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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 12-05-2010, 09:04 AM
BlueEyedEllie BlueEyedEllie is offline
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Question When a person is having a drunk episode...

Is it normal for them to be a happy,laughy type person or is the norm more along the lines of them raging with no real reason and no amount of reasoning seems to help?? And is the best thing to do,try and talk them out of it or leave them alone until they are dried out??
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Old 12-05-2010, 09:10 AM
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It all depends on the person--alcohol doesn't change your personality, it magnifies what's already there. if your normally a happy person, generally you'll be a happy drunk--same for anger, depression...
If you mean confront someone about their behavior when they're drunk, may I suggest waiting for it to wear off? That way there's at least a half a chance they can understand what you're trying to tell them.
Good luck.
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Old 12-05-2010, 09:28 AM
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do not ever try to reason with someone when they're drunk.

Unless, of course, you're getting them to sign a power of attorney giving you full access to all their money and belongings.

Seriously, though, it's a waste of your emotional energy and time. Wait 'til they're sober.

Last edited by OneOfMany; 12-05-2010 at 09:30 AM.. Reason: wording
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Old 12-05-2010, 09:58 AM
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everyone is different. some are happy drunks while others turn into horrible people. I remember a boyfriend I had early in my dating life and there were no signs of him drinking other than he got very quiet. no one can call it and say all drunks act this way or that way. just get to know your particular drunk and find out how he or she acts and the best way to handle it.

Last edited by esteli; 12-05-2010 at 10:22 AM..
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Old 12-05-2010, 10:11 AM
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I've been married to two alcoholics. The first one was a sad, reflective drunk. He's become very introspective, cried easily and was a real downer to be around. (smile) The second one was a nasty drunk. The ten feet tall and bullet proof variety.

There was no reasoning with either one of them when they were intoxicated, nor is there any point in trying to do it with anyone who is drunk. Leave them alone to sober up and go from there.
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Old 12-05-2010, 11:46 AM
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I used to have a boyfriend that had a serious drinking problem, I am talking about rolling out of bed and drinking a 5th of vodka. He was both nasty and emotional. One minute he'd be crying the next minute he would be yelling and angry.

One thing that some ladies have said already, there is not reasoning with a drunk person, their mind is not fuctioning as it would be. Many times, he wouldn't even remember what was said or done.

My brother also had a bad drinking problem, and we tried and tried and tried to help him, intervention, rehab, all of it. He died. From that I learned that unless that person REALLY wants to quit drinking, no amount of bitching, or support or anything will help them. The addict has to want to change. At least that was my experience.
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Old 12-05-2010, 11:57 AM
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No matter what kind of drunk they are, waiting until they're sober to deal with them is the best option. They're not going to listen to what you have to say or in some cases, remember it.
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:36 PM
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There is no such thing as reasoning with a drunk person, lol. If you try, all you will do is drive yourself insane! (In certain situations this could also have a tendancy to turn violent/dangerous, so please use caution at all times)

As all before me have said, there is no "normal" way for a drunk person to act. Even if they are typically a mean drunk, there could be many times when they are also the "slap-happy, silly" type and vice-versa.
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:45 PM
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They've nailed it - never try to reason with a drunk!

Get to a safe place. If you can't get him there, then leave and get yourself there. You cannot risk your own life and health on the irrational behavior brought on by alcohol or other drugs.
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Old 12-06-2010, 01:07 AM
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My brother is a nasty drunk - very combative, would just go off on just about anything. Quickest way to the hospital was to cross his path, let alone try to get him to hand over car keys or sleep it off. Back when I had to deal with him, he liked to drink himself into unconsciousness. Yeah, bad drunk (as if there could ever be a good drunk....). If they are that nasty, let the cops handle it if they intend to drive. Otherwise, just stay out of their way.

