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  #76  
Old 06-12-2019, 02:03 AM
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I know other women visit him. He tells me. He says thatís not the reason. He said that I threatened him with messing things up for him. Which is true I did do that. We got into an argument the last week we talked and I told him if I found out he was lying to me I was going to mess it up for him. He told me he got scared cause he knows when Iím mad Iím hot tempered. I mean I can get crazy sometimes so I kinda get it if thatís the real reason but iím not fully convinced. I really donít know what to think. I think he thought I was going to act crazy when I found out he took me off the list but I actually did the opposite. I left him alone. Maybe thatís why now heís tripping because he knows iím Hot headed so me being this calmed and quiet is not what he was expecting. I guess sooner or later the truth will come out.
Hahaha. Do you ever tell the truth?
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Old 06-12-2019, 02:05 AM
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What do you mean, sooner or later? The truth is out. He values his relationships with the other women more than he values you.

Whatever. Itís only a matter of time and youíll be back to being putty in his hands. Donít say we didnít warn you.

He's not playing her; she's playing him, herself and posters on this forum.
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Old 06-12-2019, 06:11 AM
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I guess sooner or later the truth will come out.
If all the 'truth' you've seen so far isn't enough for you to stay away from this one-- and I mean this without any malice, you're getting exactly what you signed up for every step of the way. Best of luck to ya.
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  #79  
Old 06-12-2019, 07:16 AM
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This got toxic all over it! The truth has been OUT it didn't have to come out sooner or later. It came out early, early, early in the beginning. He's not that truthful so it's nothing to come out about. Whatever you know already is all you need to know now. I don't know but it sounds like you'll go right back to him once you've come down from a 100 and go back to 0 again. To each is their own.
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:17 AM
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Glamorizing being with a criminal is a mistake. Thereís nothing romantic about it. Look at the person, how they treat others, how they choose to live their life inside. And when you find out who they are, believe them.
And this is the reason my guy made sure I looked up his record prior to making the decision to move forward and escalate things. He wanted to make sure I was well aware of who I was talking to and what I was getting myself into. He's blunt about his past.
In contrast, this dude, while honest about what he's done, seems sketchy as hell. Who wants to be with someone who straight up tells you he's using people? Lawdy.
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  #81  
Old 06-12-2019, 07:42 AM
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Does anyone else wonder if this is a troll post...
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  #82  
Old 06-12-2019, 03:48 PM
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Does anyone else wonder if this is a troll post...
I have; because of all the drama, obvious lies, attention seeking. Although, if any of this is genuine, the guy should be afraid of her.
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Old 06-12-2019, 04:03 PM
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Mine calls almost every day.. (5 years now)
If he misses, it is because of lockdown .
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Old 06-12-2019, 04:05 PM
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He admits he's got other women that he writes to, phones and visits with and he abuses them for money and goodness knows what else. He has taken you off his visit list. He has told you that he wants you to step up and send money for a lawyer. Yet you are still looking for him to tell you the truth as none of this is enough for you to leave him.

What more truth do you want? What more do you want to hear? That he sunk the Titanic? He poisoned Snow Whites apple? That he danced with the devil at a fiddle contest?

Nothing is going to make you see this guy for what he is so good luck to you.
I have nothing more to add.
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  #85  
Old 06-12-2019, 06:53 PM
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I know other women visit him. He tells me. He says thatís not the reason. He said that I threatened him with messing things up for him. Which is true I did do that. We got into an argument the last week we talked and I told him if I found out he was lying to me I was going to mess it up for him. He told me he got scared cause he knows when Iím mad Iím hot tempered. I mean I can get crazy sometimes so I kinda get it if thatís the real reason but iím not fully convinced. I really donít know what to think. I think he thought I was going to act crazy when I found out he took me off the list but I actually did the opposite. I left him alone. Maybe thatís why now heís tripping because he knows iím Hot headed so me being this calmed and quiet is not what he was expecting. I guess sooner or later the truth will come out.

