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  #101  
Old 04-28-2015, 12:18 PM
LadyBlu LadyBlu is offline
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LadyBlu, I hope that the man you spoke to does apologize. If hearing about our respective experiences helps him to do that, then at least some good will have come about. I definitely want to take all I've learned from this time in my life and use it to make a difference.
Congrats on getting home!

The man I spoke of told me last weekend that he would like to apologize, but that after 10 years he is worried about the effect it would have on the parents. I will update him on your story next time I see him. He still has years to go before his release.

My comments on your desire to get a motorcycle: 1) I rode a small Suzuki 185 when I was 18 for a few years. I made sure that it had a seat that was low enough to the ground that I could support it well when I stopped. I also made sure that I could pick it up off the ground by myself if I dropped it, which happened a number of times. The lessons I took were invaluable. And I always wore a helmet, a good one. 2) Later on, when married, my husband and I got a Suzuki 750. I couldn't reach the ground as well on that one, and I couldn't pick it up when I dropped it, which happened one day when I was out far away from home on a deserted highway. Had to leave it there and go off in search of help. Very awful memory, and the reason I stopped riding. 3) I don't like mopeds as they are too slow to be able to navigate away from another vehicle that doesn't see you. I think you need enough speed and weight on a bike to be able to zoom out of danger if/when it happens.
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  #102  
Old 04-28-2015, 06:31 PM
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Congrats on getting home!

The man I spoke of told me last weekend that he would like to apologize, but that after 10 years he is worried about the effect it would have on the parents. I will update him on your story next time I see him. He still has years to go before his release.

My comments on your desire to get a motorcycle: 1) I rode a small Suzuki 185 when I was 18 for a few years. I made sure that it had a seat that was low enough to the ground that I could support it well when I stopped. I also made sure that I could pick it up off the ground by myself if I dropped it, which happened a number of times. The lessons I took were invaluable. And I always wore a helmet, a good one. 2) Later on, when married, my husband and I got a Suzuki 750. I couldn't reach the ground as well on that one, and I couldn't pick it up when I dropped it, which happened one day when I was out far away from home on a deserted highway. Had to leave it there and go off in search of help. Very awful memory, and the reason I stopped riding. 3) I don't like mopeds as they are too slow to be able to navigate away from another vehicle that doesn't see you. I think you need enough speed and weight on a bike to be able to zoom out of danger if/when it happens.
I guess that is a legitimate concern at this point. Please keep me updated. I'd really like to know what he ultimately decides to do.

Thanks for the advice. Don't worry, I definitely plan on getting one I can pick up. Since I've started researching this, that's something I've kept in mind with every bike I've read up on.
  #103  
Old 04-29-2015, 02:30 PM
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Um, ladies, you may want to actually look at YouTube video on picking up a bike. With proper technique, you can pick up a really, really big bike. Street style bikes are much harder to pick up than cruisers, but that's because you have to lift them farther, and their center of gravity is much higher than on a cruiser. It's much easier to pick up a really heavy bike than you think, if you use the right technique (think pretty much all legs, no arms).

I'm not a fan of mopeds, but that's because my dear, sweet brother ran over a guy on a moped once. He said it was because "the guy was going too slow" and wouldn't get out of the way. He was 16 at the time, and his victim was injured, not killed. But, I know my brother isn't the only asshat like that out there......

I have found motorcycles get more respect, even from asshats like my brother, than mopeds or bicycles. In some areas of this country (the US, for those out of here), bicycle riding is tantamount to inviting people to chuck things at you.
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  #104  
Old 04-30-2015, 03:55 PM
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I can't believe I didn't think to look on YouTube for that! Thanks, Yourself.

So wait, your brother ran the guy over on purpose? That's insane. What is wrong with him?
  #105  
Old 05-02-2015, 04:42 AM
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Um, ladies, you may want to actually look at YouTube video on picking up a bike. With proper technique, you can pick up a really, really big bike. Street style bikes are much harder to pick up than cruisers, but that's because you have to lift them farther, and their center of gravity is much higher than on a cruiser. It's much easier to pick up a really heavy bike than you think, if you use the right technique (think pretty much all legs, no arms).
You made me laugh. Thanks.

