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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 06-05-2018, 11:50 AM
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Unhappy MWI - Fail

I wish I was here to share a happy fairytale ending...but unfortunately this is not the case.
I know some of you will read my past posts and clearly see that I ignored the red flags and continued to pursue a relationship with someone who eventually repeated the same pattern he had shown me in the past. I held it strong for months, avoiding getting back together with him, but at the end I failed . There were a lot of signs that he had changed (or so I thought). Which leads to two weeks ago: his release. I am from Canada and him Texas, so let's say it was a long/expensive travel to go and see him. When I got there, the connection felt really strong. We did not let eachother go for more than an hour out of 24 hours in a day, constantly hand in hand and in eachothers arms. Love was in the air. He was affectionate, sweet, and treated me like a Queen. I have a son and had to return for him to finish school and the plans were for me to head back next month for good. Well he took to making a Facebook account when he had gotten out and started adding a bunch of women he did not know. Hot ones. After he had seen that it had been bothering me, he claimed he wanted to delete it but did not know how. He would text me less and less which would make me often, as he says, "trip on him" because I would see he would be on Messenger but go hours without checking up on me. I told him we should go our seperate ways. (not because I wanted to, but because his actions were really hurting me). An hour later, he took me off his page and posted that his heart was broken and then again a pic of himself smiling. It broke my heart. We spoke again after that and he told me he only did that because he was really hurt and felt like I gave up on him. He missed me. So being BoBo the clown that I am, I went back with him. Well he went back to barely texting me. Constantly on his Messenger. Finally admitting, after an hour of denying, that he was talking to someone but only to get something out of it. I asked him if he was pretending to be single to get what he wanted. He said it was not like that. I sent him a relationship status request and after what I think was moments of hesitation he accepted it and boom 2 days later he deleted his account (remember he did not know how before lol). After begging him to answer me if it was because of the us he did that he finally told me that he needed time....sorry. I told him that leading me on hurt me. He said he was not leading me on, that he just needs time and to b safe. I never wrote back and erased everything related to him. That was the last straw. How can I forgive someone who says they love me, but that lets me sit there hurt and ignored, not returning calls, texts, driving me crazy, and not give a fck?
I mean I may stupid in love, but not that stupid to not know that he had probably met someone and I kind of ruined the whole plan of keeping me and her at the same time. Him telling me he needs time and not: it is not working out with us, is basically to keep me as his safety net. I guess I am soooo devastated that I did so much to prove my love for this man (who indebts themselves and goes miles just to see someone, me the idiot! lol), held him down, only to have him drop me after a week.I waited years and he couldnt wait a month! It has me doubting myself, my worth, and feeding into my worst insecurities. I have sooooooooo many people trying to convince me that he is the one who is trash, but I am having a hard time dealing with it. I know there are some good guys and happy endings but my only advice is girls: if something in your gut tells you something aint right: Believe it. Thanks 4 reading. I needed to let that out.
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  #2  
Old 06-05-2018, 12:46 PM
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Hi there, sorry to hear that things did not work out for you.It sounds like you werent on the same page. You were looking for things that he wasn't prepared to give. Sounds like he was ready to play the field.
I hope you realise that you will find someone who really does want to be with you 100%. Good luck to you.
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Old 06-05-2018, 01:21 PM
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Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
Hi there, sorry to hear that things did not work out for you.It sounds like you werent on the same page. You were looking for things that he wasn't prepared to give. Sounds like he was ready to play the field.
I hope you realise that you will find someone who really does want to be with you 100%. Good luck to you.
Thank you.
I think you are right.
Just sucks that I asked him about a million times before if thats not what he wanted and he said no.
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Old 06-05-2018, 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted by RzAngel View Post
Thank you.
I think you are right.
Just sucks that I asked him about a million times before if thats not what he wanted and he said no.
Very frustrating.
It's easy to allow yourself to believe things even though there are red flags.
I've definitely been there in life xo