Iím hearing a lot of ďhe says,Ē ďhe tells me,Ē ďhe said.Ē This is MWI, right? If you want to continue believing things that he tells you, thatís up to you, but at this point, Iíd be finished with taking much of anything he says seriously. I actually would have been done with his ridiculousness long before he had a chance to do something to me like remove me from his visitation list (without telling me), leaving me open to making a 5-hour drive to see him, only to be turned away at the gate. (Though, I wouldnít have made a 5-hour drive without talking to the person first.)
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  #86  
Old 06-13-2019, 10:21 AM
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  #87  
Old 06-13-2019, 01:18 PM
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Does anyone else wonder if this is a troll post...
Yup. Sounds like the plot of a cheesy b movie
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  #88  
Old 06-13-2019, 03:20 PM
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Ok look, even if he does love you and wants to be with you when he gets out, it could very well end up like mine did.
I know he loved me, I knew he had a past as a womanizer but I thought he would be different with me.
Anyway, we were together when he got out, it was good for a while- ffwd to a year later, in that time he cheated on me, was verbally abusive and I was actually afraid he would turn violent, he was a full blown alcoholic, barely holds a job down, he cheated on me with an older woman in her 50’s, moved into her house 3 days later, now she takes care of him while he contacted me behind her back trying to cheat with me.
He’s useless and needs a mommy- he uses women for their resources- I wouldn’t give him any money or anything, so off he goes with someone who will allow him to live at her house and take care of his sorry ass.
I guarantee that’s the type of thing that will happen to you.
You’ll have to be responsible for the man child, or he’ll find someone that will.
I’d forget him.
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  #89  
Old 06-14-2019, 05:38 AM
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Yup. Sounds like the plot of a cheesy b movie
I almost wonder if whoever this is is mocking those whoíve come before... cos thereís a lot of ďheís using meĒ stories, ya know? Like this is a huge joke and theyíre taking all the bad to post one big ol joke...
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  #90  
Old 06-14-2019, 08:25 AM
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Just a quick & friendly reminder to members: at the end of the day Prison Talk is a support site. People come on here with all kinds of situations and questions, and even though it may get frustrating at times when it seems someone doesn't "get it".....please take your frustration to private messages instead of starting a discussion between yourselves in the thread about the OP's mental health or whatever. Whenever someone starts a thread, that thread is their place to ask opinions and get comments. As long as you have advice & opinions, great - but when you feel the need to start discussing the OP as if she weren't there....take it to PMs please. Thank you
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  #91  
Old 06-21-2019, 12:29 PM
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This post is not fake. The story is not fake either. Who has time to make up something like that? I came in here to ask questions and to get stories from other women who have been through similar experiences before. Not to hear bitter and judgemental people tell me I’m this or that. First of all I have my life together. Great career, making 6 figures a year, great children, great family and friends. I have a graduate degree, I’m educated. No, I don’t have any mental problems. I’m pretty normal. This situation is nothing I have dealt with before. I cut off all contact with this man for a bit and he has been reaching out to me consistently. And no I haven’t given him anything. He has called me a few times and we have talked about things and I believe he’s being truthful with what he’s saying. He’s not telling me what he thinks I want to hear he’s telling me exactly what it is. People make bad choices sometimes based on their past or circumstances but that doesn’t make them bad people.
We are working out our issues and rebuilding our friendship. I don’t know what will happen only time will tell. I’m cautious and not going to change the way I think about certain things but I do care about him and right now I’m willing to see how this plays out.
I really don’t care for any of the negative comments so keep them to yourselves.
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  #92  
Old 06-21-2019, 12:50 PM
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Sweetheart, most of us on here are normal people with good education, great jobs, friends & family...and we're probably quite sane too You are not unique in that way.

While you're right in that some members have been out of line with their comments in this thread (and those posts have been dealt with by the staff), I believe the overall exasperation & frustration from other members simply comes from the fact that this man uses (many) women and you are okay with it. It is your choice obviously who to be with and how to live your life, but some of our members have been in the shoes of those women that have been used....so to actually have someone posting about a situation like this & being fine with it... this is a touchy subject and nobody is going to cheer you on, or even agree on, for condoning something like that. There is something disturbing in that and if I dare say - it is definitely not "normal".

Anyhow - I wish you luck
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  #93  
Old 06-21-2019, 01:11 PM
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People make bad choices sometimes based on their past or circumstances but that doesnít make them bad people.
[...]
I really donít care for any of the negative comments so keep them to yourselves.
Absolutely. I've made some terrible choices in the name of 'getting by'. But those choices hurt people. I sacrificed their well-being to do what I thought I had to. It finally took having something that meant so much to me that it wasn't worth the risk of losing. Whatever I was getting from the poor choices wasn't as important as that relationship. I hope that when you say you're working out your respective issues, that's part of his process.

