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Tennessee General Prison Talk, News, Introductions & Chit Chat Topics & Discussions relating to Prison & the Criminal Justice System in Tennessee that do not fit into any other Tennessee sub-forum category. Please feel free to also introduce yourself to other members in the state and talk about whatever topics come to mind that may not have anything to do with prison.

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  #1  
Old 03-03-2018, 08:53 AM
Mishslagan Mishslagan is offline
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Default 16 years for aggravated robbery, has another case pending. My life is over.

Hi son just went into the prison system Jan. 25th 2018. I am scared to death this is the first time he's ever been in trouble. NO PRIOR record, he got 16 years for aggravated robbery and he has another case pending. My life is OVER!!!!
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Old 03-03-2018, 09:41 AM
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Hi Mishslagan.....welcome to PTO. I'm glad you found us. I know how hard this journey is / can be, but your life is not over, not by a long shot. Your son's life is not over. Things will be different for a while, but once you & he get into a routine of letters, calls & visits the journey smooths out somewhat. Notice I didn't say "easier," you just get stronger.

I'm so sorry that your family is having to travel this road

I moved your post...and gave you your own thread
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Old 03-03-2018, 12:10 PM
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Welcome on my behalf as well... Truly sorry to hear about the situation you and your son and family are in, but just like Patch said I am SO glad that you found us and reached out - there are people in this community who can share your sorrow and pain, and who will hopefully be able to support you on this path. You are not alone, sweetheart.

In no way do I mean to dismiss your pain but I believe we humans are surprisingly resilient when it comes to the trauma and heartache in our lives. It feels like it can destroy us in the beginning, but slowly we regain our strength and learn to adjust....life will be different but I am confident you can do this! If things feel overwhelming please do not hesitate to seek therapy...vent in this community, connect with people. Take care of yourself and keep communicating with your son. We are here for you
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Old 03-03-2018, 12:33 PM
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As one mother to another I so understand where you are coming from. However your life is not over and your sons life is not over. Its heart breaking I know but there will be an end. As patch says its not going to be easy but it will become manageable you can get visits and letters and calls.
You will both settle into a routine and your son can lead a meaningful life making positive changes and accepting any courses available. He would not want you to stop living so live your life and take him long with you in your heart.

You will find a lot of non judgement support here. We are glad you found us.
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Old 03-03-2018, 12:40 PM
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I'm sorry you're going through this but believe me your life isn't over neither is his. My son went to prison 3 times and yes it was hard but you need to hold it together. It is the worst feeling ever but you will get phone calls, letters and visits.
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Old 01-18-2019, 06:13 AM
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Default Sorry

I was so depressed that I just read this again and it gave me comfort. Thank you so much for all you do.


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Originally Posted by patchouli View Post
Hi Mishslagan.....welcome to PTO. I'm glad you found us. I know how hard this journey is / can be, but your life is not over, not by a long shot. Your son's life is not over. Things will be different for a while, but once you & he get into a routine of letters, calls & visits the journey smooths out somewhat. Notice I didn't say "easier," you just get stronger.

I'm so sorry that your family is having to travel this road

I moved your post...and gave you your own thread
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Old 01-18-2019, 06:22 AM
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I'm a elementary teacher and I see little amazing souls daily. I LOVE my job, but when I look at these babies I still wonder where did I go wrong with mine. I know that it's been a year, so I guess I'm in the blaming myself stage of grief over all of this. It's been soooo much harder than I thought. We haven't gone to see him, because he said it would be too hard to watch us leave knowing he couldn't go with us. Tore me up! We are a very close family and we talk to him several times a week $$$! I try to be strong for my whole family, but daily it just doesn't seem right. Sorry to complain, because I am EXTREMELY BLESSED! But I also miss the son I gave birth to and the dreams I had for his life. I know that's selfish, because it's his life! But all of this happened when he was 18, so I still see him as a child.



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As one mother to another I so understand where you are coming from. However your life is not over and your sons life is not over. Its heart breaking I know but there will be an end. As patch says its not going to be easy but it will become manageable you can get visits and letters and calls.
You will both settle into a routine and your son can lead a meaningful life making positive changes and accepting any courses available. He would not want you to stop living so live your life and take him long with you in your heart.

You will find a lot of non judgement support here. We are glad you found us.
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Old 01-18-2019, 07:31 AM
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Hey... I wish I could connect you with my boyfriend's Mom, I'm pretty sure she felt the same way when her son was convicted to two life-sentences at the age of 19. He's still in - a quarter century now - but they dealt with is one day or even one minute at a time.
There is and always will be a light at the end of that freaking prison tunnel, it will come to an end.
I was not there during this time but I can imagine how devastating you are and were.
Sending you a big hug & wishing you lots of strength.
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Old 01-19-2019, 06:55 AM
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We haven't gone to see him, because he said it would be too hard to watch us leave knowing he couldn't go with us.
My Dad didn't want me to come visit him (and I am no spring chicken) because he didn't want me to be exposed to all the 'bad people' who are inside. I told him tough beans. I needed to see him, needed to see that he was still in one piece and still functioning.

