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Coming Home Dedicated to discussions about our loved ones that are coming home soon. Discussions here should not fit any other category.

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  #1  
Old 07-29-2010, 10:24 PM
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Default What do you fear the most about his coming home?

I think about this a lot and my greatest fear is that he's not going to give himself enough time to get to where he wants to be in life and possibly turn back to what he was doing.
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Old 07-30-2010, 12:47 AM
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I definitely fear that as well. I fear that he will not have a place to go that is away from the areas he used to frequent and that he will either decide not to parole to my house or that we get denied.
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Old 07-30-2010, 01:37 AM
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that he will go right back.
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Old 07-30-2010, 01:49 AM
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that after being locked up for 6 years..he will have freedom and get carried away with it. that he will lose focus and fall back into bad habits and wrong crowds.

i have subsidized housing so im not sure if they will allow him to live here, being that his case was a domestic violence one. but am looking into this because hes only got 10 months left.

afraid that if he doesnt come to live with me..that being in his brothers house and around his single brother and the party pals that he will leave me...that my time waiting for him will have been wasted time...and i will be alone and heartbroken.

trust me so much goes through my head so often...its crazy.

i love him and want nothing but the best for him...but sometimes i let my mind wonder to much and think of all the shit that could go wrong and or just change period....the what if's drive me crazy.

guess i just need to stay focused and strong and keep him that way too.

most of all i just dont want him to revert back to old ways.

i so want him to rebuild relationships with his sons and daughter that hes never gotten to see on the outside. ... just want him to have a good life. with or without me...i truly just want him to be happy and live a good straight healthy life.

pray so hard for that.
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Old 07-30-2010, 01:50 AM
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That he is not going change and be the same person
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Old 07-30-2010, 01:52 AM
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That he will get out here and be around all these women and cheat. I have no fear he will go back.
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Old 07-30-2010, 01:57 AM
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I certainly don't have a fear that he will go back. I know he won't be back. Unless it's due to something beyond his control. Other then that, he will remain free.

My main fear is that he and I won't make it. I don't want my waiting to be in vain.
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Old 07-30-2010, 02:15 AM
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Finding a job and getting a driver's license are two of the things that will make or break him. That is how he has gotten into trouble before, having no money and not being able to drive. Thank God, he will have a "temporary" driver's license the day he gets released. That is one problem down, one to go. IF we move to the city my cousin lives in (which we might) he will also have a job. That should help a whole lot.
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Old 07-30-2010, 02:18 AM
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I try not 2 think about things that I fear I don't want my insecurities 2 get tha best of me. He has been goin in and out of jail for some time now n I'm with him this time. Prior to getin lockd up he would always tell me he has never been with a female quite like me so I feel he knows he has more 2 come home 2. If he doesn't get his act 2gether n actually do something while n there I'm scared he won't do it when he comes home. Jus hope he sticks 2 his word
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Old 07-30-2010, 02:53 AM
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Okay this is a sad reality but my biggest fear is that some random youngster (who is trying to make a "name" for hiself) will end up taking my misters life ;( by the time he gets out, much will be different, our generation and the one before us only are a righteous few. Of course we have changed our lifestyle to some degree, but thats my greatest worry !
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Old 07-30-2010, 03:13 AM
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Him being not in love and his mind not headed for a change and remains the same
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Old 07-30-2010, 06:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BROWN ROYALTY View Post
Okay this is a sad reality but my biggest fear is that some random youngster (who is trying to make a "name" for hiself) will end up taking my misters life ;( by the time he gets out, much will be different, our generation and the one before us only are a righteous few. Of course we have changed our lifestyle to some degree, but thats my greatest worry !
You just made me feel like I don't have anything to fear. Not making it, making it, in love not in love none of it would be possible if we are not breathing. Baby girl do what you have to do keep yourself safe and your man safe, whatever that means, moving somewhere whatever. Just be safe.
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Old 07-30-2010, 06:59 AM
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I read eveyone's post and I really want to thank you for keeping it real. What would really make me mad is if I found out after he gets out that I wasted my time and he goes back. We started out just kicking it years ago and we both ran the other way when we saw it was getting serious b'cus we didn't expect it and didn't think it could work. We both moved on with our lives but stuck together like peanut butter and jelly. We were always very close and dependent on each other to be there for each other and we were, as friends. Then one day I texted him didn't hear from him and within a day I started looking for him. I searched on the net and found a news artical that he was arrested. My heart dropped because I knew one day it was going to happen and that's one of the reasons why I didn't want a relationship. But lo and behold here we are in a relationship. I guess that was just a natural progression but I pray it's the right one.
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Old 07-30-2010, 07:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 041510love View Post
that after being locked up for 6 years..he will have freedom and get carried away with it. that he will lose focus and fall back into bad habits and wrong crowds.

i have subsidized housing so im not sure if they will allow him to live here, being that his case was a domestic violence one. but am looking into this because hes only got 10 months left.

afraid that if he doesnt come to live with me..that being in his brothers house and around his single brother and the party pals that he will leave me...that my time waiting for him will have been wasted time...and i will be alone and heartbroken.

trust me so much goes through my head so often...its crazy.

