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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 02-22-2006, 01:47 AM
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Default Alcoholism

Can it be overcome and beaten? Our relationship went through many struggles but it was really great before he left and was great for awhile we just went through a lot mainly due to his alcoholism. That is what the struggle was and without it he would be almost perfect. It's hard when it's such a small thing that creates huge problems! It's hard to tell if the problem can be overcome and love can conquer all!
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Old 02-22-2006, 10:17 AM
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Well, I have a family history (and present) full of alchoholism. Let me tell you right now that it is not an easy road stand by an alchoholic. As long as he is sober and is working DAILY to keep sober than I would stand by him. Yes they can fall off the wagon, but if he is truly commited to sobriety then and ONLY then would I suggest you stay. Good luck.
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Old 02-22-2006, 12:35 PM
Aceinthehole Aceinthehole is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tashamaria
Can it be overcome and beaten? Our relationship went through many struggles but it was really great before he left and was great for awhile we just went through a lot mainly due to his alcoholism. That is what the struggle was and without it he would be almost perfect. It's hard when it's such a small thing that creates huge problems! It's hard to tell if the problem can be overcome and love can conquer all!
Alcoholism can not be over come or beaten,(please don't take that wrong) it is something that is done day by day that is where one day at a time comes from. Only the person, who is the one drinking can call himself the alcoholic. The only way the person who is drinking will really stop is if they themselves realize they are the one with the problem, now a person can talk there heads off to a person telling them what they feel is wrong with them, but only the person that you feel has the problem, has to feel it is a problem for them. One good organizations is AA Alcoholics Anonomous you can look those up in the Yellow Pages of the phone book so as to be with other people that have gone through the samething, at the same time the family that is with a person who has a problem or lived with the person should go to meetings also, it is best not to go to the same meeting as the person who has the problem. There is only one requirement : The desire not to drink. Hopefully this has helped and good luck
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Old 02-22-2006, 01:20 PM
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Exactly what I was going to say....best advice is to join an Alcoholics Anonymous group in your area!!!!!!!
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Old 02-22-2006, 02:01 PM
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You could also go to an AL-ANON meeting. They offer a lot of support....
They are on the web too...
Good luck!
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Old 02-22-2006, 06:11 PM
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AA is also on the web to locate meetings. If he has the problem then it is his problem not yours. You would be wise to go to Alanon. He is the one who will decide whether he wants to go or not. He has to want to get sober for himself, not for you. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, rather he doesn't care about himself. Alcoholism is a disease and you can learn more about it at Alanon. This is a program for you. Hope this helps.
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Old 02-22-2006, 11:39 PM
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The worst thing you want to hear out of their mouths is they want to clean up their act FOR YOU !!! Its a recipe for disaster and they will only disappoint you and themselves it is so very much the wrong reason. It has to be done for THEMSELVES and for their future and for their ability to even have a normal relationship with themselves. Once they learn how to do that then they can have a relationship that has a chance to work with others.
Best of luck and big hugs !!
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Old 03-01-2006, 10:48 AM
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I wish you much luck tashamaria but I'll have to disagree with you. Alcoholism isn't a "small thing". It ran my life. All my decisions and thinking were at least colored by my active alcoholism if not totally ruled by my addiction to alcohol. It wasn't a small thing to get it into "remission" and to keep it that way. I'd love to tell you (and millions of others) that a magic wand can be waved and the problem will go away. It just isn't so, in my experience.

The advice and information you've gotten here I think is wonderful. Please go to some Alanon meetings...and experience what others have learned. And understand that you can't cause anyone else's alcoholism nor can you cure it. Your friend will have to make the continuing effort himself because he wants to. I had to get beaten pretty severely by my alcoholism before I was willing to do the work (12 Steps) and continue the path...I think it is often that way with most of us.

Again, best of luck!
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Old 03-01-2006, 11:03 AM
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I am married to an alcoholic. He has been sober for 15 years. It was his choice and his decision alone. I just informed him I could no longer enable him, and if he wanted to be a part of our family and live with us he had to be sober. After being together for quite a few years while he was drinking, I was surprised he just stopped that day. I never thought that he would remain sober (in the past he had for a few months at a time), but he has. It is a decision he makes each and every day. Once he got a good look at how the other side lives, he decided he liked being a family man. I am blessed to be married to this man. We have been together over 30 years, and he is a wonderful husband and father/grandfather. I wish you luck.
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Old 03-01-2006, 11:55 PM
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I agree, he needs to do this for himself, here is a link that might be useful.

Illinois Addiction Resources
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  #11  
Old 03-24-2006, 04:30 PM
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Good luck to you and your other half! Alcholism as well as drug addiction CAN NOT be beaten, ever, I know as an recovering addict, neither of them are beaten. Daily life struggles of addiction can overcome someone and make things worse, AA programs, Al- Anon meetings if you go to them and work them can help!

