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  #1  
Old 05-23-2018, 11:00 PM
Zza2112 Zza2112 is offline
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Question Prison love affair

I was a staff member in a correctional facility. I have always respected my job and never crossed the line. Now i lost my job for over familiarity with an inmate. But i love him. We never did anything ever never crossed that line. Heís now in the hole and we are being investigated. Iím so sad but i knew what could happen. I think he will be transferred. Will I be able to visit him at another prison and how long does the investigation last. They speculated i brought in contraband which is not true. We just talked. Im just sad and miss him. Can anything else happen ?? And can i visit him at another facility ?
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Old 05-23-2018, 11:22 PM
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I was a staff member in a correctional facility. I have always respected my job and never crossed the line. Now i lost my job for over familiarity with an inmate.
I don't know you and this isn't a personal judgement-- As you said, you were aware of the consequences when you did cross a line and you violated the terms of your employment by not taking steps to avoid developing a personal relationship with an inmate.

He will be investigated until they're satisfied that there was no introduction of contraband. Heaven help you if someone else supplied him and they discover anything on a search. How long that takes depends on his history, the level of exchange they can prove between the two of you and what that discovery shows.

Generally speaking you will not be permitted contact with the inmate for a period of time. It varies, but I believe letters and phone calls are one year. Visitation is tougher and will have to be approved by the warden of the facility at the time. There is a former staff member that visits our facility after forming a relationship with an inmate. This should be outlined in your employee handbook.

He'll be flagged for manipulating staff from now on. This will make his life harder and his actions more suspect. For now, you'll need to wait until the investigation is over and any disciplinary action is taken. Do him a favor and do not contact him directly or through a third party. If they learn of contact, that will only help fuel their fire.

Best of luck to you both.
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Old 05-23-2018, 11:31 PM
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What do you mean by heaven help me ? They searched his cell. He had no contraband. Iíve never given anyone contraband bad he didnít have one. I read on here that someone visited after their person was transferred facilities.
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Old 05-24-2018, 12:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Zza2112 View Post
was a staff member in a correctional facility. I have always respected my job and never crossed the line. Now i lost my job for over familiarity with an inmate. But i love him. We never did anything ever never crossed that line. Heís now in the hole and we are being investigated. Iím so sad but i knew what could happen. I think he will be transferred. Will I be able to visit him at another prison and how long does the investigation last. They speculated i brought in contraband which is not true. We just talked. Im just sad and miss him. Can anything else happen ?? And can i visit him at another facility ?
You could theoretically never be able to be a staff member at a correctional facility again, because you got to familiar with an inmate once, it could happen to you again. You most likely will have no communication with him or be able to visit him anytime soon. By that time you may have moved on.
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Old 05-24-2018, 11:01 AM
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What do you mean by heaven help me ?
You did say they speculated you brought in contraband. It is likely they are looking for any evidence of that. Mia is just noting that if he has any contraband they will assume he got it from you. And they could charge you. Putting you in position of having to defend a felony charge.

Wait until the investigation is over and you are sure there are no charges before you think about how and when you might visit. You said they did not find any contraband and that's good. But you also said they are still investigating. Just saying be careful.
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Old 05-24-2018, 11:24 AM
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Yes I didnít bring in anything and they donít have anything. Just assuming and itís bs. They are just holding him
On over familiarity. How will
I know when the investigation is over. Also they donít have anything so no felony chargers. If I was being charged I would be in jail
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Old 05-24-2018, 12:28 PM
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What do you mean by heaven help me ? They searched his cell. He had no contraband.
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Originally Posted by gvalliant View Post
You did say they speculated you brought in contraband. It is likely they are looking for any evidence of that. Mia is just noting that if he has any contraband they will assume he got it from you. And they could charge you. Putting you in position of having to defend a felony charge.
Yes, that's what I meant. You hadn't mentioned that nothing was found so I was left to assume you didn't have that information.

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Yes I didn’t bring in anything and they don’t have anything. Just assuming and it’s bs. They are just holding him
On over familiarity. How will
I know when the investigation is over. Also they don’t have anything so no felony chargers. If I was being charged I would be in jail
Investigations, if outside charges are involved, can take much longer than one would assume. Depending on when you were terminated and he was moved, you can count on 90 days to a year before the case is officially closed out. That's why the strong recommendation that you not contact him until you know the investigation is closed and you have been cleared to communicate with him. You're protecting him and yourself that way.

