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  #26  
Old 09-27-2019, 09:34 AM
Kimimi Kimimi is offline
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You know......it dawned on me earlier that some of you who are women have gotten to a point with some issues similar to what this thread is about that reveal a very sad truth about some of you......YOU'VE GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT YOU HAVE NORMALIZED YOUR OWN PAIN AND SUFFERING in circumstances much like the OP is expressing and because of that you can't empathize or be of help to someone that suffers from the same malady. And......I understand the why of it, too. Still, I admire you because I know that much of my problem to do with PROBLEMS in general centers around acceptance. Some of you accept the situation with your loved ones or soul mates simply because you love them for better or worse. If not that, you cling to the prospect or the hope for hope itself.

Still, I don't appreciate the callousness that some of you have shown in this thread to the woman that started it. She is in pain and some of you have have basically excused or made excuses for the manic masturbator in her life.

You would do well to watch the documentary that came out awhile back called "The Hunting Ground" to do with sexual assaults all across college campuses in America. Some of you are blind.
You came off right away as blaming the boyfriend as being some kind of selfish pervert. You also tend to berate mwi relationships in your postings. I posted I was in a somewhat similar situation except the chronic masturbation. We worked through what was decades of a man being institutionalized. There are therapist that work with this very issue. Itís a real issue not a selfish son of a bitch with a naive woman being used. You have good advice most of the time but this time your off.
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  #27  
Old 09-27-2019, 09:43 AM
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You came off right away as blaming the boyfriend as being some kind of selfish pervert. You also tend to berate mwi relationships in your postings. I posted I was in a somewhat similar situation except the chronic masturbation. We worked through what was decades of a man being institutionalized. There are therapist that work with this very issue. Itís a real issue not a selfish son of a bitch with a naive woman being used. You have good advice most of the time but this time your off.
Ouch!!!
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  #28  
Old 09-27-2019, 09:56 AM
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Well, don't you think people in these situations, who have waited a long time for their LOs to get out get a bit more patience? We're also hearing one side of the story, and the "manic masturbator" has his own. I mean, it's pretty simple right? They talk and they fix it, or she isn't happy with no hope, and she ends it. Just get the feels here, we're pretty quick to dismiss people and relationships, just because we can't talk about problems. Sure, this dude could be one lost soul you can't fix, but it's also possible, that understanding and communication can turn it around too. That doesn't just apply to this situation, it applies to all of us. People expect, demand, and try to control people that come out of prison (with a lot of pressure added to be "normal" immediately) who have been treated that way for years, then get surprised when they pull away, leave, or melt down.
I understand where you're coming from, but.....I have blind spot that I'm proud of and am not afraid to admit where women in particular that come to PTO are concerned...I AM LOYAL TO THEM AND IF THEY SAY THE BIG BAD WOLF IS WAITING OUTSIDE THE DOOR THEN, I'M PRONE TO WANT TO COME TO THE RESCUE IN DEFENSE OF THOSE LIVING ANGELS THAT WALK THE EARTH. Maybe I'm a fool in the eyes of some for the way I look at things, but always a remember, I'm not just a fool....I'M A RED HEADED FOOL.
I don't dig men in prison or out of prison that take advantage of women in such a way that is much like a wolf in sheep's clothing. The OP said that she is upset, hurt and confused by what her loved one is doing 2 years out of prison and I say that if you've been out of prison that long and you carry on in that manner you are disrespectful and less the man you should be. If he's had hard life and seemingly needs mercy then LET'S ALL GET IN THE CAR GO TO WALMART AND BUY HIM A BIGGER SET OF DIAPERS TO WEAR AND ON THE WAY HOME WE'LL STOP BY BURGER KING SO HE CAN HAVE ALL HIS WAY.
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  #29  
Old 09-27-2019, 11:15 AM
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I understand where you're coming from, but.....I have blind spot that I'm proud of and am not afraid to admit where women in particular that come to PTO are concerned...I AM LOYAL TO THEM AND IF THEY SAY THE BIG BAD WOLF IS WAITING OUTSIDE THE DOOR THEN, I'M PRONE TO WANT TO COME TO THE RESCUE IN DEFENSE OF THOSE LIVING ANGELS THAT WALK THE EARTH. Maybe I'm a fool in the eyes of some for the way I look at things, but always a remember, I'm not just a fool....I'M A RED HEADED FOOL.
I don't dig men in prison or out of prison that take advantage of women in such a way that is much like a wolf in sheep's clothing. The OP said that she is upset, hurt and confused by what her loved one is doing 2 years out of prison and I say that if you've been out of prison that long and you carry on in that manner you are disrespectful and less the man you should be. If he's had hard life and seemingly needs mercy then LET'S ALL GET IN THE CAR GO TO WALMART AND BUY HIM A BIGGER SET OF DIAPERS TO WEAR AND ON THE WAY HOME WE'LL STOP BY BURGER KING SO HE CAN HAVE ALL HIS WAY.
Wow. If I ever had that tone or attitude with my own wife, I'd make her feel like complete garbage. You are absolutely correct. There is definitely men and women that use people for money, or for something to do. The blame falls a bit on both sides allowing this abusive behavior in the name of what they think is love and then ignoring it. Being a veteran now of this life, there's also outmates, that don't fully understand the ramifications of adjusting to freedom and putting too much pressure to be a perfectly normal productive member of society, when they never have been before. Especially those whose been in 10 years or more. You have to have 10x more patience then a normal relationship. They need support, help, a hug, whatever you want to give. Writing people off because they aren't as normal as you were when you were released, just isn't fair. What do we expect them to be?? A second coming of the lord? Half the battle is getting our LOs (who cares if its MWI or MBI) to want to be someone better, and the other half is having the patience when they are home. We need to stop thinking that just because they are home, means all of a sudden they have the skills and ability to function like a proper husband or wife. There HAS to be a reason MWI fail so much within a year. It's not because every single one of them, is just a piece of shit. Again, we know one side of the story, and there's countless examples on these very forums that prove what is written isn't always a guaranteed truth. I'm not saying this guy isn't broken. I'm saying we put too much of an expectation for people to be "normal" so quick.

