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  #1  
Old 07-26-2018, 07:38 PM
MurMur MurMur is offline
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Lightbulb Scared about the "MWI" what if's

This could be posted over multiple threads but decided to start my own. I have been talking with my MWI for a couple months. He hasn't made it official. I say that because I'm very traditional and well he's a man. Our "arrangement" started through my best friend who's man is locked up in the same prison. He asked for a friend to talk to and she told him there was nobody. Then she said me but that I would never entertain a dude like that. Well he was giving her man phone calls everyday so they could talk and well she up and gave him my number. He called everyday 3 times a day until I answered I finally picked up and said I was working and I'm a very busy person. Day 6 I had time to pick up the phone and talk. It was a 20 min conversation and I was shocked. He was hilarious made me laugh wasn't awkward at all. 2 months later I've seen him in person we exchange letters once sometimes twice a week and emails everyday as well as talking on the phone 3 times a day. I seen him face to face already and we exchanged a hug and a kiss I was so nervous being there and meeting him. We held hands the entire time and he described in detail his crimes. (I paid for a background check 2 weeks into our conversations) We have definitely moved to fast but not in a weird I question it kind of way I know the circumstances of where he's at probably has steered that fast. I care about him a lot and have very strong feelings for him and I know he has for me. We just haven't admitted them to each other "yet" I trust him fully can't go into something without full trust. He has offered to have me meet his family and Gage him from his family's perspective I declined. So here are the what ifs. I know a lot to read already.


He's been in the home for fights before. I understand prison politics I had family there. I get it. He has made changes because of me to keep himself out of trouble. I told him I was grateful for that. But.....

How am I supposed to be if he does it again?

I've become attached to my phone and knows the times he can call and based my schedule off of them.

What if he can't and I work myself up to worry that he's hurt or did something wrong or the prison is on lockdown?

We are mutually supportive of each other and we are each other's cheerleaders.

What will happen when he doesn't want to do something like a program to get him released 18 days sooner is it right of me to ask him to do it? Because it benefits him on paper? And well the plus side is us.

I'm afraid at this point that I could be wasting my time. I've already gone all in that I will ride this out with him and time will be the testament for us. But what if he is released and he has the same behaviors and I wasted this time for nothing.



I want to open a dialogue and ask him all this but at this stage we're still just friends.


I'm also an over thinker and do this often 😂


Thanks all!
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Old 07-26-2018, 07:56 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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All relationships have the what ifs. You care about someone and you're totally normal.

As with anyone, actions speak louder than words. He can show you by his actions that he is changing. There are no guarantees. Inside or outside

I don't know how long he has, but to survive this curbing your mind is a must. It'll eat you alive. Look at it as an adventure. A new chapter in your life. Make it fun as you discover one another.

If you are a worry wart/over thinker like me, it teaches you patience, how to distract your mind, and perspective shifts. Finding peace of mind through chaos. Who knew?
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Old 07-26-2018, 11:19 PM
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It sounds like a sweet story.

I had a million what ifs and I nearly drove myself ( and him) to insanity.
He's out now and we're getting married in sept.
You never know what will happen
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Old 07-27-2018, 12:41 AM
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Funny thing... I hardly have any what if‘s... I enjoy every single day I have with him and looking forward to a chance to be with him on the outside but I think I'm experienced and smart enough to know that there are no guarantees in life. So enjoying the moment and not worry about tomorrow.
But... I used to worry a lot more when I was younger but found out that didn’t help either... you get more relaxed the older you get
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Old 07-27-2018, 01:46 AM
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MurMur - I moved your thread to our Prison Inmate Pen-Pal Talk as you said you two are just friends right now and not in a romantic relationship (yet)

My two cents: MWI relationships are not for the faint of heart. If you are the type of person who is a worrier and tends to over-think and go through the what-ifs in your mind....I would very carefully consider whether you want to take this direction with your friend. You will drive yourself insane if you are not able to let go of the doubts/concerns/worries.