Sari is right, though. You've touched on a subject that has made (for lack of a better word) victims of many of our members. You're going to get negative feedback because he, and men like him, have caused them pain. It's like telling a parent who lost a child to gang violence not to have hurt toward gang members. So instead of telling people to keep their comments to themselves-- which you can't do here, anyway as people are allowed to speak their minds, really listen to the hurt that's coming through and try to put yourself in their shoes. Your LO is causing that same hurt to other women. By choosing to be with him, you have to face that, too.

I wish you both the best and regardless of what happens between you I pray that he decides to stop that cycle of manipulation.
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  #94  
Old 06-21-2019, 02:22 PM
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What you have to come to terms with is that he is making decisions based on circumstances still and knows they are wrong. It is one thing to understand why someone does something, but it is another to condone, accept, or ignore it.

He got triggered and cut you off. Now he is crawling back. In the long view, he is emotionally immature and how will he react to life once he is home? He plays games to survive. Those habits are nor changing anytime soon. Overall, it is enabling bad behavior.

He has to do what he has to do to survive is the general feel. So if he has trouble finding work will he sell drugs, steal, etc etc? Will he use those around him for a meal or clothes or whatever? Extremely selfish behavior.

You need to think long term and not solely in the right now. Words are one thing. His actions speak differently.
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Old 06-21-2019, 03:12 PM
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Iím not ok with it. But itís not really my problem. These women have to see it for themselves. I mean they know he talks to other women yet they are paying for his lawyer etc. He never asked me for anything but if he did I would say no. Itís one thing if I wanted to do it out of the kindness of my heart but if you ask me thatís an automatic no. And these women should observe his patterns and put their foot down like I did. I believe that people will only do to you what you allow them to do. I get that heís handsome and charming but Iím pretty sure they know whatís up. They have to know. Nobody is that naive unless they are desperate or lonely and they are just willing to put up with whatever.


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Sweetheart, most of us on here are normal people with good education, great jobs, friends & family...and we're probably quite sane too You are not unique in that way.

While you're right in that some members have been out of line with their comments in this thread (and those posts have been dealt with by the staff), I believe the overall exasperation & frustration from other members simply comes from the fact that this man uses (many) women and you are okay with it. It is your choice obviously who to be with and how to live your life, but some of our members have been in the shoes of those women that have been used....so to actually have someone posting about a situation like this & being fine with it... this is a touchy subject and nobody is going to cheer you on, or even agree on, for condoning something like that. There is something disturbing in that and if I dare say - it is definitely not "normal".

Anyhow - I wish you luck
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Old 06-21-2019, 03:28 PM
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Truthfully he took me off his visitation list because I was acting crazy. I have a temper and I was mad at him and he was afraid I would mess things up for him when heís so close to getting out. They took his phone. He was on lockdown for several days and couldnít contact me. He tried to call me but I wasnít answering the phone. I removed him from the email app so he couldnít contact me. He only got 1 of my letters. I just received the other 2 in the mail saying they couldnít be delivered. Once he got out of lockdown he had someone send me a message on social media on his behalf. I added him back to the email app and he started emailing me. I didnít respond. He kept emailing me. Then he told me he tried to call me several times but I wasnít answering and asked me if I had blocked him. I ended up accepting his call. Iím still mad at the fact he took me of the list but I can see why he did. We talked it out. I told him Iím still mad but all he asked was for a chance to show me he truly cares about me. Heís been calling me and emailing me consistently. He sent me another visitation form.
Heís getting out in a few months and has sent me all the info about his case so Iím aware of whatís going on. He hasnít asked for anything. All he asked for was my forgiveness and told me heís in love with me.
I still donít believe anything he says. I told him actions will show his true colors. So far his actions have been good. Heís really making an effort to make it up to me. I donít know where Iím at. I do care about him but Iím just taking things one day at a time. As of right now I donít have plans to let him come live with me. If his actions show me heís really about me and I see that heís really working on bettering himself maybe I will give him a chance when heís out. But itís going to take time and I have my rules and expectations. Iím not going to rush into anything or play dumb. Iím considering every possible scenario. As for now we are just reconnecting and Iím trying to figure out if I want to move forward.

