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  #1  
Old 06-21-2018, 12:08 PM
silversprings silversprings is offline
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Default MWI Money issues?

Hi everyone!

I really need advice from people who can relate to my situation.

I started writing to my penpal almost 2 years ago and things have been perfect and heís been my boyfriend for over a year.

The only issue we have is money, after a few months of writing he started mentioning money and lack of money for stamps etc and how his family donít support him as they are angry at him for being in prison, so I sent him a few dollars. I really didnít see it as any issue as it was a small amount (to me, I am by no means rich!) but slowly over time things seem to have progressed until the point that after my bills where paid I had less money for myself and my boyfriend got more money than me. I realise I should have NEVER let it get this far and I only have myself to blame for not saying no, I fully accept that.

My issue is after a month or so of trying to bring this subject up in different ways, none of those went down well, and ended in arguments, hanging up phones (his end) and general stress I finally wrote a polite letter a few days ago addressing that money seems to be a priority in our relationship and Iíd like to take money out of the relationship for a while at least.

I sent this letter two days ago and I got a letter in the meantime (replying to another old letter where I tried to bring up that I cannot finance him like this) he said I need to get another job with more money and I lost it, I shouldnít have bottled my emotions up but I wrote a letter telling him I was furious with him and how selfish and ungrateful he is and never to mention money to me again.

Iíve sent that letter also (today) and now Iím so upset, I am genuinely terrified that he may have been using me (I would be to blame for this) but at the same time I feel awful for even thinking that this could be the case and doubting him.

How do I handle this? Has anyone ever been a situation? Im in tears thinking about what might happen now!

I know Iíve been foolish, so please be kind ❣️
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:11 PM
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I'm so sorry he's decided to take advantage of your kindness. You've tried to express to him that this isn't working for you and he's clinging to his self-interest. It's time to close the door. He clearly isn't interested in your feelings or circumstances, you owe him nothing. Allow yourself to mourn what you had hoped for, no need to beat yourself up. Move on and move up. You're worth more than this.
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:42 PM
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You are right

I just don’t know how to handle things from here.. should I just write a letter ending it, wait to read his response to my letters?

Or just never speak to again? I would feel bad doing that I think
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:49 PM
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Originally Posted by silversprings View Post
You are right

I just donít know how to handle things from here.. should I just write a letter ending it, wait to read his response to my letters?

Or just never speak to again? I would feel bad doing that I think
Some people argue that an attempt at closure is pointless, you'll never get it from them. And to some extent, I agree. But final letters or goodbyes aren't for them and can be done without the expectation of closure.

I'm like you, I think I would have to write a finally letter. I would explain, without emotion, why I was ending the relationship and ask that they respect my privacy by not contacting me further. Any mail that arrives, tear up and throw away. Do not answer calls. In time it will get easier.
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silversprings View Post
You are right

I just donít know how to handle things from here.. should I just write a letter ending it, wait to read his response to my letters?

Or just never speak to again? I would feel bad doing that I think
I would just write a last letter and send it. Say everything you want to say because you wonít get another chance. Now this is important....shut off the phone and return or trash any letters he sends you. Donít give him the chance to tug at your heartstrings and manipulate any more money from you.

ANYONE telling someone, especially a MWI, to get another job to support him is simply using you. Donít feel stupid for falling for it. They are masters at this. Once you are away from him for a couple weeks Iím positive the only thing youíll feel is relief.
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Old 06-21-2018, 01:09 PM
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I am so sorry you have been used like this. I am glad you have realized what he is doing. The fact he is getting more money than you is a nonsense. He is getting meals and roof over his head the only person who should benefit from your hard earned cash is you.
As for you need to get a better job, he needs to learn some respect and gratitude.
I promise you getting rid of this leech will be a blessing.
Good luck and I hope you find someone decent who will be interested in you and not how much you earn.
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Old 06-21-2018, 02:08 PM
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I once had a man tell me I should be doing more for us and he didn’t even have a job. It’s a manipulative statement and he probably hoped you would fall for it. THis guy sounds very selfish and is taking advantage like the other ladies have said.
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Old 06-21-2018, 02:49 PM
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Do whatever you feel is right. After you have ended it in the way you decide, don't expect him to disappear. He will probably call and/or write in an attempt to get you to feel sorry for "poor him" and try to get you to start sending him money again.