I'm MWI and have been in a relationship with him for some two and a half years now; we live in different countries. He was released last year...and was arrested again after just a short while in freedom. Without going into details I decided to stay with him. Point being: anything can happen and you just need to figure out how strong you are and how much you'd be able to take on should it all go very wrong. It can go wrong, it can go really well, nobody knows. I'm much older than you are and I am in peace with whatever may come...but as a young person if you have doubts...I would stick to friendship for now and see how it develops...get to know each other really well....and try to gain clarity for whether or not the uncertainty and risks involved in a relationship like this is something you are willing to take on

Good luck - keep us posted
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Old 07-27-2018, 12:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
All relationships have the what ifs. You care about someone and you're totally normal.

As with anyone, actions speak louder than words. He can show you by his actions that he is changing. There are no guarantees. Inside or outside

I don't know how long he has, but to survive this curbing your mind is a must. It'll eat you alive. Look at it as an adventure. A new chapter in your life. Make it fun as you discover one another.

If you are a worry wart/over thinker like me, it teaches you patience, how to distract your mind, and perspective shifts. Finding peace of mind through chaos. Who knew?
Yeah I know they do. It's sometimes harder and eaiser at the same time that he is in prison. He has showed me that he wants to change he has stopped doing this that would cause us to lose phone calls,letters and visits and he said he did it cause he didn't want to jeopardize any of that for the both of us.

He has 8 months left of a two year sentence. I curb my mind often and have filtered most stuff through him if I need too and he has been more than willing to talk about it. I am having a lot of fun I'm just maybe feeling now that I am starting to have stronger feelings for him I'm scared. I let him know my worries and fears and he sets me straight he writes me telling me not to over think and to just get out of my head. I'm a over thinker by birth lmao.
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Old 07-27-2018, 01:06 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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Yeah I know they do. It's sometimes harder and eaiser at the same time that he is in prison. He has showed me that he wants to change he has stopped doing this that would cause us to lose phone calls,letters and visits and he said he did it cause he didn't want to jeopardize any of that for the both of us.

He has 8 months left of a two year sentence. I curb my mind often and have filtered most stuff through him if I need too and he has been more than willing to talk about it. I am having a lot of fun I'm just maybe feeling now that I am starting to have stronger feelings for him I'm scared. I let him know my worries and fears and he sets me straight he writes me telling me not to over think and to just get out of my head. I'm a over thinker by birth lmao.
Yup you're falling for him. Everyone gets those jitters! If we get lost in those fears, then problems arise.

He is also almost done, who h carries other types of jitters cause things will get real. Best bet is to only do us on the now.

We can't change the past and only day dream about the future. We can set plans in motion, but the best part about plans coming to fruition is the process.


Next time you visit tell him how you feel. Don't be afraid to take the lead. Us cerebrals tend to play it safe with everything. We also think to the point of non action.

Follow your heart, keep your eyes open and have fun.
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Old 07-27-2018, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Sarianna View Post
MurMur - I moved your thread to our Prison Inmate Pen-Pal Talk as you said you two are just friends right now and not in a romantic relationship (yet)

My two cents: MWI relationships are not for the faint of heart. If you are the type of person who is a worrier and tends to over-think and go through the what-ifs in your mind....I would very carefully consider whether you want to take this direction with your friend. You will drive yourself insane if you are not able to let go of the doubts/concerns/worries.

I'm MWI and have been in a relationship with him for some two and a half years now; we live in different countries. He was released last year...and was arrested again after just a short while in freedom. Without going into details I decided to stay with him. Point being: anything can happen and you just need to figure out how strong you are and how much you'd be able to take on should it all go very wrong. It can go wrong, it can go really well, nobody knows. I'm much older than you are and I am in peace with whatever may come...but as a young person if you have doubts...I would stick to friendship for now and see how it develops...get to know each other really well....and try to gain clarity for whether or not the uncertainty and risks involved in a relationship like this is something you are willing to take on

Good luck - keep us posted


I know they aren't. I'm a very strong woman and I'm very loyal I know that there will be hard times I know I will have to deal with them. I actually talked to him about some of these things with him after posting this. I was hesitant because of his reaction even though knowing he would give it to me straight and actually calm my thoughts.

