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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #26  
Old 03-20-2017, 01:24 PM
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If I'd be me I would leave the whole situation and be by myself for a while and let the others deal with this mess. Way too much drama and uncertainty for my taste and everything and everyone seems to work against you. Not healthy whatsoever.
Take a few steps back maybe and take care of yourself and clear your mind. You seem to be in the middle of a homemade drama.
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  #27  
Old 03-20-2017, 02:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Texas EZ Mom View Post
My heart is breaking. I don't know what to even do. he got out on the 8th and I thought things would work for us even with the parole issues. I really thought he had changed. He had me fooled. He told me over and over that he loves me, but the truth of the matter is, he "has love for me" but he is not IN LOVE with me and he probably never was. He told a friend of mine that he was still going to move up here with me and help me get on my feet, but that for long term, he is not staying. That's what she said that he told her. I have 2 children who are 9 and 6. I can see them getting attached to him, just to have him leave us. I don't want his help. I wanted him to love me the way that I love him. He may not even be capable of love. I don't know. Of course he is denying saying any of this. I am torn. Why would she lie to me? Why would he lie to me? Everything he has, I bought him and without me, he has nothing. But I still was not good enough. I am so tired. Mentally exhausted. I tried. I really tried. I put so much into this these past years, and I don't know how to let go. I just want to go lay down and cry, but my daughter is so emotional right now, she is 6, and I cannot do that to her. I am silently going crazy in my head. I need help....

After 4yrs of standing by my man when he went down in 2012 and funding his ass the whole time I found out he had been lying to me bout so much shit. It took me a few months of knowing to even leave him bc i loved him so much. I did like some suggested and cried my eyes out every time I was alone. But you have to look out for yourself and your kids. Now though my life has never been happier. By listening to him and not talking bout the things she said he did, men will always give there own self away and the funny part is they don't even realize that their ratting out themselves. Me, I had to have proof bout my man's lies before I left.

I'll keep you in my prayers!!
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  #28  
Old 03-20-2017, 06:51 PM
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First off- i am so very sorry you are dealing with this. Secondly, BREATHE.
Now-Why is your son's girlfriend the authority on your husband? The conversation is an A-B conversation. Your son's girlfriend sounds like she is a pot stir-er and needs to be left alone. In the mean time, we are all here to listen and support.
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  #29  
Old 03-20-2017, 07:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Texas EZ Mom View Post
He is over 2 hours away. I tried to get her to go to Houston with me to talk to him on Sunday and she would not go....
He tried to call her on 3 way and she did not answer the phone. He cannot drive until he gets his driver's license back, plus he is on a monitor, so he cannot come up here and she will not go there with me...
It appears that if he is willing to confront her and she is avoiding it, SHE is the asshat here, not your husband.

I really hope you can spend some time thinking about all of this and get some resolution from it....it surely is more drama and high school than I would deal with.
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  #30  
Old 03-20-2017, 08:01 PM
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Originally Posted by hisgurl2012 View Post
After 4yrs of standing by my man when he went down in 2012 and funding his ass the whole time I found out he had been lying to me bout so much shit. It took me a few months of knowing to even leave him bc i loved him so much.

I did like some suggested and cried my eyes out every time I was alone.
But you have to look out for yourself and your kids. Now though my life has never been happier.

By listening to him and not talking bout the things she said he did, men will always give there own self away and the funny part is they don't even realize that their ratting out themselves. Me, I had to have proof bout my man's lies before I left.

I'll keep you in my prayers!!
Yep.. Same here, chica. Proof is where it's at, as we all can assume anything we want... But, without a proof in hand, they will keep lying or the whole "
You're crazy, or "what you mean?" lmfao
Always thinking we will never learn what's really up. A dis-loyal man always show his true colors
and some sooner than others. But it will surface usually. I would just laugh and focus on me,dump him and not look back.So glad that we all can laugh at things now looking back at my own horrible relations of the past,.I still am doing better than any of the ex's and i love that.

Feel GREAT to be able to look back and laugh at it,knowing as yourself, WE are "better off!" and i agree with all i've highlighted above. (Only IDK> i did not cry much)but i do think it helps those who need to let it all out, 1 tear, after tear, but i was the type who will insta-bounce back after the initial shock/and or initial "i'm gone. as i would want to stay, but knew better, in like 1 hr., i was not going to go through in life with a guy who sure was not worth it, no matter how much i did love him/or assume i did anyhow."Not worth it. .Life too short.
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  #31  
Old 03-20-2017, 08:08 PM
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[quote=Texas EZ Mom;7610332]
He had me fooled.
-

He told me over and over that he loves me, but the truth of the matter is, he "has love for me" but he is not IN LOVE with me and he probably never was.

