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  #76  
Old 04-05-2015, 09:28 PM
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Hey everyone! I'm currently at home. I was released earlier this evening at the same time as the weekenders. I'm getting ready for bed. It feels so surreal, that I'm gonna be sleeping in my own bed tonight. But it's a good kind of surreal for sure.

My family are so happy to have me home. When I saw them, I thought they were gonna cry.

There's so much more to say, of course, but it's getting late. School's out for Spring Break, so I'll post more tomorrow.

Goodnight!
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  #77  
Old 04-06-2015, 11:52 AM
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Hey everyone. I'm back after a good night's sleep. It seems so weird, being in a bed that's comfortable and not having to worry about keeping warm. The room I was in was always cold. Is it like that in a lot of facilities? Anyway, it just seems strange that something so commonplace now feels like a novelty. Maybe I was becoming institutionalized just a bit without realizing it.

I'll be having my first meeting with my PO tomorrow morning. Should be interesting. I could be on probation for up to 3 years, although there is a possibility of early termination. But it's not like it could be worse than jail, so I'm not complaining or anything.

I know where my victim is buried now. I plan on buying flowers and visiting him after my meeting tomorrow. I actually feel nervous about it and I'm not sure I know why. I know I need to do it though. I just feel that things won't be right until I do this.

I know it's going to be awhile before I can reapply for a license, but once I'm able to (and I know this might sound nuts), I think I might try and learn how to ride a motorcycle. I gathered from his parents at my sentencing that bikes had always been a big part of his life. I think I want to try and understand the appeal and to ride for him, if that makes sense.

Tinabeana4321, if you're reading this, I'd just like to thank you for your last post and all the information. I appreciate it.

LadyBlu, I hope that the man you spoke to does apologize. If hearing about our respective experiences helps him to do that, then at least some good will have come about. I definitely want to take all I've learned from this time in my life and use it to make a difference.
  #78  
Old 04-06-2015, 03:03 PM
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I loved following your posts. I am glad you are finally home! You are very mature.
I think you have a bright future ahead of you. Good luck. Keep us updated!
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  #79  
Old 04-06-2015, 03:20 PM
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I very happy for you and that you've been given a much deserved 2nd chance. I feel certain you'll make the most of it although I wish I hadn't read the motorcycle part. ;-(

I'm just not a motorcycle fan, but I hope you'll be able to follow what ever path makes you happy.
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Old 04-06-2015, 06:56 PM
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It does make sense about being nervous about visiting his grave - nothing quite as concrete as seeing a marked grave. Give yourself to the moment, and whatever feelings you may have. Take a picture, just incase you ever need a reminder, though you will be visiting again, a picture serves you at odd hours and odd days when you need it. In days gone by, I'd say do a rubbing, but digital photography is so easy.

Every time you're away from home for more than a week or two, you'll get that odd feeling about home and your bed. Does everything feel smaller than you remember?

I'm a motorcycle rider, and I ride a crotch rocket. I really enjoy it because it requires so much more than driving. There's nothing like leaning into the twisties on the mountain, or that jet ski feeling when you're hopping over spring time frost heaves. Besides that, I get great gas milage which extends the life of my car as I ride as much of the spring-summer-fall as I can. I started riding in grad school - bikes are much easier to park and I went to grad school in a very bicycle unfriendly area. Motorcycles get more respect than bicycles in some areas, are cost effective, easy to park on campus, and have a much better acceleration than my two legs, especially up a steep hill.

If you don't know how to drive a stick, try an automatic. Further, Harley Davidson has been testing an electric bike (the drove it around cross country last summer) and that may be for sale in the next few years. Don't know if that's automatic, but it'd definitely get better gas milage than my bike. If you don't know how to ride a bicycle, start there. Get the balance down, and move up to motorcycles once you're comfortable. Learning to ride sounds like a good idea, whether you adopt it as a lifestyle or not - it's good to know what it feels like to ride and to see traffic from the viewpoint of a motorcycle. You'll definitely see things differently the next time you get behind the wheel of a car.

But, you have plenty of time for that. Enjoy your mother's/father's cooking, enjoy a long, hot shower or bath. Enjoy the tv that shuts off and where you can control the channel. Work with your PO, and keep in mind all of your goals.