Last edited by Visitor611; 09-27-2019 at 11:17 AM..
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  #30  
Old 09-27-2019, 01:43 PM
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Wow. If I ever had that tone or attitude with my own wife, I'd make her feel like complete garbage. You are absolutely correct. There is definitely men and women that use people for money, or for something to do. The blame falls a bit on both sides allowing this abusive behavior in the name of what they think is love and then ignoring it. Being a veteran now of this life, there's also outmates, that don't fully understand the ramifications of adjusting to freedom and putting too much pressure to be a perfectly normal productive member of society, when they never have been before. Especially those whose been in 10 years or more. You have to have 10x more patience then a normal relationship. They need support, help, a hug, whatever you want to give. Writing people off because they aren't as normal as you were when you were released, just isn't fair. What do we expect them to be?? A second coming of the lord? Half the battle is getting our LOs (who cares if its MWI or MBI) to want to be someone better, and the other half is having the patience when they are home. We need to stop thinking that just because they are home, means all of a sudden they have the skills and ability to function like a proper husband or wife. There HAS to be a reason MWI fail so much within a year. It's not because every single one of them, is just a piece of shit. Again, we know one side of the story, and there's countless examples on these very forums that prove what is written isn't always a guaranteed truth. I'm not saying this guy isn't broken. I'm saying we put too much of an expectation for people to be "normal" so quick.
If the OP were my sister, daughter, grand daughter, niece or someone that I cared about, simply put, I wouldn't want anyone who masturbates several times a day with a porn hang up to be a threat or burden to them. The fact that he's been to prison seems to be the insurance or the excuse that everyone wants to turn to in his defense and that's a cop out. He's a man. He did time in a men's prison and now all at once because he out for 2 YEARS he's given a free pass for bad behavior that you know and I know would cause anyone who cares to be concerned. He didn't just get out, he's been out. He's not masturbating occasionally, he's doing it several times a day. Hell, you don't have anything to masturbate with several times a day. No one does. That's a mental obsession fueled by an addiction to porn. If that's his thing then, fine, but don't be indifferent to needs and the deserved respect of someone whom you call your soulmate. If he wants to be a slime ball then, go be one alone or with someone who approves of that kind of behavior. The bottom line is he didn't come to PTO for support and comfort concerning this, she did.
He's been out too long to act like that. If it was wrong to do something like in prison in front of other men who can defend themselves or hold him accountable for his bad behavior, how much more appropriate is it to do that with a woman who's at a disadvantage in the physical sense? HE'S DISRESPECTFUL and then, to say something like "I don't like to get close to you because you become too wet". Well....O.K. take your sorry ass someplace else and ruin somebody else's life, but leave this woman alone or change your ways. He's a man.....act like a man.
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  #31  
Old 09-27-2019, 01:50 PM
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Marseille Marseille is offline
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It might not even have anything to do with prison. Maybe he’s just genuinely clueless when it comes to sex and how to be a partner. Maybe circumcision and his choice of clothing and masturbation techniques have left him with reduced sensation and he genuinely doesn’t enjoy intercourse. There’s no excuse for him leaving you unsatisfied, but this i is just stuff you’ve got to talk about.
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  #32  
Old 09-29-2019, 11:44 PM
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I think the masturbating several times a day is a clue that this isn't simply about adjusting to being out of prison. As Firebrand points out, that's extreme and imbalanced. Who's got time to masturbate several times a day anyway??