Last edited by nawlinsrainy; 06-05-2018 at 03:34 PM..
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Old 06-05-2018, 05:07 PM
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Don't doubt yourself, doubt all of the lies he told you. Some folks are lifelong womanizers who will never change. Since he wasn't even able to control himself when you were there with him, the chances that he will do anything differently when you aren't there are nonexistent.
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Old 06-05-2018, 05:24 PM
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Don't doubt yourself, doubt all of the lies he told you. Some folks are lifelong womanizers who will never change. Since he wasn't even able to control himself when you were there with him, the chances that he will do anything differently when you aren't there are nonexistent.
Agreed!
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Old 06-05-2018, 07:20 PM
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Very frustrating.
It's easy to allow yourself to believe things even though there are red flags.
I've definitely been there in life xo
Ugh yes
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Old 06-05-2018, 08:53 PM
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I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Men really suck sometimes. :-( Hang in there though, keep positive and moving on. Never look back.
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Old 06-05-2018, 11:36 PM
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I am so sorry you went through such heartache. You’re not a fool or an idiot - you’re a human who saw the good in someone and did your best to make your relationship work. His flakiness and sneaking around and lying is on him, not you. All you can do is try to pick up the pieces and learn from it.
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Old 06-06-2018, 01:01 AM
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Oh crap, I'm so sorry!!!
As WeepingWillow says, you're not a fool or idiot. You tried and it didn't work out and it's always the same: it takes two to tango and if he's "uncooperative" then save your energy, heart and time and move on
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Old 06-16-2018, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RzAngel View Post
I wish I was here to share a happy fairytale ending...but unfortunately this is not the case.
I know some of you will read my past posts and clearly see that I ignored the red flags and continued to pursue a relationship with someone who eventually repeated the same pattern he had shown me in the past. I held it strong for months, avoiding getting back together with him, but at the end I failed . There were a lot of signs that he had changed (or so I thought). Which leads to two weeks ago: his release. I am from Canada and him Texas, so let's say it was a long/expensive travel to go and see him. When I got there, the connection felt really strong. We did not let eachother go for more than an hour out of 24 hours in a day, constantly hand in hand and in eachothers arms. Love was in the air. He was affectionate, sweet, and treated me like a Queen. I have a son and had to return for him to finish school and the plans were for me to head back next month for good. Well he took to making a Facebook account when he had gotten out and started adding a bunch of women he did not know. Hot ones. After he had seen that it had been bothering me, he claimed he wanted to delete it but did not know how. He would text me less and less which would make me often, as he says, "trip on him" because I would see he would be on Messenger but go hours without checking up on me

-

After begging him
to answer me if it was because of the us he did that he finally told me that he needed time....sorry. I told him that leading me on hurt me. He said he was not leading me on, that he just needs time and to b safe. I never wrote back and erased everything related to him. That was the last straw. How can I forgive someone who says they love me, but that lets me sit there hurt and ignored, not returning calls, texts, driving me crazy, and not give a fck?

-




I mean I may stupid in love, but not that stupid to not know that he had probably met someone and I kind of ruined the whole plan of keeping me and her at the same time.
-

Him telling me he needs time and not: it is not working out with us, is basically to keep me as his safety net.

I guess I am soooo devastated that I did so much to prove my love for this man (who indebts themselves and goes miles just to see someone, me the idiot! lol)

held him down, only to have him drop me after a week.I waited years and he couldnt wait a month! It has me doubting myself, my worth, and feeding into my worst insecurities.

-

I have sooooooooo many people trying to convince me that he is the one who is trash, but I am having a hard time dealing with it. I know there are some good guys and


happy endings but my only advice is girls: if something in your gut tells you something aint right:


Believe it. Thanks 4 reading. I needed to let that out.
Hugs going your way today as i know you're needing a few ... Aw so sorry chica, pero(but)MORE sorry for this guy...Seriously. What a big dummy. NOT WORTH IT.
You're in debt i think i read, travel so many miles to see him, and he turn around and does this...YEP. This is why so many men are gettin' it from women who(at times) seek a pay back and or sue them(even if they broke)don't matter. one day if they win lottery or paycheck it will be garnished,and or do other things to him, for pay back.(I am not saying i support it)but i am reading up on that for year or 2 now and i see why SOME WOMEN snapped. How dare a man feel he can treat you like this after you're there for him at the "level you were." JUST NEFARIOUS AND CRUEL.
-
But you're going to be ok. GOD will see to it.
-

DON'T BEG any man for anything, NADA chica, for nothing, hola. (i read your thread 2x already) You should not have to "Beg him to tell you anything"and i know it hurts, pero chica you're BETTER than that!! How dare he! He is scum. sorry. That is how i feel... No excuse for this.

