Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > U.S. REGIONAL FORUMS > MASSACHUSETTS > Massachusetts General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Massachusetts General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat Topics & Discussions relating to Prison & the Criminal Justice System in Massachusetts that do not fit into any other Massachusetts sub-forum category. Please feel free to also introduce yourself to other members in the state and talk about whatever topics come to mind that may not have anything to do with prison.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-23-2007, 05:30 AM
walkintall's Avatar
walkintall walkintall is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: capecod, ma
Posts: 170
Thanks: 0
Thanked 29 Times in 8 Posts
Default Feeling the fool...... LOOOONG / Updated!

live and learn.... so, after spending 11 years in prison i've been out a little over 8. finding out real life is most often times harder than prison ever was. the person i am today i thought i'd never be. never dreamed... married, a dad, own my onw home ect. like someone dropped me stright into someone elses life. met my wife 7 years ago when she was 18 and me 31 fitting as we had about the same life experience. she is beautiful enought to be a mode and had a thing for the bad boy types. funny how we turned out to be typical suburban household. sooo, flash forward. this spring she tells me she's not really feeling this marriage thing. how she got married to early, had a child too early (are daughter is 6 now ) and how she feels i'm holding her down..i tried to explain that's life.. we've got responsablities.... house to pay for, mercedes in the driveway, kid to support ect. well, one day i turn on the computer and a music vid is blasting. i got to her page to turn it off. what's on the page? myspace and some young 24 year old with his shirt off and her comment "hot". i sort of laughed it off. no biggie. (i've never gone on her "room " in the computer & never check her stuff)this time i read further and it says "can't wait til you leave your husband in the fall" !! what! i go in and wake her wtf? she tells me they've talked 4 times. ect. i'm feeling slaped in the face. i used to be an AVID weight lifter/body builder. something i sacrificed because being a dad and having a full time job just didn't give me the time. something i thought i'd NEVER give up! anyway, this was in june? july i find out that it's a little deeper.. aug worse.. sept. worse still. it's looking over. i keep finding out more and more stuff. every time i confront her i then get the truth. one day she went into the doctors and i had her phone. i (she) get's a text from this dude! we get into this huge argument and she tells me she's going to drop it. she doesn't want me to leave.!! yesterday i get on the computer, look up history to find a web page i had earlier. the history is deleted...?? find she has a facebook profile that was just updated dec. 20. guess who she invited the be "friends" with? yep.. i hit the roof! i call her at work and explain it's OVER. i just can't do it anymore. no word of a lie, i've caught her atleast 6 times lying ! this is the girl who i used to praise because she was the most honest, loving person i ever knew. she started crying, saying it's not what i think... that she wants to be with me and me alone.. i don't think i can.. i've tried soooo hard. for my daughter as well. this is sooo insane. i'm supposed to be the lying, cheating, xcon , scumbag. now i'm mr. dad trying to hold my family together???lol.. GOD'S got a great sense of humor. for the FIRST time ever, i've not cheated, been a good husband & father.. been mr. responsible and it's REAL weird being the responsible one. i used to pride myself in meeting 1-2 women a WEEK and now i have ZERO pride. ok, take that back. i'm a pround dad i go to counseling wher out of 15 people i'm the only guy. they all have told me to move on. how i'm a good looking guy who works hard and has my prorities straight. a great catch for any women. i don't want anyone else tho. want my family back. anyway ladies. just wanted to thow a different twist out there. i read so much how women support their men threw the prison experience only to have him f- up the relationship/marriage when he get's out. well, how about an x-con who has rehabilitated himself and the women has gone crazy. reguardless, the wife and i will be together for x-mass. don't want to take that away from my little girl! funny, we've talked about this before. i came from a divorced familly. always felt that if either one of us went outside our mariage, taking away our daughters right to a familly, then he or she should get custody. not that i'd evr even try to take are daughter away from her. she's an awsome mom. just don't think it's fair i should loose being with my daughter a majority of the time. never thought it would be me that was the one to stay faithful. she swears she didn't have sex but kissing, spending time alone, sneaking behind one's back, confessing love for one antother is cheating in my book. take care, sorry for the lonooong rant . merry x-mass
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 12-23-2007, 06:29 AM
shiva65's Avatar
shiva65 shiva65 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: new england
Posts: 2,873
Thanks: 4
Thanked 11 Times in 11 Posts
Default

Search real hard inside.. youll find your answer!~~~~~
im sorry your going through this..
i dont want to go on, so i will keep it short.. (ive lived both sides) youll know ~what to do.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-23-2007, 07:28 AM
MountainMom's Avatar
MountainMom MountainMom is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 1,501
Thanks: 118
Thanked 126 Times in 81 Posts
Default

I'm so sorry about this. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. My best suggestion is to keep communicating and perhaps a marriage counselor.