Yes, street bikes are higher center of gravity, and a short lady, like me, with short legs under the bike, just cannot (or could not) get a straight street 750 off the ground high enough to stand it back up alone, even using proper technique, which I was taught, way back then in 1975. Granted, I chickened out after that day, rather than find a bike I could have been able to lift....

I'm glad you mentioned it to Detention Bound, the leg lifting technique, so she won't make the same mistake. Some of the best days of my life were on a bike alone back when women didn't do that....
  #106  
Old 05-06-2015, 07:42 PM
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Hey, sorry for the radio silence everyone. I've just been busy with school and work. I also saw my P.O. again today, after school. Not much to report there. With summer break looming ever closer, she wants me to start on the community service I'm required to complete. She asked me to choose an assignment from an approved list. I chose to work with a local recycling center. It sounds like it'll be dirty work, but I don't mind.

Summer break. I'm still surprised and incredibly grateful that I'll be experiencing it as a free woman.

Something interesting happened this past weekend. I actually ran into one of the girls I did time with. I was at work and she spotted me stocking shelves and came over to say hello. I was a bit nervous because we're not supposed to associate with anyone we met while in juvie. Thankfully, she was tactful enough not to mention the detention center. She just asked me how I was doing, so I guess I'll be okay.

I gotta run. Thanks for listening!

Last edited by DetentionBound; 05-06-2015 at 07:48 PM..
  #107  
Old 05-06-2015, 08:27 PM
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There's something cleansing about hot, dirty work though. I applaud your choice!
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  #108  
Old 05-07-2015, 08:41 AM
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recycling is good for everybody - nice choice. My tiny little community is very active with our waste transfer facility - we do a ton of recycling, have separate bins for 5 cent deposit bottles for a couple of charities, and even have "freecycle" shack - if it works, and you don't need it any more, put it there. Somebody who needs it will come along. Good place to swap books, find a lamp, and pick up stuff, or drop off stuff you no longer need. Always takes the dogs there for a run so I can swap gossip in peace.

For those counting - it's still not all that accepted for a woman to ride. I get a ton of looks and questions, and even compliments. But then, I'm the antithesis for the normal street ride - I'm female, and twice the age of the normal target audience. To compensate for my short legs and venerability, I lowered the seat an inch, and raised the knuckle a bit to change the geometry. Now, I can easily reach the street with both feet, and the raised knuckle means a more relaxed position. Not great for the track, but for normal mountain twisties - I've already put 1000 miles on my bike this year. Endurance over speed - I'm cool with it.

I've never understood the whole, "you can't associate". Yes, if you associated on the outside, as gang members and co-defendants, then association after might be a bad thing. However, I think that they lose a definite potential to be helpful by mandating no association, especially among juveniles. Take somebody who's successful in probation/parole, doing everything they're supposed to, achieving goals and the like, and after a year of doing really well, have them mentor somebody who's just getting out. Do groups for those who are just getting out, for those who are struggling with various specific types of trouble - addiction, abusive relationships, abandonment by parents, young parents, dealing with mental health issues - or by goals - probationers aiming for college, aiming for the military, trying to figure out what they want to do. There's a whole system of support and help from a grassroots, internal level that's being ignored, or worse, prevented. Isolation does not help. Further, it takes somebody who's been successful outside and acknowledges their success and allows them to give back by helping others who are just beginning their journey. I'm not saying everybody should do this - just that, especially with kids, having the ability to talk with and relate to successful probationers as well as others who are dealing with the CJ system AND a specific issue could be a very good thing and reduce recidivism while creating a sense of community and connection.

Keep walking your path.
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  #109  
Old 05-07-2015, 03:33 PM
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I'm not very good at this thing. I'll try my best to offer some advice.

