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  #1  
Old 01-27-2019, 09:37 PM
michirawr198927 michirawr198927 is offline
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Default Hey, question, is it normal he only calls once a week?


How often does your boyfriend call you? hes been locked up since 4-5 months ago, and his parents put money on his card to make calls. but I only get to talk to him once A week. I feel distant, because I think he should be calling more, but I also don't know if thats just how it works... and ive told him before and asked why he doesnt call more, and he just says hes saving money and he buys stuff there idk. Its really hard. I haven't heard from him in a week and three days now. but yeah if someone can answer i would appreciate it!
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Old 01-27-2019, 09:47 PM
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We talk everyday 2-3 times a day. Always 2.

Everyone's situation is different. If it was my money for calls, I would expect the calls, so he should be calling his parents.

If calls and food are lumped together, we had this in county, he needs to budget appropriately to cover.

Does he write? How was it before he went in?
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Old 01-27-2019, 09:53 PM
michirawr198927 michirawr198927 is offline
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Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
We talk everyday 2-3 times a day. Always 2.

Everyone's situation is different. If it was my money for calls, I would expect the calls, so he should be calling his parents.

If calls and food are lumped together, we had this in county, he needs to budget appropriately to cover.

Does he write? How was it before he went in?





well before he went in I was living with him so that wasn't a issue not ever talking.. =/ but im back at home with my parents, and he has wrote before but its every now and then its not like alot. im new to all of this so im not sure what to expect, but I put my self in his shoes and just think i would be calling as much as i could.the only people hes been calling is his family, and me, but for me it's normally once A week lol but now its been once a week, and three days.
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Old 01-27-2019, 09:55 PM
michirawr198927 michirawr198927 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
We talk everyday 2-3 times a day. Always 2.

Everyone's situation is different. If it was my money for calls, I would expect the calls, so he should be calling his parents.

If calls and food are lumped together, we had this in county, he needs to budget appropriately to cover.

Does he write? How was it before he went in?



ive also mentioned that I could help put money on his card, but he said not to worry about it his parents have it covered, and put like I think he said $200. So idk last I talked to him i asked why he doesnt call, and he just said he bought some headphones, and he tries to save his money idk honestly it just doesn't make sense to me, because I researched, and everyone seems to be talking to their partner way more.
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Old 01-27-2019, 09:58 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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Could there be issues with getting phone time? Some parts are harder than others. Do you visit?
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Old 01-27-2019, 09:59 PM
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He called 1 -2 times a month. You cannot base your expectations of how many calls you should get on how many other people get . Every situation is different.
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:05 PM
michirawr198927 michirawr198927 is offline
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Could there be issues with getting phone time? Some parts are harder than others. Do you visit?



im in texas, and hes in cali now. I havent been to vist yet. =/
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michirawr198927 View Post
... everyone seems to be talking to their partner way more.
No, it just feels that way because you're feeling shorted. My husband calls when he can. Sometimes that's once a week, sometimes it's more. We've also gone weeks without calls.

That said, if it feels off to you, listen to your gut. Nevermind the number of calls, think about the quality of the communication. Are you feeling valued and loved?
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:20 PM
michirawr198927 michirawr198927 is offline
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To be honest right now im a little upset with him because it feels like he doesn't communicate with me like tell me stuff. Like I had to ask his parents about the cats that he had which turns out he isnt getting them back and his parents gave them to a new home, but to him he told me he was going to get them when he got out and someone was just watching them lol.. but also when we talk it does feel like sometimes im the one who has to do all the talking as if he doesnt have anything to say kind of. Ive told him countless times before that I want him to be open with me just talk to me about random stuff anything going with him, but it feels like im out of the loop alot of the times.So when something like that happening recently even if its small it bothers me because its like hey why didnt he tell me lol
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:21 PM
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We talk everyday, bar lockdowns. We haven’t had one in over a month now, I probably just jinxed us saying that lol. However, when he moved to a new yard I didn’t hear from him for a month or so. It can take a while for them to settle in, meet everyone, get into their routine and find their place in the chaos. You might find once he settles in he’ll start calling more. $200 sounds like a lot but it doesn’t go very far when you’ve gotta buy shoes, headphones, TV, CD player ect. It’s good he’s trying to be smart with his money, but it must be hard for you to go from living together to one call a week. I’d have a chat to him about feeling disconnected and see if you can’t convince him that sending money so he can call more often will be good for your relationship. Good luck xx
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:35 PM
michirawr198927 michirawr198927 is offline
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Quote:
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We talk everyday, bar lockdowns. We havenít had one in over a month now, I probably just jinxed us saying that lol. However, when he moved to a new yard I didnít hear from him for a month or so. It can take a while for them to settle in, meet everyone, get into their routine and find their place in the chaos. You might find once he settles in heíll start calling more. $200 sounds like a lot but it doesnít go very far when youíve gotta buy shoes, headphones, TV, CD player ect. Itís good heís trying to be smart with his money, but it must be hard for you to go from living together to one call a week. Iíd have a chat to him about feeling disconnected and see if you canít convince him that sending money so he can call more often will be good for your relationship. Good luck xx



Thanks! Im going to do that once he calls, and get this sorted out. ^_^
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  #12  
Old 01-28-2019, 12:27 AM
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My husband and I can only afford a call 3 times a week, but there was a time when we went on 1 a month. There have also been times when we had no contact at all.
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Old 01-28-2019, 06:50 AM
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We used to talk once a week, most of the time. Sometimes it was twice in one day.
They had to sign up for a time slot. (cant remember if that was a daily thing or a weekend thing....the sign ups I mean)
Lockdowns for sure can effect if they have access to the phone, as does weather sometimes too. (mine couldnt use the phone if visibility was bad....the phone were outside)


Also if he owes restitution he may only get 45% of that 200 dollars. CDCr takes 50% plus an admin fee of 5%.