-and:

Yea...Yep smh.
Some who i am sure HE consider as other idiots, no good people would think are um "hot. Chica, i thank you 4 sharing. I know it's hard for you, pero ... you're going to be ok. Him, not so much. I am truly a believer, in bad karma as it is not always "on time" but eventually it will reach one who CHOSE to hurt such a great person in life. You're going to be ok.

Sad... How it turned out. Sad indeed but more for him. What a complete jerk,no good LOSER, with a capital L. I make no more excuses for these dudes in prison. I am currently focusing on a MWI, but we are friends, more serious now sure, but i am still extreme-careful, and i am not looking back at my ex-factor as ALL here know the story on him. I am happy! He is out messing up again and again, screwing up, went back already 1x feasibly more by now violations. i am happy and been moved on. Life's awesome, and i know chica, soon, you're going to be saying this too.
LIFE will be GREAT for you again, as this guy is not worth it. He think he is slick,but really he is not. You're now knowing this for all certainty ...you will survive this.

All them on FB page or snapchat even other social media sites, et.al., all of them "hot" chicks, or who you or him feel are "hot" are the same one's who will:
-Not love him for him at all and he will regret(one day)he lost the BEST "real woman" for him because a reina chica, a "queen" hold it down for her man, and a REAL man/KING appreciate it and show such appreciation back to you 10x over.
Those FB "hot" or at least hot to him chicks:

-Not goin' to hold him down EVER if he return back to a prison facility and or be here for him, other than a quick sex act, if that.
-When it gets tough out here in the "real world for him" they will be gone before you're able to say, i told you so ...
-Won't "truly" care deeply or at all for him. Not 1 bit. But, again, they have to learn the hard way. No good he is, simple as that. HIS LOSS...NOT YOURS
so let him be "some one else's problem now." Count your blessings chica.

He will NEVER have such a strong incredible great loving woman like you chica. So, remember, this too shall pass." God bless you. and hugs and blessings going your way from this PTO'er today .......adios.
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Last edited by a.rare.love; 06-16-2018 at 10:42 AM..
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  #12  
Old 06-16-2018, 04:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a.rare.love View Post
Hugs going your way today as i know you're needing a few ... Aw so sorry chica, pero(but)MORE sorry for this guy...Seriously. What a big dummy. NOT WORTH IT.
You're in debt i think i read, travel so many miles to see him, and he turn around and does this...YEP. This is why so many men are gettin' it from women who(at times) seek a pay back and or sue them(even if they broke)don't matter. one day if they win lottery or paycheck it will be garnished,and or do other things to him, for pay back.(I am not saying i support it)but i am reading up on that for year or 2 now and i see why SOME WOMEN snapped. How dare a man feel he can treat you like this after you're there for him at the "level you were." JUST NEFARIOUS AND CRUEL.
-
But you're going to be ok. GOD will see to it.
-

DON'T BEG any man for anything, NADA chica, for nothing, hola. (i read your thread 2x already) You should not have to "Beg him to tell you anything"and i know it hurts, pero chica you're BETTER than that!! How dare he! He is scum. sorry. That is how i feel... No excuse for this.

-and:

Yea...Yep smh.
Some who i am sure HE consider as other idiots, no good people would think are um "hot. Chica, i thank you 4 sharing. I know it's hard for you, pero ... you're going to be ok. Him, not so much. I am truly a believer, in bad karma as it is not always "on time" but eventually it will reach one who CHOSE to hurt such a great person in life. You're going to be ok.