I recommend that you don't be too hard on yourself. Even now, after what you've done, you can still go home. Count yourself lucky. Despite making mistakes there is still hope for the future. You should cling to life so that you have a chance to earn your happy ending. Let's say, if you ever give up on life and let guilt consume you that would be an insult not only to those you love but would make the hardships of everyone that suffered on your little journey a waste. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself as you still have the right to a good life and the chance to do better next time.

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  #110  
Old 05-08-2015, 09:10 PM
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Hey Yourself,

That's cool about the "freecycle" thing. Wonder if the center here will have something like that? That would be awesome.

Yeah, it may not be fully accepted, but I still plan on giving it a shot. I haven't told my parents about my plan yet though. I'm afraid I might give them a heart attack!

That's a great idea, the whole mentoring thing. I wish there was something like that here I could give back to. Are there any such programs here in the U.S. that you've heard of? Just curious.
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Old 05-08-2015, 10:37 PM
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Hey Yourself,

That's cool about the "freecycle" thing. Wonder if the center here will have something like that? That would be awesome.

Yeah, it may not be fully accepted, but I still plan on giving it a shot. I haven't told my parents about my plan yet though. I'm afraid I might give them a heart attack!

That's a great idea, the whole mentoring thing. I wish there was something like that here I could give back to. Are there any such programs here in the U.S. that you've heard of? Just curious.
I have not heard of one. I've tried to get one implemented in my locale, but I get reminded I'm an attorney, not a social worker. As much as some of my judges are liberal and see the reasoning, they don't want to be the test cases, especially should something go wrong.

"Freecycling" is something that can be instigated with any group of people. When you get to college, you can implement a freecycle program in your dorm. You might want to talk with students at your school about the whole idea, with the option of donating to charity at the end of the semester when it comes to clothes and food. Dress for Success programs can be wonderful - they help clothe women who've had to flee abusive relationships in job interview clothes, as well as give them tips and techniques for job interviews. There's a myriad of places where you can donate, and where you can practice freecyling - domestic violence shelters always need stuff, and would love to be able to help people who fled with nothing have a basic kit of stuff when they finally find a safe place to move.

There are organizations for homeless. There are initiatives that provide teddy bears to police officers and CPS workers so that small children touched by crime or accidents have something they can hang on to. It's amazing how much of an impact a teddy bear has on a kid who's going to be taking his first ambulance ride, or who has to get into a cop car to go to a shelter because mom and dad are being hauled away. If you're the crafty type, making stuffed animals, and blankets for kids and adults in traumatic situations can be a great way to give back. You can check with your local hospital about outreach for blankets and the like for trauma victims, and pediatric beds.

If you want to mentor, start looking into organizations like the Boys and Girls Clubs. See how old you need to be to be a Big Sister. Also check with Girl's Inc. if there's one in your area - they are always looking for supervisors, and mentors, and people who can teach or referee a game of kickball or something - whatever your specialty is, they can use you. And if you stick with kids 10-13, you could make a huge impact as a mentor.

Btw, no PO I know will criticize you for doing too much community service, or for coming up with your own solution to the community service problem.

Talk with the recycling place, and see if they have freecycling. If not, ask about it. If they don't want to hear you, look at other options. If you think flexibly and creatively about need, you might come up with something that addresses a need that's not being addressed, or doing something that you feel even better about than the recycling program.
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  #112  
Old 05-11-2015, 06:39 PM
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Yourself, as always, you've given me a plethora of good ideas to chew on. Thank you!

I would've posted sooner, but this weekend was a busy time for me. Since I no longer have to report to the detention center, I've been doing my homework at a more leisurely pace. As a result, I had some to take care of in addition to pulling a shift at my job on Sunday night.

I also got started on my community service on Saturday. I worked for the better part of the morning and into the early afternoon. We (the other people sentenced to CS and I) sorted plastics that people had dropped off in trash bags into their proper bins. We also tackled this mountain of cardboard that needed to be baled.