My boo is an alcoholic and addict, everything from cocaine to meth and beyond, has been for most of her life, but for the last 7 years we have known each other, she has had her ups and downs. Even been in rehab a few more times before her now jail and inpending SAFP thing . For 40 she does not look bad for all the years of abuse, I have no idea how she does it but then again her mom is like 70 something and looks 50 something, good genes I guess, seeing her behind that plexiglass clean and sober, with a new attitude is shocking to me, being so used to the drunk and high dizty chick. Her eyes are clearer, where you can actually see the color of them,etc. I hope she works this SAFP program for her own good, god knows its gonna kill me when they transfer her out of the city!
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Old 03-24-2006, 08:03 PM
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Im married to an alcoholic and have just come to the reality in the last week that its his problem not mine and he has to do it I cant make him.I grew up in an alcoholic abusive home so you would think I would know but It took me 23 years to...........5 to start to let myself see........4 to feel it and the last week to finally say its his issue and I cant fix it
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Old 03-24-2006, 08:07 PM
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Wow woundedangel, I wish I could give you a big hug. Im smiling because Im really happy for you. You must feel some release

HUGS!!!
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Old 03-25-2006, 02:31 AM
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Congrats to you wounded for finally getting that release!
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Old 03-25-2006, 03:19 AM
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I am going through that right now with my boyfriend or ex, we are kindof in limbo.. He is an alcoholic and he is so physically addicted to the alcohol that his body has to have it or he gets violently ill.. He is tied to his bottle.. always having to plan everything around it.. I have lived with this for only 10 months and it has been about 9 months and 28 days too long.. Just this week I told him that he had to move back into his own house.. I couldn't have it around me anymore.. I have smashed his bottles, poured them out.. I got so tired of it...

Alcohol is one of the hardest substances to get off of.. it is so readily available and the body gets addicted to it... My bf has been lucky so far.. he has never gotten arrested, lost his job or such yet.. but it is just a matter of time if he continues on.. He has health problems from it too.. I honestly have no faith that he will stop.. but I do know that there are people who have..

I wish you luck.
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Old 03-25-2006, 04:40 PM
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Good luck to you Just!
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Old 03-26-2006, 02:04 AM
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Ditto to that !! That is a lot to worry about JustLisa HUGS !!!
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Old 03-27-2006, 04:25 PM
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Man talk about being sober and such, my boo has gone almost 5 months without a drink or a drug, but you can still tell the wanting is there!
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Old 03-27-2006, 07:48 PM
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Thanks guys its really hard and frustrating but Im good finally and going from here
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Old 03-28-2006, 05:08 PM
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yw hun i know its hard, take it one day at a time!
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Old 03-30-2006, 03:18 AM
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My Man is a alchoholic too but I LOVE him with all my Heart and Soul!!! I would die for him that is how much he means to me! And he Knows this! He is a smart man with so much to offer and I Believe he can change he already is actually which is great! And he has admitted to his problem and wants to overcome it!

Wendy aka Ruddsgrl1
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Old 04-03-2006, 06:32 PM
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Congrats at him for admitting the problem that is the first step!
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Old 04-04-2006, 12:51 AM
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Yes I know of all the organizations out there like AA. I've even tried Al-Anon but it creeped me out like all these women preaching from these books it was weird. I thought there would be sharing of stories and stuff but it was nothing like that. I felt like I was joining a cult or something. As for my man he has been sober before but right before he went to jail ne began drinking again a little. Not to the same extreme only beer and not hard liquor which makes him crazy. I really want him to be sober and he does too but I'm just trying to figure out how it's possible to live a life of sobriety especially since I've been a partier my whole life. I just don't drink a lot only a few here and there. It's like all everybody I'm friends with does. Nobody says "Hey let's go bowling!" and if they do they're probably drinking as well. It's so entwined into society that it makes it next to impossible to avoid it unless u ditch all your friends and become a hermit! Please tell me how sobriety is possible in a world where alcohol is everywhere!
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Old 04-04-2006, 01:28 AM
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I have been clean and sober for almost 5 years now. Thank God I didn't quit after attending only one 12-step meeting. I have also been to Al-anon meetings to deal with my adult alcoholic son, and I heard no-one preach. If you want to hear stories, then I suggest going to a "speaker meeting;" however, recovery means action, and one cannot recover just by listening to others......that's why we have steps, traditions and service. Though there are more ways than 12 steps to recover from alcoholism and/or drug addiction, it is the only thing that worked for me. I now know that I cannot safely drink or use any other addictive substance....I am an alcoholic....I am an addict.....I am in recovery and I AM HAPPY! I agree with the Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous which identifies alcoholism as a treatable, though incurable, altruistic disease. The key to sobriety is to want it more than anything else.......once we achieve sobriety, everything else just seems to follow. Hang in there and ask the powers of the universe, God, Buddha, or whatever you truly believe in to help, and help will come if you are sincere.
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Old 04-05-2006, 06:10 PM
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Congrats to all who are sober!
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