It's still going to be a tough road, but you're getting there, and you have the right mindset to deal with the trouble to come.
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  #81  
Old 04-08-2015, 07:07 PM
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Hey everyone! I'm sitting in my room at the moment, watching American Idol. At the detention center, there was a TV but it didn't receive any channels. We could watch DVDs on it, but the selection was very limited. I've now seen "The Lion King" so many times, it's completely ruined for me.

Today, I swung by the store where I used to work about getting my old job back. My boss is a really great guy. He agreed to rehire me. Luckily, it's not too far from where I live, so I won't need to drive.

Yesterday, I met my PO for the first time. It was a short meeting. Basically, she just wanted to let me know what she expects from me and what could get me sent back inside. The meeting didn't last longer than 15 minutes and I won't owe her a visit until this time next month.

After I left her office, I bought some flowers and caught a bus to the cemetery where my victim is buried. It took me awhile to locate his grave in it, but I finally found him. I knew visiting him wouldn't be easy, but I'm not sure I expected to completely lose it the way I did. I'm glad the cemetery was abandoned. I was sobbing so hard, I'm sure I looked like I was having a breakdown. I admit, it took awhile for me to get the words out, but I told him everything I'd been carrying inside of me since the accident. Once I was done, I headed back to the bus stop. Luckily, I had some time to wait for the next one, so I was able to collect myself.

As hard as this was to do, I'm glad I did it. I feel like it'll be easier to go forward now. While this helped illustrate that I have a ways to go before I can fully forgive myself, I definitely think a major corner was turned.

Yourself, I wanted you to know that I took your advice and took a picture before I left. I have it right here on my phone should I ever need it.

I don't know if things feel smaller, but they definitely seem different somehow. It's kinda hard to put into words.

Oh yeah, I know how to ride a bicycle, so balance shouldn't be an issue. Btw, have you ever ridden a Yamaha SR400 or know anyone who has? I was doing a bit of research earlier online and I'm presently in love with this particular bike. I just love the look of it; very classic, y'know?

I've definitely been enjoying my mom's cooking since I've been home! I weighed myself this morning and, depending on which bathroom scale I consult, I lost between 7 and 10 pounds while I was in detention. Quality cuisine, jail food is not.

Thanks for listening everyone!
  #82  
Old 04-09-2015, 10:14 AM
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Hey everyone! I'm sitting in my room at the moment, watching American Idol. At the detention center, there was a TV but it didn't receive any channels. We could watch DVDs on it, but the selection was very limited. I've now seen "The Lion King" so many times, it's completely ruined for me.

Today, I swung by the store where I used to work about getting my old job back. My boss is a really great guy. He agreed to rehire me. Luckily, it's not too far from where I live, so I won't need to drive.

Yesterday, I met my PO for the first time. It was a short meeting. Basically, she just wanted to let me know what she expects from me and what could get me sent back inside. The meeting didn't last longer than 15 minutes and I won't owe her a visit until this time next month.

After I left her office, I bought some flowers and caught a bus to the cemetery where my victim is buried. It took me awhile to locate his grave in it, but I finally found him. I knew visiting him wouldn't be easy, but I'm not sure I expected to completely lose it the way I did. I'm glad the cemetery was abandoned. I was sobbing so hard, I'm sure I looked like I was having a breakdown. I admit, it took awhile for me to get the words out, but I told him everything I'd been carrying inside of me since the accident. Once I was done, I headed back to the bus stop. Luckily, I had some time to wait for the next one, so I was able to collect myself.

As hard as this was to do, I'm glad I did it. I feel like it'll be easier to go forward now. While this helped illustrate that I have a ways to go before I can fully forgive myself, I definitely think a major corner was turned.

Yourself, I wanted you to know that I took your advice and took a picture before I left. I have it right here on my phone should I ever need it.

I don't know if things feel smaller, but they definitely seem different somehow. It's kinda hard to put into words.

Oh yeah, I know how to ride a bicycle, so balance shouldn't be an issue. Btw, have you ever ridden a Yamaha SR400 or know anyone who has? I was doing a bit of research earlier online and I'm presently in love with this particular bike. I just love the look of it; very classic, y'know?

