Just wanted to vent - son was sentenced

[mydearestson]

Originally Posted by JerryB2012

My son is scheduled to be sentenced next week, Wed morning. Best case scenario is a 1 year work camp type program but more likely 2- 5 years in prison. This boy has continually pushed the envelope and now at 19 yrs it has finally caught up with him and the reality is sinking in and he is scared to death. My heart breaks yet my anger at how many chances he was given that he just pissed on consumes me as well. I have a meeting at work on Wed morning that I just can't miss and my wife is going to court by herself. I have tried to talk her out of it but she wants to be there in case that's the last time we see him for a while. I am worried that she is going to fall apart when she hears the judge say what we expect to be coming. I would imagine it's like knowing you're going to have a bucket of ice water dumped on your head - you know it's going to be cold but that doesn't make it any easier to take when it actually happens. It seems as if I'm in the minority on here - a Dad - but Moms I could use all your prayers right now as we go through what Mamaboyz just did. I pray every night in desperation for (a) my son's safety and (b) a modicum of peace and rest for my soul.

Hi Dad, I felt as if your were telling my son life story, this kid has had more chances and I warned him it would catch up with him and it did. They refuse to listen to us but God will place them someplace they have no choice but to listen. I remember the day my son was sentenced, they had to place a chair for me in front of the judge it was terrifying and I was very nervous. I will pray for you and mom also because it was very hard hearing the judge sentencing your child to prison. I can't describe the feeling only as horror because this is how it felt. I went into a seclusion after he was sentenced and did not speak with or see anyone for days. I became very angry and bitter and nothing comfort me, it was pain I had never experienced before in my life, by baby boy was going to prison and there was nothing I could do about it. I pray for my son safety each and every day, he have to deal with the big boys now and that is hard on me to deal with. Georgia is very harsh even with first time offenders they do not care. Hang in there and may God keep you strong. You may have to be strong for his mother also, it will be very hard on her.

[Nicksmother]

I am in my 7th year with my son and the pain is as fresh as if yesterday. Be of good cheer, after all the ups and downs my son and I are closer than ever. Yes we have a new "normal" but he is alive and still mine. Momaboyz and each of you - do what you have to do to survive this - take to your bed for a day, cry, talk, don't talk, scream, have a meltdown - then pick yourself back up! You are stronger than you think you are! Pray hard!

[I'm done]

Originally Posted by Nicksmother

I am in my 7th year with my son and the pain is as fresh as if yesterday. Be of good cheer, after all the ups and downs my son and I are closer than ever. Yes we have a new "normal" but he is alive and still mine. Momaboyz and each of you - do what you have to do to survive this - take to your bed for a day, cry, talk, don't talk, scream, have a meltdown - then pick yourself back up! You are stronger than you think you are! Pray hard!

I'm so sorry for all of your pain, my son was sentenced to 20 do 12 for a broken finger I am
So angry I could spit bullets,but ,.......one day at a,time, and the stealing and fighting,he's ok
But 10 years of stuff like that

[JuliannRN]

I am so glad to see i am not the only one.

[I'm done]

mydearestson, nicksmom, juliannRn, how r you ladies doing today. I've been kinda sad for a couple of days, butI know this slump will go away. These young men, they didn't listen to us, and now we have no say over them, and they are in hell, they have to listen now. this is my second time around, but its no different from the first time, except this time he has 10 yrs, we r praying for parole.

[JuliannRN]

I am just amazed at how they forget all the good that we did for them.

[tglsmom]

Originally Posted by Nicksmother

I am in my 7th year with my son and the pain is as fresh as if yesterday. Be of good cheer, after all the ups and downs my son and I are closer than ever. Yes we have a new "normal" but he is alive and still mine. Momaboyz and each of you - do what you have to do to survive this - take to your bed for a day, cry, talk, don't talk, scream, have a meltdown - then pick yourself back up! You are stronger than you think you are! Pray hard!

I am in the 6th year with my son and I feel the same way you do. I thank God every day that my son is still part of my life. This is not an easy road, but there are some good things that can come out of it. As far as being strong, I've always liked this quote and I think it applies to a lot of us:

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

[AML'sMom]

It's almost four years with my son, and the horror goes away eventually. You realize it is what it is....and do what you can. Whenever I'm down, I listen to this song, and have sent the words to my son more than once. I'm keeping you all im my prayers.

