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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

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  #126  
Old 01-21-2018, 06:44 AM
whataride whataride is offline
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Well she is out. I drove up the night before the 4 hours and stayed in a hotel. I was told be there at 8am so I arrived at 7:50 and then was told oh no she wont be out until 9-9:30 so i went for a drive and came back. got back around 8:45 and sat in the car until 9:15 then walked up to the gate to wait. She came out about 9:30 in the eos outfit I bought her. Te smile on her face as she was walking out was a gift. A quick hug and kiss and we took off, went back to the hotel and got the adult time out the way

Then we started the 4 hour drive home. We stopped for a quick bite to eat and she was in heaven. The first real food in almost 2 years, in my previous posts I have mentioned she never went to chow so was living on canteen food. She would nap off and on the drive back. I wanted to get my car washed and my favorite wash is at the mall. So we went there and dropped the car off and planned on eating in food court and then walking around. Big mistake, we got the food and after 2 bites she had a panic attack, I think the over stimulation and also the fact the area is where she used to hang around out had all the emotions flood back. So I packed up the food and we went and sat outside and waited for the wash to finish. She would cry off and on and we would just talk about what she was feeling.

Got the car and needed to stop at wal mart to grab some cat food, she said she was feeling better and could handle it. She did good, finished runing around and got home. Oh yeah she could pick which place to eat either time and kept sayign whatever I wanted is good. I said you are the one who hasnt been free, we can go anywhere you want and she couldnt make a decision so then I did. Got home and finished the food and just watched tv. She talekd to 2 of her closest friends who she was in with who had already been released and felt better knowing they are ok.

I usually like to watch tv with no lights on jsut the tv, well she asked if we can put on a dim light as she hasnt been in darkeness in almost 2 years. I am glad to have her home and I expected an adjustment period, she didnt think she would have one but reality has hit her that she is affected by this time way more than she thought. She is under supervision for the rest of the time on her sentence since she was released at 85% so we meet her probation officer monday morning.

I can say the time she was away flew by in some instances and then others it didnt. She has a folder full of certificates she received for classes completed and graduated from the yr long drug program while in. She will even say prison saved her life, she was deep in addiction and wouldnt of gotten out of it on her own. She wants to get a job just to feel normal and be productive, she has only worked for a few months in years.

i thank evetyone who has shared in here, the struugle is real when going through it but it is worth it. I will post updates as we continue this journey. I thank you all for being here
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  #127  
Old 01-23-2018, 05:44 AM
whataride whataride is offline
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Met her probation officer yesterday and it went well. She has 5 months of supervision to do and then is done. It is pretty relaxed, has to do 1 meeting a week, get a job and report once a month.

We had a pretty big argument the other day from past issues but worked though it. She is a little depressed since getting out, still having a difficult time making decisions but improving. The 15 lbs she put on in prison is driving her nuts so will get her a gym membership this week. She applied for her first job yesterday, the manager said he jsut hired a bunch of people but to follow up again in a few weeks. Will put in a few more applications this week. I had to go work a few hours so she was home alone during that time, it was the first time she has been by herself in almsot 2 years. It is almost crazy when I think about it
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  #128  
Old 01-23-2018, 04:15 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Met her probation officer yesterday and it went well. She has 5 months of supervision to do and then is done. It is pretty relaxed, has to do 1 meeting a week, get a job and report once a month.

We had a pretty big argument the other day from past issues but worked though it. She is a little depressed since getting out, still having a difficult time making decisions but improving. The 15 lbs she put on in prison is driving her nuts so will get her a gym membership this week. She applied for her first job yesterday, the manager said he jsut hired a bunch of people but to follow up again in a few weeks. Will put in a few more applications this week. I had to go work a few hours so she was home alone during that time, it was the first time she has been by herself in almsot 2 years. It is almost crazy when I think about it
Very glad things are going well! Parole should be a snap. It will probably take her a while to decompress and get comfortable with making decisions for herself.
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  #129  
Old 01-23-2018, 08:20 PM
K6770 K6770 is offline
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She is a little depressed since getting out, still having a difficult time making decisions but improving. The 15 lbs she put on in prison is driving her nuts so will get her a gym membership this week. She applied for her first job yesterday, the manager said he jsut hired a bunch of people but to follow up again in a few weeks. Will put in a few more applications this week. I had to go work a few hours so she was home alone during that time, it was the first time she has been by herself in almsot 2 years. It is almost crazy when I think about it
It's funny how the decision making thing goes. AM had no problem picking out shoes recently, but I know there have been times where that was not the case.