On a side note, you should be very proud of what you've done and what a wonderful Dad you are.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-23-2007, 04:12 PM
SunnyChick SunnyChick is offline
SunnyChick
 

Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Sabbatical
Posts: 2,055
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Default

Heartaches always seem more intense during the holidays. I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain and confusion. I hope things work out for the best for everyone, especially your little daughter.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-24-2007, 10:20 PM
June6163 June6163 is offline
Closed
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 46
Thanks: 1
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

I applaud you for your patience and your devotion. I am sorry you are going thru this. they say change is good, but it often sucks. Be strong and dont make any impulsive decisions. I am on the other end. My H got caught cheating, but he wanted me to catch him. Now he is away.My regrets are al the emotional , impulsive, rash comments and accusations I made. you become irrational when faced with this. especialy when kids are involved. Breathe and pray.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-24-2007, 10:33 PM
ThatOneChick ThatOneChick is offline
Crazy never felt so good
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Beneath the pale moon light
Posts: 1,400
Thanks: 693
Thanked 600 Times in 297 Posts
Default

Walkintall, I am VERY proud of you for the changes you have made! You said you have no pride left but this is something so much more to take pride in than getting 1-2 women a week
It seems to me, your wife is young. and if my math is right, she's about my age 26, which isn't THAT young, but maybe she's right, maybe she did settle down too early? Anyways, I'm sorry to hear that you're going thru this, but I wouldn't give up just yet, if I was you. Maybe, just maybe, this guy gives your wife something she's missing? maybe just nice compliments like you look hot today, or hell I don't know. Is it possible that this is just flirting and nothing has really happened? Do you know for sure she's kissed him and been alone with him? If thats the case, then I think you have to go. BUT maybe yes, maybe marriage counseling first? It doesn't sound like you're ready to give up just yet. HOnestly if I were you, I would keep trying, give it more time. It sounds like you want nothing more than to be with your family. Good luck and I hope things work out for the best. Hope you guys can have a wonderful christmas together, for you and your daughter.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-25-2007, 05:09 AM
walkintall's Avatar
walkintall walkintall is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: capecod, ma
Posts: 170
Thanks: 0
Thanked 29 Times in 8 Posts
Default