The first visit? I cried all the way home. The second visit? Same thing. By the 10th visit, I'd only get a little misty eyed. Then it started becoming normal to see him there. I do not regret going against his wishes and visiting him. He died of lung cancer 3 years into his sentence. You never know what might happen.

Obviously, it's your (and his) decision to make. If he refuses to put you on his approved visitor's list, there's not much you can do except explain to him that even if it hurts, you'd still rather see him live and in person than only communicate by phone. Being able to touch someone you love is psychologically important to both of you. It reinforces the social bonds that tie you two together.

I'd talk to him again about visiting. I think you'd both feel better. Obviously, I'm basing this on my experience, and I don't know him or you or how either of you function or your family dynamics, but I would think that coming to visit should be a conversation, not an edict from him to you.

I'm glad you're through the worst of it, though. The rest will settle in over time.
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Old 01-19-2019, 03:44 PM
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Our son has been in for over 5 years now. He originally didn't want us to visit either but he did agree to put us on his visiting list. We visit 4-5 times/month - about 113 miles down the road. He also had doubts about his son visiting but he too visits 1-2 times/month. He is 12 now and loves to see his Dad. He kinda grew up visiting his Dad which is very sad in itself.
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Old 02-23-2019, 04:16 PM
Mishslagan Mishslagan is offline
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Thank you every one for all your encouragement. I feel very sad some days and happy the next. I do feel guilty for feeling happy, because my baby is inside. The feeling of helplessness seems to NEVER end. I do have times when I smile, laugh, and forget. But it is ALWAYS there that feeling of GRIEF. I know he's coming home eventually, but...I don't know. I guess that's the base of it I just don't know when.UGGH!!!
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Old 02-23-2019, 09:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishslagan View Post
Thank you every one for all your encouragement. I feel very sad some days and happy the next. I do feel guilty for feeling happy, because my baby is inside. The feeling of helplessness seems to NEVER end. I do have times when I smile, laugh, and forget. But it is ALWAYS there that feeling of GRIEF. I know he's coming home eventually, but...I don't know. I guess that's the base of it I just don't know when.UGGH!!!
Yes, welcome to PTO, this a wonder place to come for comfort, information etc..
You can find out on FOIL at the state of tn homepage department of corrections when his release or parole eligibility date is. He should be earning 'good time' providing he a) has a job or in a school/education program, b) stays out of trouble-- no write-ups. These dates change 2x a month and are completed by the 10th day at the latest. Hug, you CAN get through this and he CAN come out better ((( but, honestly, time inside there is a world unknown to anyone who has not been inside---Me-former staff now long-time married to a lifer WITH parole)). Hug, you and your son WILL make it!!
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Old 02-24-2019, 09:07 AM
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I do feel guilty for feeling happy, because my baby is inside.
Two things:

1. He may be inside, but by now he has made a couple of friends, and probably laughs with them and may even experience happiness from time to time - why should you deny yourself what he has available?

and

2. He is experiencing the natural repercussions of his actions. I don't say this in a judgmental way at all. My Dad also experienced the natural repercussions of his actions (possibly for the first time in his life, he wasn't able to sweet talk his way out of it). It is possible that your son is going to change the paths he takes in life as a result of his decisions. His decisions are/were not yours to own. Where did you go wrong? Maybe you could have done something differently, and maybe it would have made a difference, but in the end, we all have free will and we all have to face the natural repercussions of our own actions. This is the natural order of the universe. Do not weigh yourself down with "what if's". You cannot change the past. You can work within the framework of the present and hope to make a difference for the future. Carrying the past with you is only shackling yourself down, making it more difficult for you to be an active participant in the here-and-now.
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Old 03-02-2019, 11:03 AM
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Does anyone know about a Safety Valve date and how it works. My son is in state prison, not federal, and he said he has a Safety Valve date that may release him in 2020. If that did happen that would be 4 years sooner than we thought. If anyone knows about this please tell me?
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Old 03-02-2019, 12:37 PM
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Does anyone know about a Safety Valve date and how it works. My son is in state prison, not federal, and he said he has a Safety Valve date that may release him in 2020. If that did happen that would be 4 years sooner than we thought. If anyone knows about this please tell me?
Wow....4 years is great big early release I found the following info in the Tennessee forum (in THIS thread):

Quote:
Safety valve: earliest date that an offender can be released under executive order for
overcrowding (most violent offenders are excluded from this provision)
Red date....earliest the inmate can be considered for release under normal circumstances.
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Old 03-03-2019, 07:30 AM
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Safety valve: earliest date that an offender can be released under executive order for
overcrowding (most violent offenders are excluded from this provision)
Italics mine.

One thing to bear in mind: inside prisons, actual informed knowledge is difficult to come by. Most guys in prisons are running on rumors at best and malicious gossip at worst.

Good for you for coming here to verify the information. I hope you pass it along to your son so he doesn't get his hopes up too high. It's absolutely crushing to think you have a way of getting out and restarting your life only to find that you actually don't.
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