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  #51  
Old 03-17-2017, 05:54 AM
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Where I am at in Fl the county send alot of drug offenders to rehab, matter of fact my Lo was sentenced there 3 times before finally prison. She completed it once but decided to hang with the wrong people after we split and relapsed shortly after. The last 2 times she stayed a total of 72 hours before walking out and of course getting violated. Prison saved her life at least for now, she even admits she needed prison to get some time under her as she would of continued to walk away from help. Many of the girls I met through her and her 1st time in rehab relapsed and have had muktiple stays in rehabs and jails. Until they are ready to change it doesnt matter where they are sent imo, hopefully prison is the bottom for my Lo. she is talking a good game right now and I have seen alot fo changes in her but once she has freedom again will be the real test.
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  #52  
Old 03-17-2017, 06:44 AM
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Drug addiction aside, apart from a life altering event or series of events most of us have a very difficult time with change. For some addicts prison and all the bad things that go with the experience allows them to reach the point where they no longer want anything to do with drugs of people who use drugs. I wish I could say that I could tell when someone has hit rock bottom. I believe my LO has, but only time will tell for sure.
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Old 03-17-2017, 11:11 AM
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Old 04-07-2017, 10:59 AM
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Things are going relatively smooth despite some crazy spring storms. I had a great visit last weekend, but the visiting room automat guys let us down on the food choices.

This weekend her friend that has stayed with her through drug addiction, county, the trial, and prison is visiting. Work on the parole application is wrapping up. I learned a lot through that process and due to some special circumstances I'm glad that an attorney lead the process, but we did most leg work for her.

Became a Dodgers fan after growing up with the Braves. Sometimes things have to change.
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  #55  
Old 04-07-2017, 11:26 AM
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Became a Dodgers fan after growing up with the Braves. Sometimes things have to change.
Welcome to the club. LOL!
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  #56  
Old 04-08-2017, 08:43 AM
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Welcome to the club. LOL!
Just finishing up a two year project that let me work in Southern California. I had the chance to spend a good deal of time on the weekends in LA and around. You guys had a great spring, never seen things so green, even up in the desert. It was very nice when the sun was out. Two weekends ago I was in Death Valley and had a great time. I put some amazing miles on a rental car. Anyway hopefully the project will get renewed and I will be back when it's warm enough to get into the Pacific without a dry suit. A Dodgers game would be nice too.
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Old 04-08-2017, 05:38 PM
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Just finishing up a two year project that let me work in Southern California. I had the chance to spend a good deal of time on the weekends in LA and around. You guys had a great spring, never seen things so green, even up in the desert. It was very nice when the sun was out. Two weekends ago I was in Death Valley and had a great time. I put some amazing miles on a rental car. Anyway hopefully the project will get renewed and I will be back when it's warm enough to get into the Pacific without a dry suit. A Dodgers game would be nice too.


If you ever find yourself at the ballpark give me a heads up, I go to 30-40 games a year usually (though I might have to cut back a bit with Dee home now.)
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  #58  
Old 05-07-2017, 02:43 PM
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We pretty much finished the parole application this week. That process has taken about three months and we hired an attorney to help get records and pull everything together. We did most of the grunt work, but the attorney was invaluable in regards to an open records request and few other special problems. I learned a great deal about my best friend, none of which changed my opinion of her for the worst. Reading trial transcripts and discovery documents will push out any mythology you might have about your loved one's arrest and conviction. Next week will mark my best friend's 3rd year incarcerated of a 10 year sentence. There is so much uncertainty about when she will come home, but we have done everything we can, and she is so happy to finally have some things taken care of by a good attorney.
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  #59  
Old 05-08-2017, 11:26 AM
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We pretty much finished the parole application this week. That process has taken about three months and we hired an attorney to help get records and pull everything together. We did most of the grunt work, but the attorney was invaluable in regards to an open records request and few other special problems. I learned a great deal about my best friend, none of which changed my opinion of her for the worst. Reading trial transcripts and discovery documents will push out any mythology you might have about your loved one's arrest and conviction. Next week will mark my best friend's 3rd year incarcerated of a 10 year sentence. There is so much uncertainty about when she will come home, but we have done everything we can, and she is so happy to finally have some things taken care of by a good attorney.
Big step...hard to know when the light at the end of the tunnel will start to really appear, but this will hopefully give you a better view of what you and she are up against in the immediate term and hopefully the attorney can use that information coupled with her in-prison progress to make a case for her release.
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Old 05-08-2017, 12:42 PM
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There are two big uncertainties at the moment. First when will the board vote on her case and then what they will do. We are requesting an early vote so that she can be eligible for work release. She has no DRs, she has completed all the classes she needs to take, and she has an excellent review of her job detail performance. As far as prison staff goes, she is a model inmate, but she was incarcerated before when she was very young and the current charge is a pretty serious drug charge. For the sake of her kids it would be a big help if we just knew a date. We are just rolling with it for now and hopefully in a few months things will start to change.
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Old 05-27-2017, 11:10 AM
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Anyone going into visit this weekend? We get two days visit this weekend with the holiday. I'm hoping to see her one day and I hope her best girlfriend can see her the other.