He told a friend of mine that he was still going to move up here with me and help me get on my feet, but that for long term, he is not staying.

That's what she said that he told her. I have 2 children who are 9 and 6.

I can see them getting attached to him, just to have him leave us. I don't want his help.

I wanted him to love me the way that I love him.
He may not even be capable of love. I don't know
.



----------



He does not appear to be chica, capable of loving/being IN love with you, and you seemingly are a wonderful woman. I pray you're realizing this. He told you he is not loving you/nor do he believe he was ever IN LOVE? That would be all i would need to hear. I highlight the part above for a reason, as you're not able to make a man or woman love you as much or like you're clearly loving this man. Has to happen naturally and he has advise you, "i don't think i was EVER loving or IN love with you."He said this to you." You're a great lady. Cry it all out,and look at the much bigger picture. MAYBE this is a blessing in disguise,before you're wasting any more time.Not sure what was/is going on with the "friend." But i hope you're going to yes think of the kids,and YOU first, and foremost.
Thirty years is a very long time, but thank god you're still having time to find some 1 who will "love and not only love but care and be IN Love with you for the wonderful lady you're in life, and not have to deal with such... .God bless you. Hugs and blessings your way tonight.
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  #32  
Old 03-21-2017, 01:38 AM
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Sad that she won't talk to the two of you together. It wouldn't really be the holy grail of drama ending because, let's face it, a desperate liar will lie to the face of the person in the room who knows better, but sometimes you can tell by the body language and attitude of the people involved.

I don't know that her refusing to talk about it would instantly make me think "Well then SHE'S the one lying!" But no one has yet to provide any proof. He conveniently deleted his texts and she conveniently is in too moral of an outrage to go any further into it.

So I'd just keep it in my back pocket and move on for now. You'll know if he loves you and really wants a life with you. Not because he says it over and over again, but because he shows it over and over again.

But y'all need to try to reign this chaos in if you have any chance of making it. No one should be this smack in the middle of your relationship to cause this much drama in 10 days.
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  #33  
Old 03-21-2017, 04:36 AM
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Your sons girlfriend sounds like a wrong un. She tells you that you wont be having anything to do with your son...if you dont believe the shit she is talking...that tells you all you need to know about her she is a manipulator wouldnt believe a word she said. And you need to be showing your son what a liar he is involved with.
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  #34  
Old 03-21-2017, 05:32 AM
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[quote=a.rare.love;7611009]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas EZ Mom View Post
He had me fooled.
-

He told me over and over that he loves me, but the truth of the matter is, he "has love for me" but he is not IN LOVE with me and he probably never was.

He told a friend of mine that he was still going to move up here with me and help me get on my feet, but that for long term, he is not staying.

That's what she said that he told her. I have 2 children who are 9 and 6.

I can see them getting attached to him, just to have him leave us. I don't want his help.

I wanted him to love me the way that I love him.
He may not even be capable of love. I don't know
.



----------



He does not appear to be chica, capable of loving/being IN love with you, and you seemingly are a wonderful woman. I pray you're realizing this. He told you he is not loving you/nor do he believe he was ever IN LOVE? That would be all i would need to hear. I highlight the part above for a reason, as you're not able to make a man or woman love you as much or like you're clearly loving this man. Has to happen naturally and he has advise you, "i don't think i was EVER loving or IN love with you."He said this to you." You're a great lady. Cry it all out,and look at the much bigger picture. MAYBE this is a blessing in disguise,before you're wasting any more time.Not sure what was/is going on with the "friend." But i hope you're going to yes think of the kids,and YOU first, and foremost.
Thirty years is a very long time, but thank god you're still having time to find some 1 who will "love and not only love but care and be IN Love with you for the wonderful lady you're in life, and not have to deal with such... .God bless you. Hugs and blessings your way tonight.
He didn't tell me that he does not love me or that he has love for me. That is what he said to her, if it is true. I don't know. He is still telling me that he loves me and wants to move up here with me.
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  #35  
Old 03-21-2017, 05:46 AM
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Tex,
His actions will prove just how much he loves you and how serious he is about you and the relationship.

Just sit back, stay patient and watch his actions.
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  #36  
Old 03-21-2017, 08:54 AM
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Why are you allowing this woman to dictate your relationship? I think if you were a new poster the responses would be a lot different. Tell her to stay the hell out of your relationship..if your son won't talk to you because if it he needs to grow up. It would be a cold day in hell before someone told me what to do with my personal relationships blackmail or not.
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Old 03-21-2017, 04:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BearsLadyBear View Post
Tex,
His actions will prove just how much he loves you and how serious he is about you and the relationship.

Just sit back, stay patient and watch his actions.
^^This. All this. No matter who has an unwelcome opinion on what - he will show himself soon enough. If he wants a loving relationship with you he will do just that. Words are nothing w/o action.

