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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

View Poll Results: Did your Man you met while in Prison,Move in with you or no?
oh he/she is going to be living with me yes,immediate.i can't wait!i love him/her. 131 51.37%
I love him/her but i do not know about all this moving in so fast lol 29 11.37%
well,when i get a ring from her/him,then we are moving in definitely! 11 4.31%
hell no. i can't see myself living with a man whose straight out of prison.maybe later not sure. 12 4.71%
Yes,Life So Short,SO we did not want to miss 1 day.Planning to marry,engage etc.so it is all good! 64 25.10%
He or she has yet to ask about this,so i am not sure. 17 6.67%
Other....comment below. 27 10.59%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 255. You may not vote on this poll

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  #51  
Old 07-20-2012, 10:53 AM
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We've been together for almost 5 years and he has held that there is no way he'd want to "live off of his woman" so he's incessant about staying with his sister until her gets on his feet. **shrug** It is what it is!
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  #52  
Old 07-20-2012, 11:07 AM
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In our little fantasy world we would love for him to come home to me and live happily ever after......but unfortunately we are adults and I live in the real world.

If he ever makes parole he is going to live with family who have a little place he can have. If he makes it out the next time he goes up for parole he will have been inside for over 36 years, he will need the time to find his place out here without the pressure of trying to learn how to live with a woman. I want a self-assured confident man, which he is in most aspects, however.......getting out after doing a long stint would be daunting for anyone. I have every intention of helping him find his way, but I am well aware that he is a man and wants to figure some things out on his own.

We want our future to be successful and trying to recover from all those years inside is going to be a huge endeavor. I intend to give him all the space he needs, removing the fences will change the parameters of the relationship for both of us, there is no way it couldn't. I simply feel that rushing into living together no matter how bad we both want it would be a mistake.
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  #53  
Old 10-03-2012, 08:22 AM
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No we won't be but he is going to move in the area. I have a daughter and I don't want to throw her in a situation like that. Her dad moved someone in quickly and it was difficult for her to adjust. I think him getting his own place will be a good thing for us both! He has already started saving for an apartment and when he gets to the hwh we will go from there. I know a couple people who hire day labors so if they are still in business then he will have work as soon as they let him at the hwh. For me in my situation I don't want to throw us into moving in to quicly but I would probably feel differently if we both didn't have kids involved.
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  #54  
Old 10-03-2012, 07:26 PM
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He is going to parole out to his mom's house and we are going to "date" on the outside. I am sure we will spend some weekends together. We both decided we wanted to get to know each other on the outside before living together or getting married.
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  #55  
Old 10-04-2012, 06:19 PM
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No he won't be living with me, he'll be living with his mom until he can get on his feet and then we'll take things from there.
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  #56  
Old 12-07-2012, 06:11 PM
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Since we're practically from worlds apart (over 4,500 miles between us) it's almost certain that after he gets out, we're first gonna have a long distance relationship BUT we have been talking of things like living together etc. If everything goes as we hope, we're gonna be living together as soon as possible. The only problems are the visa's & stuff! I'm a pretty prudent person, which means that I really wanna get to know him outside of prison too, before making any final decisions. Of course long distance relationship is going to be hard, but I'm sure that if this really is meant to be, we're strong enough to handle that! And after fighting this hard... Well, the reward is awesome!
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  #57  
Old 12-16-2012, 11:50 PM
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at first we weren't sure what we were going to do about living arrangements when he comes home but we've decided he will be living here. after waiting this long i can't imagine not having him here with me.
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  #58  
Old 12-17-2012, 10:41 AM
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I live in Oregon, and J is in Texas; so even though he made parole back in July and came home four months ago, we haven't lived together since he came home. And in all honesty, even though in our case we didn't even really have the option to begin with, I think it's for the best (even though the long distance piece is hard because we want to be together all the time and physically it's impossible when we're separated by a few thousand miles at least eighty percent of each month).

Despite the fact that J likes to fantasize about us having our own place "right now", deep down I know in my heart of hearts that he wouldn't be ready for that quite yet. Certainly he wouldn't have been ready for that when he first got home. He's needed time to adjust to being back in the real world; so the benefit of my not living with him right now is I get to be that 'breath of fresh air' when I come to visit, but I leave before I can stifle him. We've talked about renting a place together that he lives in by himself when I'm gone as well, but we nixed that idea in the end because I think it's good J has family around him (he currently lives with his grandparents) when I'm not there. I think if he lived completely on his own, he'd get more bored and lonely than he needs to deal with right now.

He misses me more and more when I'm gone (I always miss him, but that's beside the point, haha!), and we take that as a sign that he's probably more and more ready by the day for a bigger commitment...but we're not rushing into anything. We know this is a forever thing that we have; there's comfort in knowing that too. He knows I'm not going anywhere, and that the only reason there isn't a ring on my finger is because the timing isn't yet right. Having reassured him of that, and having received the same reassurances from him, we are okay with taking things slow. He's twenty-six, I'm twenty-five, and for us we figure we have all the time in the world to get used to one another 'on the outside' and get ready for the next step. We know the next few steps will involve not only marriage, but also one of us making "the big move" to where the other person lives...so that's the other reason we're not rushing into things yet. J wants to move to Oregon; get a fresh start and work on his small business startup ideas. But seeing as how he has another twenty months of parole to go, and given the nature of interstate compact transfers, marriage might have to come first before a transfer would be approved.

We'll see. Lots of tangled knots in our situation.

But still, at the end of the day for the time being us not living together right away has been - I believe - a good thing. I'm not saying what we're doing is what everyone needs to do by any stretch of the imagination. I've seen others who live together sooner, and it works just fine. This is just our story; one more perspective.
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  #59  
Old 12-17-2012, 04:56 PM
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if i got my own place before then he will be living with me if not, he'll be goin to his mommas (which is only a few miles from where i live) but he'll be staying with me or ill be stayin with him no matter what so really it doesnt matter but ima try and have our own place before he comes home
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  #60  
Old 12-30-2012, 02:36 AM
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What's normal for you may not be normal for someelse. My MWI gets out in April and I am going to Washington to pick him up. He is moving immediately to Texas with me. WE are so happy and have no reservations about it at all.
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  #61  
Old 01-02-2013, 06:47 PM
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My MWI currently doesn't have a release date, but we plan on living together if they allow him an interstate compact parole. If not I will move to his state.
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  #62  
Old 01-09-2013, 01:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hesmineandimhis View Post
NO NO and No. This decision is not based soley on his incarceration. It has everything to do with that fact I am a strong believer that I need to know my MWI on the outside before making any kind of major decison. I do not feel like I can really know him until he have had some kind of normal in our lives, which means we must get to know each other like a normal couple and see how each one of acts out in the real world. Number 2 I am not going to live with any man. It only makes things more difficult if things don't work out. Number 3 if i am good enough to live with then I am good enough to marry and that isn't goign to happen until the 1st thing happens.
my thoughts too. of course I haven't known my guy that long, and he still has like 10 years to go, but I have a feeling the years will fly by. Ideally, I'd like to see how he behaves on his own, make sure he doesn't go back to his old life because no way I'd want to get involved with that.

