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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: How often to you talk to your SO?
Everyday 64 48.12%
2-3 times per week 40 30.08%
Once a week 19 14.29%
Once a month or less 10 7.52%
Voters: 133. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 03-08-2016, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted by PenPalD View Post
My MWI SO is an amazing person. There are days I don't understand why she is still incarcerated.

I'm going through a rough period. My ex-wife turned good friend died unexpectedly about 3 weeks ago. My dad has terminal cancer and only months to live. Other family members terminally sick or recently passed. Along with some other minor headaches.

We had a video call last night. I had had a particularly rough day and she too had had a long stressful day. She tosses her day aside and starts doing things to make me feel better and make me laugh and we had a great visit.

She is a wonderful woman and I can't believe we found each other.
You call that a rough period?? Yeah...at least! That is a lot at one time. I'm sorry for all that going on but one "good" thing coming out of all that is you've found out something quite remarkable about your MWI. It sounds like she is amazing as you have said. My condolences on what you're going through but it seems you have a good woman to stand by you.
Al
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  #27  
Old 04-14-2016, 10:26 AM
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Shogun .. I can soooo relate to you.. My wife has been in for 13 years.. I picked her up last week.. We sure do serve an Awesome God.. He did not get her out.. but He got her through it.
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  #28  
Old 04-15-2016, 04:20 PM
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I have gone psycho a couple times. I am not yet approved for phone calls. So when letters got scarce or very impersonal, my imagination got me into trouble. I paid for that...a couple times. Part of that is because I've only known her for 5 months so far and with only letters going back and forth...and the delays involved...we have further to go to "really" know each other. Sooooo, that is how I got into trouble. I said something I should have swallowed...and ended up eating those words. The good thing about it is when she was setting me straight, I learned a lot about her in a few very hot sentences and I have no doubt that I've learned more about her and I won't be having brain cramps any more. I'm glad she didn't tell me to get lost. It would have been a big loss for me so I'm glad she decided to set me straight instead. Bottom line is this...write nice things...get on the treadmill or the elliptical and work your frustrations out there. Send a letter asking a question about why they didn't call or what they really meant in that last letter, but leave out any accusations. Trust me, they come back to bite you, hard. ;-) I have the bite marks to prove it.
I couldn't agree with you more.. it can be tough when it is 'all about her/him' even when we are still affected.
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  #29  
Old 04-15-2016, 05:08 PM
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I couldn't agree with you more.. it can be tough when it is 'all about her/him' even when we are still affected.
That post of mine was written 5 months ago. I have 10 months with her now. She's letting me into her life a little more as time passes so things are improving. We've gotten past "most" of the insecurities and are discussing "real" things now as most couples would. We still need to become more familiar with one another. She's not keen on visits and all that but we do have phone calls and letters. The visits will come as we get to know one another better through our other means of communication. This is SO different than dating someone on this side of the fence. You definitely need to have patience in this type of relationship. Especially if you didn't know one another before the one was incarcerated. My MWI is still very insecure although she definitely wouldn't agree with me on that point. But, time heals all wounds and I am being patient. This will work if it is meant to be. Thank you for your note of encouragement.

