident and before I call and make a fool of myself, I thought I would ask.

The latest fight was a doozy: something disappeared from a cell and he's blamed. He says some junkies set him up and I do know he wouldn't be stupid enough to steal anything and that's not his nature but I don't know if I believe any of the story to begin with. So I get a call from some charming guy to transfer to this place by this time and although I complied, my husband gets jumped anyway. While he's in shu I get another call from the same charismatic douche nozzle who informs me that unless I do this amount by this time - as a fine, mind you, he's practically near sainthood for suggesting it because he knows my husband didn't steal anything - things will get darker. Douche nozzle further informs me that he's the shot caller (which I immediately called bulls**t on. If you're the sc, YOU DON'T MAKE THOSE KINDS OF PHONE CALLS THAT CAN INCRIMINATE YOU, GENIUS) and nothing further will happen, he'll be safe as a kitten for the remaining time. I remind him that my husband isn't a b*tch, he goes out fighting every time and always causes collateral damage so he doesn't need protection from fights. DN, on a recorded line and with as much subtlety as a chainsaw, indicates that it's not protection from fights as much as it is from lethal things. I complied and when my husband got out of shu, he was livid. He said he'd given my number to one person to call me and let me know he was going to the hole and it wasn't the person who called me. He further said he did not ask anyone to call me about the original amount and that's why he fought, because he wasn't paying for something he didn't take. He's now saying he'll be going back when he determines who extorted me and I've just thrown my hands up because, sure, why the hell not.

Wow. I used the word 'brevity' and that was a blatant lie, wasn't it?

I digress....to recap:

1. Do you have to put in work, max security bop, when called upon and does everyone have to do it?

2. Possible that co's have thrown his stuff away three different times now when he's gone to shu?

3. Any ideas about how I would maybe find out if any of this is true? He signed a release of medical and all pertinent information which was notarized and given to his counselor with me as point of contact but they don't even return my calls. The verbiage is clear in that they're supposed to be able to tell me anything related to his well being while he's in their custody but I'm sure it's in a file somewhere with a coffee cup stain and a doodling of boobs on it. In other words, I know they are the government and can do whatever they like. Ideas?

I very curtly told him to not contact me until he starts doing things the right way which means he doesn't associate with trouble, he stops landing in shu and starts telling me the truth. I love him and I meant what I said in my vows so I'm not divorcing him. I didn't say "for better or for worse. Well, unless you relapse. Or go to prison. Or regress and become an overgrown toddler. Those are all deal breakers."

I'll give him until he's released and if he doesn't make changes then I guess I'll be that middle aged woman at the bar, sipping some pretentious crap like Prosecco and spewing bitterness at the bartender (because he or she is trapped back there) about wasted youth and dying alone and all men are scum, should have listened to my mother, should have married that millionaire and various other stereotypical things indicating my complete loss of hope, dignity and estrogen.
very well written must be why mine refuses to give anyone my number. i just learned something, thanks. and you..trust your instincts, they sound spot on!
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Old 04-15-2019, 12:43 PM
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safran safran is offline
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“The verbiage is clear in that they're supposed to be able to tell me anything related to his well being while he's in their custody.......”

This merely means they can tell you, it does NOT mean they HAVE to tell you and I promise you most BoP staff tell friends or family little to nothing. Expecting a return phone call is unrealistic.
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