The only downside to the whole experience came when a couple of people started talking about why they were doing community service to begin with. This got everyone into confession mode. One guy got caught with some weed, another guy was working off a speeding ticket cause he didn't have the cash to cover it. A girl about my age got caught drinking. Then everyone turned to me.

"So what did you do? I'm guessing either marijuana or alcohol. You look too straight-laced to have done anything worse."

I told them the truth. I've told people about what I've done before, but this time seemed especially hard. I think I was worried that it might make me a target for harassment. During my first weekend in juvie, this one girl kept calling me "killer" until she received isolation over it. That memory definitely crossed my mind, along with the realization that there were no D.O.s here to make them leave me alone.

Fortunately, no one did anything. After a bit of stunned silence, the girl asked if I was serious. I told her I was. They must've sensed how horrible I feel about it because the conversation ended there and we resumed working.

I know I have a lifetime of such admissions ahead of me and I know the response won't always be silence. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to best deal with the hostility that'll inevitably come from someone.

I gotta run. Thanks for listening everyone!
  #113  
Old 05-11-2015, 06:42 PM
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PS: Before I forget, I did ask about freecycling. Turns out they do have something like that! They have a rack of books and magazines that people donate to and that are free to whoever wants them.
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Old 05-11-2015, 07:36 PM
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Hang in there hon... the more times you have to tell the story the more you learn the eb and flow of your story. Some people need to know everything and some are just prying into your business.
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  #115  
Old 05-12-2015, 07:55 AM
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You probably dont have any counseling you have to attend do you? reason I ask is, my hub did, and was able to *associate* with other felons in the program. (but only while in the program........meaning, not outside the meeting)

That was very helpful to him. They all understood eachother's frustrations, pain, and all that.

What yourself said about when you get to college and the freecycle?
OMG. I live in a college town. when its summer break you should see the stuff they toss out. Perfectly good items.
They need to do this at our town college.

haha, just what you need. Another project! (which Im sure you will handle with ease should you decide its a good idea)

So glad to hear your doing well.
Enjoy your summer!!

As an aside......if asked and you dont want to say, you can always say, I would rather not talk about it.(the reason you went to juvie and are doing community service)
Its really not anyone's business. Or you could say, for breaking the law, just like you.
(my hub liked, felonious stupidity as an answer)
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  #116  
Old 05-12-2015, 05:04 PM
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You probably dont have any counseling you have to attend do you? reason I ask is, my hub did, and was able to *associate* with other felons in the program. (but only while in the program........meaning, not outside the meeting)

That was very helpful to him. They all understood eachother's frustrations, pain, and all that.

What yourself said about when you get to college and the freecycle?
OMG. I live in a college town. when its summer break you should see the stuff they toss out. Perfectly good items.
They need to do this at our town college.

haha, just what you need. Another project! (which Im sure you will handle with ease should you decide its a good idea)

So glad to hear your doing well.
Enjoy your summer!!

As an aside......if asked and you dont want to say, you can always say, I would rather not talk about it.(the reason you went to juvie and are doing community service)
Its really not anyone's business. Or you could say, for breaking the law, just like you.
(my hub liked, felonious stupidity as an answer)
No, I'm not required to attend any sort of group counseling or anything. My parents and I recently found a private therapist so I can continue the counseling I began in juvie. I haven't been in for a session yet though. My first appointment is a little over a week away.

Thanks. I'll try and enjoy the summer as much as I can. I expect it to be a busy time, what with work and my community service and all.

"Felonious stupidity." LOL! I love that. Maybe I'll try that next time. Thanks.
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Old 05-12-2015, 10:00 PM
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Glad to hear that your community is involved in some freecycling - excellent!

Happy to hear you're going back to counseling - think it will really help you continue to work through a lot of this stuff. It's good to have a place to go for support - parents and friends are great, but they are subjective and come with a lot of stuff that might keep you from talking about some stuff. Besides, friends and family speak from love, and that's not always the most helpful perspective as you figure stuff out.

In as far as the confess your crime thing - part of what you're doing when you're in that situation and you get to actually talk about it is outreach and education. The whole "straight lace" bit helps educate them that it can happen to anybody who practices felonious stupidity (I love that phrase, too). The rest had minor crap, and sometimes the difference between what you've been through and what they're going through is pretty small - you probably got all of those folks thinking about what they've done. This is a good thing. The fact that they see you're suffering because of it - it's an incredibly hard thing to live with, day in, day out, it's an amazingly difficult thing to live with. Confronting those people with your reality probably did them some good. Chalk it up to your first outreach.

You will have to pick and choose a bit more - there's no need to confess every time somebody asks, but you'll learn when it's necessary, when it's helpful, and when you just can't. It's ok to not want to get into it, especially because it is so emotional.

Keep working. Baling cardboard is so much fun! (I do it as a volunteer with my community. My community is very volunteer oriented, and almost everything we do is done with volunteers, including the upcoming election). Keep working on it - it gets easier as things become clearer. You have a lot of options, and the more you keep working like you have been, the more options you'll have.
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  #118  
Old 05-22-2015, 10:40 AM
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Hey! Just wanted to provide everyone with a brief update.

Yesterday was the last day of school for the year. As I'm not scheduled to work today, I think I'll just hang out here and chill. I need the rest after this week, especially since I'll be spending the whole weekend at the recycling center and at work.

Yourself, you're right; baling cardboard is kinda fun!

I had my first session with the new therapist and I think she's gonna be really helpful. I felt really comfortable talking to her.

I recently had an interesting idea on giving back. I've been looking around my room at all the old books I have that I'll probably never read again. I'm thinking of boxing them up and donating them to the detention center, if they'll take them, so the residents will have some new reading material. I know the books shelves on my old pod could definitely use an upgrade, that's for sure.

Well, it's about time to pull lunch out of the oven. I'll let ya'll know if the center agrees to take the books!
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Old 05-22-2015, 11:55 AM
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Talk with your PO about the book idea - there are usually a ton of regs involved with books from the outside, including no hardcovers and censored lists. They frequently regulate where a book may come from - must be sent from the publisher, Amazon, etc.

There may also be a problem with your participation with the detention center, even just to donate. They usually require you to be outside, off paper, and violation free for a year before you can have any interaction with a jail or detention center.

This is why talking to your PO to flesh things out would be very important. Btw, if they only accept books from the publisher or from Amazon, you can always have a book sale, get friends involved, with the proceeds going to purchase books for the detention center. You may be able to get permission from the PO to talk with somebody at the facility's ed center about what's needed, what the regs are, and what's on the banned book list.

But, great idea. Sorry it's probably going to be a bit more challenging than just dropping off a couple of boxes of books, but best to know now.
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  #120  
Old 05-22-2015, 12:59 PM
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As an AVID fiction reader and former inmate I too had tons of books, but trying to donate them to any sort of detention center got to be too hard. Talk about rules!

I no longer buy books (I'm an ebook reader), but I gave what I did have to Sister Care.
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  #121  
Old 05-22-2015, 05:06 PM
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When I was moving, I donated about 50 bags of books to our local women's prison. I called them directly for the rules, cleared my shelves of everything appropriate. What they did with them beyond that I cannot say. I can say that they never stopped me, and they knew what I was doing, every few days.
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Old 05-22-2015, 06:34 PM
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I donate to the jail all the time. So does one particular judge.

I think that would be the hardest thing about jail/prison for me - lack of a good library and the ability to have a few billion books in every room.

Sure, I'd miss baths, a bed large enough to turn over in, decent food, silence, and the like, but I love to read. You can write anywhere as long as you have paper and pen, but not being able to indulge in reading whatever I want, when I want? ugh. Hell, I always have at least one book on me - going to the dentist, the DMV, waiting before court, in the bathtub. And yes, I'm a Luddite - e material is work - Lexis, Westlaw, Thomas.gov, etc. To relax and really appreciate something, give me paper.
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Old 05-22-2015, 06:46 PM
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My state places a very low priority on reading and the local jail and prison didn't have, or didn't want to have, time to look at each book to see if it was acceptable. Ergo, they just stopped accepting donations of books.

