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  #51  
Old 12-09-2011, 12:43 PM
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Well this is breaking my heart as I write this but Rachel has gone back to prison until 7 December 2011, at this moment I do not know if we are together or not, only time will tell, can I believe what has happened,no I cannot not,picked Rachel up 30th September and life could not get better,moved her into her own flat on the following Monday,she was over the moon, took her shopping on the Tuesday during my luch break and left her with a friend, little did I know what was going to happen next, ended up staying out till the following morning,spent all her money on it seems crack and heroin,chasing the dragon i think its called,as much as i tried she just would not listen,then heard she was back shoplifting again for drugs,met her on Monday and she asked me for a lift so she could go shoping with her mother,this i knew was untrue as her mother wants nothing to do with her,we spoke in the car and she would not listen,its all my fault she said and blamed me for everything you could see that it was the drugs talking not her, realised that she was going shoplifting for money to buy more drugs, so i did something that had to be done but its hurting me so much what i did that i want to die,yes i contacted the shop gave her description and told them what she was doing,yes a short while later at a distance i saw her handcuffed being put into a police car under arrest,she spoke to me later and told me what had happened and said she was very sorry,she said please do not turn up at court as she did not want me to see her in court,well i turned up with a friend for emotional support which i needed and it was soul destroying seeing the woman that i love being sent to jail again because of what i done,why did i do it,at least she is off drugs for 8 weeks,which means she is still alive and not dead from a overdose and it may and i mean may be the turning point in her life,who knows, she does not know that i did this, do i regret my actions yes i do but she needs help and if its the only way for her to get it or see the actions of her drug addiction then its been worth it, but this has emotionally destroyed me in the fact that i have had to do this to the person that i love so much,why has life got to be so hard
Well, I had to do something similar. I have been with my guy for 6yrs. His been the type to clean up for about a year then relasp. He always thought he could do it on his own. The longest he stayed clean was when our daughter was born. But now his relapsed this year back in July from what his told me. We have another child on the way as well. I didnt fully relise he had relapsed until about the end of september. His behavior had made me supecious. He was doing really well too. His Po and field officer were inpressed by him. Well, to make the story shorter he was gone all the time, stop showing up to probation wich then got revoked bc of that and they issued a warrent. He pretty much would come only to sleep. He would even roll into my yard at like 3 in the morning and park where he wouldnt wake me with his car lights on. He claimed he wasn't home because he was doing odd jobs (his an electrician/handy man) to make money to give to me and our daughter and so that i would have something for when the baby was due. I didnt care about money. I just wanted him back. He stole from me and did all the things addicts do. Stayed away mostly but one day he came home. He had been saying all this time he would turn himself in. I had even suggested he go to a rehab which when i searched his car he had written the number to it. So i know he thought about it. But when i asked if he would turn himself in he said mabey he didnt know. I had also heard he might be staying at a dealers house and even selling it. So i called the warrent guy and let him know he was at the house and mabey leaving soon. I wasn't sure if they would catch him or not but they did. I was really relived when they did too. Because i didnt have to worry about him being dead in a ditch or something else happening to him. The not know where they are and knowing what they are doing kills you. And knowing that right now that drug has them and that its more important to them than you are or your family. It hurts alot. He knows i called on him but he thanked me for it. He said Meth had him soo bad that even when he wanted to do the right thing, he would just end up going back to meth. This time he petitioned the court to go to rehab. The judge granted it. He said he wants to be apart of our lives and doesnt want to lose us. I know he can get clean. I've seen him do it. I pray that rehab helps him over come it. But still theres the cycle his been in. So when that 1yr mark or 1 1/2yr mark comes will he be strong enough? I dont know. His cut people out that use drugs but this last time his brother came to him with it. So I dont know if it happens agin if he will be strong. Its alot of unknowing and hope for me. His a wonderful person sober and seeing the storys on here of successful storys from addicts gives me hope. But i know at the same time theres that chance of relasp.
As far as me and him Im not sure where we are going. If he can really over come this addiction than we will be fine. But I feel if he cant stay clean for more than a year then it maybe time for me and the girls to move on. Its not their fault that daddy does this. And i want them to have a very good life. And i will protect them with in my power from the pain of it all.


I have read to the last post you posted. It sounds like shes not really ready to be clean. I can see you know that doing it one more time leads to more times. I worry about the baby too. I've read where for some addicts when they got pregnant that helped them stop. But you mentioned she had two daughters so she has had kids before. It sounds like the addiction has a strong hold of her. Mabey suggest rehab when she gets out. But agin only the addict will get clean if they want to. We can't stop them. No matter how much we love them. I pray she wakes up and God takes the taste for the drug away from her. Im praying for you too bc i too know the pain of loving an addict and the stress that goes with it. Good luck and hope your doing better.