thanks for all the kind words... i'll try to clarify. she did meet him after she told me that she was thinking of going her own way. she met a friend at work who is 21, single and well... i really think it rubbed off on her. she wanted to be like her and never really had the chance. this fueled with the fact that she can never express her feelings. she kept so much in for sooo long. came to the point where she had alot of resentments. funny that it was mentioned above that about wanting to get caught. one of the things she threw in my face when she told me in the spring she wanted "out" was that i didn't even "step up" to keep her. i explained what i did, was try to respect her. had she really felt she needed to be on her own and live life then i would support her. no matter how hard it was for me. what bothers me most is she is real sincere about wanting to make this marriage work. she's told me. yet every few weeks/months she'll reach out to him again. even tho she says she's happier than she's been in a looong time. think the big missing link is communication. i've tried getting her to talk to me. told her i can't fix what i don't know is broke. this last time. when she wrote to him on this website (offshoot of myspace) i asked her why? she really doesn't know. i asked her didn't you think i'd find out? she said... sort of yes! i asked her why she would be willing to throw her whole familly away to talk to this guy. she doesn't know.. swore up and down that if it means loosing me she'll never talk to him again. on this site called face book there were months of messaging back and forth wich i read. she was honest that she never slept with him BUT to me, some of this stuff i read is worse. i read about her spending intamate time with him. the kissing, writting, ect. that to me is harder to take,sex is something that she's shared with guys before me. it's the personal stuff i like to think is something we share alone. one last thing.. toughest thing i've ever done. the last time before this, i was soooo angry. this guy had texed my wife. and I tex'd him back. told him who i was. he was being seriously disrespectfull. i asked him to stop being a coward and meet me somewhere. love to see him disrespect me in person .. ofcoarse he wouldn't. i have NO problem with him wanting my wife. SHE made herself available. it's when he disrespected me it became personal. that was the hardest situation in ALL my life! ALL i've ever asked of my wife is HONESTY. i told her the other day. all i asked was honesty and that's the ONLY thing you haven't given me. i asked her what she was thinking. she KNOWS where i came from. had she forgotten? what if i had caught them together ect. why set me up like that? it's soooo hard because i like who i am today. i CAN'T act on my anger because of my little girl. my little girl who thinks the world of me. it's hard. i feel more imprisoned than i ever did in level 6 security. a looong time ago, when first married i found out not to put myself in bad situations. being with single women alone...ect. didn't cheat but was tempted more than once. for the FIRST time i actually weighed the consiquences! anyway, because of this, my wife and i had sort of an agreement. i grew up in a broken home. i don't want my daughter to have to. we've always said, that if either one of us were selfish enough to go outside our marriage, to take away our daughters right to have a familly that's together, then that person should not have the right to keep custody of her. that DOESN'T mean take her away completely from the other. just means custody. i would never try to take my daughter away from her mom. my wife is an EXCELLENT mom. just saying, if she were to cheat, it wouldn't be fair for me to loose living with my daugter and have to be a weekend dad. back then it was a safe bet for her she'd never cheated on a single bf and i had cheated on EVERY woman i had been with even so, fair is fair. in this situation i can't say she cheated. she told me she wanted out BEFORE she even met him BUT sharing her heart, i feel like she cheated. not on our marriage but ME. so, last night i asked her if she was SERIOUS about wanting to save this marriage. she said very much yes. i said how about we refine our agreement. i NEED to trust you again. i'm NOT the type to check up on you, check your emails ect. i can't live like that. at the same time you've violated my trust. how about we say for one year, we have an agreement. either one of us goes outside this marriage or leaves the other will get choice of custody of our daughter? fair? she said ok. i told her i love her and i would never take our daughter away from her. thanks for listening to this LOOOOONG rant. merry christmas everyone.






lastly- i need to ad. think this would be nice for all you woman to hear. something that may give you some understanding while waiting for your man, or maybe having a failled relationship with an x-con. i don't know what the future holds for us. what i do know is that what ever happens i will always be greatefull for what the woman has given me. a beautiful child but also taught me HOW to love. taught me how to be a GENTLEman how to care, how to live life on life's terms. reguardless of what she chooses, i will keep that forever.

Last edited by walkintall; 12-25-2007 at 05:42 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-25-2007, 06:57 AM
OneOfMany's Avatar
OneOfMany OneOfMany is offline
MrsT
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,204
Thanks: 2,122
Thanked 1,763 Times in 868 Posts
Default

It does sound like a communication problem with you and your wife. That line she kept so much in for sooo long. came to the point where she had alot of resentments. I made that mistake myself (years ago in a previous relationship.) You're right; she has cheated on you. Maybe not physically, but emotionally.

Are you easy to talk with?

Here's an issue my guy and I have had...whenever I've made an observation (not a whine and not a poor-little-me statement, JUST an observation), he'd immediately come up with a "...if-it's-broke-here's-how- to-fix-it solution -- next!...) That irritated the *hit out of me.

Notice I used the past tense; it is now no longer an issue.

I believe women need to just talk it out...often times we feel better being allowed the emotional space to do just that. Usually, that is enough.

It really sounds like your wife wants it to work. Listen to your wife. Please. Learn to listen and talk with (not at) each other. Go to a counselor and learn how to do that (if need be).

You've been to prison, gotten out, and doing well for yourself -- as commendable as that is, it's not what makes a good husband. A good man, of course, but being a good husband can be quite challenging.

As wonderful as it sounds that you used to cheat on every woman you were with prior but you're not doing it now...what exactly do you expect? Awards? Do you tell your wife that, often? You have a failing marriage and reciting your past track record does and will not help. She may be taking that as an underlying threat that could very well happen again. You may not mean it that way at all, but being a woman reading your post...that's kinda my feel on it.