I don't know what their rules are for inmates getting books in via mail as I only know people in federal prisons, which - thank G-d - have liberal fiction policies.

YOUR, I'm with you 100% on the books! Had I not had my fiction my ten years really would have done me in and I too never leave the house without a full array of reading material.

Of course now all my books are digital, but if I'm nearing the end of one and don't have 2-3 others lined up I get antsy.

BTW, if anybody needs help signing up for OverDrive Media at their library let me know. OverDrive is my bff.
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  #124  
Old 06-03-2015, 01:46 PM
DetentionBound DetentionBound is offline
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Hey guys!

Today, I had the opportunity to run my book donation idea past my P.O. Turns out I won't be able to donate them to the detention center.

Part of it has to do with me being on probation, but even if that weren't the case, there are so many hoops to jump through, it's ridiculous. You were right, Yourself. It isn't as easy as dropping off a few boxes or bags worth of books, that's for sure.

In other news, a friend of mine and I have decided to join JROTC when school starts back up. We'll most likely be the only seniors amongst the newcomers, but what the heck? We're both looking to try something different this year. I told her I'd give it a shot if she did, so now it looks like we'll both be signing up. I'm not 100% sure I know what to expect, but I'm hoping it'll be fun. Hopefully, if nothing else, it'll look good on my college applications.

Were any of you ever in JROTC? Just curious. If so, how was it?
  #125  
Old 06-03-2015, 02:36 PM
yourself yourself is offline
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I was in the Navy, and I've taught some ROTC students a bit of martial arts. Expect to learn basic military etiquette, and to get into shape. Expect to spend a lot of time on clothes - ironing, putting insignia on and off, figuring out what your gig line is, shining your shoes. You will learn a bit about the history of the service your JROTC program is associated with (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines), and then it really depends on how robust your program is. Some programs are very robust - having a ton of activities (not all are optional).

Expect them to make a concerted effort to recruit you to the service upon graduation. As a JROTC member, joining up is optional. You can also use it as a springboard to ROTC in college - the military then pays for your college, you become a low ranking officer, and owe the military a certain number of years of service. You won't be as free to choose your major as others - but if you have an interest in engineering, medicine, law, and something that the military needs, you can get your college paid for this way, and you go in as an officer, not an enlisted person (you get paid more, there's not as much of a problem of sexual harassment and sexual violence in the officer ranks - it's still there, just not as intense, you have more responsibility and will lead enlisted, etc, etc, etc.). The thing you want to do is make sure you know what you want to do with the military BEFORE you get into a recruitment situation, and as a senior, you will be in a recruitment situation almost the entire year. Enlisted have the GI Bill, and the GI Bill will pay for college AFTER you've served. ROTC pays for college BEFORE you serve. Know what you want to do and aim for it BEFORE you meet up with formal recruiters, or they will talk you into signing onto the dotted line and you'll be shipping out to bootcamp before you've had a chance to appreciate the fact you've graduated from high school. (note, this is not a bad thing so long as it's what you want - I'm all about conscious, intentional choice, and going in knowing as much as you can).

Oh, expect to be taking the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery). Score well, and they will really work on getting you to join up. Score really well, and they'll be recruiting you towards the officer corps anyway.

And, if you don't know how to swim and you're doing Navy/Marines/Coast Guard JROTC, you need to learn now, before it becomes an issue.

Oh, and the whole marching thing? Yeah. If you've ever done marching band - piece of cake. If you haven't done any marching - you're going to screw up. Everybody does (except the band geeks who've been marching and playing music while marching for 6 years by the time they're 18). Don't worry about it. If you have a ton of problems keeping in step, let me know. I know a few hacks.

Last edited by yourself; 06-03-2015 at 02:39 PM..
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