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  #1  
Old 09-21-2013, 04:06 PM
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Default ...Almost 6 years, no trial.

Hi,

I've been away from PTO for a year now and I really miss the support I receive from those whom have been through what I'm going through. I read your stories and my heart breaks... how many times can your heart break???

My son, arrested almost 6 years ago is still awaiting a trial. It, his case, has been very complicated to say the least. So much has happened however, what we are waiting for is the trial.

He is facing felony 1st degree murder with special circumstances. Life without. For the first year the prosecution wanted the death penalty. Believe it or not he has a good lawyer (lawyers).

I've been writing, visiting and talking on the phone to my son while he, (we all) await the trial. At least he is here in the same town and I feel close to him. It looks like the trial will begin in February 2014. What a shock for a crime that happened in 2008.

I wanted to come back here to PTO and check up on those of you who have been so supportive of me and my son. I will write an update on details soon.

Missed you all,
k
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  #2  
Old 09-22-2013, 10:18 AM
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Kay,
This is not wasted time. All things will work together in the best way possible for your son. God is still with him every minute. So, now you have a date for the trial. Be sure to take very good care of yourself, like a runner preparing for a race. You will need to be strengthened in mind body and spirit to continue to be there for your son thru the days ahead.

I took yoga twice...and it was very healing for me. One night my neighbor and I went out for her birthday to Applebees before the yoga class. We each had a couple swirly drinks. During yoga, I got the giggles and could not balance. I had to not look at her face or I would have fallen when doing some of those moves. Laughter helped me heal, too.

Continue to read...my BF and I are reading the Bible through in a year. Even if it is only a few pages a day, just having that project keeps me focused on how important God is in our lives, and what a comfort He can be to us. I also have belonged to the same study club for maybe 14 or 15 years. Twelve people (men and women) who meet weekly, pray with and for one another and watch or read something inspirational to discuss.

Go get a massage. Doesn't have to cost a fortune. Very healing, and a facial is even better. Around here, there are places that give a one hour massage for $35.00. There is much healing in touch. Candles, aromatherapy, flute music, music that includes listening to rainfall....etc. Walmart has some really good CDs of that stuff. I turn my bedroom into a haven.

God bless you and yours. ((HUGS))
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Old 09-22-2013, 10:37 AM
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Kay Marie, I'm so glad I stopped in here and saw your post-can't believe there has still been no trial! I pray it works favorably for your son's case and I will continue to pray for strength and healing and comfort for you.
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Old 09-22-2013, 07:15 PM
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Kay Marie,
I was just thinking of you and your son the other day. Please know you both have stayed in my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine how hard the waiting game must be for you and him. I remember the hardest part of my son being in the county jail (besides court appearances and prison hanging over his head) was not being able to hug or touch him. I am glad you two are at least in close proximity and able to communicate and feel the same weather. Sending strength and hugs
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Old 09-22-2013, 09:45 PM
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missed you kaymarie.
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Old 09-22-2013, 11:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jancy View Post
Kay,
This is not wasted time. All things will work together in the best way possible for your son. God is still with him every minute. So, now you have a date for the trial. Be sure to take very good care of yourself, like a runner preparing for a race. You will need to be strengthened in mind body and spirit to continue to be there for your son thru the days ahead.

I took yoga twice...and it was very healing for me. One night my neighbor and I went out for her birthday to Applebees before the yoga class. We each had a couple swirly drinks. During yoga, I got the giggles and could not balance. I had to not look at her face or I would have fallen when doing some of those moves. Laughter helped me heal, too.

Continue to read...my BF and I are reading the Bible through in a year. Even if it is only a few pages a day, just having that project keeps me focused on how important God is in our lives, and what a comfort He can be to us. I also have belonged to the same study club for maybe 14 or 15 years. Twelve people (men and women) who meet weekly, pray with and for one another and watch or read something inspirational to discuss.

Go get a massage. Doesn't have to cost a fortune. Very healing, and a facial is even better. Around here, there are places that give a one hour massage for $35.00. There is much healing in touch. Candles, aromatherapy, flute music, music that includes listening to rainfall....etc. Walmart has some really good CDs of that stuff. I turn my bedroom into a haven.

God bless you and yours. ((HUGS))
Hi, Jancy,
I've missed everyone, especially you. You have had the kindest, 'real', advice I've had. I'm glad for the advice. I don't know why... but lately I've felt like giving up. I'm so sick of this feeling I have everyday of how I've lost my son and how I have to live with this new reality. It's not new, almost 6 years and I'm still not ok...
my son's attorney reminded me the other day, "your son is insane", is that supposed to make it easier?

k
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:52 AM
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Kay, with lawyers who make comments like that....who needs enemies (as the old saying goes). Is that supposed to be some sort of comfort? UGH that lawyer needs to take a course of Compassion 101. You know, something like "empathy for dummies". Sheesh. It doesn't make sense to me.

You cannot give up, Kay. You just can't. Your son needs you more than ever. You are his best source of love, prayer and support. you have big job to do that only you can do. He only gets the one mother, ya know.

Your son is your son for eternity. Even if he is in prison for the rest of his natural life, one day both you and he will be released from these earthly bodies...and your son will spend infinite, unending time with you. Until that moment, you will continue to be his anchor. Of course you are stuck back at the day when he got himself into this mess. You are never gonna be ok with it, but you are gonna cope. Look, it has been six long years, and you are still reaching out to get and give support. You have not given up, even the stupid lawyer comment got your dander up and that means you are still conscious. Not numb. You are gonna be the best dang mom even in these most difficult of circumstances.