My hub always told me it was pretty boring in there, so he never had alot to really talk about. Same with letters.
but writing was mostly how we communicated due to financial reasons.
So write. Maybe ask the questions you want to on one page and ask him to send it back after he's answered them.
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Old 01-28-2019, 08:09 AM
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It varies..

Sometimes we talk 3 to 4 times a day for weeks straight other times it's 1-2 times a week.

There's not much to talk about everyday other than the I love yous, I miss yous, can't wait for you to get out. I prefer a break in calls because we have more to discuss when he calls.

Don't base your relationship solely on the amount of phone calls. Many reasons could be the cause of limited phone calls. One reason could money..

Write him.
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Old 01-28-2019, 08:28 AM
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I think "normal" is what's good for both of you and you cannot compare "normality" with another couple. Everyone has their own dynamics and story.
I pay for my boyfriends' calls and he used to call daily until he started a full-time job Monday through Friday and due to our time-difference he can call on weekends only with a very few exceptions (like on a holiday).
So "normality" changes.
But if you feel not good talk to him.
Don't compare your situations to others.
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Old 01-28-2019, 10:45 AM
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How much are calls, esp since it is out of state? 200 for food and calls is not a lot of money. If he is doing what he says he is, it is commendable and he is budgeting.
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Old 01-28-2019, 03:26 PM
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We only talked about once a month. It’s expensive, the phones were outside sometimes 25 degrees out and the lines were long. We messaged two to three times a day and wrote letters 3-4 times a week. Honestly I don’t know what we would have talked about several times a day. I think the normal is what you guys decide.
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Old 01-28-2019, 05:24 PM
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My man is in sci camp hill he can only call every 4 days but those 4 days feel like forever I remember not hearing from my man for awhile turns out he got beat up and was out for sometime so I only hope ur man contacts you alot more
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Old 01-30-2019, 08:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michirawr198927 View Post

How often does your boyfriend call you? hes been locked up since 4-5 months ago, and his parents put money on his card to make calls. but I only get to talk to him once A week. I feel distant, because I think he should be calling more, but I also don't know if thats just how it works... and ive told him before and asked why he doesnt call more, and he just says hes saving money and he buys stuff there idk. Its really hard. I haven't heard from him in a week and three days now. but yeah if someone can answer i would appreciate it!
I agree don’t to compare your relationship to anyone else’s. Everyone is different. In my experience, men don’t respond well to being pressured about this kind of thing (you’re not calling me enough/why haven’t you called me) but I understand. I would suggest writing more if you want to

Last edited by momof234; 01-30-2019 at 08:59 AM..
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Old 02-11-2019, 01:59 AM
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We talk about 2hrs a day. Why don't you add money to your account so that he can call you? If I only had $200/month I wouldn't want to make many calls either, i"d be saving for a tv, clothing, supplements, snacks, etc. If he is a drug addict he may not have money left for calls.
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Old 02-11-2019, 11:56 AM
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It is impossible to know what he is thinking, and every justification for his actions are just assumptions. I would believe his words when he says he is saving money. This is all you can do. Anything else is just jeopardising your confidence in the relationship.

If it is a big deal, offer to pay for his calls to he can call you more.
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Old 02-11-2019, 06:47 PM
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As stated Cannot base your situation on other people situation man calls once a week we email twice a day he also works full time as a clerk and I work so that doesn’t leave a lot of spare time to just chitchat all day plus my husband has siblings a mother and a child he also hast to make time for.
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Old 02-11-2019, 07:13 PM
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No, that is not normal. I speak w my husband several times a day.
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Old 02-11-2019, 09:05 PM
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No, that is not normal. I speak w my husband several times a day.

That is not realistic for all people. Some people simply cannot afford multiple phones calls a day. There is distance to consider and cost of calls. Then there is also the matter of getting to the phones. Not all prisons and jails are made alike. Some have an abundance of phones. Some do not. I know my husband has had to stand in line to get to a phone to call me.


We simply could not afford phone calls every day. I had bills to pay out here, and he knew that. Everybody's situation is different.

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Old 02-11-2019, 09:12 PM
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Like others have said donít compare yourself to everyone else. When my man was first back in jail we didnít speak on the phone at all only thru letters. But this time we speak once a day , two if weíre lucky. By the time he gets back from working in the kitchen at night itís hard for him to get phone time sometimes and Iím at work by the time he can call in the morning.

There is no ďnormalĒ when it comes to jail in my personal opinion. So no one can really say what should ďnormallyĒ happen when your loved one goes to jail
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