Psychopathy Checklist

[usednabused]

Last night during my personality disorders class we were going over some mood and personality disorders. I think I figured out what exactly is wrong with my ex

He seems to have almost all of the traits in the Hare PCL-R

http://www.minddisorders.com/Flu-Inv...Checklist.html

The twenty traits assessed by the PCL-R score are:

• glib and superficial charm
• grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
• need for stimulation
• pathological lying
• cunning and manipulativeness
• lack of remorse or guilt
• shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)
• callousness and lack of empathy
• parasitic lifestyle
• poor behavioral controls
• sexual promiscuity
• early behavior problems
• lack of realistic long-term goals
• impulsivity
• irresponsibility
• failure to accept responsibility for own actions
• many short-term marital relationships
• juvenile delinquency
• revocation of conditional release
• criminal versatility

Does anyone body else can find some of this traits in their abuser??

[yourself]

yes. I've known for a long time that my brother is a psychopath. It flummoxes me that he's still able to lure others into his schemes.

There's some overlap between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopathy, and it is worth noting that Psychopathy isn't a recognized diagnosis in the current version of the DSM IVTR (Antisocial personality disorder is the replacement for it, and the focus of APD v. psychopathy is interesting).

I believe the biggest risk of abuse comes from that cluster of personality disorders - NPD, APD, and borderline.

Hare has an "aftermath" group online with lots of info on psychopathy. Look up "aftermath + surviving + psychopathy" and you'll run into a wealth of information, but it's from the Hare/psychopathy perspective, not the APD perspective.

[usednabused]

I will look that up, thank you for the info. I will need to write a research paper later on and I was thinking on writing it about personality disorders and their relation to domestic violence.

[nimuay]

I agree completely with 'yourself'. I've found most of the traits in abusers, but never with a clear and simple diagnosis. Sometimes they even look a little bi-polar, always narcissistic.

[frostwoman1954]

Sweetheart,

It is wonderful to see you grow by leaps and bounds! I'm very proud of you, girl.

Michele

[usednabused]

Eventhough psychopaty is not in the DSM IVTR it is the perfect match for my EX hahaha

Like nimuay says, always narcissistic. Many of them seem to be in the Borderline and even histrionic

[countryzgirl]

I have related question for y'all regarding the issue of empathy (lack thereof). I know pyschopths/sociopaths/antisocials have little or no empathy for others. Does that then mean they cannot experience shame from their perception of others' opinions?
IOW, could/would an sociopath/antisocial blush (literally) from embarassment?

I've always wondred about that. Thanks.

[yourself]

Originally Posted by countryzgirl

I have related question for y'all regarding the issue of empathy (lack thereof). I know pyschopths/sociopaths/antisocials have little or no empathy for others. Does that then mean they cannot experience shame from their perception of others' opinions?
IOW, could/would an sociopath/antisocial blush (literally) from embarassment?

I've always wondred about that. Thanks.

Good question. I know they're able to lie on polygraph tests without the polygraph detecting it. I also know they're excellent mimics, and can replicate stuff they see in person and on tv to demonstrate reactions that are appropriate - that goes towards their cover. Can it extend to blushing? I don't honestly know.

I do know there are varying degrees of antisocial PD, so while some may have blunted affect and little to no empathy, some do have the capacity for empathy.

Further, if they are able to experience shame or embarrassment, it would be limited to being embarrassed that they were caught - a personal embarrassment, not embarrassed by others or for others. APDs only see themselves, and the entire world is a tool for self gratification. Frustration - sure they feel that. Embarrassment? I'm not sure.

NPDs go into crisis over a sense of shame and embarrassment - exposure of the true self and not the pretend person they try to get others to see - can really send them around the bend.

[nimuay]

I've seen blushing in NPDs, but wouldn't be able to tell you whether that was shame or embarrassment or controlled anger. Not seen it in ASPDs. Don't really have an answer about whether or not it's possible. It seems rather doubtful, but maybe some have learned to control that kind of thing and can blush at will. I know a woman who can do that (not ASPD).

[usednabused]

Originally Posted by countryzgirl

I have related question for y'all regarding the issue of empathy (lack thereof). I know pyschopths/sociopaths/antisocials have little or no empathy for others. Does that then mean they cannot experience shame from their perception of others' opinions?
IOW, could/would an sociopath/antisocial blush (literally) from embarassment?

I've always wondred about that. Thanks.

I been thinking about this and I don't remember ever seeing my EX blushing even when people or I would find him doing something that for others would be embarrasing.

I know he would turn red when he was angry or drunk...

[jbrogan]

My ex was paranoid an would say and see things that never happened.i think he has mental issues. On top of that he was a meth user. I never did drugs so i didnt see the signs of a drug user. He says the drugs made him crazy thats why he physically and emotionaly abused me

[yourself]

Originally Posted by jbrogan

My ex was paranoid an would say and see things that never happened.i think he has mental issues. On top of that he was a meth user. I never did drugs so i didnt see the signs of a drug user. He says the drugs made him crazy thats why he physically and emotionaly abused me

"I'm sorry, but...." it's all an excuse, it's all a failure to take responsibility. Anybody who says something else made him/her do it is full of 5h!t. Drugs didn't make him/her raise a hand, you didn't make your partner lash out at you. You didn't bruise his/her knuckles with your face.