I'm 35 he is 36. Ive been ready to have this journey with him. He gave me that confidence. I've talked about what he expects to happen when he gets out and is only in this time for being in the wrong place at the wrong time with his toxic ex. He had made a lot of changes to better his life cause well his words "I'm getting to old for this **** I just want to chill and have a great life. I know he understands the consequences of his actions and now how it has effected how we are. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I am totally blessed to have met him. The way that we have communicated is so foreign nowdays that it's so much more meaningful. Deep true thoughts on a letter which opens up topics of discussion on the phone into which we both ruin parts of the letter we sent in response. I'm expecting another letter today into which he said he may have said more than he should have. That puts a huge smile on my face and calms the fires of overthinking. I know he is worth the wait and the trouble it's already been tough from the beginning. Including me almost not being allowed to visit because of my clothes but I brought my whole closet just in case.
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Old 07-27-2018, 01:10 PM
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Funny thing... I hardly have any what if‘s... I enjoy every single day I have with him and looking forward to a chance to be with him on the outside but I think I'm experienced and smart enough to know that there are no guarantees in life. So enjoying the moment and not worry about tomorrow.
But... I used to worry a lot more when I was younger but found out that didn’t help either... you get more relaxed the older you get

I've seen a lot of your posts on this page. Your quote at the bottom has been something I have taken as one of my own. I enjoy every day with him this is just new and fresh for me and I'm still learning about him and how much I can take. I know he is worth it.
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Old 07-27-2018, 01:50 PM
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Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
Yup you're falling for him. Everyone gets those jitters! If we get lost in those fears, then problems arise.

He is also almost done, who h carries other types of jitters cause things will get real. Best bet is to only do us on the now.

We can't change the past and only day dream about the future. We can set plans in motion, but the best part about plans coming to fruition is the process.


Next time you visit tell him how you feel. Don't be afraid to take the lead. Us cerebrals tend to play it safe with everything. We also think to the point of non action.

Follow your heart, keep your eyes open and have fun.
That's just it lol I get lost and then I push it out of my mind and distract myself. So I don't feed into it. He is intoxicating lmao I reread his letters and emails as well to help the fears at Bay.

I really want to tell him how I feel I was just waiting for him to start the conversation.
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Old 08-02-2018, 07:27 PM
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I wanted to post an update. I went and saw him yesterday. It was a great visit. He finally told me that he loves me hahaha. I got home to a letter that said he was such a chicken to tell me. But I told him I already knew because I had already fallen for him too. It was at the end of the visit and he held up his hand signed I love you and I said! Just tell me he stood up and grabbed me and said I love you kissed me and I said I love you too then he said go now before I have to smuggle you in my cell. He then called me about 2 hours later and said he is glad he finally said it cause it's never going to get old saying it. I'm extremely happy to have found him and look forward to sharing with you guys on this wonderful journey.
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Old 08-02-2018, 08:44 PM
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Enjoy the journey
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Old 08-03-2018, 02:37 AM
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So glad you had a great visit
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Old 08-03-2018, 09:38 AM
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I met my boyfriend while he was finishing a five year sentence. We wrote for ten months and had an occasional phone call. He has been out almost 11 months and he is the kindest most loyal man I’ve ever been with. We live together now and life is great. We are building a life together and truly enjoy being with each other. Good luck I worried that we wouldn’t ha e chemistry in real life but I’m very glad I was wrong
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Old 08-18-2018, 06:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarianna View Post
MurMur - I moved your thread to our Prison Inmate Pen-Pal Talk as you said you two are just friends right now and not in a romantic relationship (yet)

My two cents: MWI relationships are not for the faint of heart. If you are the type of person who is a worrier and tends to over-think and go through the what-ifs in your mind....I would very carefully consider whether you want to take this direction with your friend. You will drive yourself insane if you are not able to let go of the doubts/concerns/worries.