My advice, once you have ended it, really end it. Refuse to answer his calls, and throw his letters away without opening them. Unfortunately there are manipulative people out there, and it isn't easy to figure out when someone is using your kindness against you.
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Old 06-21-2018, 02:58 PM
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I'm sorry you are going through this but you need to walk away from him. You need to look after yourself first
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  #10  
Old 06-21-2018, 03:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silversprings View Post
Hi everyone!

I really need advice from people who can relate to my situation.

I started writing to my penpal almost 2 years ago and things have been perfect and heís been my boyfriend for over a year.

The only issue we have is money, after a few months of writing he started mentioning money and lack of money for stamps etc and how his family donít support him as they are angry at him for being in prison, so I sent him a few dollars. I really didnít see it as any issue as it was a small amount (to me, I am by no means rich!) but slowly over time things seem to have progressed until the point that after my bills where paid I had less money for myself and my boyfriend got more money than me. I realise I should have NEVER let it get this far and I only have myself to blame for not saying no, I fully accept that.

My issue is after a month or so of trying to bring this subject up in different ways, none of those went down well, and ended in arguments, hanging up phones (his end) and general stress I finally wrote a polite letter a few days ago addressing that money seems to be a priority in our relationship and Iíd like to take money out of the relationship for a while at least.

I sent this letter two days ago and I got a letter in the meantime (replying to another old letter where I tried to bring up that I cannot finance him like this) he said I need to get another job with more money and I lost it, I shouldnít have bottled my emotions up but I wrote a letter telling him I was furious with him and how selfish and ungrateful he is and never to mention money to me again.

Iíve sent that letter also (today) and now Iím so upset, I am genuinely terrified that he may have been using me (I would be to blame for this) but at the same time I feel awful for even thinking that this could be the case and doubting him.

How do I handle this? Has anyone ever been a situation? Im in tears thinking about what might happen now!

I know Iíve been foolish, so please be kind ❣️
I don't think that you should beat yourself up about it, but I think you should write him one last letter and let him know how you feel and then end it. He is only interested in your money and not you. Because any real man, rather he is locked up or not wouldn't want you to get an additional job to support them. He got himself locked up so he needs to figure out a way to survive.

I honestly don't think that MWI should send money honestly, because you never know their real intentions. For the men that took care of their family on the outside before getting locked up is different. If you met them while in keep your money to yourself.
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  #11  
Old 06-21-2018, 10:50 PM
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Yeah he used you alright.... get out and get out fast...How to deal with it? Send one last letter that you have enough of him and you are breaking up. He can find another sugar mama... Then block any contact from him and I mean completely.
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Old 06-22-2018, 04:44 AM
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I am so sorry you had to go through this In general I think I'd be inclined to write one last letter at the end of a relationship... but in this case after he told you you should get another job...grrr...that would piss me off SO royally that I would just cut him off and block him in every possible way! In my eyes he does not deserve anything from you anymore as he has blatantly used you for this whole time. Of course though you will have to do as you see best.

Wishing you all the best for the future & very sorry about what happened.
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Old 06-22-2018, 04:51 AM
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I am so sorry you had to go through this In general I think I'd be inclined to write one last letter at the end of a relationship... but in this case after he told you you should get another job...grrr...that would piss me off SO royally that I would just cut him off and block him in every possible way! In my eyes he does not deserve anything from you anymore as he has blatantly used you for this whole time. Of course though you will have to do as you see best.

Wishing you all the best for the future & very sorry about what happened.
Oooohhh... I overlooked that sentence... heck no... cut him off and move on. That idiot!
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Old 06-22-2018, 06:31 AM
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Move on he isn't worth your attention. He sounds like a guy I did meet years ago. Write him a Dear John letter an move on.
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Old 06-23-2018, 02:49 AM
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Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful responses. I needed the honesty and I’m so glad I have somewhere like this to speak to people about this!

