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  #26  
Old 06-28-2010, 08:20 AM
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I wouldn't say that it was a rocky relationship. He just wasn't being an angel before he went in. I have no patience for people who want to do drugs anymore. Maybe I'm alone here and everyone elses men were complete angels before they were arrested and went to prison. Rocky relationship? That's a relative and vague statement. To me, it wasn't. I feel the same emotions as most of the people on here, but I'm someone who doesn't express things the way that most people do on here because I have a different outlook. I want to be a federal prosecutor for crying out loud.lol I'm just saying...
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  #27  
Old 06-29-2010, 05:35 AM
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I doubt anyone's loved one was an angel. No relationship is perfect. And I hear you on the drug thing. Good luck on your dream to be a prosecutor. Hopefully your experiences here will enable you to see a variety of sides. Too often prosecutors are more worried about their conviction rate than the people they are convicting. Seems shameful so many make this into a game.
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  #28  
Old 06-29-2010, 05:16 PM
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I feel compassion for some of the people in prison. I'm a hardcore felon hating person. That isn't it at all. I understand that there is a story behind every name or dc number. I just feel that the people on here often forget to hold their loved ones accountable. Maybe I am too hard on my guy and it is strange to call it a vacation. I am certainly not worried about him right now. It used to take up every waking second of my life. In summary and before I go off on some tangent, I will be a considerate prosecutor. I wont be a doormat or anything, but I always do what I think is right. God I'm a square.
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  #29  
Old 06-29-2010, 06:06 PM
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I see things differently. I have held my husband accountable. He has held himself accountable. He admitted he was wrong and asked to be allowed to make things right. But thanks to the laws and a prosecutor who admitted in front of me (before court was in session) she was burned out the judge had no choice but to give him prison time. Thank goodness he decided to take mitigating circumstances into consideration and not sentence him to the time the prosecutor was pushing. This prosecutor mocked my husband's documented mental health issues and bemoaned the fact his 1989 conviction wouldn't score. Why? She wanted even more than 44 months when it was all said and done. She didn't care about the victims and their restitution. In fact she made the statement that "it wasn't that much money". Maybe not to her, but the victims felt otherwise. All she wanted was to send my husband to prison. She didn't care about his children. I often wonder if she had held a bit more compassion and was open to house arrest and probation if the judge wouldn't have gone that route...he clearly was open to it. But that's all said and done. We got our time. And it is ours. I've served it with him and I'll be serving his probation with him as well. But we still didn't sit back. We fought hard to get his custody reduced so he could go to work release, we fought hard to get him put in for work release. Serving this time in the most positive manner was the goal and I think we've met it pretty well.

What I'm not going to sit back and allow is the prison system to further punish my husband. The punishment was prison. It was not asshat prison guards mocking him, it was not the DOC breaking their own rules in order to get their kicks. It was not worrying about an officer having a bad day and writing up a bogus DR. It was not treating me like shit because I had the audacity to stand up and say "oh hell no" when they tried their bs.

Your relationship is your own. Everyone is different. But if I felt like his was a vacation away from him it would seem to me that meant he was not a part of my future. I have been hard on my husband as well. To the extent that he was responsible for his actions and when he complained about the food I told him that was just an incentive to not go back. But when he was going without proper heating or hot water, well that was not going to fly and meant it was time for me to step in, and I did.

There is nothing wrong with being a "square". But don't forget to look outside of the box. People don't fit neatly in them. Life is not black and white. How boring would that be? LOL. I hope you meet your goals.
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  #30  
Old 06-29-2010, 06:36 PM
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There is some conversation going on in this thread but we are straying a little too far from the topic of gaintime being reduced from 85% to 65%.

I think it would be a great idea to start a new thread to continue this discussion.
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  #31  
Old 06-29-2010, 08:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wifeofMichael View Post
I see things differently. I have held my husband accountable. He has held himself accountable. He admitted he was wrong and asked to be allowed to make things right. But thanks to the laws and a prosecutor who admitted in front of me (before court was in session) she was burned out the judge had no choice but to give him prison time. Thank goodness he decided to take mitigating circumstances into consideration and not sentence him to the time the prosecutor was pushing. This prosecutor mocked my husband's documented mental health issues and bemoaned the fact his 1989 conviction wouldn't score. Why? She wanted even more than 44 months when it was all said and done. She didn't care about the victims and their restitution. In fact she made the statement that "it wasn't that much money". Maybe not to her, but the victims felt otherwise. All she wanted was to send my husband to prison. She didn't care about his children. I often wonder if she had held a bit more compassion and was open to house arrest and probation if the judge wouldn't have gone that route...he clearly was open to it. But that's all said and done. We got our time. And it is ours. I've served it with him and I'll be serving his probation with him as well. But we still didn't sit back. We fought hard to get his custody reduced so he could go to work release, we fought hard to get him put in for work release. Serving this time in the most positive manner was the goal and I think we've met it pretty well.

What I'm not going to sit back and allow is the prison system to further punish my husband. The punishment was prison. It was not asshat prison guards mocking him, it was not the DOC breaking their own rules in order to get their kicks. It was not worrying about an officer having a bad day and writing up a bogus DR. It was not treating me like shit because I had the audacity to stand up and say "oh hell no" when they tried their bs.

