Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Just Jen · #1 08-05-2012, 02:25 PM

There's a situation that is kinda bothering me, and I'm not sure if I should do anything about it.

Two weeks ago, I went and visited Jeremy. As I was in the visiting room waiting for him, I got him a cheeseburger and was waiting to use the microwave. A staff member approached me and just made a random comment that the cheeseburgers were better without the bread because the bread gets soggy. I thought she was a little weird, but I quickly dismissed it.

So he came out, we were visiting as were all the other inmates and their families. She walked past our table over to where a couple were getting their picture taken. She sat at a table really close to them and was literally facing the couple the whole time. Jeremy says, "That woman is kind of nosy. The other day, she was working in chow taking badges and just started talking to me, asking me how I was doing, was everything okay, and stuff like that." I then told him about the weird encounter at the microwave. I asked him who she was, was she a C.O. or what? (she doesn't wear a uniform; she wears slacks and a polo) He said she works over the C.O.'s, and he has seen her in chow, in the mail room, and now in visitation.

After visitation, the men leave and all visitors line up at the door. Out of all the visitors, she addresses me, "Did you have a nice visit?" I say, "Yes." Then she asked, "So how long you been knowing _____? (my man's last name)" Even though I felt the short hairs on the back of my neck stand up, I answered her. As soon as I was able to speak to Jeremy, I told him about it.

About a week ago he told me he just had another encounter where she addressed him, told him she was scared of him. When he asked her why, she said she never knows what he is thinking. He commented that she didn't need to know what he was thinking. I have felt uneasy about it, and I'm not sure if she has designs on him or what. I'm not sure there is anything I can do about it, but I think she is out of line trying to get that familiar with an inmate. If I made a complaint, I am afraid he would suffer retaliation.

Hakimu-Rosetta · #2 08-05-2012, 02:39 PM

I would let it be. Theres really nothing you can do about it, until she does something physical towards him or makes him feel uncomfortable...then "HE" should be the one to address it to this woman, that he has a problem with her always approaching him and approaching you as well.

It is out of place for her to be trying to get personal with the inmates even though to be higher than a CO IMO, to make those kind of comments or to ask those kinds of questions.

nicenjazzy · #3 08-05-2012, 02:46 PM

Sounds to me like she's overfriendly (nosy lol)...some people are just like that though. She's over the COs?? She should be the last one over the COs....after all she could lose her job for being like that! How long has she been there? She won't be there long if that's how she's acting.....give it time. I wouldn't worry about her too much, sounds like your man is leery of her actions too and he'll probably avoid her at all cost. At least he talks to you about it which is great!

Miss_A · #4 08-05-2012, 02:47 PM

Well, so far it's only stares and weird comments. There really isn't much you can do. I'm sure the two of you aren't the only ones she speaks to like that. I'd say that if her actions escalate, then he should be the one to file a grievance (if it gets to that point), not you. But, for now, I'd let it ride.

ahora2012 · #5 08-05-2012, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just Jen

There's a situation that is kinda bothering me, and I'm not sure if I should do anything about it.

Two weeks ago, I went and visited Jeremy. As I was in the visiting room waiting for him, I got him a cheeseburger and was waiting to use the microwave. A staff member approached me and just made a random comment that the cheeseburgers were better without the bread because the bread gets soggy. I thought she was a little weird, but I quickly dismissed it.

So he came out, we were visiting as were all the other inmates and their families. She walked past our table over to where a couple were getting their picture taken. She sat at a table really close to them and was literally facing the couple the whole time. Jeremy says, "That woman is kind of nosy. The other day, she was working in chow taking badges and just started talking to me, asking me how I was doing, was everything okay, and stuff like that." I then told him about the weird encounter at the microwave. I asked him who she was, was she a C.O. or what? (she doesn't wear a uniform; she wears slacks and a polo) He said she works over the C.O.'s, and he has seen her in chow, in the mail room, and now in visitation.

After visitation, the men leave and all visitors line up at the door. Out of all the visitors, she addresses me, "Did you have a nice visit?" I say, "Yes." Then she asked, "So how long you been knowing _____? (my man's last name)" Even though I felt the short hairs on the back of my neck stand up, I answered her. As soon as I was able to speak to Jeremy, I told him about it.

About a week ago he told me he just had another encounter where she addressed him, told him she was scared of him. When he asked her why, she said she never knows what he is thinking. He commented that she didn't need to know what he was thinking. I have felt uneasy about it, and I'm not sure if she has designs on him or what. I'm not sure there is anything I can do about it, but I think she is out of line trying to get that familiar with an inmate. If I made a complaint, I am afraid he would suffer retaliation.

pray - you have a wonderful scripture at the bottom of your posts - you and your LO should pray her out of the facility. i would also ask for wisdom of if and when to grieve her actions. i would not have any conversations with her at all - one literal piece of advice - never talk about it over the phone - which i am sure you are aware - but my husband and i have actually had our talks interupted by officers -
blessings to you and your man!

negretelove · #6 08-05-2012, 04:05 PM

well if there are others that feel she is too nosey or out of place in the visiting room then all of you could do signed complaints and take up with the visiting Sgt.

whatever happens on the other side of the wall needs to be handled by your loved one because you are an outside party to that situation.

I think it is best for your husband to document what makes him uncomfortable and he can take it up with his counselor before going forward with a formal complaint. Also if there are other inmates that feel the same way maybe it would be best to do a group complaint then an individual.