Gosh I hate your reality, too, as well as every single person's who joined this forum. Life should not be this way. No way should we have to see our kids in these circumstances. No one deserves what we all learned on this journey. Life is very complex, Kay...with lots of unexpected unpleasant surprises. The incredible strength of the people here, silent witnesses to one another of the things can can go wrong, that courage and strength we have even as we tremble through each of the steps...is astounding.

Focus on peace and insist that peace reign in your world. Schedule it in there as a priority.

Do something silly. Three years ago, I unexpectedly was let go from my job as a dental office practice administrator due to my boss's own financial woes. I had been at that job half my life...I was 28 and a half when hired, worked there 28 and a half years. I was in shock and hardly spoke for 3 days. Someone suggested to me that since my 40 yr class reunion was coming up, that I should use this time and find my entire high school class.

Although I did not want to , didn't miss any of those folks, I felt it would be a project to busy me. It took me four months and I found all 208 of them. The last one was a gal who was really hard to find, she was living homeless in Colorado! I found out that 9 of them were already dead! I planned and carried out monthly gatherings, made a big email group of them, and wrote a story for the newspaper about it all and the people I found. Losing myself into those people's lives helped me find myself...who I was. I kept saying that I had forgotten who I used to be before all the mess of my life happened. I was able to recall being 17 and social, happy and bouncy.

The school found out about it all and they called me and asked me to crown the new homecoming queen for that year. LOL I said NO but I did ask our class's homecoming queen and her escort to do it. About 100 of the class sat in the stands cheering and laughing as we watched that happen on our old football field. I have kept having gatherings at my home, having dinners, planning outings, having small groups for campfires, and tie dye projects, and it has dwindled down to about 8 of us who get together weekly to pray for one another's kids, commiserate medical issues, and welcome new grandbabies. One night, we had karaoke and a few of us now 60 yr olds did one of our dance routines and giggled. You know that is the best medicine, Kay. Just to be silly and let loose the bands of fear that encircle us. Carefree as children.

Remember who you were before all this happened and recapture your mood and attitude from the happiest days. Hold onto that, Build up a few good friends who you can confide in, whose lives you can enrich. You deserve that time to let your hair down. It builds you up for the times when your hair stands on end with fear and anxiety.
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Old 09-23-2013, 02:09 PM
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Kaymarie, Whatever I say will be not enough I think. Jancy always has such good advice. I'm often rendered speechless by the stories on here.Please just know I am praying for you and your son and thinking of you both. Blessings and hugs to you.
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Old 09-23-2013, 04:46 PM
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kaymarie - I, too, have been thinking about you and wondering how things were going. I'm glad that you checked in with us and to hear that a time for the trial has finally been set. I know that these past six years have been beyond difficult for you and your son, but I also know that you will make it through this because you have shown such strength and courage in the past. It has been a source of inspiration for all of us. Please know that you and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 09-23-2013, 05:28 PM
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I too, have been off for some time. My son has been out for over 2 years, but it is a journey being out. ( Hell, this whole life is a journey!) There is no solace for us like this forum. Sometimes you need to go away for a while, but thank God this site is still here for us to come back to! Glad you are coming back for support.
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Old 09-29-2013, 08:37 AM
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Hi Kaymarie, I'm still here too. I don't post much, but I still stay in contact with a few of the moms. You have had to endure so much, and I can understand how it might at times seem easier just to give up and let yourself go. As usual Jancy just gives the best advice! Take time to do some simple nice things for yourself, you do deserve nice things! I think the hardest thing we have had to go through with our daughter is how difficult it is for her to have that felony on record. It has cost us so much. If I hadn't been so inexperienced with the system I would have done so many things differently. Thank you for posting, and I hope others like myself, who haven't posted in awhile will take a moment just to touch base with everyone!
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Old 10-04-2013, 06:06 AM
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Hi I'm still here too have not posted in a long time I got to visit my son over Labor Day weekend it was great we had to take our dogs on that 14 hour drive had a good time and now on November 7 he will be transferred to the Feds and a new chapter in our lives will begin and I bet you I'm back on here with lots of questions
You all take care my friends we are waiting for Karen to arrive this weekend and it will be a soggy one
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Old 10-11-2013, 08:34 PM
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Hi Kay Marie, I haven't been on much myself - but do check time to time to see how everyone is. How I wish your son got "the right to a speedy trial." 6 years of living in limbo must be unbelievably hard. Having to face a trial and all the media mess again is a nightmare. And your son is not the same person today as he was when he committed the crime - a teenager now a man. How he copes as he awaits what is ahead is beyond me. I'm sorry the lawyer made the comment . .insensitive for sure. Maybe what he is seeing a man exhausted as he awaits trial. I am glad you get to see one another. Please let him know people are still praying for him - still care about him.
Do take care of you. and keep us posted!
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Old 10-15-2013, 07:49 PM
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Thank you all so much for the love and support.
k
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Old 10-15-2013, 09:34 PM
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It's been awhile for me too. So good to see all the familiar names that supported me when I needed it. My son has been out a little over two years now. Totally independent and doing well. For this I am grateful. I pray for all of you.
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