Sad... How it turned out. Sad indeed but more for him. What a complete jerk,no good LOSER, with a capital L. I make no more excuses for these dudes in prison. I am currently focusing on a MWI, but we are friends, more serious now sure, but i am still extreme-careful, and i am not looking back at my ex-factor as ALL here know the story on him. I am happy! He is out messing up again and again, screwing up, went back already 1x feasibly more by now violations. i am happy and been moved on. Life's awesome, and i know chica, soon, you're going to be saying this too.
LIFE will be GREAT for you again, as this guy is not worth it. He think he is slick,but really he is not. You're now knowing this for all certainty ...you will survive this.

All them on FB page or snapchat even other social media sites, et.al., all of them "hot" chicks, or who you or him feel are "hot" are the same one's who will:
-Not love him for him at all and he will regret(one day)he lost the BEST "real woman" for him because a reina chica, a "queen" hold it down for her man, and a REAL man/KING appreciate it and show such appreciation back to you 10x over.
Those FB "hot" or at least hot to him chicks:

-Not goin' to hold him down EVER if he return back to a prison facility and or be here for him, other than a quick sex act, if that.
-When it gets tough out here in the "real world for him" they will be gone before you're able to say, i told you so ...
-Won't "truly" care deeply or at all for him. Not 1 bit. But, again, they have to learn the hard way. No good he is, simple as that. HIS LOSS...NOT YOURS
so let him be "some one else's problem now." Count your blessings chica.

He will NEVER have such a strong incredible great loving woman like you chica. So, remember, this too shall pass." God bless you. and hugs and blessings going your way from this PTO'er today .......adios.
Awe thank you for all your words and advice! It really touched my heart.
I know deep down inside that what you are saying is 100 percent right!!!
I am doing better now. I think lol...Some moments of self doubt but I quickly talk myself out of it. Telling myself exactly the things you have mentionned above.
Although I dont often post or comment, I have read a lot of your posts and I find you a very strong and supportive female. I admire you for that!
Hugs!
Angel
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  #13  
Old 06-18-2018, 03:27 AM
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Hi, I'm sorry to hear things didn't go in the right direction for you. He sounds like a womaniser who wants to play the field after prison. He's talking to other women and has been all along. Its obvious he's not after a committed relationship. Those women he is talking to aren't going to support him if he f**ks up and lands in prison again. As for the ultimate question - why did he do all this after you held him down for years and went all that way to visit him. I just want to give you this example...you know men do love their cars sooo much...sometimes more than their girl.

Some men chose the best car of their choice and settle with it.

Some men try a new car when ever they get a chance.

Some change their car regularly.

Some go crazy and maintain a collection of cars.

I think a lot of men will go with that last option if its available.

I think this answers many questions. Take care always remember - His loss!
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Old 06-18-2018, 05:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PinkMarshmallow View Post
Hi, I'm sorry to hear things didn't go in the right direction for you. He sounds like a womaniser who wants to play the field after prison. He's talking to other women and has been all along. Its obvious he's not after a committed relationship. Those women he is talking to aren't going to support him if he f**ks up and lands in prison again. As for the ultimate question - why did he do all this after you held him down for years and went all that way to visit him. I just want to give you this example...you know men do love their cars sooo much...sometimes more than their girl.

Some men chose the best car of their choice and settle with it.

Some men try a new car when ever they get a chance.

Some change their car regularly.

Some go crazy and maintain a collection of cars.

I think a lot of men will go with that last option if its available.

I think this answers many questions. Take care always remember - His loss!
I see exactly what you are saying!
Booo sucks he was one of those...hehe
Note to self : his loss!
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Old 07-07-2018, 08:11 PM
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I ignored all the red flags. I ignored everyone who told me not to get into a relationship with my ex. But I was lonely, and it made me vulnerable. Try not to be too hard on yourself for letting your feelings cloud your judgement. I think we all go through it at some point in our lives, in some way or another. I'm sorry he put you through this. One thing I've learned from my counselor is certain people know how to take advantage of those of us who tend to be more empathetic.

Try and use this as a learning experience and focus on yourself. Screw him.
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Old 07-09-2018, 09:32 PM
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Default So sorry

Thank you. Your words spoke to me. I am so sorry this happened. But you will be better for it, I do believe.
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