Your work and your wife's work in making this marriage work will never be done; and it won't be until either the divorce, or (hopefully) your time on earth is done. I think she loves you and in a way (as bizarre as it may seem) is asking for help.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-25-2007, 08:14 AM
walkintall's Avatar
walkintall walkintall is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: capecod, ma
Posts: 170
Thanks: 0
Thanked 29 Times in 8 Posts
Default

she's the one who admitttedly doesn't know how to share what she's really feeling. having come from a seriously disfuntional familly. am i easy to talk to? well, couldn't be more understanding. i'm always there for her reguardless what she chooses. was there in the beginning and will be there til the end. i'm not proud of my past relationships. just a shot of reference. also read how being with her for the past 7 years has SHOWN me how to love, how to be a man, how to be a husband. do i want a medal? no, just an honest partner. that's all i've ever asked. if she were to choose to go along her way, i will survive. life goes on. yes i'd be hurt but my daughters welfare is paramount. i will provide and give her the best life i possibly can. i have to honor what she does, she's her own individual person. have no control over any of this. all i can do is show her i love her .
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-18-2016, 02:32 PM
walkintall's Avatar
walkintall walkintall is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: capecod, ma
Posts: 170
Thanks: 0
Thanked 29 Times in 8 Posts
Default

wow... just got a msg in my email saying "post was moved" .. post almost 10 years ago!!
god life has changed sooooo much..... still own that home.. still divorced ... have custody of my now 15 yo too!

happy to report ... just passed 17 years FREE!! AMAZING... just wanted to share to say we CAN do it..
Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to walkintall For This Useful Post:
coachy1 (12-18-2016), Critter07 (12-18-2016), jadah (12-18-2016), LifeTraveler (12-18-2016), maytayah (12-19-2016), MizzyMuffling (12-18-2016), patchouli (12-18-2016), priceam (12-19-2016), Quetz (12-19-2016), Sarianna (12-19-2016), Sean'sGirl82 (12-18-2016), Tina (12-18-2016), Wolf9785 (01-11-2017)
  #11  
Old 12-18-2016, 03:07 PM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is online now
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 4,886
Thanks: 4,523
Thanked 6,255 Times in 2,852 Posts
Default

Many Congratulations on your 17th year in the free world.I hope you and your daughter have a continued successful and happy future.
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 12-18-2016, 03:21 PM
patchouli's Avatar
patchouli patchouli is offline
PTO Administrator

PTOQ Editorial Team Member Staff Superstar Two Time Winner Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 36,531
Thanks: 36,292
Thanked 29,022 Times in 13,525 Posts
Default

Hello and Welcome Back Glad to hear that you're doing well...keep it up
__________________
September 2017 PTOQ is Now Available!
Print & Share
Click Here
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 12-18-2016, 08:59 PM
Tina's Avatar
Tina Tina is offline
Life Lovin Moderator

PTO Moderator 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 5,196
Thanks: 3,034
Thanked 2,233 Times in 1,383 Posts
Default

That is so awesome! Congratulations!!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-19-2016, 02:13 AM
Sarianna's Avatar
Sarianna Sarianna is offline
Je ne regrette rien
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Swinging from the chandelier
Posts: 1,401
Thanks: 5,862
Thanked 1,499 Times in 753 Posts
Default

What a great update - thanks for posting and how freaking amazing that you have done so well....congratulations!!!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12-19-2016, 04:49 AM
walkintall's Avatar
walkintall walkintall is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: capecod, ma
Posts: 170
Thanks: 0
Thanked 29 Times in 8 Posts
Default

wow. just noticed the date of post too kinda freaky.. almost to the day! like i was meant to re-read this after all this time

thank you for comments too
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to walkintall For This Useful Post:
patchouli (12-19-2016), Sarianna (12-19-2016)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Feeling like a fool-daughter has gone back to her old ways Jenny67 Now That Your Loved One Is Home... 23 08-19-2011 11:04 AM
Need to talk....Feeling like a fool... DazeyGurl When the Relationship is Over... 14 04-27-2008 07:26 PM
Fool Your Body Into Feeling Full DLM Dieting & Health 2 02-23-2006 11:47 PM
LOOOONG Car pool tomas090 Georgia Prison & Jail – Visitation, Phones, Packages & Mail 0 08-22-2005 04:11 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:00 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics