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Remembering Those That Passed While In Prison This forum is for all those - family, friends, spouses, wives, husbands, significant others, brothers, sisters, parents, and children - who lost a loved one or friend while incarcerated.

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Old 12-27-2015, 07:44 PM
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Default Heartbroken

My love died today suddenly. I am totally devasted and writing through tears. I don't ever think I will be the same again. I had been turned down to visit because of an technical error. I was continuing to go through legal channels to correct the situation. Now it doesn't matter because he is gone and a piece of me has died too. I am heartbroken and may not ever get over this. I can't quit crying and now I have to try to make arrangements.
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Old 12-27-2015, 07:51 PM
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I'm so so sorry for your loss.
You know, some time ago my lo died unexpected and all of a sudden from a heart attack. (He wasn't a prisoner, but I wasn't there the night it happened...and my last message stayed unanswered.)
However...I know how you must feel right now and I know that one thinks that one will never ever get over this again...
Give yourself time. Give yourself as much time as you need for grieving. Surround yourself with friends, people you can talk to...that helps a lot. And one day you will wake up and realize that dealing with this terrible situation gets a bit easier.
As terrible as it may sound...but life goes on. You'll probably never get over it, but you will learn how to live with it. It'll probably never go away, but it for sure will get easier.
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Old 12-27-2015, 07:57 PM
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Originally Posted by jmtreader View Post
My love died today suddenly. I am totally devasted and writing through tears. I don't ever think I will be the same again. I had been turned down to visit because of an technical error. I was continuing to go through legal channels to correct the situation. Now it doesn't matter because he is gone and a piece of me has died too. I am heartbroken and may not ever get over this. I can't quit crying and now I have to try to make arrangements.
Sorry for your loss. There are no words anyone can say that will take away the void you are feeling. I hope that you find peace and some sort of strength as time goes on.
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Old 12-27-2015, 08:47 PM
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Sorry for your loss...
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Old 12-27-2015, 09:03 PM
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How did he pass?
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Old 12-27-2015, 09:05 PM
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I am so very very sorry for your loss. Please accept my heartfelt condolences

