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  #1  
Old 09-03-2003, 11:08 PM
waitinginlv waitinginlv is offline
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Default Always feeling so sad?

Hello everyone, I would like to take this opportunity thank those of you who read my post in advance just for listening. If you are part of this "site" you too must have a sad story to tell and after reading some of them I felt for you all.

At age 41 my husband was arrested and sentenced to four years in prison. The reason he is there is in itself a sad one but like most includes the bad attorney (x2), the deal negotiating etc. which lead to this end. That being said I will return to "my criminal" whose worst act prior to this was have a few too many and getting a DUI (or two). One day he was there and the next he was gone, while in county we touched through the glass, we cried, I could hear his voice over the phone but not his breath on my skin and it was awful, and with each day my mental state got worse and worse until eventually when he was moved to Wasco and we could have no contact I went back East to my family to try and pull myself towards myself again. I am back now but not totally CA will never be the same for me and I ahve taken up residence in Las Vegas, waiting, waiting, waiting...

During my time away we wrote constantly pouring out our hearts and souls to one another and rebuilding a relationship that has now become even stronger than it ever was before BUT every day I still feel so ill, if I laugh at something I feel guilty, how can I be laughing while he is "in there", when I enjoy a meal I feel guilty, how can I enjoy this meal while he is "in there" - I realise that this sounds very much like babble and some may even ask "if I would like some cheese with that whine" but it is not about me, I really don't care about me it's all about him, his total mission in life was his family and not being there to protect us, guide us, point us in the right direction is driving him insane. We are his life and he is ours and we miss him like crazy.

There are those that say "oh don't worry there is a light at the end of the tunnel" what they don't know is that the light is a speeding train barreling towards you when your heart has been taken away......

You are with me always Lovelet always.......
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  #2  
Old 09-03-2003, 11:25 PM
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lovinbilly4ever lovinbilly4ever is offline
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((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
hi & welcome to pto!!!

i am very sorry you are feeling this way.
but he gets out in 4 yrs...4 years. i understand you are very upset. and i just want to give you a hug.

at first i felt guilty for me having fun, at the bars, out to dinner, walking my moms dog, playing with my cat, LAUGHING, and just living my life.

BUT, then i realized that "hey melissa...he will be home soon." AND, yes you 2 will be able to do ALL those things & MORE in 4 years. my billy has been in for 10 yrs. for 10 yrs he has been missing out on life & that is what hurts me the most.

make sure you ALWAYS tell your hubby you love him...mine seems to forget easily (old-timers disease? nah just selective thinking lol)

but you WILL survive, and take it minute by minute if needed.

PM me if you need to talk. but welcome to pto yet again!!
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  #3  
Old 09-03-2003, 11:30 PM
waitinginlv waitinginlv is offline
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Thank you very much.....funny though how everyone you ever knew before the incident who thought you were the most wonderful person in the world just vanishes and for the longest time you think that this is a burden you have to bear alone and then alone comes people like you.......strangers on the same boat just a different journey.

Oh and by the way it's not old timers disease it's just "manliness"

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  #4  
Old 09-03-2003, 11:36 PM
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Lysbeth Lysbeth is offline
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Just wanted to add another warm welcome to PTO! Glad you found us!

Lys
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  #5  
Old 09-03-2003, 11:39 PM
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Welcome to PTO, we all know just how you are feeling because we have all been where you are today. I know it is hard for you to believe right know but it does get better, honest. You just have to take it one day at a time and be there for him as much as you can. Love Barbara
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  #6  
Old 09-03-2003, 11:51 PM
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mrs. hernandez mrs. hernandez is offline
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i know how you fell. You said your husband was transfered to Wasco. I too live in Vegas and my husband is in Wsco at the moment. If you ever need a travel buddy let me know.
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  #7  
Old 09-04-2003, 06:56 AM
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Well first off Welcome! I know exactly what you mean and how you feel! When my fiancee was arressted I moved to Vegas but for me that was even worse! Not being able to see him if only thru the glass. I moved back and I go see him every weekend even if it kills me.

We too had a bad attorney and my baby almost got life. We took the deal that still to us was too long! But we try to get thru this one day at a time. I miss him terribly but "this too shall pass".

I just want to say best wishes to you on your journey because thats what this is......

God Bless You!
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  #8  
Old 09-04-2003, 06:57 AM
Phil in Paris Phil in Paris is offline
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Hi Wainginlv

Welcome to the PTO family

Glad you found us, you'll find a lot of support and caring people here.

All my best wishes
Philippe
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  #9  
Old 09-04-2003, 10:45 AM
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Welcome to the PTO family! Love--Helen
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  #10  
Old 09-04-2003, 11:04 AM
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Flammenschwert Flammenschwert is offline
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Welcome to PTO
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  #11  
Old 09-04-2003, 11:29 AM
AquaEyes AquaEyes is offline
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Welcome Waiting! My b/f has only been gone a week and 2 days. I feel the same way. I have yet to hear from him to be assured that I am loved and he still feels the same. I am sure he is going thru all kinds of emotions himself. but at least i have written him 12 times to let him know. I just feel lost and had to even get back on my stress meds. Because everytime I go to the post office my heart starts to palpitate in hopes if a letter from him. That is the part that is killing me. So I can certainly relate. he also got approx 4 yrs.Keep your chin up. There are alot of people here for support. They have helped me greatly.
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  #12  
Old 09-04-2003, 12:23 PM
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Welcome to PTO, you are not alone!
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  #13  
Old 09-04-2003, 05:57 PM
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Welcome to PTO! I felt the same guilt etc... when my husband first went in and for quite a while afterwards... This will pass.... We're here for you..

Deb
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  #14  
Old 09-04-2003, 09:51 PM
Northwest Mom Northwest Mom is offline
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WELCOME TO PTO! You are not alone anymore. We all feel your pain and we all understand. Lean on us and we will all get through this together.

Hugs!
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  #15  
Old 09-04-2003, 10:03 PM
haswtch haswtch is offline
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Damn I know! can't ever feel OK complainiong about the weather or the traffic when so aware thet the Other misses both...
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  #16  
Old 09-04-2003, 10:05 PM
haswtch haswtch is offline
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it gets better? still crying an awful lot.
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  #17  
Old 09-04-2003, 11:35 PM
waitinginlv waitinginlv is offline
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The worst is the feeling in your heart of absolute loss, not knowing what to do without your other half and even if you could why would you want to?

Thank you
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  #18  
Old 09-04-2003, 11:44 PM
waitinginlv waitinginlv is offline
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You are all so wonderful but do you want to know something that is so very wierd - even though I refer to myself as a nutjob (which I am ) and I know others think it about me too - although not too many are ballsy enough to say it, that is only when I am not working that I am unable to function even the little things are a real chore.

Having my own business has been such a "help" being able to throw myself into making a success of it so that my honey will be proud of me when he comes out, so that he will have employment and hopefully by then my company will be in a position to offer employment to other men (or women) who have had to endure what he has.....

You are all so brave...and may you be blessed for all your kind words and thoughts.
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  #19  
Old 09-05-2003, 10:08 AM
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Wanted to offer another Warm Welcome to PTO! Glad you have joined us~
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  #20  
Old 09-05-2003, 08:26 PM
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~**WELCOME TO PTO**~
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  #21  
Old 09-06-2003, 06:24 AM
Amanda_H Amanda_H is offline
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Welcome to PTO
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