I've definitely been enjoying my mom's cooking since I've been home! I weighed myself this morning and, depending on which bathroom scale I consult, I lost between 7 and 10 pounds while I was in detention. Quality cuisine, jail food is not.

Thanks for listening everyone!
HUGS! I'm so glad that you are out. It is very uplifting to see that you went to the grave, and I applaud you as sometimes even adults when faced with something like this would probably not have been able to face what they had done as you have. Life can sometimes take us down paths we never expected, ones that are difficult and hard, but once taken we realize what fate truly has in store for us. Maybe things don't seem smaller, but put more into perspective. Life is precious, always be mindful of that. I think it's a good idea now to research exactly what kind of degree that would promote you more to get into law school, and which college is going to help you do that. There are always opportunities to be a leader, do research, advocate, rally for change, etc. I have my Bachelor in Psychology and did research under some world renown psychologists. I can tell you it def. helped boost my recommendation letters for grad school. I also was the Public Relations Officer in the Undergraduate student social work association which gave me a tremendous amount of experience working together as a team, coordinating events, communicating with fellow students critical issues. There are social work degrees at the bachelor level too. You can look into different degrees and programs, but again make sure it's something that helps your longterm goal of getting into law school. Hugs I wish you only the best. Your strength and determination are to be noted.
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  #83  
Old 04-10-2015, 06:57 AM
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HUGS! I'm so glad that you are out. It is very uplifting to see that you went to the grave, and I applaud you as sometimes even adults when faced with something like this would probably not have been able to face what they had done as you have. Life can sometimes take us down paths we never expected, ones that are difficult and hard, but once taken we realize what fate truly has in store for us. Maybe things don't seem smaller, but put more into perspective. Life is precious, always be mindful of that. I think it's a good idea now to research exactly what kind of degree that would promote you more to get into law school, and which college is going to help you do that. There are always opportunities to be a leader, do research, advocate, rally for change, etc. I have my Bachelor in Psychology and did research under some world renown psychologists. I can tell you it def. helped boost my recommendation letters for grad school. I also was the Public Relations Officer in the Undergraduate student social work association which gave me a tremendous amount of experience working together as a team, coordinating events, communicating with fellow students critical issues. There are social work degrees at the bachelor level too. You can look into different degrees and programs, but again make sure it's something that helps your longterm goal of getting into law school. Hugs I wish you only the best. Your strength and determination are to be noted.
Thank you for the advice. I haven't settled on psychology for sure, it's just something I've been thinking about.

Btw, if you don't mind my asking, where did you go to college? Just curious.
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Old 04-10-2015, 11:58 AM
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Thank you for the advice. I haven't settled on psychology for sure, it's just something I've been thinking about.

Btw, if you don't mind my asking, where did you go to college? Just curious.
University of Nevada Reno

I don't mind at all
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  #85  
Old 04-10-2015, 08:09 PM
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DetentionBound - do not think you have to come to a decision about your future career any time soon. Statistics still say that the average college student changes his/her major 4 times before graduating.

What I would recommend is exploring the things that interest you. Take what you have to take - your required courses in high school and your general education requirements in college. But always take one course each semester that's just because it interests you. Do not tie yourself to one profession/one course of study until you know you want to be tied to it.

The important part right now is to learn and explore and keep as many doors open as you can until YOU decide to shut them.
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Old 04-18-2015, 10:42 AM
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I appreciate all the advice regarding school. I'm definitely trying to look at all the options available.

The past couple nights have been kinda weird. I keep having dreams where I wake up and I'm back in my cell at the detention center. Is this typical of people who have been away for awhile? I'm currently looking for a new therapist to continue my counseling. I plan on asking him/her about them, but I just thought I'd ask.

In order to conclude this post on a light-hearted note, I gotta tell ya'll what happened the other day. Remember my b/f? The one who dumped me via letter during Christmas break? He actually texted me the other day, wanting to get together. I couldn't believe it. After ignoring me for months, you suddenly want to talk now that I'm free? I was mad for a second but then started laughing at how absurdly shameless that is. Needless to say, I didn't respond.
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Old 04-19-2015, 05:17 AM
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So true about the changing of majors. I changed mine at least as many times as that and I was/am a grown woman -- older student -- so I should have theoretically had more time to figure it out!