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Old 12-27-2015, 09:08 PM
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He had a heart attack.
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Old 12-27-2015, 10:01 PM
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Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that!! If there's anything I can do, I'm here for you.
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Old 12-27-2015, 11:25 PM
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I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. Stay strong through this challenging time.
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Old 12-27-2015, 11:30 PM
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The stigma of loving a felon keeps us from being understood. How could anyone get into a relationship with a prisoner? I've heard this a thousand times. Many times I haven't let anyone know because it would be devastating to my job, my kid, my family etc. The only people who know are very close to me and understand that someone can make a bad mistake when they are young, remorse their crime every day of their life since committing the crime, and end up paying the rest of their life it. I appreciate everyone here because you get it. I didn't get it until a couple of years ago, but now I get it. I need to grieve, get my shit together and do something to help with prison reform because there are many people out there who still don't get it. I'm having to grieve mostly alone because of it. I don't want anyone to suffer like this any more. Thank you for your support. It means more than you know.
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Old 12-28-2015, 01:12 AM
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I am so sorry he wasn't able to get help in time and live.
I pray you are able to find some solace in knowing he is no longer in bondage.
How sad that you were denied visitation.
My condolences.
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Old 12-28-2015, 01:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmtreader View Post
The stigma of loving a felon keeps us from being understood. How could anyone get into a relationship with a prisoner? I've heard this a thousand times. Many times I haven't let anyone know because it would be devastating to my job, my kid, my family etc. The only people who know are very close to me and understand that someone can make a bad mistake when they are young, remorse their crime every day of their life since committing the crime, and end up paying the rest of their life it. I appreciate everyone here because you get it. I didn't get it until a couple of years ago, but now I get it. I need to grieve, get my shit together and do something to help with prison reform because there are many people out there who still don't get it. I'm having to grieve mostly alone because of it. I don't want anyone to suffer like this any more. Thank you for your support. It means more than you know.
I was like you, too. Up until a few years ago, I didn't get it either. And even though I know the stigmatization impacts our lives every day, I never thought about the toll it would take in times of loss. I'm so sorry you have to shoulder so much of this alone (not counting the PTO community, of course). Thank you for your post, you brought me to a greater level of understanding. I think you'll be a tremendous asset to the reform movement. Be well and PTO is always here for you.
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Old 12-28-2015, 02:34 AM
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This is my greatest fear, and I am so sorry that you are forced to confront this kind of pain. Please know that you are in my thoughts.
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Old 12-28-2015, 05:21 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. My condolences and prayers are being sent your way.
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Old 12-28-2015, 06:27 AM
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I am SO terribly sorry for your loss! I can't begin to imagine the pain. BIG HUG to you!
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Old 12-28-2015, 07:58 AM
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jmtreader....I am so very sorry...The words seems so small, but I mean them in the most heartfelt and comforting way. I lost my husband in September (the threads are here) and the grief is so very personal and private. My husband and I spent so much time creating our own world carefully guarded from all the naysayers and those who wanted to tear us apart, that the only folks I COULD turn to were the folks on these boards.
But just as your relationship was private, and intensely personal, so will be your grief. Some days it will seem like you are the only one who knew how wonderful he was , and then there will be days when you will be glad you are the only one. (It streamlines all the BS and pretenders.)
Hang in there my dear. We are here. PM me if you like. There is no love like the one you both shared. You both gave a gift more precious than you realized. You loved each other "in spite of" and "through the tough times". You both guarded that treasure. We here on these boards will too. (((HUGS and Kleenex)))))
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Old 12-28-2015, 08:54 AM
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How awful. I'm very sorry for your loss.
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Old 12-28-2015, 09:22 AM
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Jadah, I would like to PM you some time. My grief is too overwhelming right now to think straight. All your kind words have helped tremendously.
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Old 12-28-2015, 09:33 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I won't pretend to understand exactly your feelings, but I understand the isolation and devastating heartache that is inconsolable. You are in my thoughts.
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Old 12-29-2015, 07:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmtreader View Post
The stigma of loving a felon keeps us from being understood. How could anyone get into a relationship with a prisoner? I've heard this a thousand times. Many times I haven't let anyone know because it would be devastating to my job, my kid, my family etc. The only people who know are very close to me and understand that someone can make a bad mistake when they are young, remorse their crime every day of their life since committing the crime, and end up paying the rest of their life it. I appreciate everyone here because you get it. I didn't get it until a couple of years ago, but now I get it. I need to grieve, get my shit together and do something to help with prison reform because there are many people out there who still don't get it. I'm having to grieve mostly alone because of it. I don't want anyone to suffer like this any more. Thank you for your support. It means more than you know.
I believe this is one aspect of prison reform nobody either thinks about or knows how to touch it. But it's been painful for to many, how they make it so hard to just be there for someone we love. They seem to think no one cares and it really means they don't care. But we do. Remember everyone who has answered this. And multiply it for the ones who don't know what to say. The ones who also feel this pain. Support you through this. And help changes push thru. Someday let your smile of the love overcome the sorrow now in your heart. For everyone who has had to walk with you in this pain. Both comfort and discomfort in knowing you aren't alone.
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Old 12-29-2015, 07:58 AM
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I believe this is one aspect of prison reform nobody either thinks about or knows how to touch it. But it's been painful for to many, how they make it so hard to just be there for someone we love. They seem to think no one cares and it really means they don't care. But we do. Remember everyone who has answered this. And multiply it for the ones who don't know what to say. The ones who also feel this pain. Support you through this. And help changes push thru. Someday let your smile of the love overcome the sorrow now in your heart. For everyone who has had to walk with you in this pain. Both comfort and discomfort in knowing you aren't alone.

Once again beautifully said. Thank you Anarchyheart. I hope you find peace in your heart as well.
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There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."
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Old 12-29-2015, 08:56 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine what you are going through right now but my prayers are with you honey.
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Old 12-30-2015, 06:57 PM
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I'm very sorry for your loss, my condolences.
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Old 01-19-2017, 07:47 PM
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Today is his birthday. It's been a year since he died and although I'm handling it better I'm still very sad.
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Old 01-19-2017, 08:05 PM
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It's always worst on those 'anniversary' days. Birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries. That's when it all comes raring back at us.

I'm sorry you're feeling blue today, but it is entirely healthy and completely understandable.
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