The moment somebody starts equivocating, they aren't accepting responsibility for their actions.

[jbrogan]

I figured that..i saw red flags early in are relationship..i blew them off thinking eventually he will trust me.that was a bad move on my part.he is in prison.my only problem is the last attack he did on me was when i was sleeping.its hard not knowing how many time he struck.where did he strike first. an how long the attack was.why did i wet my pj's during the attack

[LoveYourself1st]

The book “The Psychopath Test" by Jon Ronson is excellent. This American Life also did a free podcast about the topic that is excellent.

[yourself]

Originally Posted by jbrogan

I figured that..i saw red flags early in are relationship..i blew them off thinking eventually he will trust me.that was a bad move on my part.he is in prison.my only problem is the last attack he did on me was when i was sleeping.its hard not knowing how many time he struck.where did he strike first. an how long the attack was.why did i wet my pj's during the attack

you must have been smacked in the head pretty hard to wet your pjs. Either he caused you to have seizures, or he knocked you so unconscious that you lost control of your bladder. I do hope you're getting good medical advice, including talking with a concussion specialist or neurologist.

The rest really is details, and the details aren't going to change the facts; he beat you up while you slept, and beat you severely. Best bet now is to get help for the damage he did to you physically as well as emotionally. It takes time to recover from all of that and to not beat yourself up for getting with him or staying with him.

Listen, everybody gets into at least one relationship in their life thinking they can change their partner. It never works. The lucky ones find this out because their partner is absent minded or forgets birthdays and anniversaries, or spends too much money on his car. Those of us who are unlucky find out that we can't get them to be good people. It's not our fault, and any attempt s/he makes to foist the blame on us is just as wrong as all the other emotional abuse s/he burdens us with.

Our job is to stop the madness. The only way to do that is to break contact 100%, and then heal all the damage s/he caused. That means repairing the damage to our possessions. It means getting medical help and allowing bruises and broken bones and cuts to heal as best they can. It means getting counseling so you can work through your fears and your guilt and deal with the warning signs so that there won't be a next time. It means talking to the DV people, getting into groups and realizing you are not alone. It means sharing your story and becoming empowered. It means moving from being a victim to being a survivor.

It's a tough road, for sure, but you are well worth it.

[InsomniaCT]

I think we are dealing with people who are so well defended that they do not accept personal responsibility, therefore, there is no embarrassment for their actions. They will, however, claim embarrassment for your behaviors. I do not think that there is shame; ego defenses such as projection, denial, avoidance all get together to work to protect their fragile psyche.

I cannot recall ever meeting an abuser (male or female) that did not at least witness DV as a child, and more often, also endure abuse as a child. Given this, their development was forever impacted. I am interested in the group that suffered severe childhood trauma--through repeated instances of DV with abusive undertones--and are able to function without violence/aggression in their primary adult relationship. When they witnessed the violence becomes important, as this trauma caused harm to the developmental stage they were navigating, and tends to be where they are "stuck" emotionally. Since kids have a different set of things that embarrass them than adults, it is likely that this "shame" response was also a by-product of the DV. If the trauma occurred at 4, it is much different than 13, and what is embarrassing for a 4 year old much different than the adolescent. It is also important when you consider forming attachments. If a child, from birth, discovers the world to be cold and un-nurturing they will grow up untrusting. Their ability to attach and form relationships will be marred. (very important to also say that while most abusers came from abusive homes--not all who come from abusive homes are abusers!)

I am not usually a huge fan of diagnosis, as it has few practical applications in the "real" world. It can provide a short-hand; assists in setting treatment expectations, protocols and insurance issues, and some other things, but there is such variability within a diagnosis it can turn into something that takes away from the help, rather than assisting. For example, I find it more helpful to describe symptoms or behaviors...Mr. K is constantly alert/vigilant to his surroundings, he has an exaggerated startle response, experiences night terrors, describes feeling tremendous guilt and refuses to see old friends or return to his aunt's home...as opposed to saying Mr. K has PTSD. We treat symptoms rather than diagnoses... Don't get me wrong, having an accurate diagnosis is immensely helpful to the clinician--it provides that "shorthand" I said earlier, so that the clinician knows the area in which the person is struggling. Does it benefit Mr. K to know his diagnosis, or is it of more value for him to know that he isn't alone, what he is facing is something that has successful treatment, that he's not crazy and we can develop a plan to address the areas he is struggling. Even in this discussion, the diagnoses are not really that helpful--but the characteristics are essential.

I would look at people entering my life to see how they treat others, do they have a cultivated sense of empathy, or is survival of the fittest? Do they have friends? Are they lifelong friends or people he say "hi" to when he goes outside? Is he truthful? Not only to you, but to everyone? These characteristics were part of the checklist raised by the OP...take the checklist and develop your own screening around them; know that when things don't add up or the back of your hair stands up it is time to run. It is always good when we can take those old, crappy experiences and use them to educate ourselves (and others). It is empowering to know that you can choose the people in your life and set the standards that you will and will not accept.

Good for you for making this guy an "ex", no matter what or how many diagnoses he holds--you deserve so much better!

[jbrogan]

My ex has never been diagnoised as a sociopath but as I read about it he has all the traits.hes very violent..im worried aftet his release he will kill me.on many occasions he said if I ever left him he would.any suggestions on how to prepare myself.