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  #76  
Old 06-06-2018, 05:51 PM
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Everyone has a line. That is mine. And she knows that. I can take a lot of shit. I will put up with a lot of shit comes with being a Marine corps combat vet. But being unfaithful to me. Is my hard line.


Also. I don't fully believe that she did have a date with Dan. While she was out. Maybe she did. But I need to know for sure if she's telling the truth or if she's saying this because she was being insecure again.
With all due respect, I don't know that combat prepares you for this kind of war. Besides, love doesn't feel like this. Don't get me wrong, it's hard work. But it's not full of push-me-pull-me games and having to defend yourself.

Kinda seems like you feel you can't or don't deserve better. Just because you can take a lot of shit doesn't mean you should. Your relationship should be your safe harbor, the one person you can count on to shoot straight with you and have your six. Does this feel like that?
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  #77  
Old 06-06-2018, 05:54 PM
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With all due respect, I don't know that combat prepares you for this kind of war. Besides, love doesn't feel like this. Don't get me wrong, it's hard work. But it's not full of push-me-pull-me games and having to defend yourself.

Kinda seems like you feel you can't or don't deserve better. Just because you can take a lot of shit doesn't mean you should. Your relationship should be your safe harbor, the one person you can count on to shoot straight with you and have your six. Does this feel like that?
It was just that.
She had a small jealous streak when she was out. But it has magnified to this.
She seem to have my back always looked out for me. I know love doesn't feel like this.

Fuck. I'm crying again. I'm such an emotional mess right now
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  #78  
Old 06-06-2018, 06:01 PM
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Fuck. I'm crying again. I'm such an emotional mess right now
Are you able to tell me three things that make you happy that don't involve or revolve around your gf?
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  #79  
Old 06-06-2018, 06:03 PM
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Are you able to tell me three things that make you happy that don't involve or revolve around your gf?
Jiu-jitsu
Painting
Making music

Normally that would be my answer.

But like I said. She is/was my best friend so I shared those things with her too.. so if I do them it just reminds me of her

So right now no
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Old 06-06-2018, 06:05 PM
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Jiu-jitsu
Painting
Making music

Normally that would be my answer.
Still is your answer.
What kind of painting? I took a water color course once on the advice that it would "distract me" from my anxiety. Holy hell were they wrong. I was terrible and overly critical of what I produced. Lol Didn't quite work out.
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Old 06-06-2018, 06:18 PM
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Still is your answer.
What kind of painting? I took a water color course once on the advice that it would "distract me" from my anxiety. Holy hell were they wrong. I was terrible and overly critical of what I produced. Lol Didn't quite work out.
My last painting. Oil is my preferred mediumhttp://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...7391dafa2b.jpg
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  #82  
Old 06-06-2018, 06:19 PM
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That's my jiu-jitsu instructor Grand Master relson gracie
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  #83  
Old 06-06-2018, 06:23 PM
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My last painting. Oil is my preferred mediumhttp://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...7391dafa2b.jpg

Holy cow! That's amazing!! Umm, wanna see my post-modern fruit bowl?
Ha. Just kidding. I was actually terrible. I did get a bug to wield a brush a while back and I used a multi-medium approach to do a piece with two birds for my bathroom. I was actually pretty happy with it. But as for a hobby? Don't think it's my thing.

Are you working on a piece right now?
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  #84  
Old 06-06-2018, 06:26 PM
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Holy cow! That's amazing!! Umm, wanna see my post-modern fruit bowl?
Ha. Just kidding. I was actually terrible. I did get a bug to wield a brush a while back and I used a multi-medium approach to do a piece with two birds for my bathroom. I was actually pretty happy with it. But as for a hobby? Don't think it's my thing.

Are you working on a piece right now?
Ya my gf's portrait that she asked me to do.
Told you our lives are so intertwined
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  #85  
Old 06-06-2018, 06:37 PM
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Do you know how to ground or center yourself via breathing? Breathe in for 7, exhale for 5. Count if your mind is racing.

Do this a few times.focus on the air going in and coming out
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  #86  
Old 06-06-2018, 06:39 PM
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Ya my gf's portrait that she asked me to do.
Told you our lives are so intertwined
But it's a choice. You can set that aside and pick it up again at another time.

It's really important, especially if you choose to remain in this relationship while she does her bid, that you have things that are just yours. Outside interests, friends, activities. All of her behaviour aside, that's just a thing that outmates have to do to manage this life and be healthy. To be honest, it's something I struggle with because I moved away from my hometown and don't really know anyone here. I find the isolation pretty damning. So I'm working on it, too.
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  #87  
Old 06-06-2018, 06:45 PM
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Ronin, I know you said she was diagnosed Bipolar, but from the sound of her, she's Borderline. Which means that she'll rarely improve, and then not for long. Medication and talk therapy both have a part to play in that, but the fundamental personality is unstable.

Of course, she could be both or neither and I'm a horse-trainer, not a therapist.

Either way, this is not a deserved punishment. You are being emotionally abused.