Last edited by shutteringheart; 12-09-2011 at 12:48 PM..
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  #52  
Old 02-17-2012, 08:59 AM
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Well its been a while since I have kept you up to date and a lot has happened regarding myself and Rachel, yes she has been back inside twice since I l last posted,yes shoplifting for crack cocaine, its seems just like a bad dream in my case but I am hoping that we may just start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, let me just say that Rachel was arrested for shoplifting at the end of January and believe it or not was bailed to attend court on Feb 6th, yes she did not go silly girl and was arrested this Monday evening, in court on the Tuesday and sent back to jail until Friday 16 March,4 weeks today, the positives are that this time she did not come up positive for heroin, the first time that this has happened, she told me she would not take it ever again, and she has not, she only tested for crack, I have since been told by the prison that she has asked for proper treatment to overcome her addiction and wants to speak to a councillor to discuss her drug abuse and as to why she has become a addict, its a small step in what could be a long walk, but its positive, it seems she has realised that she cannot continue to do what she has been doing, yes I will still visit her and write to her, well I love her so I cannot walk away either,yes I have thought hard about our relationship, but if she is at last going to sort her life out and walk away from the devil, and for us to be together then all the past hurt,pain and lies will have been worth it, yes Rachel knows that I cannot walk away from her, like her addiction it seems that I am addicted to her. Will keep you all informed as to Rachels progress
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  #53  
Old 02-17-2012, 04:04 PM
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I am so sorry that you and Rachel are still fighting this addiction. Please make sure you take care of you and attend meeting that can help you cope with her demons.
Maybe this time she has taken a step in the right direction, you are both in my thoughts and prayers
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  #54  
Old 02-21-2012, 10:36 AM
mithuthecat mithuthecat is offline
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Well she rang me yesterday and sounded very positive, looking forward to seeing he on Sunday as well as we have a lot to discuss, yes her addiction to crack cocaine has taken over her life but fingers crossed and with gods will I am hoping that we can eventually beat the evil that has taken over her life, to lose this fight is NOT in my vocabulary, I cannot see Rachel give in to drugs anymore, she has to win this battle no matter what
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  #55  
Old 02-21-2012, 02:43 PM
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My story is as follows, fell in love with a addict using crack, but did not know at the time, she is in prison at the moment but out on the 30th of this month, shoplifting to buy drugs, not her first time either, She has told me everything either verbally or in letters to me, yes its brought me to tears some of it, to read what the person you have fallen in love with has done to buy drugs is soul destroying believe me, anyway she has told be that she has realised that she has destroyed her life with what she has done and wants a totally fresh start and I believe her but also accept that it is easy to say that whilst in Prison, but in the real world times can be hard, she will be moving away from the past and sorting out a place to live near me (my situation at the mo is complicated) and I will be there for her until she moves in with me or visa versa. Yes I am giving up a hell of a lot for her but we both are in love with each other and are going if it kills us make it work for us.She has been seen by various people in the prison who have all said to me we have heard it all before and they reoffend but this time it looks as if she is turning her life away from drugs, has she hit her rock bottom,do not know but she has said to me that if she was not in prison at this time she could have killed herself. I have been told by some friends to walk away from her, but can you walk away from somebody you have fallen from in a hard way? my answer is no and a big no at that, but I am also aware of the path ahead and the heartache that could follow, just wish me luck if you can on this long hard journey ahead of loving a addict