As for everyone else. Damn, they need to gtfo and stay out. All of their he said she said bs is gas on the fire. You said you brought her into this - then take her out. She is letting her words effect you in exactly the way she wants. She is controlling your emotions and thoughts and you are letting her influence you enough to place more confusion in an already tough situation.

You gotta consider yourself and your kids. Ultimately these are the only people that matter. You say that he said he wants to move up with you and help you get on your feet...then what? You deserve a clear answer on then what. If you don't want him to be around knowing he'll just leave after you're on your feet then that's your decision. Don't keep him around bc you don't want to lose time you invested in your relationship or that you want him to love you like you love him. If you wait for that to happen then you could be waiting a loooong time. Do you want to wait for him to love you back like you want? How long are you willing to wait for that to happen? Realistically. Weeks, months....years? Or are you ok with being lukewarm loved and him being around? Honestly, it's not the best way to show a healthy relationship to your kids. Just shows them it's ok to settle. That it's ok to be maybe in love just to hold on to an emotional investment. Saw my mother date a guy who said he was getting a divorce from his already separated wife....well guess what he didn't. Oh and he lied and was still living with her. Her strung her along for over a year. She was so hurt, angry and devastated when she found it. Settling for just ok is never a good way to live life. You deserve all the love shown to you and more with words and actions.

Last edited by Silenus; 03-21-2017 at 04:52 PM..
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  #38  
Old 03-23-2017, 07:19 PM
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He got out 2 weeks ago yesterday. I thought my world would change and it did, but not like I thought. I have not heard a word from him since Monday. He locked himself out of the phone I bought him and lost the receipt. He wanted me to wire him some money to buy a new phone. I was willing to buy the phone and Walmart site to store purchase it. He had a fit at me and called me STUPID and other names, and hung up on me. He text me and told me "I just don't care anymore" and that was the last I heard from him.
I ended up in the ER with my blood sugar so high my meter would only read "HIGH" which means over 500. My dad died at 520. I was scared. Chest pains. Hard to breathe. I text his sisters when I left to go to the ER on Monday night, and I have yet to hear from his ass. He has shown me who, and what, he really is.
Revenge time....lol. Naw...Well, maybe. Hit him where it counts. Past Child support in the amount of a little over $40,000.00, which I was willing to write off with the Attorney General's office since we were back together. ha. not anymore. Call me mean, but he played head games and he played with my heart....
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Old 03-23-2017, 08:05 PM
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I'm sorry. Take care of your health and emotional well-being. Put some time between this and acting on your feelings so you can be sure it's what you want to do/say.

Big hugs and prayers your way.
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Old 03-23-2017, 09:43 PM
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Tex, the best revenge is to walk away with your head held high even when your insides are in pain.

Don't stoop to his level by going back on your word and seek child support (after you agreed not too) unless you honestly need it.

You are hurt and real angry at him. Don't make haste decisions out of anger.

Sending you hugs.
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Old Yesterday, 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Texas EZ Mom View Post
He got out 2 weeks ago yesterday. I thought my world would change and it did, but not like I thought. I have not heard a word from him since Monday. He locked himself out of the phone I bought him and lost the receipt. He wanted me to wire him some money to buy a new phone. I was willing to buy the phone and Walmart site to store purchase it. He had a fit at me and called me STUPID and other names, and hung up on me. He text me and told me "I just don't care anymore" and that was the last I heard from him.
I ended up in the ER with my blood sugar so high my meter would only read "HIGH" which means over 500. My dad died at 520. I was scared. Chest pains. Hard to breathe. I text his sisters when I left to go to the ER on Monday night, and I have yet to hear from his ass. He has shown me who, and what, he really is.
Revenge time....lol. Naw...Well, maybe. Hit him where it counts. Past Child support in the amount of a little over $40,000.00, which I was willing to write off with the Attorney General's office since we were back together. ha. not anymore. Call me mean, but he played head games and he played with my heart....

You get that child support. NEVER EVER let a parent off the hook for taking care of their children. CS should never ever be forgiven, that has nothing to do with the relationship between you and him. Your kids deserve that support.
(I could go on forever about CS, LOL)

You take care of yourself. Actions speak louder than words. Your kids need you, he doesn't. Let him make his own way. You will be better off in the long run.
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  #42  
Old Yesterday, 10:59 PM
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Oh Tex! My heart's crying for you Sending SO many hugs your way!!

Lady Bear speaks the truth.
Living well IS the best revenge.
I walked away from a marriage 30+ years ago with zilch. No, it didn't make sense to anyone else. But I refused to get down in the mud with him [and his family.]

Rise above it. It's very satisfying.
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