DP's Girl · #7 08-05-2012, 04:23 PM

As others have said even though her behavior may be strange and inappropriate there is really nothing you can file a complaint about. I would advise your husband to document any conversation he has with her. Anytime an employee, especially a female one, says she's afraid of him that could lead to problems. Just be watchful and if she says or does anything report it immediately. Hopefully she will just leave the two of you alone.

**fbopnomore** · #8 08-05-2012, 04:53 PM

I agree that it is up to him to deal with it, or let it ride, depending on what happens going forward. Any complaint, either by him or by anybody on the outside, will almost guarantee retaliation, especially if she is a supervisor or someone from CIB (or whatever they call the internal criminal investigators there).

Just Jen · #9 08-05-2012, 04:56 PM

Thank you everyone for your replies. Yes, I should definitely let him decide when and if things have gone too far and initiate a grievance. He has been documenting every conversation with her, and I am very glad that he has kept me informed about this situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ahora2012

pray - you have a wonderful scripture at the bottom of your posts - you and your LO should pray her out of the facility. i would also ask for wisdom of if and when to grieve her actions. i would not have any conversations with her at all - one literal piece of advice - never talk about it over the phone - which i am sure you are aware - but my husband and i have actually had our talks interupted by officers -
blessings to you and your man!

Thank you ahora for reminding me of what I need to always do first - pray. We are very cautious on the phone, but I think we are going to need to be even more cautious in letters. We've had mail "disappear" recently, the delays have increased tremendously, and I wonder if she might not have something to do with it all.

CVicioso89 · #10 08-05-2012, 05:05 PM

Ugh that's tough I would have him document everything she says does w.e until something more severe happens. It shouldnt effect him if he tells but he could so I would be careful the idea about a group of you complaining is great they will be more apt to listen to more of you and less of a chance or retaliation

SexyChef1 · #11 08-06-2012, 08:31 AM

Nope wouldnt say a word, because hes stuck there with her and she can make his life worse than it has to be. Leave that issue alone

CenTexLyn · #12 08-06-2012, 06:21 PM

Without knowing which unit it was (so we can determine if this was a privately run facility versus a traditional TDCJ-CID/SJF run by State-employees), it is difficult to say. Some units do have staff that actually attempt to break the stereotype that all CO's and supervisory staff are assholes...and that includes them being sociable with visitors.

One unit where I was a supervisor had a basic guideline that the shift supervisor come out to speak with family if we could not get the inmate up front inside of 15-20 minutes from the arrival at the unit. That tended to happen during feeding periods or count time. Being a small unit, it also meant that we got to know some of the families a little better in terms of recognizing who they were there to see. As a result, it also meant there were times where we might actually just have a little bit of social conversation as I wandered through the Admin Building on the weekends I worked...but by reading between the lines here, some would seem to think I shouldn't have tried to be sociable.

Just Jen · #13 08-06-2012, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CenTexLyn

Without knowing which unit it was (so we can determine if this was a privately run facility versus a traditional TDCJ-CID/SJF run by State-employees), it is difficult to say. Some units do have staff that actually attempt to break the stereotype that all CO's and supervisory staff are assholes...and that includes them being sociable with visitors.

One unit where I was a supervisor had a basic guideline that the shift supervisor come out to speak with family if we could not get the inmate up front inside of 15-20 minutes from the arrival at the unit. That tended to happen during feeding periods or count time. Being a small unit, it also meant that we got to know some of the families a little better in terms of recognizing who they were there to see. As a result, it also meant there were times where we might actually just have a little bit of social conversation as I wandered through the Admin Building on the weekends I worked...but by reading between the lines here, some would seem to think I shouldn't have tried to be sociable.

My man is in a private facility in Oklahoma. I am okay with a facility trying to break the stereotype of staff having to be assholes, at least with families. I just think that isn't the case here with her trying to be friendly with Jeremy. Being in authority over him, this friendliness she is exhibiting with him seems to make the communication lines between staff and inmate fuzzy. He's been in for 16+ years, and he is naturally suspicious of any staff or C.O. who tries to blur those lines. He has been interrogated by internal affairs before over a female C.O. who was getting too familiar, so his instinct is to believe that he is being set up to be too friendly himself. It is very easy for a lonely inmate to be enticed into an inappropriate familiarity with a staff member.

I do appreciate your input, so don't take me wrong. I very much invite varied viewpoints that might shed a little different light on the subject.

**LeBeau** · #14 08-06-2012, 07:36 PM

She may very well just be a friendly, outgoing person.
I, myself, would have been pleased to get a "helpful hint" about making the food more edible and always appreciate staff who treat inmates as if they were not merely numbers but if there seems to be too much familiarity, it's up to Jeremy to get things back on a proper footing.

He might even say to her something like "Hey, Miss Soandso, I don't want to be rude and I do really appreciate the way you treat people but I've been here a minute or two, now, and it never seems to come to any good when there's an appearance that the lines have been crossed.I've already gotten my fingers burned once and I'd hate there to be any questions about your professionalism. I think It's great that you are so informal in how you interact but I hope you'll forgive me if I can't return that openness."

Or he might present his worries to a counselor or the chaplain and seek their advice about maintaining the proper decorum without being rude to the nice lady..... trust me, if he presents the problem like that, not as a "complaint" but as a "This worries me", somebody WILL have a word with her about professional boundaries.

**sidewalker** · #15 08-06-2012, 07:41 PM

to me, it does not sound overtly like an issue or that she is coming onto him or whatever.
I'd just be cautious and mind your own.

But then thats just me. Unless it got really out there, and was obvious......different story. But simply looking at folks and asking basic questions? Nah. Seem ok to me.