As I said, there are former staff in relationships with inmates who visit in CA. So it's possible. But it takes time. It's not BS, you've compromised the security of the facility in their eyes and he's proven he is willing to socialize with staff.
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Old 05-24-2018, 01:11 PM
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Yes, that's what I meant. You hadn't mentioned that nothing was found so I was left to assume you didn't have that information.


Investigations, if outside charges are involved, can take much longer than one would assume. Depending on when you were terminated and he was moved, you can count on 90 days to a year before the case is officially closed out. That's why the strong recommendation that you not contact him until you know the investigation is closed and you have been cleared to communicate with him. You're protecting him and yourself that way.

As I said, there are former staff in relationships with inmates who visit in CA. So it's possible. But it takes time. It's not BS, you've compromised the security of the facility in their eyes and he's proven he is willing to socialize with staff.
Why do I feel super judged here with some of these comments. I am not stupid and I know what happened. But like I said I didnít bring him anything. It happened and him and I are
Meant to be. Thatís what I believe in my heart and itís not for anyone to judge especially since most people here are with inmates themselves. I donít appfeisatw the judgement. I did not get a job with this intention it happened and itís gods will not mine. And heís my person and we will one day get married but for now this is scary and I was reaching out
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Old 05-24-2018, 01:12 PM
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Also how will
I know when the investigation is closed
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Old 05-24-2018, 01:19 PM
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I dont think anyone is trying to judge you , we are all connected to inmates in one way or another.
What our members are trying to do is point out the serious nature of your situation.You seem to think that your situation is trivial and will just blow over.
You would have been warned in your job induction about the serious consequences of becoming over familiar with inmates and yet you carried on and did that. Justifying it but saying you love him and its Gods will really arent going to help the situation you are in.

The DOC has no interest in your romantic love story and perception of Gods will. To them you are a security risk to your former colleagues and the institution. You are being investigated and that is a serious matter. You should not try and contact him as I am sure you do not want to get him in any more trouble.

There are former staff members on here who are in relationships with inmates and I am sure they will tell you maintaining contact was a long difficult process. It can take many months maybe years before you will be allowed to visit.

I wish you well but please be realistic, this is not a romantic novel its a serious situation that is going to take a lot of patient and careful handing.
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Old 05-24-2018, 01:26 PM
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How can you say what Iím thinking. Did I say it was a romantic novel. I know how serious this is and I donít think it will
Blow over. But thanks for
Being able to tell
People what i think or feel. I was asking for feedback not judgement or scolding like
Iím
Some idiot. I know how serious this is and itís not a romantic novel no shit. People in glass houses really shouldnít throw stones. Just saying.
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Old 05-24-2018, 01:30 PM
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What you are doing is asking for advice , about what can happen , can you visit,how long will the investigation will last etc .Then you are attacking members who are giving you realistic advice about those things and not telling you what you want to hear.
This isnt all BS its serious and we are trying to help you and no one is throwing stones.
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Old 05-24-2018, 01:33 PM
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Yes I asked that was my mistake and I should
Not have my bad. Itís not what you say itís how you say it this is not a supporting e site but a bunch of women sitting around behind their phones and computers judging instead of
This being a supportive process. Not what i needed. I understand what can happen
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Old 05-24-2018, 01:43 PM
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Yes I asked that was my mistake and I should
Not have my bad. It’s not what you say it’s how you say it this is not a supporting e site but a bunch of women sitting around behind their phones and computers judging instead of
This being a supportive process. Not what i needed. I understand what can happen
I'm not sure where this went sideways. I suppose my responses have been less than warm and fuzzy but they are factual. We're answering your questions to the best of our ability. I'm not sure what you expected to hear, but investigations of this nature take time. I've repeated that your contact may be restored at some point, I thought that would have been encouraging to you. In other states you would be banned from contact until he is released. I'm not personally aware of how or if you'll be notified that investigation is over.


If you feel judged, I'm sorry for that. Please bare in mind that generically, you held an authoritative position over inmates. Those inmates are our loved ones (and our members, including those having posted in this thread are men and women, wives, parents, siblings). We have a bias that will nearly always come first and that is for their rehabilitation and well-being. That rarely involves staff violating department policy.