I wish you both all the best!
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  #130  
Old 01-23-2018, 09:09 PM
Bobberp54 Bobberp54 is offline
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The challenges, and the pleasures of freedom are endurable, and will normalize as time goes on. Our most fervent wishes for their eventual release, finally being realized, we can be patient and understanding, because that is our best nature if we love someone. I will embark on that freedom journey with her, hopefully by the end of this, or the beginning of the next year, and will be thrilled to pay the price of being her supporter, mentor, and great strength. Congrats on moving forward, and on being able to have her back in your life!!
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  #131  
Old 01-28-2018, 07:26 AM
whataride whataride is offline
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yesterday was a week out and it has been interesting. She has done alot of watching tv and sleeping lol... She has been cooking and cleaning also which she actually enjoys so it works out for both of us. She got some applications for jobs yesterday and now will start working on emplyment. We have had a few blow ups this week from adjusting to each other and our personalities. The only one of concern to me is she admitted to starting to use suboxne about a month before getting out, she had a bad opiate problem which is what landed her in prison. She admitted drugs were every where in prison even in her rehab dorm and she was worried of using so started suboxne to dela with the cravings and the anxiety of getting out. I am so not happy about it at all and was going to end it but now am thinking if getting her to a doctor for a low dose suboxne keeps her from going back to previous lifestyle then maybe it isnt the worst thing. So we havea doctors appointment tomorrow to get her a script. If it is a low dose daily with a game plan of coming completely off by tapering down I think I can live with it but if not then I have a major decision to make. I am pretty disappointed in her for this.
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  #132  
Old 01-29-2018, 01:20 PM
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missingdee missingdee is offline
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Sorry for the relative non-presence lately guys. Been handling some issues at home so to speak. Will share more on it later. Just wanted to check in so you all didn't think I'd abandoned you.....

Whataride - congratulations on getting to the gate, so to speak! Please continue to keep us posted. There will be good times. There will be struggles. Oh believe you me, there will be struggles. (In fact, someone could hand me a shot or five of Vodka RIGHT now and I'd be okay with it......like I said...will share more later.)

-E
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  #133  
Old 01-29-2018, 01:31 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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The challenges, and the pleasures of freedom are endurable, and will normalize as time goes on. Our most fervent wishes for their eventual release, finally being realized, we can be patient and understanding, because that is our best nature if we love someone. I will embark on that freedom journey with her, hopefully by the end of this, or the beginning of the next year, and will be thrilled to pay the price of being her supporter, mentor, and great strength. Congrats on moving forward, and on being able to have her back in your life!!
I'm sure everyone on both sides of the equation will encounter some challenges during the adjustment period. I wonder what it might be like if my wife came home. Everyone changes as they age. Nobody remains the same person over time. We grown and change. I wonder if reuniting with a spouse after a long separation might be harder than uniting with an MWI for the first time.
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  #134  
Old 01-29-2018, 01:43 PM
Bobberp54 Bobberp54 is offline
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I would think that reuniting with a spouse would be much more difficult, in that knowledge and experience of her prior to incarceration would tend to be the thing that keeps us united, and anticipating returning to a time of comfort and love. The MWI experience, at least for those of us who have never actually physically met, but have only cards/letters, emails and video chats which comprise our history with our loved one, creates no remembrances, as a touchstone to what we lost. I write only from my own perspective, obviously, but if the MWI doesn't turn out how I would like it to, then disappointment and a sense of let down happens...A spouse holds a special expansive part of our being, from the physical reality of once having her...
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  #135  
Old 01-29-2018, 01:47 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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[quote=whataride; The only one of concern to me is she admitted to starting to use suboxne about a month before getting out, she had a bad opiate problem which is what landed her in prison. She admitted drugs were every where in prison even in her rehab dorm and she was worried of using so started suboxne to dela with the cravings and the anxiety of getting out. I am so not happy about it at all and was going to end it but now am thinking if getting her to a doctor for a low dose suboxne keeps her from going back to previous lifestyle then maybe it isnt the worst thing. So we have a doctors appointment tomorrow to get her a script. If it is a low dose daily with a game plan of coming completely off by tapering down I think I can live with it but if not then I have a major decision to make. I am pretty disappointed in her for this.[/quote]