Good for you for ignoring the ex!
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Old 04-19-2015, 10:17 AM
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DB, that sounds entirely normal.
Hell, I wake up like that often. Trying to figure out if Im in my bed, or on the couch or at my hubbys place. (its complicated)
I sleep on the couch sometimes because we have a puppy that crys like hell if he's locked up in his crate. So in order to make sure we all get sleep, someone sleeps on the couch in the same room as him sometimes.
(yeah, I know. He's spoiled)
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Old 04-20-2015, 01:39 AM
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.... The past couple nights have been kinda weird. I keep having dreams where I wake up and I'm back in my cell at the detention center. Is this typical of people who have been away for awhile? ....

Yes, it is. It happened to me, after dismissed from the Navy, years ago – there was the conscription when I was 18 in Italy. Saluti.
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  #90  
Old 04-20-2015, 02:25 PM
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Yes, it's very common to have dreams like that when you make a major transition. Think of it as your subconscious processing everything you've been through. You might want to think about keeping a "dream diary" where you write down your dreams, especially the ones that wake you up. Whether you show this to your new therapist or not - writing them down so you can look at them is a good thing in terms of helping you to process things. If something reminds you of something else - note it. Look for patterns and symbols and you'll start seeing how your subconscious is processing stuff. You can get as deep into as you want - I know a couple of people who are totally into dreaming, trying to get to the point of lucid dreams and the like, and to me, they're waaayyyy excessive. But, that doesn't mean that some of their basic things like a dream diary lack merit. Stick a notebook and pen next to your bed, and when something wakes you, write down the dream. Write down the dream(s) you remember when you wake up in the morning. The subconscious is a wonderful playground.

Routine is also something that gets ingrained. So, if you were used to hearing doors slam or reveille at a specific time or whatnot - your subconscious may manufacture such noises because it takes a while for your subconscious to get the message that you've been released and need to revert back to other patterns.

Glad you're able to laugh at your ex. What a dweeb. Glad you value yourself enough that you're not tempted to go back to him.
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  #91  
Old 04-20-2015, 04:18 PM
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Yes, it's very common to have dreams like that when you make a major transition. Think of it as your subconscious processing everything you've been through. You might want to think about keeping a "dream diary" where you write down your dreams, especially the ones that wake you up. Whether you show this to your new therapist or not - writing them down so you can look at them is a good thing in terms of helping you to process things. If something reminds you of something else - note it. Look for patterns and symbols and you'll start seeing how your subconscious is processing stuff. You can get as deep into as you want - I know a couple of people who are totally into dreaming, trying to get to the point of lucid dreams and the like, and to me, they're waaayyyy excessive. But, that doesn't mean that some of their basic things like a dream diary lack merit. Stick a notebook and pen next to your bed, and when something wakes you, write down the dream. Write down the dream(s) you remember when you wake up in the morning. The subconscious is a wonderful playground.

Routine is also something that gets ingrained. So, if you were used to hearing doors slam or reveille at a specific time or whatnot - your subconscious may manufacture such noises because it takes a while for your subconscious to get the message that you've been released and need to revert back to other patterns.

Glad you're able to laugh at your ex. What a dweeb. Glad you value yourself enough that you're not tempted to go back to him.
I'm actually gonna give a dream diary a shot. Thanks for the idea!
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Old 04-22-2015, 12:10 AM
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Hey everyone! I'm sitting in my room at the moment, watching American Idol. At the detention center, there was a TV but it didn't receive any channels. We could watch DVDs on it, but the selection was very limited. I've now seen "The Lion King" so many times, it's completely ruined for me.

Today, I swung by the store where I used to work about getting my old job back. My boss is a really great guy. He agreed to rehire me. Luckily, it's not too far from where I live, so I won't need to drive.

Yesterday, I met my PO for the first time. It was a short meeting. Basically, she just wanted to let me know what she expects from me and what could get me sent back inside. The meeting didn't last longer than 15 minutes and I won't owe her a visit until this time next month.