This was your choice and you stated you were aware of the consequences when you made it. I have a feeling you'll receive PMs that assist you with more information. Welcome to the other side of the fence.
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Old 05-24-2018, 02:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Zza2112 View Post
How can you say what Iím thinking. Did I say it was a romantic novel. I know how serious this is and I donít think it will
Blow over. But thanks for
Being able to tell
People what i think or feel. I was asking for feedback not judgement or scolding like
Iím
Some idiot. I know how serious this is and itís not a romantic novel no shit. People in glass houses really shouldnít throw stones. Just saying.
I don't think anyone's intention here was or is to judge you. We are all in a position that we have been on the receiving end of judgement for our relationships/marriages with inmates. A lot of time that judgement came from staff at the facilities we visit. So I'm sure there's just a strange dynamic being that you were staff and now you're on this side of the fence. Nobody is judging you I think they are just trying to give you the harsh reality of things on this side of the fence. You have to understand you've always been staff so you've seen the investigations at your facility play out from the side of a staff member, we've seen how they play out for the inmates and it rarely ends well for them. I truly believe everyone is just trying to show how serious it can end up for your loved one. The thing is you can lose your job, yes that is unfortunate but that's where it ends for you. For your loved one on the other hand, even if this investigation comes up with nothing and it is dropped, he will always be tagged as someone who got involved with an officer and that will follow him to any facility and I'm sure you know as well as we do that not all staff members take kindly to that type of behavior even if you were a willing participant, they will treat him like it is all his doing. So I think everyone is just trying to help the best they can so your loved one doesn't suffer any consequences. There's no judgement from me whatsoever, because trust me I know how much it sucks to be judged for who you love, BUT I know how some staff and facilities treat these guys so my only advice would be to just suffer silently until you hear word from him that it is ok to make contact. I'm sure it will be awful having to wait and not know whats going on but you're about to find out that the CDCR does not go out of their way to make things comfortable or easy for us and they can make his life a living hell if they want.....I really hope it works out. Everyone here really is a great resource and not judgemental, but you have to understand a lot of us are jaded and burnt out on prison. We love these men/women with everything we have but we do get exhausted. Yes, everyone here is willing to help and be supportive but the answers may come off blunt, not because we're judging you, but just because we've faced the harsh realities time and time again.....
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Old 05-24-2018, 02:18 PM
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My Mr & I are MWI, many members here are MWI....and I believe that we are very familiar with the saying "You can't help who you fall in love with" and "we didn't intend to fall in love, but it happened."

I'm not seeing the difference between staff member/inmate, pen pal/inmate, met through cellie/inmate, met through friend/inmate, etc falling in love except the consequences....but as is said often 'round here, "you can't help who you fall in love with."

That being said, Zza2112, as others have stated, lay low for the time being. Maybe wait until he's transferred to write him ()....and keep in mind that the printed word (typed) has no intonations, so it difficult (at best) to know always know "how" a post is intended. Trust me, any posts that go against PTO's Community Purpose and/or policies will be dealt with. Please try to not be so defensive.



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Old 05-24-2018, 02:25 PM
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Yes thank you for this response. I agree you canít help but people are saying like I think this is a joke or like Iím so predator and Iím not a co but thanks. Iím already hard enough on myself but I agreee whatís the difference if you fall for someone online or what not via inmates. This man is my person and i will wait for him and I fed wonít contact him until he transfers and he does first. Thanks for the kind words
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Old 05-24-2018, 04:16 PM
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It does not matter whether you were a CO, a nurse, a staffer in the Mailroom or a warden's secretary or even someone in an Admin Building far away from the unit but that has porters who come in from time to time...the simple reality is your relationship is a security breach. In most States, that means at least two years where you will not be permitted contact through approved channels with the offender.

Only time will tell whether you were played or whether this is what you assert as 'meant to be.' The unfortunate reality is that MANY offenders tell staff what the staff member wants to hear and when the employee gets canned, the offender moves on to the next mark.

The agency has no obligation to tell you when their investigation is completed. Whether you get charged criminally has no bearing on the fact that you have not been booked. Such conduct often has a period of several years that comprises the limitations period for bringing criminal charges. If you (OP) are fortunate, then you ONLY ruined your employment history.
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Old 05-24-2018, 08:33 PM
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It does not matter whether you were a CO, a nurse, a staffer in the Mailroom or a warden's secretary or even someone in an Admin Building far away from the unit but that has porters who come in from time to time...the simple reality is your relationship is a security breach. In most States, that means at least two years where you will not be permitted contact through approved channels with the offender.

Only time will tell whether you were played or whether this is what you assert as 'meant to be.' The unfortunate reality is that MANY offenders tell staff what the staff member wants to hear and when the employee gets canned, the offender moves on to the next mark.

The agency has no obligation to tell you when their investigation is completed. Whether you get charged criminally has no bearing on the fact that you have not been booked. Such conduct often has a period of several years that comprises the limitations period for bringing criminal charges. If you (OP) are fortunate, then you ONLY ruined your employment history.
Ouch kinda harsh and straight bitchy. I was not played but thanks for
Your negative bull shit and unwarranted comment
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Old 05-24-2018, 08:35 PM
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Also in the title 15 they have a year for investigation. I have a lawyer and if there was criminal charges I would have been booked.
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Old 05-24-2018, 08:40 PM
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Ouch kinda harsh and straight bitchy. I was not played but thanks for
Your negative bull shit and unwarranted comment

Not bitchy & not bullshit....after you've been a member for while you'll get to know others "posting style." CenTexLyn is very knowledgeable and blunt with the facts. Take what you can use and disregard the rest, but let's not resort to bickering
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Old 05-24-2018, 08:45 PM
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Ouch kinda harsh and straight bitchy. I was not played but thanks for
Your negative bull shit and unwarranted comment
Ok... Reality check... You don't know that yet... You won't know whether or not you've been played until more time passes... Like he gets out.

Also, CenTexLyn may be blunt, but she speaks truth. I'm sorry you're not liking the responses you're getting. One thing I've learned on this journey is that you've got to have a thick skin. You might want to work on that.
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Old 05-24-2018, 09:03 PM
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Also in the title 15 they have a year for investigation. I have a lawyer and if there was criminal charges I would have been booked.
My guess is you're not looking at criminal charges. But, truly, the timeline for a CDC investigation is not the same as an outside case and it's not unheard of for legit charges to be brought after a case is made. It can take the full year to bring charges. You've both paid for this relationship through loss of employment, presumably loss of good conduct credit, LOP and SHU time for him. Let that be the extent of it because barring criminal charges, your part of this is done. But his extends as long as he is a ward of CDCR.

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Old 05-25-2018, 05:50 AM
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Ok, so I’ve been watching this thread now for a couple of days and have chosen not to respond even though I do have a lot of opinions here. But since this is day two I will go ahead and put in my 2 cents.

First, I have read and considered each post by each individual carefully. And I cannot find one post that is rude in any way. Some are blunt, but sometimes that’s what you need to hear, but all have been pretty accurate to my knowledge.

The true fact is that the OP did not follow the rules of employment, and with that loss of employment will occur no matter if you had relations with an inmate or went against any other policy that may be in place. She is the one that agreed to the conditions of employment when she took the job, and agreed to them by signing the pre-employment paperwork. It’s really no different than any other job you may have, if you don’t follow the rules you get fired, case closed.

But she also put someone else in a position that he now has to live with for possibly a number of years and will be unable to remove himself from the situation and start over somewhere else. That is not fair to him or any family or friends that he may have out here. With him being transferred to a new facility, family and friends may/may not be affected, as the distance may be an issue for some. In essence she not only affected the lives of herself and the inmate, but possibly several other people including possibly a spouse/significant other and/or children. I’m not saying this is the case, but there is that possibility as we do not know of his situation as far as family/friends are concerned. The OP’s actions as well as the inmates could affect many people’s lives.

As far as charges go, I’m not sure how that works exactly , but have found that CenTexLyn usually is very knowledgeable about things of this nature and anything she post should be considered fully as a possibility. She was not rude in anyway in her post and simply offered her knowledge in the situation at hand. Now CenTexLyn’s post was very straight forward and maybe even a little blunt, but the original post was inquiring about information, empathy/sympathy was not a factor. She was simply giving the facts.

Now I do have some personal issues with the OP’s actions, but will choose to keep those to myself as they could and would be considered highly “rude and degrading”, and will simply stay with the facts as stated above.
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Old 05-25-2018, 07:49 AM
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I have to agree with the others and Billy's Lady. I just wish I would get this info and advice if something happens to me and my boyfriend. This input and advice is very fundamental, accurate, honest and simply true.

I have no clue why the OP is so sensitive. You have to lay in the bed you've made for yourself and especially since the OP was very well aware what she was getting into.
Shit happens, love happens, we all know that but being in this job you just don't do it or live with the consequences. It's pretty easy.
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