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  #26  
Old 03-01-2018, 03:15 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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You do what is reasonable for you. At the end of the day, they will come home. You need to make sure there is a home to come back too. If your finances are in good shape, less tension when they get home. Less stress and pressure for them as well.

Make a budget, send it and be realistic. Let him see the numbers and know what can be worked with. Sometimes you make trades, if you want xyz, I can't come visit. I have said that and everytime nope I'll do without.

Yes, it is expensive and for those who lost an income it is even harder. Make sure your foundation is solid.
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Old 03-01-2018, 03:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Fridyrr.Likn View Post
You do realize that there are hundreds of thousands of inmates in America who never receive money from the outside right? Or the lifers who have been in 35 years, long forgotten, family passed away who don't get anything at all.

Saying you NEED certain things in prison is ridiculous! Inmates in America are living far better than people in many countries without receiving anything but what the prison provides. For that matter, they are living better than the conditions that some of our service men and women are in.

I've seen inmates do very well for themselves by drawing, washing laundry, sewing, stacking weights, cleaning cells, etc...Without a penny from LOs.
That's why I tale care of my husband like I do so he doesn't have ro hustle in there.
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Old 03-01-2018, 03:40 PM
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That's why I tale care of my husband like I do so he doesn't have ro hustle in there.
Doing laundry, sewing, drawing-- no different than having employment on the streets. Not sure why it's wrong for them to earn their way the same as the outmate. I think this is where the stereotype of "state sponsored vacation" comes from.
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  #29  
Old 03-01-2018, 03:59 PM
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I give my cousin 350 a month and always have money on the phone for him to call. Because I know he would the same for me.
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  #30  
Old 03-01-2018, 06:30 PM
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Doing laundry, sewing, drawing-- no different than having employment on the streets. Not sure why it's wrong for them to earn their way the same as the outmate. I think this is where the stereotype of "state sponsored vacation" comes from.
Really??? a state sponsored vacation where you get so desensitized to violence that someone gets half beat to death and it happens so much your only upset because the movie is now going to be delayed for the night, or now you have to go on lock down ? My man had two jobs at one time while locked up one five days a week and one on Sundays on the inside that paid a whopping .25 an hour and he had one of the good jobs.
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Old 03-01-2018, 06:38 PM
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Lock downs are like a kick to balls.. They hurt when u don’t have stuff to eat,coffee or kool aid to drink. And other things to eat. U also are going to need your tv unless u like watching what your cell mate watches. Regardless the amount u receive from loved ones it all helps
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  #32  
Old 03-01-2018, 06:43 PM
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Really??? a state sponsored vacation where you get so desensitized to violence that someone gets half beat to death and it happens so much your only upset because the movie is now going to be delayed for the night, or now you have to go on lock down ? My man had two jobs at one time while locked up one five days a week and one on Sundays on the inside that paid a whopping .25 an hour and he had one of the good jobs.
I think you misunderstood and my reply was specific to a circumstance that does not reflect the average inmate experience. I never said I felt incarceration should be described this way. However, the stereotype does exist and is used as a reason to decrease the humane treatment of inmates.
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  #33  
Old 03-01-2018, 07:09 PM
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Doing laundry, sewing, drawing-- no different than having employment on the streets. Not sure why it's wrong for them to earn their way the same as the outmate. I think this is where the stereotype of "state sponsored vacation" comes from.
My husband has a job he's definitely not on any state vacation that's for sure. That's not enough to make me happy let alone him. I know he needs more then the 20$ he makes. There is a big difference between working and having to hustle for money and my husband isn't hustling for anything. Js
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Old 03-01-2018, 07:15 PM
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My husband has a job he's definitely not on any state vacation that's for sure. That's not enough to make me happy let alone him. I know he needs more then the 20$ he makes. There is a big difference between working and having to hustle for money and my husband isn't hustling for anything. Js
Mine wasn't going to hustle either as long as I was around, he needed to keep his nose clean, in his program and getting himself home. He has more than paid back anything I sent him in home repairs, auto repairs, groceries, and now bills he has worked since he got out. I also know if it was me inside he would have sent what he could too.
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  #35  
Old 03-01-2018, 07:26 PM
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There is a big difference between working and having to hustle for money and my husband isn't hustling for anything. Js
No, there isn't. Hustling means getting your needs met. You can do that legally, you can do that under the table, you can do that on the side.

But we've hit an impasse once again because you view your husband as someone fragile enough to be broken by a little (self-imposed) hardship and I see mine as using this time to build himself up and learn to live within his means. Fair enough.

Back to the OPs question...