Al
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  #30  
Old 04-15-2016, 07:42 PM
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I don't think there is a rational explanation for how any of us first started our relationship with our MWI. But I don't question the strength of our relationships once started. It is real and for so many of us, a greater love than those we have known before. But you are right, it requires a completely different skill set than those we have learned this side of the fence. And patience is one that is crucial. Just not being able to reach out when the mood or need hits us is one. And waiting for her to call me can be excruciating at times. But I do think that there is a kind of strength in our love that is built over time that just cannot be understood by those who have not gone through the ordeal. I do believe the prize at the end of this marathon will be worth all of the time and effort and pain once they are released and in our arms. And that is what keeps me optimistic. Cheers to you.. way to go.
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  #31  
Old 08-07-2016, 01:27 PM
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She might not be able to call for a number of reasons that have nothing to do with her. Neither of you has any control over her life. As hard as that is to accept, you have no choice but to accept it. Try not to worry or get angry if you don't get a call when you expect one. Believe me, she's a lotmore frustrated than you are.
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  #32  
Old 08-07-2016, 02:15 PM
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I know the feeling. I wish I could get a 3 hour visit with her... They stopped in person visitation completely now, 20 minute video visits are all that we can do now... She will be out in 58 days. The wait is killing me. I also try to keep my notes to her light hearted, anything that can put a smile on her face in that shitty place is a good thing. I'm not a poet but have found myself writing her poetry too. Just letting her know that she is loved and to not lose hope while she is in there is all I can do. I hate only having video visits, I would love for the chance to stare into her beautiful blue eyes. It really makes you notice how deeply you love, appreciate and miss a person when they are locked up. So I do try to look at it in the most positive light possible that this experience has strengthened my love for her. I look back and regret any of the times that I took getting to spend time with her for granted. When she gets out she will have my undivided attention 24/7...
When did they stop the visitation and where? The prison where I've been visiting my wife just got Skype and I'm worried they will stop in person visitation like I've heard at other places.
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  #33  
Old 08-07-2016, 04:03 PM
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I definitely stress when I don't hear from my husband. I get panic attacks as well. I always tell myself to try and not stress so much about it but when it happens I can't help it. But most of the time he calls everyday sometimes twice. But there have been times where he didn't call for a few days here and there because the gangs were in charge of the phones etc. Ugh
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  #34  
Old 08-07-2016, 04:10 PM
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I have to hand it to my bf, he goes way out his way to make sure he gets on the phone everyday. I don't know how he does it and I know it's stressful for him but somehow he makes it happen. Besides being in the box, he calls every day. Even when he was being transported from the box to his new facility he managed to get on the phone from the reception prison and we all know how difficult that can be. There was one day he didn't call and I freaked out a bit but he called the next day and just didn't feel like going to the yard to battle for the phone
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  #35  
Old 12-18-2016, 10:15 PM
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They suck, case and point. It is such bullshit that the entire yard has to suffer and not get access to the phones because of a few dipshits that get them put on restriction. I don't get angry with my wife when she is not able to call but it is so frustrating when I'm sitting at home waiting on a phone call that never comes. What are some ways the rest of you cope when this happens? Usually I will write her just as an outlet, but the anxiety really gets to me sometimes. There have been periods where they have been on restriction for almost a week at a time. She always calls me as soon as she has access to a phone, but it really sucks because there is no way to call the jail to find out if they are on restriction or anything, it is just a waiting game... Stupid D.O.'s it really pisses me off.
I am extremely fortunate to get to email her multiple times every day. I get a couple phone calls a week, but I never know what day they will come, so I pretty much just expect one any random night of the week. We video chat around once a month, I send a few random letters/cards/books each month, and I can hardly wait for any of the 3 visit forms I've sent in the past 2 months to make it to her councilors desk! There have been times when I didn't hear from her for a couple days, but understanding that any number of things can keep her from the phones/computers is part of the territory. Lockdowns, faulty phone lines, etc. Lately it's been that the area with the phones/comps. is unheated, next to a door, and it has been -20° in our area! Knowing this is how I deal when the calls, etc. don't come. Frustrating: yes, but none of us can do this without patience.
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  #36  
Old 12-19-2016, 11:01 PM
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I am extremely fortunate to get to email her multiple times every day. I get a couple phone calls a week, but I never know what day they will come, so I pretty much just expect one any random night of the week. We video chat around once a month, I send a few random letters/cards/books each month, and I can hardly wait for any of the 3 visit forms I've sent in the past 2 months to make it to her councilors desk! There have been times when I didn't hear from her for a couple days, but understanding that any number of things can keep her from the phones/computers is part of the territory. Lockdowns, faulty phone lines, etc. Lately it's been that the area with the phones/comps. is unheated, next to a door, and it has been -20° in our area! Knowing this is how I deal when the calls, etc. don't come. Frustrating: yes, but none of us can do this without patience.
....and for all my logical, down-to-earth talk, I sit here crying like the schoolyard bully just took my candy, all because I didn't receive the phone call I was expecting. The longing is insane; I miss her so much! I just want to hear her voice.
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  #37  
Old 12-20-2016, 12:26 PM
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I am extremely fortunate to get to email her multiple times every day. I get a couple phone calls a week, but I never know what day they will come, so I pretty much just expect one any random night of the week. We video chat around once a month, I send a few random letters/cards/books each month, and I can hardly wait for any of the 3 visit forms I've sent in the past 2 months to make it to her councilors desk! There have been times when I didn't hear from her for a couple days, but understanding that any number of things can keep her from the phones/computers is part of the territory. Lockdowns, faulty phone lines, etc. Lately it's been that the area with the phones/comps. is unheated, next to a door, and it has been -20° in our area! Knowing this is how I deal when the calls, etc. don't come. Frustrating: yes, but none of us can do this without patience.
Having to put up with cold along with all the usual miseries is nasty. Patience is a virtue that we all need but wish we didn't need so much of.
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  #38  
Old 12-20-2016, 12:27 PM
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....and for all my logical, down-to-earth talk, I sit here crying like the schoolyard bully just took my candy, all because I didn't receive the phone call I was expecting. The longing is insane; I miss her so much! I just want to hear her voice.
Knowing all the times she wanted to call but couldn't over the years has been hard to take.
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  #39  
Old 12-26-2016, 12:41 PM
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I have told my best friend that her little ones always come before me, and I make sure there is alway money on their phone number. That means I'm very happy if we talk twice a week on the phone and get two visits a month. We send messages on jpay most days, but having communication with her family helps a lot when I don't hear from her. There have been more than a few nights when a call or email never came. I think she is in a relative safe position, but I know that can change very quickly. Prayer is what gets me through on bad days.
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  #40  
Old 10-31-2017, 05:11 AM
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had a video visit scheduled today, but it never connected. didn't get a call from her either. that's when the imagination needs to stop running wild. like, was it equipment issues, or did she get busted for something today? is she sick as a dog in the infirmary? or the worst...since we're MWI, has she moved on? No emails today either, and we write at least once daily, but the email system can really act up. they'll show up out of order, some seem to vanish into limbo forever...

