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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 05-28-2006, 08:04 PM
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Default Feeling a little bummed...

I should be feeling really happy right now, but I am a little bummed. First off happy news...My boyfriend Steven and I are getting married!! Our date is July 14th. I will be marrying him in prison. Now not a lot of people know about my relationship with him. I have a handful of close friends that know, my sisters and my parents know as well. But I don't tell everyone because then I feel the need to explain..explain his situation...and I shouldn't have to feel that way. Well this is why I am feeling a little sad..my boss (who has always been very supportive of me) found out my intentions to marry Steven. He flat out told me NOT to do it. Wait until he gets out and "proves" himself. That men in prison would do anything to have someone write them and send them money. I was so shocked that he said those things because he knows I visit him and write him. I even have pictures of Steven all over my desk at work. He knows I love this man with all of my heart. I didn't really get a chance to respond to what he said to me as he had a conference to go to. But I was upset...first of all I was the one to seek Steven out. I knew him 15 years ago..he was my first love. The second I found out where he was I wrote him. I love him with all my heart..and I know he loves me too. He writes me everyday. And as for sending him money...he tells me NOT to. But I do..he has to pay for stamps and paper..and darn it, I want my letters! Steven has nothing to prove to me as far as I am concerned. Tomorrow at work I will tell my boss all this. I am 34 years old, old enough to make my own decisions. My heart tells me that Steven is the man I want to spend my life with. I guess the main reason I felt sad is that someone I admire is not really as supportive as I thought he was. This just makes me realize that I was correct in thinking that I should keep my mouth shut when it comes to my relationship...people just don't understand how I can love a man in prison. Thanks everyone for listening!! I feel a lot better now!
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Old 05-28-2006, 08:18 PM
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Hey lalavegas....I read your post and had to respond. I just went through something similar and I was all kinds of bummed out. I have a great friend who I respect so much and care about. Well, he is one of the handful of people I have confided in about my marriage to Eric and let me tell you, he basically didn't have a lot of faith in my man. So I came on PTO and dumped it, just like you did. I got responses from people who understand what loving someone who is incarcerated is about. They basically told me to listen to my friend and then let it go. Sometimes people in our lives, who may love us to death, think they are helping us when in reality it is just what you said. You were hoping for the support you didn't get. They havn't had the experience we have so how can we expect them to understand. AND I also believe that we fall in love with who WE fall in love with. Life is too short to worry about what other people think. I decided that I would listen to my friend and then listen to my heart. I have learned that the hard way. I don't broadcast where my husband is and I don't share with a lot of people even that I am married....I know what I am about and so does my husband. That is all that really matters.

Congratulations on your wedding.....and always know that those of us here on PTO will ALWAYS be supportive -- you can always listen and keep it close.....to enjoy!

OH HELL YEAH!!!
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Old 05-28-2006, 09:56 PM
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CONGRATS on your wedding.
I too had well meaning people tell me to are you sure, is he doing this cause he's scared of being alone? wait so he can prove himself out here.
You know when you are ready to marry, I had to sit down and talk with a few people about why I choose to do this, alot dont understand.
Alot mean well by saying this, unfortunately it comes out wrong.
You love him and he loves you. In the end it doesnt matter what they say as you have to live this life all your choices and they dont. I have found it is easier for me not to be open about where my partner is. I tell work colleges,strangers everything else and they think he is amazing, if I was to add the prison part they would be different. STIGMAS!!!!!
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Old 05-28-2006, 10:18 PM
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I have found from experience it is best not to tell most people. Seems that most have a very strong opinion on this and arn't afraid to share it with you, without having a clue on what its like to be involved with someone in prison! I think the bottom line is that they don't want to see you hurt, and its hard for them to fathom that anyone in prison, could love another person. Society lumps everyone in prison together, unfortunately. Ignorance is all it is. If you and your guy are happy, then be happy, and share it when you feel its necessary, otherwise, enjoy each other in peace. People look their entire lives for someone to love and that loves them the same, cherish what you have, and come here for support when you need it.
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Old 05-28-2006, 10:36 PM
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loving a man in prison is hard and people that have never been in our same situations dont understand. I believe that some people dont realize that these men/women can change, but they can. If steven is what makes you happy hopefully your boss will one day realize that and offer you his apology. Nonetheless it is you who makes the decision of what really makes you happy. On the same note it may seem that your boss is unsupportive but look at it this way, your boss cares for you and what happens to you. Not everyone that is supportive of YOU has to agree with your decisions. He may not understand the love between you and steven and your boss doesnt want to see YOU get hurt. Id offer your boss your reasoning is that is what you plan on doing and also thank him for caring about you. again this is only my opinion and i do hope everything works out for you. Congrads on you marriage to become.

Best regards to you and steven,
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Old 05-28-2006, 11:21 PM
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You ladies are depressing me. You speak of a beautiful love, all of you. I swear, i thought i was the only one who loved so deeply. I kept thinking that it wasn't possible to love with the same intensity that i love Ulysses. Now i see so many of you love your men with the same depth that I love mine. I thought our love was unique. Well, this kind of love is unique to me. Congrats on finding such a beautiful love. I think our men love us like we have never known because they learn to appreciate love in a place that is so full of hate. I am happy we all found those special men in our lives
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Old 05-28-2006, 11:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VegasLala
I should be feeling really happy right now, but I am a little bummed. First off happy news...My boyfriend Steven and I are getting married!! Our date is July 14th.

But I don't tell everyone because then I feel the need to explain..explain his situation...and I shouldn't have to feel that way.

But I was upset....

Steven has nothing to prove to me as far as I am concerned.

This just makes me realize that I was correct in thinking that I should keep my mouth shut when it comes to my relationship...
VegasLala,

Yes, I agree, you are correct that you should not have the explain your and Steven's situation, especially with people who just can't seem to understand, much less support you!! I only shared my relationship with 3 people, and out of those 3 only one was supportive but with reservations about me being involved with my inmate and expressed their feelings on the matter just like your boss did. I also agree that we should follow our hearts . . . but don't forget to listen to your mind, spirit and soul and try to bring them all in balance with your heart in YOUR decision to spend the rest of your life with Steven (and that is exactly what I mean . . . YOUR DECISION). Congratulations on your wedding date and I wish you and Steven the best of everything !

Jala
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Old 05-29-2006, 10:01 AM
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Thanks everyone for your great advice!! I truly feel so much better now. Ultimately I know it is my decision to make, not everyone elses. You all really helped me out!!! Thank you!
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Old 05-29-2006, 11:16 AM
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I just wanted to say that prison or no prison that marriages fail everyday, remind your boss of that when you talk to him. From the way you made it sound he seems like the kind to give"fatherly advice" but I may have read it wrong.

It all boils down to if you love him and he loves you then go for it, It may fail as some say or it may not as others say but one thing for sure is if you don't give it a chance you will never know.

Congrats..
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Old 05-29-2006, 11:24 AM
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Sounds like your boss is just concerned you may give your heart to someone who won't take care of it. I am sure it is just because he wants what is best for you, and not being familiar with your man, is not sure how he will treat you. Thank him for his concern, and then do what your heart tells you to do. In the long run your boss will see that you are able to take care of yourself. Good luck,and congratulations on your upcoming marriage.
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