She wasn't kidding about drugs being everywhere in prisons. Tammy never had a drug problem when she was at home and doesn't use now, thank goodness but she knows a lot of women who are hooked.

How did the doctor's appointment go? Suboxone seems like it could be a huge problem by itself. It's part of a treatment for opioid dependence but an effective treatment plan including counseling and psychosocial support might be necessary. All it takes is one slip to land addicts right back in a deep hole. I assume she's not on paper because you didn't mention the possible disaster of a dirty UA. That's fortunate! have you considered a residential program to help her get straight? She wouldn't like it but it might be what she needs.
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  #136  
Old 01-29-2018, 01:57 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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I would think that reuniting with a spouse would be much more difficult, in that knowledge and experience of her prior to incarceration would tend to be the thing that keeps us united, and anticipating returning to a time of comfort and love.

In our case, there's really no shared past left to start over together with. I sold our home and relocated a long time ago. The only things we have left together are our daughter and my wife's family, who are my family by default.

The MWI experience, at least for those of us who have never actually physically met, but have only cards/letters, emails and video chats which comprise our history with our loved one, creates no remembrances, as a touchstone to what we lost.

You share with each other only what you choose to, which can be good or bad, I guess.

I write only from my own perspective, obviously, but if the MWI doesn't turn out how I would like it to, then disappointment and a sense of let down happens...

It can be that way with any "dating" situation.

A spouse holds a special expansive part of our being, from the physical reality of once having her...

That's true. She's not the same woman I dated, married and lived with, though. I wouldn't expect her to be, given everything she's gone through and is going through.
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  #137  
Old 01-29-2018, 01:58 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Sorry for the relative non-presence lately guys. Been handling some issues at home so to speak. Will share more on it later. Just wanted to check in so you all didn't think I'd abandoned you.....-E
I'm sorry things haven't gone as smoothly as you'd wish. Relationships can be hard. Prison doesn't make them any easier.
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  #138  
Old 01-29-2018, 02:07 PM
Bobberp54 Bobberp54 is offline
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I'm sorry things haven't gone as smoothly as you'd wish. Relationships can be hard. Prison doesn't make them any easier. Heartily agree with Waiting here..We're all with you, MissingDee, and if anyone can handle the ups and downs, you can! As you've said many times, we're here for you..
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  #139  
Old 01-29-2018, 07:12 PM
BriBri08 BriBri08 is offline
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Well what do you know. Another call to the office another let down and push back on her release date. Was gonna be March now they tell her May. All they can say is budget cuts and no room at HWH. well I guess since her sentence is over no matter what In June, there can only be one more setback from here. She originally was getting 6 months HWH and now were down to only 1 month. This stuff is a joke. But As I said before, Im Numb to all the BS and all the games. I expected them to push it back again just like I expect them to do it again. Well I guess For the second time I can add 48 more days to the countdown....
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  #140  
Old 02-03-2018, 03:55 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Well what do you know. Another call to the office another let down and push back on her release date. Was gonna be March now they tell her May. All they can say is budget cuts and no room at HWH. well I guess since her sentence is over no matter what In June, there can only be one more setback from here. She originally was getting 6 months HWH and now were down to only 1 month. This stuff is a joke. But As I said before, Im Numb to all the BS and all the games. I expected them to push it back again just like I expect them to do it again. Well I guess For the second time I can add 48 more days to the countdown....
I realize how terminally frustrating the system is. Focus on her last day and what you'll do with her.
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