I don't know that it's a battle that you can ever win, so you may be having to decide on whether the good outweighs the bad. And the emotional exhaustion you're feeling is going to be your companion until you either end the relationship or lay down a line that she MAY NOT cross in her treatment of you.

I don't envy you, not at all. But this is what having such relationships is always about - dancing on the tightrope until you decide that you're tired of it.
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Old 06-06-2018, 06:47 PM
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I have been following your thread for a little bit now. My husband just got locked up in January of this year and went to DOC in April. We have gone through the mill....I have always refused to leave him; he tried his damnedest to push me away. I was a wreck for a while...until I had had enough. He was (and still is) my best friend. We did everything together and talked everything through between the two of us. We were a team. That is until his addiction took over again. During one of our phone calls where he was pushing me away I flipped it on him. I told him how I felt about EVERYTHING and then I finished with I love you and I will talk to you tomorrow and hung up. He then had time to process everything I had said. When he called me back, he had a completely different point of view.

See, this isnt his first time locked up. Its his fourth. During his last "vacation", his wife passed away. I met him two years after he was released. He has NEVER had anyone to stick by him....not even his parents. Between the two of us and our daughter (who is studying to be a social worker) we determined the underlaying cause of his addiction (and subsequent legal issues) and the three of us came up with a plan of action when he is released. Then our other daughter told us she was pregnant....he now has motivation to stay clean and be a good grandfather.

I know this road is hard...I cant tell you how many times I have wanted to give up. My range of emotions is all over the place....it is almost like someone passing away. I check this site daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and if you ever need to chat, feel free to message me. I dont know if I can help, but at least you can vent. I do hope it all works out for you guys.
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  #89  
Old 06-06-2018, 06:51 PM
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Is she on medication or supposed to be?

This is either breaking her mentally and making her delusional or she is manipulating the crap out of you.

I'm not sure how long you were together before, but if it was not too long less than 6 months, you may have seen what she believed was her best side. Now you may be getting the real her. All of it.

I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If this breaking you, then this is so unhealthy.

I get in the beginning wantimg to be there and waiting by the phone etc. once I refocused during the day I was happier and he was happier. The weight, the heaviness lifted. It took a few months, but I started to sleep again. Are there insecure moments? Yes, we are both human. It happens.

She sounds manic to be honest. If she truly had mental health issues, then you are going to need strategies and coping mechanism to deal with this. You will need other people. Cause the lows are low.
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Old 06-06-2018, 06:54 PM
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Do you know how to ground or center yourself via breathing? Breathe in for 7, exhale for 5. Count if your mind is racing.

Do this a few times.focus on the air going in and coming out
Yes it's helping... Temporarily just enough to give me a reprieve from the crying.
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  #91  
Old 06-06-2018, 06:56 PM
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But it's a choice. You can set that aside and pick it up again at another time.

It's really important, especially if you choose to remain in this relationship while she does her bid, that you have things that are just yours. Outside interests, friends, activities. All of her behaviour aside, that's just a thing that outmates have to do to manage this life and be healthy. To be honest, it's something I struggle with because I moved away from my hometown and don't really know anyone here. I find the isolation pretty damning. So I'm working on it, too.
I don't even know where to start do I intend to stick it through for the long run? Yes I know how she is when she's out. This is just confusing. Sorry for late replies I'm only typing when my eyes are clear
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Old 06-06-2018, 06:57 PM
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Ronin, I know you said she was diagnosed Bipolar, but from the sound of her, she's Borderline. Which means that she'll rarely improve, and then not for long. Medication and talk therapy both have a part to play in that, but the fundamental personality is unstable.

Of course, she could be both or neither and I'm a horse-trainer, not a therapist.

Either way, this is not a deserved punishment. You are being emotionally abused.

I don't know that it's a battle that you can ever win, so you may be having to decide on whether the good outweighs the bad. And the emotional exhaustion you're feeling is going to be your companion until you either end the relationship or lay down a line that she MAY NOT cross in her treatment of you.

I don't envy you, not at all. But this is what having such relationships is always about - dancing on the tightrope until you decide that you're tired of it.
Maybe this is how she pushed everyone away in her life. Sadly at the end of the day. I still love her. But I'm pretty sure this isn't healthy for me
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Old 06-06-2018, 06:59 PM
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I have been following your thread for a little bit now. My husband just got locked up in January of this year and went to DOC in April. We have gone through the mill....I have always refused to leave him; he tried his damnedest to push me away. I was a wreck for a while...until I had had enough. He was (and still is) my best friend. We did everything together and talked everything through between the two of us. We were a team. That is until his addiction took over again. During one of our phone calls where he was pushing me away I flipped it on him. I told him how I felt about EVERYTHING and then I finished with I love you and I will talk to you tomorrow and hung up. He then had time to process everything I had said. When he called me back, he had a completely different point of view.

See, this isnt his first time locked up. Its his fourth. During his last "vacation", his wife passed away. I met him two years after he was released. He has NEVER had anyone to stick by him....not even his parents. Between the two of us and our daughter (who is studying to be a social worker) we determined the underlaying cause of his addiction (and subsequent legal issues) and the three of us came up with a plan of action when he is released. Then our other daughter told us she was pregnant....he now has motivation to stay clean and be a good grandfather.