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Between the phone calls, commissary, gas for visits, and just picking up the slack from the lack of his income... The whole system is made for profit and itís just frustrating. Anyone else going through it too?
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  #36  
Old 03-01-2018, 07:27 PM
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So my bf and I have been together a year and he was just incarcerated. Not only has the emotional toll been hard, but the financial one as well! Between the phone calls, commissary, gas for visits, and just picking up the slack from the lack of his income... The whole system is made for profit and itís just frustrating. Anyone else going through it too?
BIG TOLL! My new motto is I can't do it all and won't kill myself worrying about his canteen anymore. My kids come first and there are bills to pay. Can't do what you can't do. We didn't put our loved ones in prison- they did.
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  #37  
Old 03-01-2018, 07:46 PM
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No, there isn't. Hustling means getting your needs met. You can do that legally, you can do that under the table, you can do that on the side.

But we've hit an impasse once again because you view your husband as someone fragile enough to be broken by a little (self-imposed) hardship and I see mine as using this time to build himself up and learn to live within his means. Fair enough.

Back to the OPs question...
No I don't view my husband as fragile don't tell me how I view my husband. My point is my husband doesn't have to have any hardship because I got mine I do for mine and I will continue to do for mine because I can and I don't see anything wrong with it period. He doesn't need to do anything on the side because I take care of him just like we take care of each other out here. Nothing will ever change that. He's in there to do his classes and keep his nose clean. Hustling brings out negatives and he don't need to do that.
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  #38  
Old 03-01-2018, 07:51 PM
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Hustling in prison leads to problems some times. People don’t always want to pay debts. Inmates always need some sort help with money
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  #39  
Old 03-01-2018, 08:24 PM
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One more time, and let's stay on topic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilt0123
Between the phone calls, commissary, gas for visits, and just picking up the slack from the lack of his income... The whole system is made for profit and itís just frustrating. Anyone else going through it too?


If you aren't "going through it" and find it difficult to empathize with others there are other threads
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  #40  
Old 03-01-2018, 11:39 PM
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Clearly from reading the above posts, everyone has a different level of comfort with what they want to send in, compared to what they choose to send in, or are able to send in.

My husband SS in December in MN where it was freezing, so he had to buy a bunch of stuff the first time, plus a headset, and watch, which were really expensive, so I think he probably spent almost $350-$400 the first month he was there. His month restarted a few days after he got there, which enabled him to spend more. In his second month, we realized most of his money was being spent on email (about $10 ever 2 days), which was ridiculous. So to cut back, I told him to stop checking it 10x a day, since every time he emailed me, I emailed back, and we started talking on the phone more, since you can talk faster than type. We still only talk every other day, but our calls are less than $1/each. So the $ goes further.

The only other big expense was when he had to get shoes, which unbelievable were $190 for a pair of comfy boots and gym shoes. I guess in the "real world" we do pay $100 for gym shoes. He isn't allowed in the rec center without the gym shoes and he has plantar fasciitis so the boots they give were horribly uncomfortable. Otherwise, he buys very little food each week and mainly hygiene products. The federal prisons (or at least his) are no longer giving free envelopes, so he has to buy those now, but I'm sure they're cheap. He doesn't buy snack food, so only now spends about $20-$30/week at commissary plus the phone and internet whatever that is. He is not living luxuriously in prison, that is for sure and he always checks with me if he has to get something that might be pricier. I'm trying to avoid having to send in $300/month since it comes out of my monthly budget. But he did tell me today that there are guys that spend $50 in commissary on chips and other snack foods. That is crazy.

Mine isn't even trying to lose weight, is tall (just over 6'3) and has lost nearly 18lbs since December, so maybe he should be buying the chips!!

We all make sacrifices that work for us. While I would never work 3 jobs to support my husband in prison, as I agree with most others, it his by his own actions he wound up in there (not to mention we weren't even married when his incident happened), I'm not going to judge someone that does. It is what it is.

Personally, after 3 months of him being gone, I am still trying to find the right balance for me of how often to work, and get through my days. There are days that it is overwhelming and exhausting. My son is trying out for the tennis team this week and has had to be at tryouts at 530am-7am at a location not at the high school, so he has to get dropped off then picked up and taken to school. I honestly don't know how some people function and/or work full-time, so for those of you that do it, more power to you, so I am going to be the last person to judge someone working 3 jobs!

I realized a few weeks ago, that I should be thanking god every day that when I was younger I worked, and when I first became a mother I was not a stay at home mom until I had 4 kids! I wisely saved and invested my money and then when my youngest was in school full time, I went back part time. If not for that, I am in a position that I don't have to work full-time and can help my husband more now. I am fortunate for that. I know others are not. I got chided 21 years ago for not staying home with my son, but boy, who knew how badly I would need that money today? So again, while I will now shut up, yes it is stressful, loss of his income, his contribution, but there are also a lot less expenses because he isn't here, so I just try to balance it out and do the best I can.