i love him and want nothing but the best for him...but sometimes i let my mind wonder to much and think of all the shit that could go wrong and or just change period....the what if's drive me crazy.

guess i just need to stay focused and strong and keep him that way too.

most of all i just dont want him to revert back to old ways.

i so want him to rebuild relationships with his sons and daughter that hes never gotten to see on the outside. ... just want him to have a good life. with or without me...i truly just want him to be happy and live a good straight healthy life.

pray so hard for that.
It's crazy like you said but it's real and there isn't much we can do except what we can do and that is control ourselves and lead by example, keep strong like you said, help them focus especially if they kids. He's fortunate to have you.
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Old 07-30-2010, 08:34 AM
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honestly, i have SO many fears!!! BUT im realizing lately that i have to stop thinking about them cause they will start to overwhelm me. they stress me out enough as it is. i have to start thinking to myself; why worry about things that might or might not happen?
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Old 07-30-2010, 10:03 AM
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Oh Goodness I will need 2 pages for all my fears lol.

Right now top 3 worries are

I am afraid that he will get denied to parole to my house as I live in Subsidized housing and Felons arent allowed but hoping no one asks because everyone in my old building is a felon and that was subsidized too. That was just a letter I got from him yesterday asking what we will do! I cant move I have 0 dollars! lol

Two Him not getting work, being home and bored turning back to the streets and me having to kick his buttt right on out of my house and me not being able to afford taking care of him.

Lastly that we just dont work out as far as living together and relationship we havent been in this type of relationship together for 11 years. We have mad love but sometimes love just isnt enough.
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Old 07-30-2010, 10:13 AM
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My greatest fear is that he will not hold true to his words and the stress of being outside will overwhelm him and make him regress and I will break all over again and will have taken my daughters with me. My fears are kicking my @$$ right about now.
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Old 07-30-2010, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aka View Post
I think about this a lot and my greatest fear is that he's not going to give himself enough time to get to where he wants to be in life and possibly turn back to what he was doing.

that is also one of my bigest fears another big fear is that we have gotten so close since he been away and when he gets out that we wont be as close i have faith and i knw thats suppose to be enough but i still wonder at times
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Old 07-30-2010, 11:08 AM
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I am scared of a lot of the same fears as all of you-

I am scared that he will go back to his "old ways".

I am scared that he will "change his mind about us".
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Old 07-30-2010, 04:08 PM
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My greatest fear is that he will not hold true to his words and the stress of being outside will overwhelm him and make him regress and I will break all over again and will have taken my daughters with me. My fears are kicking my @$$ right about now.
Why are they kicking your @$$ right now?
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Old 07-30-2010, 04:15 PM
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I am scared of a lot of the same fears as all of you-

I am scared that he will go back to his "old ways".

I am scared that he will "change his mind about us".
Do you talk to him about this or do you keep it to yourself? I have a tendancy to lay it all out there because I figure may as well get it out and if doesn't want to deal with it I would rather find out now.
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Old 07-30-2010, 04:24 PM
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that is also one of my bigest fears another big fear is that we have gotten so close since he been away and when he gets out that we wont be as close i have faith and i knw thats suppose to be enough but i still wonder at times
Yeah me too. We were close when he went in and got closer since he has been in. I am sure that will change and it's probably natural that it does since he has access to the world again and begin to live his life. However, I think if this is real and not something that I am creating in my mind we probably won't speak as much as we did when he was locked up but the quality of our relationship will continue to grow.
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Old 07-30-2010, 05:06 PM
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to see him feel discouraged about missing out on life.... he already feels left behind, and fears he cant catch up with the rest of the world... even tho his bid wasnt very long... 3 yrs made him insecure.
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Old 07-30-2010, 05:18 PM
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Number One right now is that they will Have another "OOPSEY" and his date will change again. That's the only thing really eating me up right now. he was supose to be home next week and now it's the end of the month cuz they messed up paperwork so I'm just nervous about focusing on that day at all now cuz it was/still is extreemly disapointing and frusterating.

I am concerned about him finding employment but we're praying that god will give us something, and we have till the end of the year before it becomes oober crucial. I got in on an amazing deal on our apartment and right now My check is holding down the fort ok but I know our rent is going to increase significantly in jan so we're hopin for the best.
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Old 07-30-2010, 06:59 PM
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Number One right now is that they will Have another "OOPSEY" and his date will change again. That's the only thing really eating me up right now. he was supose to be home next week and now it's the end of the month cuz they messed up paperwork so I'm just nervous about focusing on that day at all now cuz it was/still is extreemly disapointing and frusterating.

I am concerned about him finding employment but we're praying that god will give us something, and we have till the end of the year before it becomes oober crucial. I got in on an amazing deal on our apartment and right now My check is holding down the fort ok but I know our rent is going to increase significantly in jan so we're hopin for the best.
Congrats on his coming home soon!!! I was blessed that I found a program that trains ex-offenders in basic plumbing air conditioning etc. They train them in these areas and if they graduate they have a chance of getting employed with a contractor. I was told by the director of the program that they selected these areas for training because they can work without their criminal history being checked. You should look in your area for such programs. Also, I found out that Good Will has a program to employee ex-offenders. Good Luck and God Bless.
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