I know this road is hard...I cant tell you how many times I have wanted to give up. My range of emotions is all over the place....it is almost like someone passing away. I check this site daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and if you ever need to chat, feel free to message me. I dont know if I can help, but at least you can vent. I do hope it all works out for you guys.
Thank you. I'm just so tired. How do you get past the emotional exhaustion? Physical I can deal with. But can you push through emotional exhaustion like physical?
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Old 06-06-2018, 07:04 PM
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Thank you. I'm just so tired. How do you get past the emotional exhaustion? Physical I can deal with. But can you push through emotional exhaustion like physical?
For me, it was when the sentence was handed down. Once I found out definately what was going to happen, and when it would all be over....then I could rest.
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Old 06-06-2018, 07:05 PM
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Is she on medication or supposed to be?

This is either breaking her mentally and making her delusional or she is manipulating the crap out of you.

I'm not sure how long you were together before, but if it was not too long less than 6 months, you may have seen what she believed was her best side. Now you may be getting the real her. All of it.

I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If this breaking you, then this is so unhealthy.

I get in the beginning wantimg to be there and waiting by the phone etc. once I refocused during the day I was happier and he was happier. The weight, the heaviness lifted. It took a few months, but I started to sleep again. Are there insecure moments? Yes, we are both human. It happens.

She sounds manic to be honest. If she truly had mental health issues, then you are going to need strategies and coping mechanism to deal with this. You will need other people. Cause the lows are low.
We have been together for almost 2 years.

I'm trying to figure out the reason why she said those things after knowing how loyalty is so important to me.

Only 3 reasons pop up

1. She feels guilty. Hence why she constantly accuses me when she is the one in fact who is having someone else.

2.she just wanted to hurt me because she felt like I hurt her in some way... She saw something that wasn't there.

3. She is pushing me away because the way it goes she can be in for a very long time. It's possible that it can be longer than our relationship.

All I need to know is the truth. Then possibly I can make a decision. To stay or to go. If she did cheat on me.. she showed no remorse in the convo. Hoping she can see that I at least deserve to know the truth.
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Old 06-06-2018, 07:06 PM
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For me, it was when the sentence was handed down. Once I found out definately what was going to happen, and when it would all be over....then I could rest.
She hasn't been sentenced yet. We don't know how long she's going to have in there.
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Old 06-06-2018, 07:14 PM
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I have a question for everyone.

Honestly what would you do in my shoes?

Besides all the logic if you feel the way I feel... What would your next move be?
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Old 06-06-2018, 07:23 PM
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We have been together for almost 2 years.

I'm trying to figure out the reason why she said those things after knowing how loyalty is so important to me.

Only 3 reasons pop up

1. She feels guilty. Hence why she constantly accuses me when she is the one in fact who is having someone else.

2.she just wanted to hurt me because she felt like I hurt her in some way... She saw something that wasn't there.

3. She is pushing me away because the way it goes she can be in for a very long time. It's possible that it can be longer than our relationship.

All I need to know is the truth. Then possibly I can make a decision. To stay or to go. If she did cheat on me.. she showed no remorse in the convo. Hoping she can see that I at least deserve to know the truth.
She needs therapy and medication more than likely. If she is bi polar she can be having a manic episode.

You might want to seek therapy you help you through this
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Old 06-06-2018, 07:35 PM
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In ways I was there in the beginning. Emotionally exhausted. When he couldn't call ( he never purposely didn't call), I would say to myself appreciate the silence. There was a lot of drama and shit to sort through.

I made no promises. I got up went to work, cried in the shower, didn't visit for 6 weeks at one point. We talked, but I was pissed. I also asked for a few days to sort through mybthoughts when shit hit the fan because I couldn't figure right from left.

I had to.listen to what I needed. I wrote a lot. I sorted. I processed. I went to therapy for a few weeks to get my head together.

I made my expectations clear. I knew what I needed. He made his clear. He made changes. He continues too make changes. We set boundaries and made it a task effort. I never his my feelings.

This process is frustrating in so many ways. When things get challenging, we remind each we will figure it out. There are not always answers at the moment.

I don't like her emotional manipulation but it sounds like it is not intentional, but she needs to seek out mental health.You can't do that for her. You can guide and support.

Journal, mediate, breathe, hit a punching bag. Do something healthy and productive. Look at the sky and get lost in it. Until you get your emotions under control, you can't do much. You have to love you first.
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Old 06-06-2018, 07:39 PM
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Sadly, I can tell you what I did, not what I would do. I walked away. The little bits that showed before he went in just magnified while inside, and once he was out it was all bets were off - he was worst of all. It wasn't worth the turmoil and suffering. I don't believe that everything will come right if you just love 'em hard enough.

Love doesn't fix things. It doesn't fix addiction or personality disorders or anything else. I wish I were more hopeful, helpful, but well, you asked.
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