After I left her office, I bought some flowers and caught a bus to the cemetery where my victim is buried. It took me awhile to locate his grave in it, but I finally found him. I knew visiting him wouldn't be easy, but I'm not sure I expected to completely lose it the way I did. I'm glad the cemetery was abandoned. I was sobbing so hard, I'm sure I looked like I was having a breakdown. I admit, it took awhile for me to get the words out, but I told him everything I'd been carrying inside of me since the accident. Once I was done, I headed back to the bus stop. Luckily, I had some time to wait for the next one, so I was able to collect myself.

As hard as this was to do, I'm glad I did it. I feel like it'll be easier to go forward now. While this helped illustrate that I have a ways to go before I can fully forgive myself, I definitely think a major corner was turned.

Yourself, I wanted you to know that I took your advice and took a picture before I left. I have it right here on my phone should I ever need it.

I don't know if things feel smaller, but they definitely seem different somehow. It's kinda hard to put into words.

Oh yeah, I know how to ride a bicycle, so balance shouldn't be an issue. Btw, have you ever ridden a Yamaha SR400 or know anyone who has? I was doing a bit of research earlier online and I'm presently in love with this particular bike. I just love the look of it; very classic, y'know?

I've definitely been enjoying my mom's cooking since I've been home! I weighed myself this morning and, depending on which bathroom scale I consult, I lost between 7 and 10 pounds while I was in detention. Quality cuisine, jail food is not.

Thanks for listening everyone!
Hi Detention Bound! I have been a member here forever it seems, but I rarely post, just read. I have a daughter a year older than you. I can tell you without a doubt, she would be a screaming baby, crying, wanting me to break her out of jail, blaming everybody but herself for per predicament. You are an example for all children to look up to. Please thank your parents for raising such a wonderful daughter.

You, my dear, have this old mom in tears. I applaud you. You will do great things in your life. I literally sobbed reading how you went to your victim's grave. Tears are rolling down my face.

I think you have learned patience, and empathy, compassion, responsibility, and all those things many people even my age do not possess.

Please give yourself a hug for me and even though I know in your coming years you will have some guilt creep up, I have no doubt you will find a positive constructive way to deal with that guilt.

Tomorrow, I will be telling all 3 of my kids about you and your story to show how nobody is immune to horrible things that can happen. They will roll their eyes at me, I bet, but you made a very strong impression on this old gal.

I am glad you got out a bit early and I hope you continue to post here letting us all know how you are doing.

Hugs!!!
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  #93  
Old 04-22-2015, 12:42 AM
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Oh nuts?

I met grandmothers that reacted that way when first getting to a county jail! ;-)


The cops hated them

They really weren't THAT drunk

They forgot to pay for that item stuck down their pants

The ex paid the cops to arrest them

And so on - you get the idea so I fully agree! Seeing a young woman not only admit her mistake, but pay the price with dignity is very up lifting.
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:11 PM
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Hi Detention Bound! I have been a member here forever it seems, but I rarely post, just read. I have a daughter a year older than you. I can tell you without a doubt, she would be a screaming baby, crying, wanting me to break her out of jail, blaming everybody but herself for per predicament. You are an example for all children to look up to. Please thank your parents for raising such a wonderful daughter.

You, my dear, have this old mom in tears. I applaud you. You will do great things in your life. I literally sobbed reading how you went to your victim's grave. Tears are rolling down my face.

I think you have learned patience, and empathy, compassion, responsibility, and all those things many people even my age do not possess.

Please give yourself a hug for me and even though I know in your coming years you will have some guilt creep up, I have no doubt you will find a positive constructive way to deal with that guilt.

Tomorrow, I will be telling all 3 of my kids about you and your story to show how nobody is immune to horrible things that can happen. They will roll their eyes at me, I bet, but you made a very strong impression on this old gal.

I am glad you got out a bit early and I hope you continue to post here letting us all know how you are doing.