It's a beautiful early summer day here. I hope everyone and their LO's are well. Strep Throat is going around in my LO's unit.
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Old 05-27-2017, 11:58 AM
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... For the sake of her kids it would be a big help if we just knew a date. We are just rolling with it for now and hopefully in a few months things will start to change.
We'll keep our fingers crossed that she gets approved!
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  #63  
Old 05-27-2017, 12:08 PM
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Anyone going into visit this weekend? We get two days visit this weekend with the holiday. I'm hoping to see her one day and I hope her best girlfriend can see her the other.

It's a beautiful early summer day here. I hope everyone and their LO's are well. Strep Throat is going around in my LO's unit.
We might get a little light rain on Sunday (fingers crossed that the forecast's wrong!) but Monday's supposed to be great. The visiting patio's open so it's not nearly as crowded as it was before. Our daughter's visiting my wife today, I'll visit tomorrow and my mother-in-law, our daughter and I plan to visit on Monday if her mom's up to going. My wife's still waiting for her graveside visit furlough. No idea what the hold-up is.
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Old 05-27-2017, 01:38 PM
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We might get a little light rain on Sunday (fingers crossed that the forecast's wrong!) but Monday's supposed to be great. The visiting patio's open so it's not nearly as crowded as it was before. Our daughter's visiting my wife today, I'll visit tomorrow and my mother-in-law, our daughter and I plan to visit on Monday if her mom's up to going. My wife's still waiting for her graveside visit furlough. No idea what the hold-up is.
I wish we had access to an outside space during our visits. During Children's Center, she and the kids can go outside and play, but during all the visits I have been on the outside areas are closed off. We are not allowed to walk together to the vending machines/mini-automats or anywhere else. Don't get me wrong things are pretty laid back in the visiting room, but it's going to be amazing just to do the smallest things with her one day.

I don't know how crowded it will be this weekend during my visit, but normally between 1/2 and 3/4 the tables are occupied in the morning and things taper off from there. There can be a 45 min to 1 hour wait to get in at 9am, but that is just because there is just one person working the front desk and rules that limit the number of people can be in front security area.

I hope you and your daughter have great visits and I hope your wife's mom feels up for visit on Monday. Regarding graveside visit furlough, you know better than me how fast the wheels turn in prison, but I hope that finally happens soon.
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Old 05-27-2017, 02:10 PM
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K6770;7632312 I wish we had access to an outside space during our visits. During Children's Center, she and the kids can go outside and play, but during all the visits I have been on the outside areas are closed off. We are not allowed to walk together to the vending machines/mini-automats or anywhere else.

We're allowed to visit the vending area, which is very loosely supervised. It's a adults-only area by custom, not printed rules.

Don't get me wrong things are pretty laid back in the visiting room, but it's going to be amazing just to do the smallest things with her one day.

There's only been one officer supervising the patio since it reopened and she usually doesn't circulate. It's very pleasant. There's a big shade tree that we always try to get under. It's never "private" but nobody pays any attention to what anyone else is doing.

I don't know how crowded it will be this weekend during my visit, but normally between 1/2 and 3/4 the tables are occupied in the morning and things taper off from there.

We often to got terminated early on holidays and sometimes at other times due to overcrowding when we only had the VR. It was maddening.

There can be a 45 min to 1 hour wait to get in at 9am, but that is just because there is just one person working the front desk and rules that limit the number of people can be in front security area.


Waits usually aren't that long where Tammy is, thanks goodness. It sometimes takes them extra time to "find" her, like they don't know where she is every minute?! Pre-visit strips can take a while, too. Her gripe is the time it takes them to search and escort her back to her "dorm" after visits.

I hope you and your daughter have great visits and I hope your wife's mom feels up for visit on Monday.

She's been pretty depressed since her husband died. Tammy's worried about her.