I counsel women who are alcoholics and addicts and I strongly encourage you to have her make a plan.. on paper of the changes she wants to make. Also a letter to herself to read when shes been out a month from inside there so that she reminds herself where she intended to be. All I can say is dont enable her. No cash. If she needs things and you can help buy them and keep the receipts. I know it sounds a little brutal but keep in mind addiction is a cunning baffling thing and can make even the best person into a thief and liar. It is very easy to decide you want to quit when you are in a situation where you can not control your addiction. For you and your well being keep your eyes more open than your heart. Addiction is a life long affliction it does not every go away. If you have questions or would like some book suggestions Id be happy to help send me a private message. I wish her the best. My $0.02.
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  #56  
Old 02-22-2012, 04:13 AM
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Thank you Jaeusa for your very good advice, when I go and visit her on Sunday I will suggest to her that she does what you have said and take things from there, just wish that she becomes drug and addiction free, the problem that I have is that I love her with all of my heart and I would give my life for her to be cured
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Old 02-28-2012, 09:22 AM
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Well,saw Rachel on Sunday and it was like she was a different person, for the first time since I have known her atitude was different, yes it looks like from what I was told the previous Friday that she is pregnant, not that the prison is allowed to tell you direct, but it was what was said to me, as well as noted by a prison officer, yes before you ask me, it was planned and something that we both want, she said there is no way this baby is being born with me using drugs. I asked her why have you been taking crack cocaine then, she replied i do not really know, boredom, something to do I suppose, then admitted that its really a total waste of money, I then said what would you do if when you eldest daughter is around 17 years old and started taking drugs, what would you do, she said to me that she would go ballistic, and she said that is another reason why she is going to give up using crack cocaine. Her eldest daughter is just 5 and is already starting to ask why her mother keeps going away, Rachel said that she does not want her daughter to understand that she keeps going to prison because of drugs, yes she wants to totally change her life, and fingers crossed this time she will suceed, we both accept that this is going to be hard, but as I said, you had the willpower to leave the herion alone and now its just the crack cocaine, so hopefully this works, she will be going back to her mums on her release and her mum is hoping that at long last she has got her daughter back, I saw Rachels mum last week and we had a long chat, well over an hour in fact over her daughter, and it seems that Rachel has had a lot to contend with, a lot of it when she was married, she even said that out of all the people that Rachel has known that I am the first decent person her daughter has been out with, and she said that at last someone has my daughers well being at heart and not somebody who just wants her for what they can get, I said to her mum that the one thing I would never do is hurt your daughter and no matter what it takes or happens I will always be there for her, it was a very humble experience for me and took all my will power to stop me bursting into tears.
Any way, I have just read a book called Once a addict by Barry Woodward, and it shows from his story that there is a life away from drugs, and this book is a testament of one persons fight with drug addiction until he found God. Barry does talks about his life around the country and I am going to take Rachel to one of his talks, this could be another turning point in her life, yes my love for a addict still goes on, and no matter what it takes I will suceed in beating Rachels drug addiction and what the devil is trying to take away from me, yes the tears are rollling down my face as I write this, but in the end hopefully all the tears, the hurt as well as the pain will be worth it. Will continue to keep you up to date on how things are progressing
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:26 AM
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Awww I feel you as I am the mother of an addict. I know the rollercoaster ups and downs only to well. I pray everything works out for you, I can sense your sincerity in wanting the woman you love to be well again. I just wanted to point out that YOU CANNOT DO THIS FOR HER... she has to suceed in beating it, you can stand by your love but you cannot do it for her.

Sounds like things are looking up and I truly wish you both the best. I can only pray that she takes the time in jail to make life better for herself, her children and you.

Hugs and prayers
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Old 03-02-2012, 08:29 AM
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Well just to update you all I will be going this Sunday to visit Rachel, the following Sunday to visit her as well and then on the 15th collect her and bring her home, yes I have been here before, and we have gone back to square one again, but fingers crossed this time as she has so much to look forward to I am praying that this is the start of her regaining her self respect and her walking away from what has destroyed her life. I will keep you posted
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:11 AM
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Well sitting here at work today and I will be visiting Rachel tomorrow and collecting her from jail on Friday, I am looking at her photo on my desk which was taken in jail llast week and I can see a person who has been off drugs now for the last 9 weeks, yes she is beautiful and I am proud of her and hopefully it will all work out for us in the future, what is playing on my mind is how did she get caught up in a evil spiral that has so far ruined her life and why did she sucombe to taking drugs, wish I could get hold of the person who first got her to try crack cocaine, mind you that would get me into trouble,it really gets to me when some people just want to ruin other peoples lives, hopefully we can start out on our life together afresh from this Friday when she is released, I pray to god to keep her drug free and we can have a happy life together, they say you cannot help who you fall in love with, but if somebody told me that I would fall in love with a drug addict then I would call them crazy, but god works in strange ways and do I love her, yes more than anything in the world,yes Rachel is the love of my life and I would willingly give my life for her. Fingers crossed it all works out for the good as I know at heart she is a really good person who deserves better than life has thrown at her so far
First, I want to wish you and your lady the very best! It is clear that you have complete trust in her to stay clean and I must tell you that this is NOT going to happen without her making that decision. Yes, they tell you all the right things when they are locked up. She has only been clean 9 weeks....that is NOT enough time to say she is not going to use again, real soon.