but I'll hear from her and she'll say that they were locked down, or something else happened, and assures me that she would never leave me hanging on a daily communication. I know she's not mad; I'm CERTAIN to hear from her then!! :P
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  #41  
Old 10-31-2017, 01:20 PM
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had a video visit scheduled today, but it never connected. didn't get a call from her either. that's when the imagination needs to stop running wild. like, was it equipment issues, or did she get busted for something today? is she sick as a dog in the infirmary? or the worst...since we're MWI, has she moved on? No emails today either, and we write at least once daily, but the email system can really act up. they'll show up out of order, some seem to vanish into limbo forever...

but I'll hear from her and she'll say that they were locked down, or something else happened, and assures me that she would never leave me hanging on a daily communication. I know she's not mad; I'm CERTAIN to hear from her then!! :P
Sorry about the scheduled video visit. I have been there, and it's not fun.
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  #42  
Old 10-31-2017, 01:29 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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had a video visit scheduled today, but it never connected. didn't get a call from her either. that's when the imagination needs to stop running wild. like, was it equipment issues, or did she get busted for something today? is she sick as a dog in the infirmary? or the worst...since we're MWI, has she moved on? No emails today either, and we write at least once daily, but the email system can really act up. they'll show up out of order, some seem to vanish into limbo forever...

but I'll hear from her and she'll say that they were locked down, or something else happened, and assures me that she would never leave me hanging on a daily communication. I know she's not mad; I'm CERTAIN to hear from her then!! :P
There's no way to stop worrying about them. It's somewhat comforting to look back at all the times something happened and it turned out to be nothing.
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  #43  
Old 11-01-2017, 02:58 AM
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There's no way to stop worrying about them. It's somewhat comforting to look back at all the times something happened and it turned out to be nothing.
turns out we were both sitting there; she was at the booth, I was sitting at my computer, and Jpay had some kind of glitch as both of us stared at screens telling us to wait, but the video never started.

my LO as it turns out was just as upset, if not more, than I was. It does feel better knowing that, and because we can't just call up an inmate, I am learning that if we aren't hearing from each other, we are both feeling the same way, and there's a reason. This afternoon, after not hearing from her for almost two days and the failed video, I got a burst of 3 emails from her....but only TWO showed up in my inbox. They were all emailed at different times. Sometimes she gets sad that I might be ignoring her, but it's just Jpay acting up and my emails aren't getting through in a timely manner.

