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  #26  
Old 03-24-2018, 08:41 PM
SeekingJoy SeekingJoy is offline
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Carpentersville:

So sorry that you are going through this, I am a mother of a son, 3rd time in with 12 year sentence. I have disengaged from my son after 20 years + of being there, I hope I am making the right decision, a decision that I made in attempts/hope that it helps for him to face his problems and get healthy.

I believe everyone's situation is different. All I can tell or suggest to you is take it one day at time, do the best you can and listen to your heart, lean on God, do not feel bad for crying or feeling sad, also allow yourself to laugh and be happy and do not feel guilty about that either. Also try to concentrate on what the positives that might happen instead of worrying like crazy as I have done and I know that I helped/enabled/made comfortable too much in the last 20 years, which I think hurt my son more than helping.
I do not know your past, just telling you some of my mistakes.

You will get through this, take courage and this is a great place to vent and be surrounded by people who have similar trials and concerns. So many posts and messages here have helped me tremendously, since coming a registered user not too long ago. So hope it helps you also.

I cry and laugh every day; maybe I'm half crazy; but I will make it and pray my son and your daughter and you will make it and we all will some how come out of this better. Hang tough Carpentersville!

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Originally Posted by Carpentersville View Post
As most of you have written this is a totally unknown area for me. Dealing with a daughter who will be sentenced in the next 6 weeks to years of prison, I am like a zombie. The grief is overwhelming and constant. I too, am agonizing over the life events she will miss, the family life we have enjoyed so much- and grieving that she will live with this stigma for the remainder of her life. How do you find the strength? I want to equally wrap her up and send her away to some distant land as much as I want to yell at her for what she has done to herself, her dad and her siblings.

I donít know how to tell others & I pray that I have been a good servant in treating others fairly if they were faced with this. I just donít know anyone that well who has faced this. I want to spend as much time with her as possible, yet am so heartbroken and ill at what she has done that I donít want to say anything hurtful to her-so need to stay away for a bit.

I am obsessing over her being abused or frightened or hurt in prison. I have no idea of when how or how much we can visit her. Will we be able to touch her to put our arms around her? What happens to her addiction and her underlying medical conditions that still need to be treated? So many questions, so much anxiety, fear, embarrassment, pain and the feeling that I just wish I could close my eyes to sleep forever.

I appreciate any good thoughts or words of encouragement. If you donít feel so inclined, totally understand, but am too raw right now to hear from anyone who is not positive. Thanks
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  #27  
Old 03-24-2018, 11:03 PM
Halo527 Halo527 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carpentersville View Post
As most of you have written this is a totally unknown area for me. Dealing with a daughter who will be sentenced in the next 6 weeks to years of prison, I am like a zombie. The grief is overwhelming and constant. I too, am agonizing over the life events she will miss, the family life we have enjoyed so much- and grieving that she will live with this stigma for the remainder of her life. How do you find the strength? I want to equally wrap her up and send her away to some distant land as much as I want to yell at her for what she has done to herself, her dad and her siblings.

I donít know how to tell others & I pray that I have been a good servant in treating others fairly if they were faced with this. I just donít know anyone that well who has faced this. I want to spend as much time with her as possible, yet am so heartbroken and ill at what she has done that I donít want to say anything hurtful to her-so need to stay away for a bit.

I am obsessing over her being abused or frightened or hurt in prison. I have no idea of when how or how much we can visit her. Will we be able to touch her to put our arms around her? What happens to her addiction and her underlying medical conditions that still need to be treated? So many questions, so much anxiety, fear, embarrassment, pain and the feeling that I just wish I could close my eyes to sleep forever.

I appreciate any good thoughts or words of encouragement. If you donít feel so inclined, totally understand, but am too raw right now to hear from anyone who is not positive. Thanks
All I can say to you is that this is an experience in life that none of us ever thought that we would have to deal with. Since I wrote this original post, I have cried more times than I have in my entire life.

My son is definitely getting the 12 year sentence and the judge decided to not award him the year he has spent in precustody while awaiting the outcome. That means a total of 13 years. Such an incredibly harsh sentence for someone who didn't put 1 scratch on anyone, but he did bring a gun and there's a high 10 year enhancement for that. Some have killed others and got 10 years. We just got the luck of the draw and pulled in a harsh DA and a judge who previously was a prosecutor. There's no place left for us, but to take the sentence.

I have watched my 22 year old son go from anger and fear to crying to acceptance. He knows he's messed up and is now ready to do his time and to turn his life around. I can't hold this mistake against him. He needs someone to be there for him when all his friends forget about him thru the years.

Your daughter will be ok. It's a harsh environment but it may be an opportunity for her to straighten out her life. I think this will be the lesson my son needs to get his on track.

My prayers are with you through this time. It does get easier.
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  #28  
Old 03-25-2018, 03:53 PM
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Lordbew/us Lordbew/us is offline
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Halo527
I'm reading your update and I'm so sorry about your son's harsh sentence... I can so relate and understand how you feel about your son's sentencing. After 10 years I still have not been able to forgive the Judge and DA for the extremely harsh sentence our son received. (20 do 12 to the door) Sigh!!!
You already know this is not an easy journey to be on but you'll be okay. One day at a time until you both start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You and your son willl get through this together. Your son will need you now more than ever.
I pray your son will continue to grow and mature, and he will love and honor you, and your commitment to him, in seeing him through this terrible time in both of your lives.
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M.C.
Cobb/Cherokee County GA
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  #29  
Old 03-28-2018, 09:16 AM
mommatrip mommatrip is offline
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I too will stick with my kiddo. He was arrested 2 days before Christmas 2016 & has been in a county jail in SD until his sentencing in Feb 2018, now he has moved thru the system into Federal custody. I have run the full gamut of emotions that grief brings & have come to the place of acceptance. This is life, not what one had hoped, but this is what it is & we only have today. The memories are bitter & sweet, the future unknown, but I must have HOPE. We will plan for a future & work toward preparing a place for him, a life for he & his wife when he is released. (she loves him so much & plans to stand with him...I LOVE that woman!) He will be a registered sex offender & will have a very difficult time, if we cannot help him. Our other son was in the Oregon system, both of them were sentenced with mandatory sentencing laws, though BOTH judges were sympathetic & expressed their dismay that their hands were tied. I am not sure how I would feel or respond if their crimes were rooted in addiction, if I felt I were enabling them, that would be so difficult to use that tough love, I know I did that when they were young, and it's so painful!
So, sorry...it's all really fresh & new again, so I ramble...forgive me! I just wanted to say I feel your pain, and even though I have walked this path before, it still hurts, it's still very frightening, but you are NOT alone & there is HOPE! My older boy got out, we did all we coulod to be there for him, this place (Prisontalk) was such a beautiful (although painful) place for me then, it was healing, it was safe & when it was time for his release, it was so helpful! Much good can come from the worst situations, so be of good courage. There is HOPE
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