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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 06-27-2018, 05:44 PM
Briele619 Briele619 is offline
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Default He Got Married & Won't Send MY Pix Back...

So I had vented here about this dude that I was talking to and about to go meet and then found out he lied by checking a cell phone account I paid for.
UPDATE: All I requested in my goodbye letter was my family photos. I really kick myself for sending him something so important to me. But I was all caught up in illusion. He won't even send them back. Everyone tells me to rat him out about the phone but I"m not one to be vindictive. So he let me know he is married now to some woman.

I'm just curious for you all to chime in and tell me what you think of someone who supposedly dates me then 2 weeks later marries someone else? I"m thinking he had to have been with her the whole time or maybe broken up for a while and reunited.

I just want to vent cus I have no closure. I know rationally NOW that I wouldn't want him for a partner and he has to be mentally unstable. He confessed being bipolar but I don't know how the hell bipolar people act. All I know is I paid for a phone account and he hasn't been cool enough to at least say hey sorry it didn't work out, here's your photos, go on and have a cool life. If the coward did that, I'd be fine!
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Old 06-27-2018, 06:14 PM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
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Well that's the chance you're going to take from dating someone whos in prison. Some not all can be con artist just like any person in the real world can be. It's a risk you take pretty much dating anyone there's nothing you can do about the pictures you sent them not knowing who this person really was that's the risk you take as well. Why in the world would you pay for a cell phone which is illegal is it in your name? I hope not. If you can I would just shut the cell phone off. You're more than likely not getting the pictures back sorry. Good luck
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Old 06-27-2018, 06:18 PM
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Consider the pictures gone. It’s unfortunate that you sent photos that couldn’t be reproduced but there is nothing you can do about it now.

Yeah, the guys an ass. Do you really think someone who dates you and then gets married while dating you is going to have respect enough to send them back?

You don’t need closure. It’s over and you need to start figuring out how to move on. I sure hope you shut that phone off though.
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Old 06-27-2018, 06:19 PM
xolady xolady is offline
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You really don't want my opinion because in mine your the bad one here!!!
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Old 06-27-2018, 06:27 PM
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Yeah... I’m sorry girl, but you’re gonna need to let this one go. Grab your camera and your kids and take a new picture.

It doesn’t matter how long he was with the other girl. You can’t keep diving back into this mess if you expect to move on. Wash your hands of it. No more stalking his calls, no more letters, no more “one last” anything.
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Old 06-27-2018, 07:24 PM
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This is more for anyone else in a similar situation or thinking about pursuing a relationship with an incarcerated person, so please do not feel attacked. You said in another post that you must have missed red flags-- well, maybe, but you had some of your own.

Let's talk about judgement and impulsiveness.

If you go back over your own post history, this all happened in the blink of an eye. You said yourself you overreacted when you hadn't heard from him in a few days, you blurted out that you loved him and you sent photos of your children to a man you had yet to meet. We'll just leave the money for the contraband out of it because that's a bad decision regardless of how you met.

To be honest, I'm not sure dating an incarcerated person is the best plan for you. Try slowing down, not throwing your all in right off the bat. Let someone get to know you over time, get to know them, allow circumstance to test their character so you know who you're dealing with. There is absolutely no reason to rush things in these relationships and yet we see it all of the time. You're not the only one. There's a bunch of reasons I think that happens, but that's not the reason for the thread.

As others have said, kiss your pictures goodbye and use it a learning tool in the future. Don't put out into the universe what you can't afford to never have back-- money, photos, love.
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Old 06-27-2018, 07:54 PM
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He’s conning her, just like he played you my dear. You’re dodging a bullet. She has a much tougher road ahead of her.

You can’t get closure from someone who isn’t genuine. He isn’t sorry it didn’t work out - he never intended for it to “work out.” This isn’t a real relationship where things just fell apart and y’all fell out of love or made mistakes and y’all can make your apologies and move on. This was not a real relationship. He’s not sorry. Your picture are probably long in the garbage, I’m sorry to say. You’re going to have to let that go.