A telling observation is that a few weeks' or a few days' (depending on your innate sex drive) worth of abstinence can go a long way towards becoming more easily aroused/ easier to get one off. Jacking off every day, several times a day, will do the opposite.

From the OP's post, I can't tell what his attitude towards her frustration and disappointment is, but it would determine a great deal for me. If he's callous and just doesn't care, or blames her for the failures of their sex life, then chances are good Firebrand is on to him being a sociopath. If he's tortured and ashamed, then that lends an entirely different flavor to the situation.

Edit -- To add: the fact that the OP has gone so far as to take meds to physically dry herself up says a lot -- again, not in his favor. That's a very sad detail. It means she's taking on the burden of blame, and that there isn't healthy communication between them. No one should be made to feel inadequate because of a healthy physiological response.

Last edited by Taliba00; 09-29-2019 at 11:57 PM..
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  #33  
Old 09-30-2019, 12:46 AM
AnieLove56 AnieLove56 is offline
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I think the masturbating several times a day is a clue that this isn't simply about adjusting to being out of prison. As Firebrand points out, that's extreme and imbalanced. Who's got time to masturbate several times a day anyway??

Without sounding like too much TMI....but uh hi, hello. My man's still inside and I gotta take care of myself somehow and when the mood strikes, it strikes.

But yes,agreed. It's a little excessive if it's more than twice daily.
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  #34  
Old 10-20-2019, 06:15 AM
Desertdweller11 Desertdweller11 is offline
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I wish some of the men would respond to this. I really would like real help with this issue or I would have never put a post anywhere like this. Are there men on here? Men that have had to take care of themselves for years? I understand that men do that heck I do but I don't prefer it. Honestly, I can't live like this. I can't be myself and now I feel undesirable.
First of all put on your big girl panties and stop expecting a man to provide your self esteem!!! Second, its not all about you. Your ego is making it about you and creating a bigger problem. Hows that working out for you? Dude just got out of prison...try being a little more self sufficient and understanding.
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Old 10-20-2019, 08:27 AM
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First of all put on your big girl panties and stop expecting a man to provide your self esteem!!! Second, its not all about you. Your ego is making it about you and creating a bigger problem. Hows that working out for you? Dude just got out of prison...try being a little more self sufficient and understanding.
He's been out for 2 years. It's not his job to provide her self esteem but they are in a relationship. Should she be unhappy and unfulfilled? If he's having issues he should care about her enough to see someone about them.

I would be pissed if I was in a relationship and not being intimate while he was masterbating multiple times a day. If he was getting help or trying I would understand but ignoring it would be a deal breaker.
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