Like Nim said you cannot love someone into sobriety. Get yourself into a support group, learn tools for taking care of yourself. She is the only one that can stay clean, it is a choice she will have to make. She will have to stay in therapy and have her own support group.

Another thing is you mentioned that you know the person that first introduced her to drugs and that you could find them but it would get you into trouble. NOBODY forced her to try crack or whatever it is....she chose to do it. So, being pissed at someone else for your LO doing drugs is pointless and passing the blame onto someone other than the addict.

I sincerely hope that you have a long and drug-free happy life together. It is going to be a big challenge and I really hope you have many years sobriety before having children. They do NOT deserve to have an addict for a mother.

Peace~
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Old 03-02-2012, 11:38 AM
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Mithu, I don't know if you're strong enough to see her as she really is, rather than as who
you want her to be. If she isn't doing intense work on her addiction in NA or AA, not setting up a network of people and places on the outside who can help her resist, if she's talking about old friends or places, then you have to be prepared to do something good for the baby (and only the baby). Court.
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Old 03-02-2012, 02:34 PM
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Sad story. These short bids in jail do nothing for an addict except give them time to plan their next high. I see nothing in your story that says she has hit bottom yet. You should have a Plan B- getting custody of the baby and pushing that woman out of your life until she hits bottom and climbs out by herself. It's not about you and her anymore, it should be all about the baby. IMO Goodluck!
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Old 03-05-2012, 03:57 AM
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Yes its hard to accept all that is being said about Rachel, but I really believe that she is going to give it her best shot on her release, yes its going to be hard for her, but as you all seem to forget, she walked away from heroin, and she did it herself, because she wanted to,as she said to me only yesterday she is going to do the came with crack, for herself and for the baby, yes she admits that she has messed up before, but all she wants is a chance to prove to herself and her family as well as myself that she has walked away from drugs to start her life afresh, yes Nim, I have seen her how she is as a drug addict and yes I have also seen her as to how I want her to be, all I ask of you all is that you pray to God that she kicks her addiction into touch as she has promised me.
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Old 03-05-2012, 08:32 AM
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Mithu, I just wanted to say "thank you" for your post and updates. It reinforces the essence of true love and I wish you all the best on this journey. My girl is released in three days after serving 2 1/2 years in prison for attempted robbery while under the influence. We are a MWI couple and I understand her addiction will be a daily struggle. My hope is that my influence will help stem the tide by showing her a different way but in the end it's her actions that will provide the truth. The odds are against us but I like it. Have you been privy to her triggers and it would be good for her to see a therapist to help her work thru the past. "Fight On"
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Old 03-05-2012, 10:45 AM
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Thansks sainleo for your post, yes it shows that with the love that we half for our addicted loves that we can will fight to beat the devil, yes its a long and hard road but I have always had a feeling that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, yes sometimes being in love can be painfull as well as mentally and emotionally draining, trust me I have been there, but that is what love is all about, being prepeard to stand by the person you love, good times and bad. Just for your info all of you who had read my story so far Rachel rang me today and said that as I am usng her real name I should let everybody know that mine real name is Cliff
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Old 03-05-2012, 11:21 AM
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Oh boy....I was pulling for you until the post that said she's been back in twice since your previous post. Same reasons: shoplifting and crack. But the thing is, she's pregnant now. You may have forgiven her for trying to ruin her own life and decided to stand by her, but now she's endangering the life of YOUR baby. That is NOT acceptable. If she won't even try to change knowing she's carrying a baby, she never will. Sure, while she's locked up she says everything you want to hear and then some. But when, other than the first day or two she was out that first time, has she been good to you? From what you've posted, never. Leave that girl alone. She doesn't care about herself, her baby or you. I know you love her, and that is ok. But love doesn't solve everything. I doubt she will change, regardless of the lines upon lines of crap she is feeding you while she's in prison. Please think of and care more about yourself!