KUTLESS - What Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

[Adamsmom94]

I am new to this site and am having trouble figuring out how to get into certain forums. I was browsing and saw ur post....I feel ur pain My son just 17 got into a bad situation and is being held awaiting trial!!! At first I was shocked and angry at him myself for not being there for him. I at times do not wanna get up and face the day But I ask God for the strength to be there for him. I love him unconditionally as I know u do with ur son. Praying helps me to feel at ese. I ask God 2 b with him when I can't. Hope this helps!!!! Good luck and hang in there!! Marie aka Adamsmom94

[missingmicah]

my 19 year old son just got transferd to two rivers.im scared to death for him.he got into a fight at cccf and is now in segragtion at trci.he will be off restriction on the 5th. im just hoping to get approved for a visit so i can hug my son!! the best thing i could have done was find prison talk and stay busy! and this to shall pass

[franster]

Originally Posted by mamaboyz

My oldest son was just sentenced yesterday and I am going through so many different emotions. Family and friends are calling, but I won't answer the phone. Tears just roll down my cheeks even when I try not to cry. I am so angry with my son. I preached to him and his brothers all the time about staying out the jail system. Yesterday, I was so furious that I decided I didn't want to talk, write or visit him. But today, I want to visit with him everyday until he is out. I want to do whatever that will help make this time pass. But then I think about where he is, and I get angry all over again! I have to go to work tomorrow and I don't know how I will be able to handle it. I don't want anyone to see me cry. I just want to stay in my bed. I don't want to face anyone. I feel like I am screaming from the inside and I can't let it out. How can I get through this?

First let me assure you that you will get through this! Not that I have been the best at this but you do not serve the time with your son. You have not committed a crime. Also, you would be surprised how many people know someone in prison - even people you know.

I also found that once I wasn't afraid to admit where my son is it was easier. NOT that I tell eveyone - but making up a story for the most part was more difficult.

I visit my son occasionally because he is not close and it it expensive - gas, at least $25 in vending machine food and then driving home you need to get lunch.....not to mention that it takes your entire day. Emotionally and time. When you visit make sure that you check the dress code - they seem to vary a little and from guard to guard.

Unfortunately the state does not provide support for families.

I hope this helps.

[Tracy147]

I think we all feel like that at first. We all have guilt, pain, saddness ect. Life has to go on even when we dont care to be in it. I will tell you though, moving forward and letting our children do THEIR time, and I continue to live my life makes things go by faster and the pain seems to pass.
You cant live each day with this consuming your life, you have you and other family members that dont deserve what you are doing. They didnt do this, and with you not wanting to do anything is like punishing them. I did this very thing to my family and had to change this....and when I did things went so much better. Trust me!!!

[JerryB2012]

My 19 y/o son is off to boot camp. Not sure when or for how long but at this point it is the best we could have hoped for. He has a lot of growing up to do. Thanks for everyone's support and prayers - I have no doubt they helped.

[MamaBearJ]

Originally Posted by AML'sMom

It's almost four years with my son, and the horror goes away eventually. You realize it is what it is....and do what you can. Whenever I'm down, I listen to this song, and have sent the words to my son more than once. I'm keeping you all im my prayers.

KUTLESS - What Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

I heard this on the radio right before my SIL to be's plea. I lost it. Came home, hugged my kids, and played it for them. (Sobbing the whole time).

[April May]

Originally Posted by JerryB2012

Mamaboyz - I grieve with you. Like many on this forum, I never thought I'd be in this place watching my son go to prison. The pain as you say is almost unbearable. In my deepest, darkest hour when no amount prayer would give me any relief or peace I guess my prayers were answered and I found this forum. Just to know there are so many out there going through the same thing and knowing when they read my pleas for help they are praying for me and sharing my pain is so comforting. I hope that you can also find some comfort in sharing your experience with us and electronically commiserating with us. I will pray that God keeps your son safe and that He provides you some measure of peace to be able to live your life while you wait for your son to return to you. God bless.

Thank you for writing this. Your post made me cry--feelings too close to mine on this subject--and yes, we need to find comfort from this forum because only others in this situation can even begin to understand how we feel. God bless you!

[mymommasboy]

Hi there, I understand how you are feeling. My 21 year old son has been in and out of jail for small stints (under one year), but this time he is looking at a sentence that can go to a maximum of 25 years - hasn't had his sentence yet though. What gets me through each day is telling myself "if my son can get through the day where he is, then I can too".

Hang in there and don't let anyone make you feel like you should talk and go out if really don't want to. Sometimes we need to listen to ourselves and how we feel and accept that others don't understand. The people around us are trying to be helpful but they have absolutely no idea what mixture of emotions we are going through daily. Take care, Jen

[1bird2]

Originally Posted by mymommasboy

Hi there, I understand how you are feeling. My 21 year old son has been in and out of jail for small stints (under one year), but this time he is looking at a sentence that can go to a maximum of 25 years - hasn't had his sentence yet though. What gets me through each day is telling myself "if my son can get through the day where he is, then I can too".

Hang in there and don't let anyone make you feel like you should talk and go out if really don't want to. Sometimes we need to listen to ourselves and how we feel and accept that others don't understand. The people around us are trying to be helpful but they have absolutely no idea what mixture of emotions we are going through daily. Take care, Jen

Bless your heart! I'm so very sorry....and I know how hard the pre-sentencing is....you just don't know what to expect....it was a VERY difficult time for me. The unknowns....pretty much made me miserable.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
You are so right about getting through the day...if they can, where they are....surely we will too! Good way to look at it!
I hope you come here more often...we DO UNDERSTAND....really we do.
I know it is impossible for someone...even the ones who love you and know you best....to understand all of our emotions...without being in our shoes! I promise you, we do understand...and we do care.
Hope to see you posting!....I'll be praying for the BEST outcome.
Big love and many prayers,
XXOO