Hugs!!!
I appreciate your compliments but, honestly, I don't see myself as someone to look up to. None of this would have happened if I hadn't been thinking only of myself that day. I still see myself as someone who caused a lot of unnecessary pain who wants to help others make better choices.
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Old 04-23-2015, 11:09 PM
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I appreciate your compliments but, honestly, I don't see myself as someone to look up to. None of this would have happened if I hadn't been thinking only of myself that day. I still see myself as someone who caused a lot of unnecessary pain who wants to help others make better choices.
If I may be so bold, I would argue it is precisely because of your attitude and conduct regarding this situation/event that you are a role-model.

It seems to me that not enough people in our society today stand up and take responsibility for their actions, and the few who do should be heralded as role-models.

But, this could be just a fool's opinion.....

Allow me to add my own congratulations for your early release and best wishes for your future.
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  #96  
Old 04-25-2015, 07:46 AM
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Sorry for not replying sooner. Our power was out and only just came back on.

Dakkor, I suppose it is true that not enough people take responsibility nowadays. I dunno, I just know I don't feel like a role model, y'know?

Thank you. I definitely plan on making the best of my future.
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Old 04-25-2015, 12:02 PM
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Good for you for going to the cemetery. I still cry when I when I go to the cemetery where my fiance is buried after a motorcycle accident, and that was almost 27 years ago.

I have 3 suggestions for you if you are certain you want to learn to ride a motorcycle. First, consider the weight/size of the bike. You don't want something you really struggle to hold up balanced at a stop light. Second: purchase the very best helmet and leathers you can buy. Third: take some motorcycle driving classes and then some evasive driving classes.

You may want to get an inexpensive moped while you are learning the feel. The feel is not any different, just less power. And yes, I have ridden both.

Best wishes to you!!
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  #98  
Old 04-25-2015, 07:24 PM
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Good for you for going to the cemetery. I still cry when I when I go to the cemetery where my fiance is buried after a motorcycle accident, and that was almost 27 years ago.

I have 3 suggestions for you if you are certain you want to learn to ride a motorcycle. First, consider the weight/size of the bike. You don't want something you really struggle to hold up balanced at a stop light. Second: purchase the very best helmet and leathers you can buy. Third: take some motorcycle driving classes and then some evasive driving classes.

You may want to get an inexpensive moped while you are learning the feel. The feel is not any different, just less power. And yes, I have ridden both.

Best wishes to you!!
I'm sorry to hear about your fiance. When you said that you still cry when visiting his grave, I actually started crying myself.

Thank you for the advice. I definitely plan on taking lessons, don't worry about that. And I may start with a moped and work my way on up. That's probably not a bad idea. Course, it's gonna be awhile before I can drive anything legally again.
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Old 04-25-2015, 09:02 PM
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I'm sorry to hear about your fiance. When you said that you still cry when visiting his grave, I actually started crying myself.

Thank you for the advice. I definitely plan on taking lessons, don't worry about that. And I may start with a moped and work my way on up. That's probably not a bad idea. Course, it's gonna be awhile before I can drive anything legally again.
Smart ideas about the lessons and the moped.

He was my first true love. It's a really sad story. His father shot and killed his mother right in front of him. Because the father was military, his mother was buried in a military cemetery. He bought the motorcycle (crotchrocket, early when the Interceptors came out) with his mothers life insurance. Died less than a year after. In a military cemetery families can be stacked on top of each other (up to 5 members.) When his dad died in prison, he was buried on top of both of them. I have not visited since as it is many hours away and I don't know that I want to see the fathers name on the headstone.

Of course that is the abbreviated version, but all I can get into. I will always miss him.
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  #100  
Old 04-26-2015, 07:36 AM
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Smart ideas about the lessons and the moped.

He was my first true love. It's a really sad story. His father shot and killed his mother right in front of him. Because the father was military, his mother was buried in a military cemetery. He bought the motorcycle (crotchrocket, early when the Interceptors came out) with his mothers life insurance. Died less than a year after. In a military cemetery families can be stacked on top of each other (up to 5 members.) When his dad died in prison, he was buried on top of both of them. I have not visited since as it is many hours away and I don't know that I want to see the fathers name on the headstone.

Of course that is the abbreviated version, but all I can get into. I will always miss him.
I don't blame you for not wanting to be near his father. That just makes this story even more sad. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. *HUGS*
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