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The War on Drugs - and the results of it A war against drugs, or against families?

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Old 07-31-2011, 06:57 PM
Misssy2 Misssy2 is offline
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Unhappy Couple of things...Methadone & Visits

Methadone withdrawals...my son has detoxed completely off Methadone in prison. He said from his last dose....it was 2-4 days that he was uncomfortable..couldn't sleep, his teeth are starting to hurt now (the Methadone was masking cavity pain. He said he couldn't believe all the stories of how it takes months to detox from Methadone. He was on it for 2-3 years. And he is doing well without it. I'm sure it is a psychological adjustment and he is a bit snappy right now...but otherwise, looks healthy and is not complaining of the horrible withdrawals, that I have read about for the last year.

My visits to the prison...I am going to stop them until I feel in my heart like visiting. I went tonight and last time...a little over a week ago...both times, I left feeling disheartened. He came down tonight (not following the rules had something in his pocket which he showed to the guards...3 of them were all over him, took him in a back room and I didn't think he was going to visit with us). It was a medical slip for his tooth, he forgot to leave it in his cell. Then he was telling me about some kid he wants to fight upstairs. If he does..he will lose 21 days good time. He started telling me how he HAS to defend himself and he can't turn the other cheek. Which tells me he isn't learning too much and tells me that if he does go into segregation for fighting that I SHOULD NOT feel bad for him. This is all being premeditated and I told him that. He doesn't like anything I say....and he is snappy...but nice to his Dad. I am a TRIGGER for him. I can totally see that...and he triggers sad feelings in me. The last couple of times I have left SAD. I am going to stay away for a while and just send him letters telling him what is going on around here....stay away from the lecturing...etc. I did order him books, but I'm not sending them. I see very clearly that RIGHT NOW...the only use he has for me is for the money. I did get a very warm hug when I went in....I am his Mom....he loves me I know that but it seems that we are not good for each other in this prison setting. I didn't tell him that I won't be going. But, I don't think I will be missed as much as I will miss seeing him WELL (without drugs in his system). But he is in jail. I'm going to rest until he comes out, because I don't have a good sense yet as to where his head is at...and in case there is more trouble coming...I'm going to distance my self a little bit more....right now.
I have a secret hope that he will miss me.....I have a fantasy that he is going to wake up someday and realize that he wants to be a better all around person....I hope if any of my fantasies come true...that one does. Hope everyone is coping....enjoying life...I'm doing my best!
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Old 07-31-2011, 09:08 PM
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bluebella bluebella is offline
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You know what is best. It is true the fighting is part of it, like it or not. He can choose to go into protective custody. It is not much of a choice. The lifr on the inside is not going to be like the outside, the choices and pressures are like no other. Sorry you did not have a good visit. It sounds like he is trying to be honest. You deserve respect, there is no other way to treat your Mom.
~ Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today. ~ James Dean
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Old 08-01-2011, 08:11 AM
1bird2 1bird2 is offline
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Oh wow Missy2, I am so sorry for the emotional happenings....I am thankful that your son has survived the detox....I'm sure it will take time to adjust to all the changes. I am thankful that he is alive and clean.
I can't begin to grasp life in prison....I do know, as Blue stated, it is very different "inside". I don't even attempt to tell my son how to handle things ( I did at first, but realized quickly that it IS a different world....that I know nothing about!).
It's a "damned if you do, damned if you dont" situation so many times.
I will keep you and yours in my prayers.
You take care of you and your emotional state. I am sure he appreciates letters. And from the many posts I've read, writing is theraputic.
You do what you feel is best, and things will settle eventually.
Love and prayers,
"love all, trust few, do harm to none " william shakespear
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Old 08-01-2011, 09:10 AM
Jason'sMama Jason'sMama is offline

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I am sorry you are going through such a tough time . It will all pass . Both of my boys are addicted to drugs . It is hard on them coming off drugs but from what I have saw it is harder on the mind and body to get used to being without them . I am sure your son loves you and he needs you now more than ever . All of the things that happen in prison are not his fault , and he does have to defend himself . It sounds to me like he is just letting you know what is going on . Both of my boys have been to prison my youngest is out and the oldest has a long sentence . I have heard it all . We have to do what we think is best for us as moms . I am sure when things settle down your visits will be more pleasant . It sounds to me like your son is going through alot right now . Coming off drugs , getting used to all the prison rules and all the other things that happen that are beyond his control . I am going to have you and your son in my prayers .
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Old 08-01-2011, 01:13 PM
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Your relationship with your son could be mine!

It sounds like you know there is a problem but, like most of us, either second-guess yourself or look for someone else to tell you its okay.

In the past I have been very easy on my son. For some reason I was always afraid to hurt "his" feelings for fear he would die. Yes, that was a very realistic fear for me, so to make up for that I would suffer in silence and not be the parent he needed. It took him going to prison for me to realize that. This last stay was not his first so I did things differently. I put a set amount on his books, did NOT hook up my phone and visited once a month. Other than that I wrote him and sent him some books once in awhile.

He got out in March and our relationship is so much better. Now when he does something silly I tell him how I feel. I don't sugarcoat anything and I'm very honest with him. In turn he is open with me and has learned to fix a lot of his own problems because he knew I would not be there to fix them for him. One of the better things I did was to not move him home when he got out. He is three hours away which also helps him to problem solve on his own.

We can still love and support from a distance. For me this works best.

Best of luck and welcome!


"Riding the Waves of Life"
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Old 08-02-2011, 07:30 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is offline
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I understand what your saying about being a trigger for your son.
That sounds like my son and me.
I avoided visiting him for a week or to when he first got there. He would call and yell at me about some crap.

Now when I visit, I try to not talk so much. I let him talk. I try VERY VERY hard not to tell him what I think when I know I will be making him mad. I just try to be as calm as I can. (lately he and his *girlfriend* have broken up and he's not sure what the hell is going on..........be Im happy as HELL she broke up with him but I dont say that to him)

Take a few weeks off of visiting. I had visited my son on friday this past week and intended on waiting until the NEXT sunday to come back. But he asked me, Mom, are you coming on sunday (this past sunday) I asked him, well.....do you want me to? He said yes.
So I did
I sort of wanted to take a sunday off from that, but decided I would go up anyways.
Do what you can and dont feel bad if you cant do everything he wants you to.
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