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Old 03-06-2012, 03:10 AM
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NikNak, understand where you are coming from totally, but Rachel has walked away from heroin, and did it herself, it was her choice to walk away from it as well, that is a step in the right direction, yes I have heard jail talk and recieved jail mail, but this time her whole outlook on life is different and what she is talking about as well, so lets hope fingers crossed this time it works out for the best
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Old 03-06-2012, 07:08 PM
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As an addict myself and knowing plenty of them: walking away from one drug means nothing as long as you can do your favorite drug. Don't buy into that nonsense that quitting heroin while still smoking crack means anything. It's an act of manipulation on her part and more enabling on your part. Goodluck to all of you though!
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Old 03-08-2012, 10:48 AM
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Well after getting a lot of flack from some friends as well as Rachels mother, who I told about the pregnancy the other evening, it cme up in the conversation and I was totally honest with her, mind you Rachel would go ballistic if she knew that I told her a lot of things were asked, mainly was it definate she was pregnant, and was it mine, that being said because we all know what a drug addict will do if desperate for money, I cannot say any more about this as it brings me to tears, I explained about the letters that she had sent to me the overheard conversation at the prison, the due date being nearly the same that we both worked out, everything. Well to start with her mum was not happy as she had already told her daughter no more grankids, Rachels two girl are being looked after by her gran until they are 18, that is a story inits self, but all I will say is that Rachel was married previously but is legally divorced, and yes I have seen the divorce papers, any way her mum told me that if its not mine you tell her to get rid of it, I do not want to know, so I said to her then what if its mine, she said well ,thats a different story, we would have to discuss this one, then added I suggest you try and get confirmation from the prison
To cut a long story short, even though I am down as Rachels next of kin, I think you may have an idea as to why, data protection laws will allow you to be told nothing, even if the person is in prison, so it was sorry we are not allowed to tell you, anyway I spoke to the families office who I have spoken to on many occassions and told them of the situation, it was decided that one of the family officers would go and speak to Rachel of my concerns and to ask if she would consent, after approval from the Governor as to wether she would allow the prison to forward me a letter stating she was pregnant. Well Laura went to see her and as I thought she at first went mad, words like, why does Cliff not believe me, Im telling the truth, all that sort of stuff, eventually she calmed down and Laura had a long chat and explained everything to her, Rachel then said that if its what she has to do to prove that she is pregnant then yes, no problems I will do what Cliff wants me to do as I have nothing to hide, just tell him when you speak to him about our conversation that I expect him as the dad to be their for the scans,midwifes appointments, in fact everything,well any doubt I have that she could have been pulling a fast one is over, as if Rachel was not pregnant then she would not have authorised it. So its looking good, she will be doing a test when released next week which will show how many weeks she is, thats on the Friday of her release, and we will take it from there, next hard part will be telling her mother and her gran, I can see a very messy chat on the horizon amongst other things, am I happy, yes at the moment I am, but fully understand the road ahead as well, anyway seeing Rachel on Saturday and will keep you informed as to how our story is progressing, yes the love for my addict is stronger than ever
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Old 03-09-2012, 11:06 AM
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nicknak hit the nail on the head..........as the mother of an addict, stopping one drug to do another is NOT walking away from drugs... sounds like she is a poly addict.. my son even went as far as robotripping ( getting high on robutussen), and he thought he was doing "well" cuz heroine was his drug of choice, a drug is a drug is a drug.

I pray everything works out, but the reality is if he is NOT in a program chances are very little will change and now you have a baby involved... take care of yourself and that baby Rachel will have to take care of HERSELF and get Herself thru this..
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Old 03-13-2012, 07:27 AM
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Well saw Rachel on Saturday, and it was a really good visit,yes I have in the past been served up jail talk, and sent jail mail, but this time everything seems different, I think the baby has at last made her see sense,she has plans for the future for us,even bigger plans for the baby, this sort of stuff has never happened before, yes she has a hell of a lot to prove, to myself and her family, but with gods help I really think she is going to give it her best shot, anyway it will soon be Friday when I go and pick her up and fingers crossed this time will be her last, will keep you informed as to how things are going with the two, sorry now three of us in the near future
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:33 PM
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I pray it goes well for the sake of the baby.....
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Old 03-14-2012, 07:41 AM
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I wish you both all the best and I really do hope this is a new start for all of you. Remember you have lots of support out there and on here
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Old 03-14-2012, 11:57 AM
mithuthecat mithuthecat is offline
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Thanks Lisa for your support, I have my fingers crossed this time but as we all know life can deal some big blows, just hoping and praying that Rachel has seen the light and realises that drugs do not and never will work
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Old 03-15-2012, 08:01 PM
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I have read your journey with great interest. It is my sincere hope and wish that you and Rachel bode well on this journey. I will only say to you please don't forget to take care of yourself. The job of love is for you both to bring the best out in each other. In spite of popular belief, it will not be a 50/50 journey. Sometimes it will be 60/40. Other times it may be 80/20. It will not be the same from day to day. As much as you would like to, you cannot make her leave the life of drugs. She has to do that for herself. You can support her and be there for her, but the path to sobriety is ultimately hers. Safe and bright journey for the both of you.
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