I got another letter asking for 200 dollars ��! I’m totally done with him. I think it’s a good thing he’s in the SHU and have no phone calls right now. He can’t sweet talk me and suck me back in that way.

I don’t even feel like writing him a letter right now, he doesn’t deserve my time or my emotions anymore. He doesn’t care about me so what’s the point? However if he does keep writing me trying to get more money out me then I will write a ‘goodbye’ letter.

I know I’ll miss him but I know I deserve someone who wants to be with me for the person I am!

Thank you all so much ❣️
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Old 06-25-2018, 11:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silversprings View Post
Hi everyone!

I really need advice from people who can relate to my situation.

I started writing to my penpal almost 2 years ago and things have been perfect and he’s been my boyfriend for over a year.
I was furious with him and how selfish and ungrateful he is and never to mention money to me again.

I’ve sent that letter also (today) and now I’m so upset, I am genuinely terrified that he may have been using me
(I would be to blame for this) but at the same time I feel awful for even thinking that this could be the case and doubting him.



Im in tears thinking about what might happen now!


I know I’ve been foolish,
so please be kind ❣️

oh dear chica, sweet silver...

Hola chica, and NO! Keep it movin', and i know it'll hurt at first, however ALL mi post here for years are clear.
I never will remain long in
"LTS..." Long-Term Relationship suffering..."meaning, you're to be sad,
CRY it all out(if you're needing to)about what "could've been" if he wasn't such an azz,
and then move on smiling and GOD will bless you that much sooner."

He is not worth it. and also a few more things in this very long post i feel i need to write to you today:
-
#1.)
The 1 and only fool here, your guy. (If he is still your man)He is the fool.
NEVER YOU/NOT YOU.God shall not bless the ugly(those who are selfish,wicked nefarious doers outside or in prison.)
-
#2.)
He is not worth it and if he es chica using you as a personal A.T.M.
one word and that is to simply LEAVE. Don't look back, life is short.Do not let him cause you inwardly to feel terror/fear/awful/foolish et.al.,
You're better than that!
-
Please don't let him get you this way.
-
As for dinero(cash)$$$ for an inmate you're involved with et.al.,
I do not think that (a guy you're getting to know) or in a relationship with by handing him at times, $ few bucks here and there is a user..."IMO(in my own opinion)
-
Said this prior here at PTO over the years... Ido not believe a man is using you like that if it is a lil at a time,as needed/and or when he need it. But each and every week, day, few x a week, oh hell no."That' is a guy with a serious drug issue (my opine on that)inside, OR he is in debt, in prison(yep)it sure does happen chica, and/ or other illegalities might be going on inside, for which he owe cash et.al., and or playing/gambling et.al., your guy however sound like a jerk, immature, selfish, hence i would be gone if that happened to me. Completely disrespectful he is to say what he said to you and he shall NOT be blessed for it. I pray for you,and again you are not a fool. I welcome you to PM me anytime. But do not think of yourself as a fool here. It's his loss chica, NOT yours You will be ok.He will not." Remember that.

Hugs and Blessings...Adios...
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Last edited by a.rare.love; 06-25-2018 at 11:36 AM..
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Old 06-25-2018, 11:30 AM
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I'd have to write that last letter!!! But I'm a real bitch when it comes to this stuff so I would never get sucked in to sending money to basically a stranger!!! Pen-paling is all well and good for some but in most situations these guys are just looking for money, and will say whatever it takes to get it. I still have a few friends in the system that I keep up with but never will I send a dime. But I have had a long history with being a prison wife and after a while it gets old hearing how guys scam all these women. I knew someone who was totally straight got gay pen-pals who sent him tons of money. When they sit around and have nothing to do some learn a new trade called conning people!!!
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Old 06-25-2018, 02:21 PM
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I’m all for just ghosting a dude who pulls this. I’d never give that jackhole the satisfaction of knowing he hurt my feelings. He’d just simply never hear from me again.
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