I’m sorry you’re hurting. Time is a wonderful healer.
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Old 06-27-2018, 09:52 PM
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I responded to your other thread and I will again here. You really need to let it go. You’re not going to get closure from this man. Did you really think he would return your photos after manipulating with all the other things you were doing for him? Sorry you can’t get your photos back but why even care that he married someone else? As Instated in your other thread, spend time with your family and friends. Do something productive so you’re not constantly dwellling on him. Move forward with your life.
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Old 06-27-2018, 10:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WeepingWillow View Post
This isn’t a real relationship .
This right here is what it all boils down to. You’re trying to go through all these normal “end of relationship” steps... but I don’t think you’ve accepted the fact that you were the only one in the relationship.

This isn’t the end of a relationship. You weren’t his girlfriend. You were his mark. Any criminal knows when his mark is busted. You didn’t have a relationship that went sour, you were scammed by a career criminal. You’ve got to shove aside any notion that your feelings ever mattered to you. Criminals don’t think that way. This sounds mean, but I think it will be easier to move on if you look at the situation in a more realistic light.

After all... you really got off light. Some people lose hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands even. What did you lose, 40 bucks and a couple of snapshots? You got lucky.
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Old 06-28-2018, 12:10 AM
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High time now to cut your losses... he probably threw the pics in the trash like your "relationship".
I don't mean to be hard on you but you've got to finally realize that he's got the empathy of a broccoli... Move on.
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Old 06-28-2018, 03:19 AM
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A broccoli leaves a nice taste Mizzymuffling, LOL.
I've been there OP I was a mark as well, he had another lady that believed she was his love of a lifetime. They made even fun of me among them two. She was in for a rude awakening, three months later. thousands of dollars were spend on the guy by her. He jumped to another lady when she finally found out he was a scam.
I had a gut feeling that I was being scammed after just 100 dollar. I did send him a Dear John email. Blocked him from Jpay and with pain in my heart I moved on. After dusting my self of and rebuilding myself I found the nicest guy in the world, he never asked for anything, it offended him when I said I want to write you so I will pay for your stamps on Jpay.
Move on and let karma do it's job, we all know she is a bitch.
Just date outside of the DOC system so you can look the guy in the eyes. It is a lot easier if you can see the person in real life. I know I'm more than lucky to have met this amazing man.
He is beautiful inside and out ;-)

Be glad you came away with a scar imagine being married to such a person........
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Old 06-28-2018, 08:57 AM
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Default He Got Married & Won't Send MY Pix Back...

I would urge you to try and get support to look at why even now you are still trying to engage with this guy. He doesn’t love you and you are wasting your valuable time trying to get answers and doing one last anything is pointless. You need support to see your worth so you don’t walk into another situation such as this.
You sound very intelligent and very insightful and yet you seem to not be able see this for what it was. Please get support please move on don’t torture yourself over this waste man.
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Old 06-28-2018, 10:54 AM
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I agree with each and every post before mine. You need to let go and move on. He's clearly done it with no consideration of your feelings. He's a coward and there's nothing you can say to change him. Maybe he has had this girl from before you, but that should only go to show he's not worth 2 minutes of your time EVER AGAIN.

As for your photos, I'm so sorry. I know they meant something to you. He's probably "keeping" them to try and talk to you sometime down the road. When he's "mad" at his "wife". I feel so sorry for her. She's totally in the dark or is she? Maybe she knows his conniving ways, who knows.

Either way girly, LOVE yourself more. Block him each and every way you can. He's TRASH! And be glad he's out of your life....
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Old 06-29-2018, 02:16 PM
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I've been busy so haven't been able to read these replies. Thank you. Someone said I was part of the contraband thing by opening a phone account. No..I did not do that. I'm not dumb to do that. All I did was purchase a greendot Money Pak and give the code. But I did worry if my # would pop up if got busted. That's why I wouldn't snitch him out also for my own sake.
Well I found a few of the pics I sent on my Google Drive yesterday so I was happy. There's just a couple I'm missing now so I just kiss them goodbye. I know I was conned big-time. I hope his "wife" doesn't try to text me again. I blocked her but I know these type of people can just get another # and try again. I truly want to be left alone and forget I ever made a mistake. I find myself thanking God it didn't work out because I could've truly suffered and lost more. I have ethics and principles so it wouldn't have been a good match anyway. All this experience has made me reflect on my own issues. I must've been really going through something to have reached out and written to a stranger. That's uncharacteristic so I'm just working on myself. And yes..friends and family do help. Thank you.
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Old 07-05-2018, 02:50 PM
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Girl do not beat yourself this man sounds like professional con man who know exactly what he was doing. NONE of it was your fault sister!!!
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