Unfortunately for mines he doesn't really have anywhere to go after prison..no real friends or family to live with, so in a way maybe moving out of state and where I live would be a good fresh start for him. But he's not sure what he can do or wants to do work wise, and I don't want to be supporting him completely and all that. He better be planning on working and doing something when he gets out!
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  #63  
Old 01-09-2013, 04:41 PM
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Mine has 19 months, and he will not be living with me right away, because I have a child and want to see how she feels about him, and to let her meet him for that matter. I wouldn't just move in my MWI without my toddler daughter knowing who he is, how he is, etc.
That's just us. If I didn't have my daughter, yes he probably would be coming straight to my house.
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  #64  
Old 07-28-2014, 01:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slick's
I want him home with me but I am not sure if this is allowed by BOP! Do you ladies know whether a Federal inmate can move in with his girl during parole or does he have to live with immediate relatives?
As far as I know, he can parole to whomever he chooses as long as that person is not an ex-con and the person and their home is approved by the PO.
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  #65  
Old 08-31-2014, 02:35 PM
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We haven't really discussed this, as he has a really long sentence. Just grateful for every day we have together!
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  #66  
Old 09-07-2014, 11:53 AM
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I am going to move from Europe to the u.s.a. so i am gonna live with him till we can get a house together.
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  #67  
Old 09-07-2014, 07:12 PM
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my love and I have 4 years left and we will be getting married once he is home and living together as well. we have already been planning this for the past couple years! it is what it is. Cant help who you love.

hardest thing so far is finding a place that allows felons to reside there. Where I am now they straight up said "No" so I am on the hunt for another place preferably a 2 bedroom home so we can start our family.
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Old 11-15-2014, 03:07 PM
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We are married so yes, he's coming home as soon as allowed.
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Old 11-16-2014, 05:26 PM
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He's going to be in there for a really long time, so this question really isn't even applicable to me. However, theoretically if he were to get out I am going to say my door is always open to him. This is the man I love, and we would figure it out and make it work.

I do enjoy reading through all the posts and seeing all the different responses.
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Old 11-28-2014, 07:05 PM
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We're married now, so if we're still together yes.
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Old 12-15-2014, 01:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JKB's Girl View Post
In our little fantasy world we would love for him to come home to me and live happily ever after......but unfortunately we are adults and I live in the real world.

If he ever makes parole he is going to live with family who have a little place he can have. If he makes it out the next time he goes up for parole he will have been inside for over 36 years, he will need the time to find his place out here without the pressure of trying to learn how to live with a woman. I want a self-assured confident man, which he is in most aspects, however.......getting out after doing a long stint would be daunting for anyone. I have every intention of helping him find his way, but I am well aware that he is a man and wants to figure some things out on his own.

We want our future to be successful and trying to recover from all those years inside is going to be a huge endeavor. I intend to give him all the space he needs, removing the fences will change the parameters of the relationship for both of us, there is no way it couldn't. I simply feel that rushing into living together no matter how bad we both want it would be a mistake.
My sentiments exactly! I have two kids at home and promises and feelings aren't enough of a reason for me to move someone in with us, whether they've been in prison or not. I need actions and stability. I say actions because I want to see how he interacts with my kids and to see how he handles the stress of every day life. I need to know that who I'll be living with is capable of caring and providing for himself. I love him, and it's my intentions to hold his hand while he's recovering from being locked up for 20 years, but I won't be doing that while living with him.
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  #72  
Old 12-16-2014, 11:16 PM
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I'm on my own so yes, he will be moving in with me as soon as possible. Depends if he gets paroled or goes to a half way house.. He's never really had a relationship with a woman like we have now, so it will be a new experience for him. I hope it works out! I've waited going on seven years for this man.
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  #73  
Old 01-10-2015, 11:06 AM
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I love my MWI but it has been 6 YEARS. I want to make sure he can take care of himself, and me before I just rush into anything. Like Yes I love this man, but I gotta make sure he can function in the free world before I make the step of living together.
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  #74  
Old 01-10-2015, 04:48 PM
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My heart wants him to get out, move in right away, put a ring on it, and live happily ever after.
My mind says...get a grip! He hasn't been away that long...it'll be two years, tops, but he's literally starting ALL over again. He needs to get his own bearings, find his own way. And we both have kids, so there's no way we're putting them in an "instant step parent" siuation. But in my imagination, we're moving in together right away hah.
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  #75  
Old 01-13-2015, 01:43 PM
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She's having her father pick her up and she's going to stay with him for about a month. She says we'll remain in contact then she'll come and visit and stay awhile to see how it goes. I live in Oklahoma she lives in Texas. Being neighboring states there won't be much of a cultural difference.
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