Regarding graveside visit furlough, you know better than me how fast the wheels turn in prison, but I hope that finally happens soon.

I guess they figure she has all the time in the world to wait for them to get around to it. I hope they do it for her while the weather's good.
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Old 05-27-2017, 03:05 PM
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The wait for staff to "find" my LO and for her to get to visiting room can be anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes. So on average about an hour from when I get to the prison till I'm at a table in the VR with my best friend. While I'm waiting in the VR I normally do my vending machine grocery shopping and have a cup of coffee. I try not to people watch, but there really is no way not to.

I don't know how long it takes my LO to get through the strip search at the end of the visit. Sometimes I leave early before visiting ends so she can get through that process quicker.
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Old 05-27-2017, 03:24 PM
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K6770;7632326 The wait for staff to "find" my LO and for her to get to visiting room can be anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes.

It's a long wait for them, despite "long" being relative.

So on average about an hour from when I get to the prison till I'm at a table in the VR with my best friend. While I'm waiting in the VR I normally do my vending machine grocery shopping and have a cup of coffee. I try not to people watch, but there really is no way not to.


There's no way around people watching unless staring at the clock becomes fascinating or memorizing the signs seems appealing. I know a lot about some of the women and their visitors because Tammy fills me in one ones she knows. She doesn't mind me noticing attractive women and she definitely notices attractive male visitors although she's subtle about it to avoid drama and problems. She's very good at avoiding drama.

I don't know how long it takes my LO to get through the strip search at the end of the visit. Sometimes I leave early before visiting ends so she can get through that process quicker.

It varies with Tammy. She always tries to call during the evening after visits to make sure I got home OK and let me know she's OK too, how the search went, etc. Most of the time she says searches aren't too bad but there are a couple of officers nobody wants to wind up getting searched by. The big hold up is usually too few escorts.
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Old 05-27-2017, 03:55 PM
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I always send her a Jpay so she knows I'm home safe. Sometimes I get a message from her that evening, sometimes the next day. She always talks to the kids every evening. I talk to her twice a week, but it's normally at a time when she can call back so we get 30 mins.
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Old 05-27-2017, 04:45 PM
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Regarding people watching in the VR, my LO will discreetly point out women to me and tell me about them. Sometimes she plays a bit of a game with me to teach me the differences between appearances and the heart. Sometimes she has me look up women for myself. If we become a couple when she comes home, I'm pretty sure that a few of the women she points out I will one day meet.

Apart from holidays I don't see many adult males in the VR, most the guys are grandfathers and old fathers. Not a lot young fathers, husbands and boyfriends. Most of the visitors are women and children. The dynamic changes on the holidays.

The COs walk the room a lot, but I pretty much zone them out once I'm with my best friend. I'm an outsider in a lot of ways in that part of the state. I get the same kind of looks that I do when I go back to the small town I grew up in. I like the South, but outside the big cities is another world.

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Old 05-31-2017, 11:24 AM
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K6770]
Regarding people watching in the VR, my LO will discreetly point out women to me and tell me about them.

Like Tammy does. I’ve noticed a trend during our 20+ years of sitting in the VR. Tammy pointed out a long time ago that incoming prisoners are generally getting younger, more violent and serving longer sentences.

Sometimes she plays a bit of a game with me to teach me the differences between appearances and the heart.

I experience cognoscente dissonance when I look at some of them. Some are cute kids who look like they ought to be wandering around a college campus instead of being locked up. I keep wondering what the hell’s wrong with society that so many kids are committing serious crimes. I know drugs are part of the problem but there has to be more to it.

Sometimes she has me look up women for myself.

I assume you mean you look up their convictions and sentences. Do you share that information with your LO?

If we become a couple when she comes home, I'm pretty sure that a few of the women she points out I will one day meet.

That could be either good or bad for both of you.

Apart from holidays I don't see many adult males in the VR, most the guys are grandfathers and old fathers. Not a lot young fathers, husbands and boyfriends.

Same with us. Husbands and boyfriends visit pretty often for a year or two, sometimes three then they taper off and finally stop going. I can almost predict when it will happen by watching couples’ body language and expressions over time. It’s very sad.

Most of the visitors are women and children. The dynamic changes on the holidays.

Same with us.

The COs walk the room a lot,

Ours tend not to circulate much unless somebody does something to attract attention.

but I pretty much zone them out once I'm with my best friend.

They go from being a potential threat to a nuisance to being part of the furnishings over time.