My mom is a social butterfly who's better than everybody. Her drinking masked her narcissistic personality, so who you got depended on what part of her narcissism was presenting itself. Sometimes, she'd be overly emotional, and really needy. When I was a kid, she'd wake me up at 3 a.m. crying about how pathetic her life is and insisting that I tell her what a wonderful person she was and how the world would be far less beautiful with her not in it, and blah, blah, blah. Other times, she'd fly into a rage. And other times, she'd be little miss perfect (if slightly uncoordinated). Again, the best thing was to stay out of her way; sober or drunk. When there's an underlying psych problem that they are "treating" with alcohol, it makes even less sense to try to talk with them. Get the car keys away from them if you can, and can do it safely. Otherwise, let the cops handle it.

You might say, hey, why get the cops involved? I love this person and don't want to see him/her suffer (and, with a DUI and loss of license, I'll really be the one who suffers - s/he will just drink more). And, I'll admit - I'm a bit of an asshole when it comes to drinking and driving. My grandmother died at the hands of a drunk driver. That drunk driver was my father. So, if you think the ramifications of a DUI are bad, try a vehicular homicide.

I'm not willing to allow anybody to break my bones anymore over a set of car keys. My older brother used to brag about the number of cops it took to take him in. So, I just gave him more opportunities to brag about. Besides, cops get paid to take his crap. I don't. And, I've paid enough.
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Old 12-06-2010, 09:03 AM
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oh I was married to a drunk for 10 years he was the nicest guy but a nasty drunk
even if you would try to ignore him he would wake me up to fight with me
get in my face ect. you can not argue with them sometimes you can't even avoid them
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Old 12-06-2010, 06:52 PM
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Robert was "raised" by a pair of alcoholics. His mother was a happy drunk. The more she drank the happier she got. There was no way to reason with her in that state tho.

His father would be happy after the first 4 or 5 drinks, and then at some magically number, he turned into someone evil and unknown. During those times he threw things and sometimes that was his wife or the kids! There was no reasoning with him either.

We spent many of our early times out and about picking up his parents from bars after being flagged by bartenders! Geez... what a mess. Drunk they were out of hand, and sober they were miserable either from the physical effects of the hang over or the perceived memories of the behavior. Their memories of what happened always seemed to be quite different from those of us who were there.

It is a lose-lose situation in my opinion.
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Old 12-06-2010, 06:57 PM
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You cannot talk a drunk "out of it." I would remove myself from the situation and let the person stew. They don't remember what they say in that kind of state half the time anyway.

One time, my grandpa recorded my grandma when she was drunk and played it back to her the next day. She never touched another drop of booze...
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Old 12-06-2010, 07:47 PM
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my mother was a drunk...it was always russian roulette...we didn't know if we would get the happy laughing...sad crying...vein popping out of her neck mad drunk...i can sit and have 1-2 drink with anyone...as soon as they get to drink #3 and i see any signs of impairment i am out of there...not interested...
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Old 12-07-2010, 01:23 AM
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It took me a very long time to realize that just leaving him alone works the best. I grew up with a drunk stepdad and then with my man now and both turn nasty. My man now is very mean and in your face and manipulative. He always pushed till I would fight with him and I did. Mean and nasty fight, like Jekyl and Hyde fight. Now looking back it wasn't the smartest for either of us. At the end of his freedom he stopped drinking as much, but when he did I would not antagonize him if he was mean and nasty. I just kept my mouth shut and he would either leave or leave. He has been a great teacher for me. His behavior has brought up alot of broken hurts from childhood and we have gradually healed together. He is not as dangerous as he once was, well prison will do that to you, but he is alot more humble and realizes that alcohol is an enemy not your best friend. Anyway, attempt to keep to yourself and let him do his thing until it is over. I would say leave for good, but that is always easier said than done.
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Old 12-28-2010, 08:39 PM
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If this drunk person is anything like my mother...they are the happy laughy type that can SNAP at any moment.

There is no reasoning..or at least in my experience.
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Old 12-28-2010, 08:42 PM
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It all depends on how alcohol affects that person. Some get all lovey, others want to fight. Some get lovey on beer, mean on whiskey. or vice versa. The point is it is unpredictable. People are unpredictable, liquor is unpredictable, people drinking are unpredictable. Did you know that most EMS crews will not make the scene of any incident without police going with them if there is an indication someone is intoxicated?
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