There is by the way, a huge underground economy in the prison, so for anyone who doesn't have cash coming in, there are dozens of ways for people to live quite comfortable inside anyway, with the exception of phone calls and email, without the loved one on the outside having to kill himself/herself.
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  #41  
Old 03-04-2018, 02:30 AM
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Yes prison robs us all blind
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Old 03-07-2018, 09:18 AM
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Yes it certainly is expensive, and I for one actually believe if you have it send it. Just MHO. I certainly never made my husbands time comfortable he had to work until he got sick. I don't know about any other prisons but florida and there unless you get commissary you are going to have to hustle to survive. Indigent pack is a joke.
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  #43  
Old 03-07-2018, 10:20 AM
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In Illinois inmate don’t receive anything from idoc. Things u should get they make u buy. I never hustled for things since I pretty much stayed to myself.u have got to survive in those places and some hustle to get by..
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  #44  
Old 03-07-2018, 12:33 PM
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In Illinois inmate donít receive anything from idoc. Things u should get they make u buy. I never hustled for things since I pretty much stayed to myself.u have got to survive in those places and some hustle to get by..
They don't receive "anything"? No clothing or hygiene or a couple pieces of paper and envelopes a month for indigent inmates? No chow or housing or bedding? No standard issue footwear?
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Old 03-07-2018, 01:44 PM
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U might get fed and yes u get a couple of things that used to be sheets.. yes they give u food that reminds youof a pile shit. As for hygiene they give u a bar and u better make that last because u won’t receive any more..don’t know how many write outs that other states give. in Illinois u receive none. As for footwear if lucky enough u wmoght get something with out hole in. Need money or a hustle while or your butt is going to starve..going to need a tv to watch or your going to fight with other inmates about the day room tv. If u don’t want cold or wet your going to need cost money..they are not free here. They don’t don’t u paper or a pencil..can’t have ink pen like a bic because people stab other people with them..stuff I talk about is stuff I know I been there .
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Old 03-07-2018, 02:05 PM
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U might get fed and yes u get a couple of things that used to be sheets.. yes they give u food that reminds youof a pile shit. As for hygiene they give u a bar and u better make that last because u wonít receive any more..donít know how many write outs that other states give. in Illinois u receive none. As for footwear if lucky enough u wmoght get something with out hole in. Need money or a hustle while or your butt is going to starve..going to need a tv to watch or your going to fight with other inmates about the day room tv. If u donít want cold or wet your going to need cost money..they are not free here. They donít donít u paper or a pencil..canít have ink pen like a bic because people stab other people with them..stuff I talk about is stuff I know I been there .
What you say is exactly what my ole man says about Oregon. You have to pay for any bowl, pitcher, plates cups, hygiene, cough drops and he is a 40 year old man that didn't want to watch cartoons on his 19 year olds cellie tv. He ran five miles a day (MP3 player needes$ and lifted that requires shoes for work and shoes for running. Shoes are at least 50% higher than on the street. Before people jump in and say he didn't need it ../well ok not to survive death camp or third world country style I guess your right. but like you I wouldn't never leave some one I love like that. I hope you keep sharing your experience on these boards because America has no idea what really goes on in our prisons. More ex cons like you and the ones on these boards need to speak up and educate us because a lot of us vote and can write letters or sign petitions
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Old 03-07-2018, 02:13 PM
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I know that I put myself in that place because I didn’t follow rules that society has put in place. On the other side of that it’s a different world. U either survive or be taken advantage of..
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  #48  
Old 03-07-2018, 02:14 PM
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It's hard when you can't do as much as you want. But you're important too, realize you're doing your best. If he loves you, he understands. If you can't afford something, even just some pictures and a letter is golden during these times. Do what you can but not to the point of stressing yourself. Emotional support will always be the #1 support your man needs. As long as you have that, you have everything.
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Old 03-07-2018, 02:16 PM
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thank You
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Old 03-07-2018, 02:20 PM
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You have to pay for any bowl, pitcher, plates cups, hygiene, cough drops and he is a 40 year old man that didn't want to watch cartoons on his 19 year olds cellie tv.
But those things are a luxury, to be fair. And I don't know any DOC that provides tableware for in-cell use unless it's disposable.

And again, the original post was from someone struggling to cope with the expense of things. If it comes down to my mortgage or his Mp3 player, he can sing outloud while he runs.
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