I'm an outsider in a lot of ways in that part of the state. I get the same kind of looks that I do when I go back to the small town I grew up in. I like the South, but outside the big cities is another world.

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Old 05-31-2017, 11:34 AM
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Apart from holidays I don't see many adult males in the VR, most the guys are grandfathers and old fathers. Not a lot young fathers, husbands and boyfriends.

Same with us. Husbands and boyfriends visit pretty often for a year or two, sometimes three then they taper off and finally stop going. I can almost predict when it will happen by watching couples’ body language and expressions over time. It’s very sad.

Most of the visitors are women and children. The dynamic changes on the holidays.

Same with us.
I've not visited a women's prison and this isn't something I had considered. Thank you both for sharing that. At least in my experience, three men's facilities in, it's a pretty even split-- a lot of girlfriends and wives, of course, but whole families: moms, dads, siblings of both genders, grandmas bringing grandkids.

It makes me sad to think the same thing isn't happening for incarcerated females knowing how much support means.
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Old 05-31-2017, 11:42 AM
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miamac I've not visited a women's prison and this isn't something I had considered. Thank you both for sharing that. At least in my experience, three men's facilities in, it's a pretty even split-- a lot of girlfriends and wives, of course, but whole families: moms, dads, siblings of both genders, grandmas bringing grandkids.

Being a guy, it bothers me to admit that many or most guys dump their LOs if they're serving a long sentence.

It makes me sad to think the same thing isn't happening for incarcerated females knowing how much support means.


Women who get dumped get bitter and seem to age before their time. I can't blame them for being bitter. It has to be bad enough when a couple's together and the guy wants out. A wife or SO can fight to keep the relationship alive. There's nothing much she can do from inside except watch it wither and die.
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Old 05-31-2017, 11:44 AM
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miamac I've not visited a women's prison and this isn't something I had considered. Thank you both for sharing that. At least in my experience, three men's facilities in, it's a pretty even split-- a lot of girlfriends and wives, of course, but whole families: moms, dads, siblings of both genders, grandmas bringing grandkids.

Being a guy, it bothers me to admit that many or most guys dump their LOs if they're serving a long sentence.

It makes me sad to think the same thing isn't happening for incarcerated females knowing how much support means.


Women who get dumped get bitter and seem to age before their time. I can't blame them for being bitter. It has to be bad enough when a couple's together and the guy wants out. A wife or SO can fight to keep the relationship alive. There's nothing much she can do from inside except watch it wither and die.
I guess I was thinking it's sad that brothers, fathers or other male members of the family aren't visiting, either. But you make a good point-- it seems maybe women stick around at a higher rate than men when it hits the fan. (higher rate, not exclusively )
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Old 05-31-2017, 12:21 PM
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I guess I was thinking it's sad that brothers, fathers or other male members of the family aren't visiting, either. But you make a good point-- it seems maybe women stick around at a higher rate than men when it hits the fan. (higher rate, not exclusively )
Tammy and her dad were very close. She was admittedly a Daddy's Girl. He didn't attend her trial because he couldn't bear it and he didn't visit her for the first couple of years she was inside for the same reason.

Based on what I've seen, women are generally more loyal than men. I have no real idea why except maybe our need for sex is more urgent.
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Old 05-31-2017, 12:21 PM
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I can't find it right now so I don't know the veracity, but I remember reading somewhere that at mens' prisons 80% of the visitors are women (including large numbers of wives and girlfriends.) And at womens' prisons, 80% of the visitors...are women (including large numbers of mothers and sisters.)

In my personal observation, as far as adults go, this seems about right. 80/20 is the split on the adults (women/men,) with children having their own stats, but of the children attending, I'd say about 75% are being brought by female relatives and only 25% by male relatives (in most cases, grandfathers.)

Oddly I saw more men visiting at CCWF which is out in the boonies than at CIW which is only about a half hour out of Los Angeles. But even at that we're talking a split in the 70/30 range. Encouragingly a few more relationships, but still not nearly the number you'd see in a mens' prison.

And typically, the relationships that did exist, the women were serving shorter terms. And frequently were nearing the end of their sentences.

I knew of one relationship where the man thought that the woman would be coming home soon....but of course it turned out that she lied about her out-date. After picking up a few in-prison drug charges too many he finaly cut ties.

So few women have relationships that survive a prison term (at least with people on the outside.) A lot turn to in-prison relationships, but most of those that I am aware of die at the gate or soon thereafter. Some before...
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