Your relationship is your own. Everyone is different. But if I felt like his was a vacation away from him it would seem to me that meant he was not a part of my future. I have been hard on my husband as well. To the extent that he was responsible for his actions and when he complained about the food I told him that was just an incentive to not go back. But when he was going without proper heating or hot water, well that was not going to fly and meant it was time for me to step in, and I did.

There is nothing wrong with being a "square". But don't forget to look outside of the box. People don't fit neatly in them. Life is not black and white. How boring would that be? LOL. I hope you meet your goals.
I agree with what you've said. I understand fighting sometimes and I wasn't referring to people who have legitimate issues with specific operations. I certainly think that if you are that burned out with your job you need to get a new one. I would hate to have a doctor who felt that way. Prosecutors can certainly destroy lives. I think it is admirable to fight for the things that you mentioned. I don't know how you do it. Most of the time I feel like it's not my battle. I really don't have the energy right now anyway. It's been a vacation for me in the sense that I never had time for myself before. Many of you know what that is like if your men are addicts. It feels like work to be with them. We love them, but it is a hard life. I have had the time to focus on my daughter and I am thankful for it. I am thankful that he ended up where he is now. She is young and will not remember this. He needed to end up there. I am on track to be an attorney. I wouldn't be on track today. We all have such different stories and personalities. Maybe I'm cold hearted for feeling the way that I do. I'm 23 and I feel like I'm forty. He's put me through the ringer. This time is about me. It's never been about me. I can't be as selfless as many of you. Some of the things that I say are controversial on here. I feel like I'm entitled to feel the way that I do. All I am saying is that this has changed my life in amazing ways and I truly am grateful for it. It's been a painful road, but the prize will be sweeter because of it. I'm the person that I was supposed to be. Does that make sense? This is the last time I'll post on this thread, because we are waaaay off topic. I just really feel like I have to defend how I feel sometimes. I'm not wrong. Nobody is wrong. I just wish that everyone on here could make the transformation that I've made or get something so great out of something so painful. I hope that those of you who are still searching find that kind of peace. It's a kind of mental vacation.
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  #32  
Old 06-29-2010, 08:57 PM
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It's not just the ladies that are waiting. My girl (fiance) has another 40 months to go and I miss her like crazy. She is my love and insperation and best friend. I know you guys miss your men but we mis our women as well.
we are all waiting.. some of us are waiting for our children to come home.
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  #33  
Old 06-30-2010, 05:36 AM
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I think I agree with ben's girl. We got off track but it is a good topic.

pbandk, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And some of our loved ones definitely needed a wake up call. Though I disagree that prison is the best route for an addict. Maybe incarceration and a real treatment program. But just incarceration? Not feeling it.
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Old 08-09-2010, 06:11 AM
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My husband is not eligible for gain time. He is serving 3 yr manditory min. sentence. It sucks knowing that there are manslaughter cases that are serving less time than my husband. My husband was charged as a convicted felon with a fire arm. He had a felony at age 18 and now he's 50. He was in our garage cleaning my dads .22 hunting rifle and passed out (bad diabetic) someone drove passed the house and called the police. Now, here we are with a 3yr sentence no gain time. This is so unjust. Plus they put him 6 1/2 hr away from me and I dont drive. So no visits for me.
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  #35  
Old 08-09-2010, 08:39 PM
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My husband is not eligible for gain time. He is serving 3 yr manditory min. sentence. It sucks knowing that there are manslaughter cases that are serving less time than my husband. My husband was charged as a convicted felon with a fire arm. He had a felony at age 18 and now he's 50. He was in our garage cleaning my dads .22 hunting rifle and passed out (bad diabetic) someone drove passed the house and called the police. Now, here we are with a 3yr sentence no gain time. This is so unjust. Plus they put him 6 1/2 hr away from me and I dont drive. So no visits for me.
OMG, that is so wrong.. you would think he would have not gotten a 3 year sentence. Some laws just don't make sense to me. At the age of 18, he was a kid. He is now a mature adult, in his own home cleaning a gun for the "owner" of the gun. I am glad he is OK from the diabetic episode, but to think that is the reason this all happened just blows my mind. My heart goes out to you & your family..
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  #36  
Old 08-10-2010, 05:23 AM
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This is why it is important to do what you can to get your civil rights restored, all of them.
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  #37  
Old 08-10-2010, 02:24 PM
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We were just stupid. We assumed that after 7yrs they were automatically restored. Well, we were WAY WRONG. Paying for it in a big way. Won't make this mistake ever again.
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  #38  
Old 08-10-2010, 03:59 PM
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You have a wonderful opportunity here, you know. To advocate and educate. Have you considered that?

I don't believe gun rights are ever automatically restored. Your other civil rights are after you have served your sentence (and probation if any), today. This didn't use to be the case and the one good thing I can say about Mr. Fake Tan in Tally. I believe you always have to apply for your gun rights though. It is a shame your husband is doing time for something so ridiculous. It is a waste of the taxpayers dollars.
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