I'm MWI and have been in a relationship with him for some two and a half years now; we live in different countries. He was released last year...and was arrested again after just a short while in freedom. Without going into details I decided to stay with him. Point being: anything can happen and you just need to figure out how strong you are and how much you'd be able to take on should it all go very wrong. It can go wrong, it can go really well, nobody knows. I'm much older than you are and I am in peace with whatever may come...but as a young person if you have doubts...I would stick to friendship for now and see how it develops...get to know each other really well....and try to gain clarity for whether or not the uncertainty and risks involved in a relationship like this is something you are willing to take on

Good luck - keep us posted




Ok another update. Things are going so well. Great in fact. I have 14 letters and another 40 in calls and 3 visits since the last update. We mutually agreed way before that it was moving fast so without ruining and jumping to far ahead we began to write detailed letters which included our pasts, our likes dislikes, favorite foods etc once a week I send him a letter on top of other letters a 20 question letter into which I respond and ask him to answer in his next letter questions like do you drool, pet peeves, do you leave the toilet seat up, do you want more kids, favorite color, fears, weaknesses, how do you describe love, what is your love language the list goes on and on. I look to Google and Pinterest for ideas to keep it fresh we talk about life and goals plans for our future why we think we got put together now. I have found someone I can be completely open and honest with and share everything with and I've never had someone like that in my whole life. He knows my fears he knows about my insecurities he knows details that no other human being has ever known. I am and feel completely open and free telling him these things he does the same for me. He is a strength i come to rely on. He offers me insight and his opinion on things that help me to focus on the point and not the problem when it comes to life and work and reminds me that we are both in this together doing his time together when it's about him and I and some of the barriers we've had to face I got into a car accident and broke my hand. It put me on short term disability and cause a strain in funds as well as putting my car out of commission until I get it fixed. So we haven't had a lot of phone time and I won't be able to visit him as often. We again are mutually ok with that as we have 7 more months and enough letters to keep us occupied. My best friend the one who got us together asked him over the phone one day why he hasn't made me his girlfriend. He told her while I could listen thats my girl, that's my woman, she's my lady and best friend and we don't need a title by you best believe that's my girlfriend I laughed cause he practically screamed it at yard. So all in all things are going amazingly beautiful. I am so happy I answered that phone call after his many attempts to try and contact me. Thank you all for being here and letting me have an outlet. Friends and family haven't been completely supportive of our relationship but it doesn't matter it's between him and I and nobody else.
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Old 08-18-2018, 06:37 PM
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Ok another update. Things are going so well. Great in fact. I have 14 letters and another 40 in calls and 3 visits since the last update. We mutually agreed way before that it was moving fast so without ruining and jumping to far ahead we began to write detailed letters which included our pasts, our likes dislikes, favorite foods etc once a week I send him a letter on top of other letters a 20 question letter into which I respond and ask him to answer in his next letter questions like do you drool, pet peeves, do you leave the toilet seat up, do you want more kids, favorite color, fears, weaknesses, how do you describe love, what is your love language the list goes on and on. I look to Google and Pinterest for ideas to keep it fresh we talk about life and goals plans for our future why we think we got put together now. I have found someone I can be completely open and honest with and share everything with and I've never had someone like that in my whole life. He knows my fears he knows about my insecurities he knows details that no other human being has ever known. I am and feel completely open and free telling him these things he does the same for me. He is a strength i come to rely on. He offers me insight and his opinion on things that help me to focus on the point and not the problem when it comes to life and work and reminds me that we are both in this together doing his time together when it's about him and I and some of the barriers we've had to face I got into a car accident and broke my hand. It put me on short term disability and cause a strain in funds as well as putting my car out of commission until I get it fixed. So we haven't had a lot of phone time and I won't be able to visit him as often. We again are mutually ok with that as we have 7 more months and enough letters to keep us occupied. My best friend the one who got us together asked him over the phone one day why he hasn't made me his girlfriend. He told her while I could listen thats my girl, that's my woman, she's my lady and best friend and we don't need a title by you best believe that's my girlfriend I laughed cause he practically screamed it at yard. So all in all things are going amazingly beautiful. I am so happy I answered that phone call after his many attempts to try and contact me. Thank you all for being here and letting me have an outlet. Friends and family haven't been completely supportive of our relationship but it doesn't matter it's between him and I and nobody else.
Glad things are going well. Just enjoy all the moments and memories you are making. Later you get to do, remember when ...
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Old 08-20-2018, 10:37 PM
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Glad things are going well. Just enjoy all the moments and memories you are making. Later you get to do, remember when ...
I can't wait. But we are enjoying the moments.
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