Mom of child revoked his visitation, can parental rights now be terminated?

Ahurtfather · #1 01-21-2019, 04:22 PM

Hello everyone,

I was here last Fall writing of my son who had recently gone to prison. It is now almost 6 months since he went and he has settled into his temporary life, having 1.5 years to go.

Now, the current issue. He has a child with the woman, not married. She has a restraining order in effect and has revoked his visitation because he is in prison.

My question is in NY, can she now get him on child abandonment and take away his rights? She is just the kind to do something like that. As a grandparent, she has not allowed me to see my granddaughter since my son went to prison. So, I know she would do anything spiteful that she could possibly do to keep her bitterness rolling.

Thanks for any advice

trauma4us · #2 01-21-2019, 05:45 PM

Go to court! I'm in IL with a similar situation. My grandson's Mom didn't want visits. However we (paternal grandparents) went to court on our son's behalf and got court-ordered visitation as well as witnessing a stern lecture from the judge to the Mom that trying to terminate parental rights as well as restricting visits was not in her son (our grandson's) best interest. We ended up with visitation! Yes, it costs money but worth every penny. When our son gets out we will be going back to court.

**missingdee** · #3 01-21-2019, 06:09 PM

Definitely consult with a family law attorney, and preferably sooner rather than later. He is entitled to fight for visitation and paternal rights. She can try to argue for child support but he can negotiate that if she does. Not sure what the law is in New York State on those matters, but DEFINITELY consult an attorney. You may be able to get his visiting rights reinstated and might even find that you have some rights yourself.

Good luck to him.

-Eric

Marseille · #4 01-21-2019, 06:15 PM

So... I want to be gentle here but I'm a domestic abuse survivor and I see a lot of my ex's parents in your posts. I urge you to consider that perhaps keeping your son away from the child IS in the child's best interest. He choked the child's mother. Strangled her. You don't typically even GO to prison for the first several DV convictions, so it is quite safe to assume there were other incidents prior to this one. There's compelling and incredibly disturbing evidence about batterers who choke or strangle their victims and why THESE actions in particular will earn a felony charge.

You are hurt that your child is in prison, but accusing her of being "bitter" and "spiteful" really undercuts her experience and the abuse.

By all means, see if you can apply for grandparent's visitation, but I think the decision on whether or not to allow your son to see the child is best left up to the child's mother and the court systems.

Ahurtfather · #5 01-21-2019, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marseille

So... I want to be gentle here but I'm a domestic abuse survivor and I see a lot of my ex's parents in your posts. I urge you to consider that perhaps keeping your son away from the child IS in the child's best interest. He choked the child's mother. Strangled her. You don't typically even GO to prison for the first several DV convictions, so it is quite safe to assume there were other incidents prior to this one. There's compelling and incredibly disturbing evidence about batterers who choke or strangle their victims and why THESE actions in particular will earn a felony charge.

You are hurt that your child is in prison, but accusing her of being "bitter" and "spiteful" really undercuts her experience and the abuse.

By all means, see if you can apply for grandparent's visitation, but I think the decision on whether or not to allow your son to see the child is best left up to the child's mother and the court systems.

Well, I did not go into detail about her. But, she is very bitter towards all of it. I dont defend my son or agree with what he did. He is in prison on his own account. However, this does not negate the fact that there was mutual combative situations the entire time they were together. He was told to leave her many times and stayed for the benefit of his child. Of course, in the end, hindsight dictates that staying in a relationship that is a failure is not helping anyone at all.

His ex has gone through great lengths to cause hardship since. We, his parents, helped her through tough times and did all we could to help our grandchild, as she is my greatest concern. The law would deal with my son, and has. At the start, his ex wanted him to seek help, his anger. It was the moment she found out he was not coming back to her and he was dating someone that she decided to give a statement and work toward his incarceration. We understood that. It is her right to do so.

Then she tried to end his visitation to his child until her 18th birthday! The Judge tossed it out.

And now, she has broken up a family by sleeping with my sons best friend, sending her new mans current wife and child out of that home and splitting the family.

And now, she cuts off everyone from my side of the family from seeing my granddaughter.

Oh, and he did go to prison as a first time offender. He has never been in trouble with the law before.

Is she bitter? I think I have a right to say, Ummm, yeah!"

But, that is not why I am here. The question remains...can a prisoner be subjected to child abandonment charges while he is incarcerated?

trauma4us · #6 01-21-2019, 07:23 PM

Re:
But, that is not why I am here. The question remains...can a prisoner be subjected to child abandonment charges while he is incarcerated?

You need to contact a lawyer in your state. I told you about IL but hopefully you can get visitation for your son. In our case, visitation hinged on our son's relations with his son - since they had a solid relationship prior to this incident. The childs age is also considered. Our grandson was old enough to verbalize that he loved his Dad.

jordan321 · #7 01-21-2019, 07:27 PM

It all depends on your state. Each state has its own rules on prison time & terminating rights. It may be broken down by county as well. It all depends.

I know Texas sees anything over 2 years a reason to consider rights terminating.

Now since she has revoked visitation they might see that as him not even having that chance to see and bond with that child.

Deff go see an attorney. As far as domestic violence and a child being in danger. I know a few guys who are hard core criminals but a teddy bears to their children. Does that make it right? No, but they can deff make sure their children never see it if they care enough.

**missingdee** · #8 01-21-2019, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ahurtfather

Well, I did not go into detail about her. But, she is very bitter towards all of it. I dont defend my son or agree with what he did. He is in prison on his own account. However, this does not negate the fact that there was mutual combative situations the entire time they were together. He was told to leave her many times and stayed for the benefit of his child. Of course, in the end, hindsight dictates that staying in a relationship that is a failure is not helping anyone at all.

His ex has gone through great lengths to cause hardship since. We, his parents, helped her through tough times and did all we could to help our grandchild, as she is my greatest concern. The law would deal with my son, and has. At the start, his ex wanted him to seek help, his anger. It was the moment she found out he was not coming back to her and he was dating someone that she decided to give a statement and work toward his incarceration. We understood that. It is her right to do so.

Then she tried to end his visitation to his child until her 18th birthday! The Judge tossed it out.

And now, she has broken up a family by sleeping with my sons best friend, sending her new mans current wife and child out of that home and splitting the family.

And now, she cuts off everyone from my side of the family from seeing my granddaughter.

Oh, and he did go to prison as a first time offender. He has never been in trouble with the law before.

Is she bitter? I think I have a right to say, Ummm, yeah!"

But, that is not why I am here. The question remains...can a prisoner be subjected to child abandonment charges while he is incarcerated?

I get the frustration of what she's done and how she's conducted herself.

The focus needs to be on what's best for his child and helping him maintain his rights.

I'm not here to judge either one of them. They've both made mistakes of varying sorts, sure. One of my roles when I post advice here is to set aside whatever my biases may be as best I can. And that's why I think the best bet is to contact a Family Law attorney in your state and determine the best course of action to make sure his rights remain intact and, if there is a risk of any sort of child abandonment charge, to work to mitigate/eliminate that risk.

I wish you all luck in this and hope the best for you as a grandparent and for your grandchild in particular. If your son does have any issues with anger management or whatnot then I hope he is able to get those under control and doesn't have a problem with them in the future.

-Eric

onedayatatime13 · #9 01-21-2019, 07:33 PM

Since you're in NY, I would call legal services for family matters. Since he is indigent, he may qualify for free legal representation. Did the order of protection include the child?
You can also petition for grandparent rights to see your granddaughter, but would be separate cases/lawyers.

**nimuay** · #10 01-21-2019, 08:03 PM

Make sure he writes (unless the PO includes the child) regularly. Or send things through you that you can try to pass along. Those will neutralize charges of abandonment. Being blocked by someone else is not your son ignoring his child.