Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > General Prison Talk
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

General Prison Talk Does your issue not fit into another forum? Post it here. Find support, answers and assistance.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-08-2008, 06:54 PM
chintath chintath is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 1,573
Thanks: 22
Thanked 46 Times in 29 Posts
Default PTO: Can we make PTO a kinder, gentler community?

I miss the old days of PTO. People were respectful of each other, more compassionate and supportive.

Have we grown too large? Has the internet created a culture of people who easily attack each other because it is anonymous? Are our members more stressed?

How can we create a culture of support here?
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 03-08-2008, 07:26 PM
PTO-92958 PTO-92958 is offline
---------------
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 32
Thanks: 8,430
Thanked 8,489 Times in 3,829 Posts
Default

PTO is gentle and supportive, and also real.
This is a delicate and rough situation we all find ourselves in, that's why we come here. But people are people, and we cannot control what someone posts. As a community, all we can do is gently remind each other that we are all here for a similar reason, and must treat each other with respect.
Moderators try best as possible to redirect members who express their anger or frustration at other members, and remind them that we are all a kind of "family" here for a common purpose.
I wasn't here "in the old days", but I've been fortunate to have had PTO in my life since October of 2006. It's a lifeline like no other.
There will always be people with hurtful things to say. Like I said, as a community, we should all be responsible for gently redirecting those who's feelings are going a lil overboard towards others here. Support each other, be tolerant and accepting and not offensive.
Peace & Blessings,
~GG~

Last edited by PTO-92958; 03-08-2008 at 07:28 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-08-2008, 08:06 PM
chintath chintath is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 1,573
Thanks: 22
Thanked 46 Times in 29 Posts
Default

"In the old days" I didn't see so many vicious personal attacks. That is really starting to bug me. I love to debate and see other's opinions but I think some people don't know how to do it without putting another down. It inhibits participation and causes members to withdraw.

I participate in another, smaller prisoner support online community. The members seem to genuinely care about each other. Moderators rarely need to step in. People take the time to PM one another and empathize when members are struggling.

Maybe empathy is the key: I see a need for more of it on PTO. There is so much good, needed information here that I hate to see members leave if they have a bad initial experience and feel unwelcome.

I appreciate the moderators here and know they have a tough job and they are also volunteers who must devote a lot of time to PTO (thanks goldenglove for all you do). I wonder if the moderators here tend to coach people privately rather than censor or embarass some by warning them publicly.

Last edited by chintath; 03-08-2008 at 08:07 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-08-2008, 09:48 PM
lilithinwaiting's Avatar
lilithinwaiting lilithinwaiting is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2005
Location: oklahoma
Posts: 3,272
Thanks: 621
Thanked 494 Times in 309 Posts
Default

I agree chintath. The mods really do try hard and seem so sincere. Empathy is the key and much needed everywhere.
__________________
~There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.
Nelson Mandela ~
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-08-2008, 09:58 PM
debbie41's Avatar
debbie41 debbie41 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 385
Thanks: 127
Thanked 157 Times in 116 Posts
Default

I did not post much..ever hardly..but I agree it seems alot diffrent to me now too..I use to just read for hours on here and it really helped me , now there is a lot of,,well I dont know how to put it in words ,its like jeez,,but all in all it does support..but a lot of people are getting ignored who I think are really crying out,,,,but some im reading needs help and getting few answers too,,
__________________
Be Happy

Last edited by debbie41; 03-08-2008 at 10:00 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-08-2008, 10:08 PM
PTO-92958 PTO-92958 is offline
---------------
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 32
Thanks: 8,430
Thanked 8,489 Times in 3,829 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by chintath
I appreciate the moderators here and know they have a tough job and they are also volunteers who must devote a lot of time to PTO. I wonder if the moderators here tend to coach people privately rather than censor or embarass some by warning them publicly.
Yes. First and foremost, discretion and mutual respect is key.
We do not try to berate or embarass any member in a public forum. A member who has been offensive, or even a lil over the top, will be addressed by PM first, so they can understand how they may have come off to others. Maybe they didn't mean to, and need a gentle reminder or heads up that it came across poorly.
We are all here to help each other, not make a show of someone on an open forum. That would be the kind of "attack" that you are speaking of in the first place.
We get enough attacks in our daily lives as it is. PTO is our "safe haven".