I've told her that I email her at least once a day, so if she doesn't get an email it's the system. Making sure that I send one email every 24 hours at least gives my LO the assurance that I'm reaching out to her daily, and radio silence means the system isn't working.

All kinds of thoughts run through my head even though the obvious (Jpay failure) was the case. It's funny after the fact to talk on the phone and ask what she was imagining...both of us come up with some pretty crazy things lol.

It's being in love, but until cellphones are permitted in prisons and jails (an inevitability - pay phones were once viewed as unacceptably advanced technology), it's just something we will have to live with.

We are very lucky that we are allowed to talk daily, sometimes 2-3 times. Some inmates at certain facilities do not have that privilege.
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  #44  
Old 11-03-2017, 03:25 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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I've told her that I email her at least once a day, so if she doesn't get an email it's the system. Making sure that I send one email every 24 hours at least gives my LO the assurance that I'm reaching out to her daily, and radio silence means the system isn't working.

All kinds of thoughts run through my head even though the obvious (Jpay failure) was the case. It's funny after the fact to talk on the phone and ask what she was imagining...both of us come up with some pretty crazy things lol.

Fortunately the worst things we fear or imagine practically never happen. Not knowing what's going or being able to find out or do anything about it is terminally frustrating.

It's being in love, but until cellphones are permitted in prisons and jails (an inevitability - pay phones were once viewed as unacceptably advanced technology), it's just something we will have to live with.

They want to be able to monitor and record all conversations. I'm not sure they could manage that trick with hundreds of cellphones operating simultaneously.

We are very lucky that we are allowed to talk daily, sometimes 2-3 times. Some inmates at certain facilities do not have that privilege.


Lucky indeed!
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  #45  
Old 11-19-2017, 04:13 AM
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He goes through times where he doesn't call or write, up to 2 weeks, I think last summer was 17 days. He's in a fire camp so during fire season he can be out at fires for almost a month. Last summer was 2 months at one outing. Anyways, it's really leaving me on empty this time. He called with a different request and tone and I haven't heard back. I'm sad, worried, angry, and the cycle filters through again. There is money on the phone to call, it is not fire season, I feel like he chooses not to call because of his emotions. Our last visit was amazing a few weeks back, I forgot where we were until I looked around at all the men in orange ..after I left, he called to tell me it was really hard when I left, how badly it made him miss being home, how sad he felt, and asked if I could promise to not stop loving him. I'm so worried about him and him being the tough goof ball that he is, won't ever tell me when he's vulnerable. So I'm slightly angry, feeling like he's selfish to not let me know that he needs time to himself, to leave me hanging here worried sick about him. Waiting for a call or a letter. It's been 11 days, I hope he calls me soon. Any positive input is appreciated, especially when it comes to the incarcerated distancing themselves from family and friends on the outside as a coping skill.
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  #46  
Old 08-02-2018, 10:20 AM
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They suck, case and point. It is such bullshit that the entire yard has to suffer and not get access to the phones because of a few dipshits that get them put on restriction. I don't get angry with my wife when she is not able to call but it is so frustrating when I'm sitting at home waiting on a phone call that never comes. What are some ways the rest of you cope when this happens? Usually I will write her just as an outlet, but the anxiety really gets to me sometimes. There have been periods where they have been on restriction for almost a week at a time. She always calls me as soon as she has access to a phone, but it really sucks because there is no way to call the jail to find out if they are on restriction or anything, it is just a waiting game... Stupid D.O.'s it really pisses me off.

Prison is one frustration after another for both parties. Try to relax and don't let it eat our brain. Check your PM or a message.
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Old 10-19-2018, 11:03 AM
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My MWI SO is an amazing person. There are days I don't understand why she is still incarcerated. ... We had a video call last night. I had had a particularly rough day and she too had had a long stressful day. She tosses her day aside and starts doing things to make me feel better and make me laugh and we had a great visit. She is a wonderful woman and I can't believe we found each other.
I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I'm glad you have a special lady to help ease your pain. I know what you meant when you wrote "there are days I don't understand why she is still incarcerated." My wife should have been released around 15 years ago if the judge had sentenced her fairly. There's no end in sight.



Frank
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