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What you have to come to terms with is that he is making decisions based on circumstances still and knows they are wrong. It is one thing to understand why someone does something, but it is another to condone, accept, or ignore it.

He got triggered and cut you off. Now he is crawling back. In the long view, he is emotionally immature and how will he react to life once he is home? He plays games to survive. Those habits are nor changing anytime soon. Overall, it is enabling bad behavior.

He has to do what he has to do to survive is the general feel. So if he has trouble finding work will he sell drugs, steal, etc etc? Will he use those around him for a meal or clothes or whatever? Extremely selfish behavior.

You need to think long term and not solely in the right now. Words are one thing. His actions speak differently.
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Old 06-21-2019, 03:45 PM
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Iím not ok with it. But itís not really my problem. These women have to see it for themselves.
Ok, maybe THEY aren't your problem, but he is. And he's the one doing it. I don't get the justification.

I get that you're on the fence about how you feel about it. That can make some things easy to let slide. But oneday is absolutely spot on when she said you need to think about the long term, not just what he's done the last week or so to get back in your good graces. If this issue isn't put on the table now, as in stop it and gain some insight as to why it's not OK, it's going to come back and bite him and anyone in his circle in the butt.

Or, maybe you really just don't think it's a big deal. Which would have nothing to do with him and more to do with you.
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Old 06-21-2019, 04:06 PM
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Truthfully he took me off his visitation list because I was acting crazy. I have a temper and I was mad at him and he was afraid I would mess things up for him when heís so close to getting out. They took his phone. He was on lockdown for several days and couldnít contact me. He tried to call me but I wasnít answering the phone. I removed him from the email app so he couldnít contact me. He only got 1 of my letters. I just received the other 2 in the mail saying they couldnít be delivered. Once he got out of lockdown he had someone send me a message on social media on his behalf. I added him back to the email app and he started emailing me. I didnít respond. He kept emailing me. Then he told me he tried to call me several times but I wasnít answering and asked me if I had blocked him. I ended up accepting his call. Iím still mad at the fact he took me of the list but I can see why he did. We talked it out. I told him Iím still mad but all he asked was for a chance to show me he truly cares about me. Heís been calling me and emailing me consistently. He sent me another visitation form.
Heís getting out in a few months and has sent me all the info about his case so Iím aware of whatís going on. He hasnít asked for anything. All he asked for was my forgiveness and told me heís in love with me.
I still donít believe anything he says. I told him actions will show his true colors. So far his actions have been good. Heís really making an effort to make it up to me. I donít know where Iím at. I do care about him but Iím just taking things one day at a time. As of right now I donít have plans to let him come live with me. If his actions show me heís really about me and I see that heís really working on bettering himself maybe I will give him a chance when heís out. But itís going to take time and I have my rules and expectations. Iím not going to rush into anything or play dumb. Iím considering every possible scenario. As for now we are just reconnecting and Iím trying to figure out if I want to move forward.
I dont like that he convinced you it was your fault. Im not sure how you guys define going crazy etc. Also he takes you off and then contacts you. This thing is so unhealthy between the phone, box time, other girls, visitation, etc. I wish you luck.
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Old 06-22-2019, 06:27 AM
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When you shared your story with this forum. Members of the forum men or women. Was going to give their 2 cents to it (advice/their opinion). If the advice/opinions doesn't help you..it's here to help someone else that's facing a situation as this, or gives them the heads up on what the red flags are/etc. A lot of us on here either been in your shoes, something close to it (incarcerated or not) or know someone that has been in those shoes before or in them now. When advice/opinions is given it's going to be given without being sugar coated. Sometimes you might not like what type of advice (opinions) that you'll receive. But if you don't like it..take what you like and leave the rest! Not everyone that's giving advice/their own opinions is being negative towards you. Everyone has an opinion/want to give advice and you have yours. Anyone that has given you advice/their opinion is just sharing with you/etc. At the end..all you can do is take what you like and leave the rest!

He's making "bad choices" right now! By manipulating women to get what he wants from them. He's using manipulation, his charm and looks to get what he wants from these women. That's what womanizers do!! Regardless, how one looks at it that's bad...if he wants to really/completely change. Then he needs to stop using women to get by while he's still incarcerated (which it looks like he isn't going to do or making any plans of doing). If he's able to do it on the inside...he's able to do the same on the outside. He's not going to stop using these women until he's released! But who knows what he's really going to stop doing or continue to do afterwards.

If he cares about you, love you or say he's in love with you. Then he wouldn't of removed you off his visitation/contact list at all. Just because you got mad and went off! That still isn't no real reason of removing someone from their visitation/contact list and ignoring them. To me by doing all of that he wanted to show you. That you're not going to come at him in that way and he wanted to teach you a lesson. To let you know that your the reason why he removed you and ignored you. I don't know how you can even justify his actions...it's no way that can be justifiable at all. If he loves you, cares about you and say's he's in love with you. He would of just gave you a day or two to calm down. After a day or two get in contact with you and try to work things out with you, not take it to another level as he did. If he's able to do that while incarcerated..I can only imagine how he'll do things/be when he's out.

If these women we're all aware of what he was really doing to them. I'm sure none of them would continue to send him money, packages or pay for his lawyer (even if he tells them he's talking to other women...he's not being honest with any of them about his many contacts with other women. He's given a different story to make it be oh ok with each woman.). His manipulation towards each woman he's using is the same..but he knows how to manipulate each in his own little way to keep them doing things for him. He's saying all sorts of things to these women and the same stuff he's saying to you is being said to them. The only thing is he isn't getting anything out of you...like he's getting out of these women. What he's doing will come back to him sooner or later...or perhaps sooner. Karma isn't going to miss him and unfortunately...you'll be right in the middle of his karma. These women doesn't see what he's doing to them and you do...the only reason why you do because he told you..it's a difference! He didn't give these women the truth on his true intentions and motivates or his real agenda on what he's doing to each of them/why. He told it to you..so you are aware of what he's doing to them and why he's doing what he's doing to them. I feel bad for any woman that has to go through this because it's not okay at all for a man to use women. Regardless to why or what he's using that woman for..it's not okay to do it! Or why would a person want to be with someone that does things like that to women in general (to each their own).

If my man would of came out and told me he's using women to get what he needs while being incarcerated. I don't care how much he cares about me, love me or is in love with me. I don't care what he's telling me...because up to this point I'll be questioning everything he has told me after letting me know what he's doing to other women. I'm not going to accept it and stick around while he uses other women. Just because he isn't using me in that way...I'm sure he's using me in another way (it's all sorts of ways to use someone). I don't care how much I love him, care about him or in love with him. If he can do that to other women...he can do it to me! I'll never be the one to stick around while he's incarcerated or even when he's released. He wouldn't have to be worrying about me and nothing he says would change my mind. I'll take my lesson and move right on with my life. Karma can have him by his damn self...karma isn't going to come after me too. That's just me. I been in the shoes of being used/hurt/etc (not with anyone that's incarcerated). I know of people that has been in those shoes with someone that's incarcerated or not. Just as well going through it or being okay with it. At the end I just know I couldn't be with someone that uses/hurt/etc towards other women.

If this what you want..that's on you! Can't nobody change your mind on any of this and as it looks your mind is set on what you still going to do. I wish you nothing but the best with your entire situation and good luck!!! Once again take what you like..and leave the rest!
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Old 06-22-2019, 08:11 AM
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Its the other womens fault that they are being used and manipulated. Its your fault that he took you off his visiting list? He isnt responsible for anything in your rose colour world.
I am sure you are as attractive and intelligent and well off as you tell us. However that won't change anyones opinion of what you are defending. No one is going to cheer you on as you run into the snake pit because the snakes are great handsome loving creatures and they only bit the other people, because they deserved it.

There are plenty of attractive career minded financially successful folk on here but they are not tolerating what you are dealing with. However, you seem to lack insight and empathy. Where as most of us do not, most find it morally and ethnically wrong that this man is abusing other women for money.

Do you really expect members on here to be positive about him abusing women financially and you supporting that? Well here is a bolt of truth, ain't no one on here got time for that.

Its their fault right, they are grown ,its their choice right? ....Wrong do you really think these women would be handing over their cash if he had been honest and explained he was using them for money. If he had told them he will drop them like hot bricks on his release do you think they would be sticking around? I would bet good money on the fact that he has lied and told these women what he is telling you. They are the special one and he is using the others but he loves them. He needs to lie to keep you all sweet.

However , it their fault as they should see through it and know whats what?

So if they should see through his lies and Bulls**t why for your sake cant you?
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