Last edited by PTO-92958; 03-08-2008 at 10:10 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-08-2008, 10:19 PM
chintath chintath is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 1,573
Thanks: 22
Thanked 46 Times in 29 Posts
Default Dilbert's rules for debating on the internet

Here are Dilbert's rules for debating on the internet: OUCH!
  1. Turn someone’s generality into an absolute. For example, if someone makes a general statement that Americans celebrate Christmas, point out that some people are Jewish and so anyone who thinks that ALL Americans celebrate Christmas is stupid. (Bonus points for accusing the person of being anti-Semitic.)
  2. Turn someone’s factual statements into implied preferences. For example, if someone mentions that not all Catholic priests are pedophiles, accuse the person who said it of siding with pedophiles.
  3. Turn factual statements into implied equivalents. For example, if someone says that Ghandi didn’t eat cows, accuse the person of stupidly implying that cows deserve equal billing with Gandhi.
  4. Omit key words. For example, if someone says that people can’t eat rocks, accuse the person of being stupid for suggesting that people can’t eat. Bonus points for arguing that some people CAN eat pebbles if they try hard enough.
  5. Assume the dumbest interpretation. For example, if someone says that he can run a mile in 12 minutes, assume he means it happens underwater and argue that no one can hold his breath that long.
  6. Hallucinate entirely different points. For example, if someone says apples grow on trees, accuse him of saying snakes have arms and then point out how stupid that is.
  7. Use the intellectual laziness card. For example, if someone says that ice is cold, recommend that he take graduate courses in chemistry and meteorology before jumping to stupid conclusions that display a complete ignorance of the complexity of ice.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-08-2008, 10:23 PM
chintath chintath is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 1,573
Thanks: 22
Thanked 46 Times in 29 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenglove
Yes. First and foremost, discretion and mutual respect is key.
We do not try to berate or embarass any member in a public forum. A member who has been offensive, or even a lil over the top, will be addressed by PM first, so they can understand how they may have come off to others. Maybe they didn't mean to, and need a gentle reminder or heads up that it came across poorly.
We are all here to help each other, not make a show of someone on an open forum. That would be the kind of "attack" that you are speaking of in the first place.
We get enough attacks in our daily lives as it is. PTO is our "safe haven".
Thanks for clarifying that. I can tell you are a great moderator! Glad you are here to guide us. Thanks again for all you do!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-08-2008, 11:54 PM
JJT's Avatar
JJT JJT is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: I am from all over the Pacific Northwest
Posts: 20,970
Thanks: 146
Thanked 545 Times in 343 Posts
Default

eehhh....... I think it is spring fever.

PTO has always had it's ebb and flow of attitudes throughout the calendar year. There is 'Spring Fever' followed by 'Schools Out'. Then we have a couple more in the fall and winter. Holidays and major new stories seem to bring out the worst in people too. I hate to generalize, but the 'tude seems to strike when the average maturity level drops.

I have learned to just skip over those posts. If they aren't given any attention, then the original poster soon looses the limelight they seek and move onto another online community.

Also, as with any community with rules, there comes a bread of what I have dubbed "rule walkers". They walk so close to the edge of the rules and think it is cute and funny. Honestly, they just annoy the bejeebers out of me and will soon trip themselves up. All we have to do is wait and watch.

I just chose not to participate in the drama threads. There are too many other threads to enjoy.

JJT
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-09-2008, 08:55 AM
haswtch haswtch is offline
one lucky woman
 

Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Ulster County, NY, USA
Posts: 10,954
Thanks: 158
Thanked 270 Times in 167 Posts
Default

When I joined, a minute ago now people were saying the same thing...they missed the old cozier days. Now I sometimes feel that way myself.
I think it's still about the safest place on the Internet to share one's life and emotions. Many places, it's ALL about Dilbert's Rules. Here, between the mods and the saner members, maturity usually carries the day.I have seen some threads that get nasty and then get turned around into very positive experiences, because the original poster is above meeting fire with fire or because other members take the lead and counteract the nastiness or both.

I think a lot of us do what we can to make those things happen and to try to see to it that cries for help don't go unheard. Place HAS gotten awfully big though- I think because for all the flaws, it IS so good.
__________________
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."- Voltaire -
[FranÁois Marie Arouet] (1694-1778)

Diamond: a lump of coal that did well under pressure
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 03-11-2008, 02:51 PM
Mrs_Stone_Cold's Avatar
Mrs_Stone_Cold Mrs_Stone_Cold is offline
100% Real. With myself.
 

Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Gettin a Stone Cold Stunna !!
Posts: 1,420
Thanks: 0
Thanked 75 Times in 38 Posts
Default

Some are treated fairly... Others aren't... I guess people have their picks.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03-11-2008, 03:37 PM
Csmcgrl23's Avatar
Csmcgrl23 Csmcgrl23 is offline
Fairy Fed Mother
 

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 7,134
Thanks: 5,077
Thanked 3,229 Times in 1,396 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by chintath
Here are Dilbert's rules for debating on the internet: OUCH!
  1. Turn someoneís generality into an absolute. For example, if someone makes a general statement that Americans celebrate Christmas, point out that some people are Jewish and so anyone who thinks that ALL Americans celebrate Christmas is stupid. (Bonus points for accusing the person of being anti-Semitic.)
  2. Turn someoneís factual statements into implied preferences. For example, if someone mentions that not all Catholic priests are pedophiles, accuse the person who said it of siding with pedophiles.
  3. Turn factual statements into implied equivalents. For example, if someone says that Ghandi didnít eat cows, accuse the person of stupidly implying that cows deserve equal billing with Gandhi.
  4. Omit key words. For example, if someone says that people canít eat rocks, accuse the person of being stupid for suggesting that people canít eat. Bonus points for arguing that some people CAN eat pebbles if they try hard enough.
  5. Assume the dumbest interpretation. For example, if someone says that he can run a mile in 12 minutes, assume he means it happens underwater and argue that no one can hold his breath that long.
  6. Hallucinate entirely different points. For example, if someone says apples grow on trees, accuse him of saying snakes have arms and then point out how stupid that is.
  7. Use the intellectual laziness card. For example, if someone says that ice is cold, recommend that he take graduate courses in chemistry and meteorology before jumping to stupid conclusions that display a complete ignorance of the complexity of ice.
HHAHAHAHAHAHA, that's some funny stuff right there!

I've been a member for a while, I can't say that I see it anymore different than when I started coming on here. It's strange to me to read "PTO has changed so much" to me there have always been cliques, there have always been members that are overly sensitive, there have always been members resort to name calling and making judgemental comments and generally being unsupportive as though they aren't going thru the same thing. BUT those members come and go....I do see members that have been here for years but a lot of the regulars that I used to see when I first signed up are no longer here...it changes, back and forth...good times and bad times...it's like cycles. It will never be how it was, we have to adapt...which I guess is what I have done for the last 3.5 years. I've just learned how to filter a lot more than I used to. If I see some childish behavior going on I will just hit the back button. If I see someone being mean to someone else I will speak up for the person that's under attack...but for the most part I know the Mods will handle it.

PTO is one big family...ALL families have a little dysfunction within them...but we all still love each other just the same.
__________________
We are what we do, not what we did. Now if we continue doing what we used to do, we can't be upset that we are still what we were.


GO BULLS!!!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 03-12-2008, 08:28 PM
JodyAnnShaw's Avatar
JodyAnnShaw JodyAnnShaw is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Union Grove, NC, USA
Posts: 8,200
Thanks: 6,768
Thanked 3,876 Times in 2,052 Posts
Default

chintath... I completely understand what you mean. I've been here for several years now (ooh, probablyl longer than that).
I've seen a lot of people come and go... at times I watch some of the posts and think, "What happened?" So, I do understand what you're talking about. I guess, with the internet... and yes, PTO is an awesome site... there's reallly no way to get it back to 'the good ole' days'.

Life is about change and adaptation... and that's what has to be done. As of now, after all my years here on PTO, I only am 'personal' with a small handful of people. That is what works for me.
__________________
Life is a beautiful mess
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03-13-2008, 10:34 PM
SpicaRigel's Avatar
SpicaRigel SpicaRigel is offline
*Stargazing*
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Salinas, CA
Posts: 11,465
Thanks: 14,125
Thanked 12,602 Times in 5,648 Posts
Default

a member pm'd me not long ago asking if i had noticed a change on PTO, and yeah...i do..but attribute it to just being here for a few years and seeing alot of people come and go... like life...
lol! i literally "grew up" here on PTO!
I dont see so much bashing as i see there are lots of new member's.
And i always try and remember how wonderful Mrs.D was to me when i first came here, she was straight out honest,but compassionate and it was because of that kindness i stayed here.
.... and a Sally!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 03-13-2008, 11:27 PM
cat805's Avatar
cat805 cat805 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,236
Thanks: 331
Thanked 170 Times in 94 Posts
Default

I have to agree it was the kindness, compassion and honest feedback that hooked me, as well as reading for hours on end the stories of other's, especially the ex inmates...they are awesome.....but the back biting stuff turns me off....I actually posted a new thread on the difference between dialogue and debate....it was a flop about 2 people took the time to read it....lol.........

But I am still a fan.....and I think there are some people that used to post a lot that aren't for their own reasons and maybe we miss their input.

I do give all the moderator's props for doing a great job and keeping it real here but not letting it get out of control. You guys are the best...
__________________
~I love My Son~

Never be bullied into silence
Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself..

Last edited by cat805; 03-13-2008 at 11:28 PM..
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:15 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2019 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics