We didnt break, WE WON!

[Nieves915]

i want to take a moment to tell every single woman on here that you are strong, you are a woman of courage. For every single woman who found the courage to walk away from "love" take a minute and recognize your power.... He tried to take it from you, he tired to break you, humiliate you, demoralize you, crush you, abuse you, betray you,, but it didnt happen.............
DV is a four letter word to some.. taboo to talk about to others, a little dark secret kept hidden from the world because of shame... well its time to stand up and recongize that we won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just thought I say that to someone tonight... it takes a lot of courage to walk away and be alone, and afraid of the unknown, be proud of taking care of you first....... he doesnt deserve you and god has something amazing in line...........

we stand united!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and more powerful than you all realize.

[Free Again]

You got it, we are MORE POWERFUL than them, despite everything they did to us we are still here and better than ever!. I was never alone, I had my babies and they are the most precious beings on this planet, above everything and everyone NO MATTER WHAT. To CHOOSE anything harmful to them in any way shape or form for any reason is sacreligious IMO.

I stand in awe of so very many of my friends in here Sonja, I am not capable yet of letting anyone too close to us, have remained single for five years now, my life is full and I am happy regardless. When I read this, I was reminded again that even the normal day to day grind is MINE and I am powerful... Hugs and Thankyou's for reminding me how truly great life is.

[Nieves915]

Originally Posted by Free Again

You got it, we are MORE POWERFUL than them, despite everything they did to us we are still here and better than ever!. I was never alone, I had my babies and they are the most precious beings on this planet, above everything and everyone NO MATTER WHAT. To CHOOSE anything harmful to them in any way shape or form for any reason is sacreligious IMO.

I stand in awe of so very many of my friends in here Sonja, I am not capable yet of letting anyone too close to us, have remained single for five years now, my life is full and I am happy regardless. When I read this, I was reminded again that even the normal day to day grind is MINE and I am powerful... Hugs and Thankyou's for reminding me how truly great life is.

Mamma, I know that letting someone is is such a scary thing. Your not sure if you can trust because you trusted "him", its like waiting for it all to happen all over again because "he" he said he loved you, "he" said he would protect you from the world. So what makes you think the next man is not the same? I get that feeling, but let me share with you this bit of my own thinking.....
By staying alone, by not allowing my heart to love again, I was still letting him have control over me. over my mind, my body, my emotions, all of it. he had the power for so long.
when we dont try to move in "in love" they think they won,, they ruined us for life. IT is a victory for them. Here is the key,,, and trust me im not saying rush into a relationship, although i certainly did, but in my heart i was over him a long time ago, just didnt leave out of fear,,,, but in truth,,,, the best revenge for us strong, beautiful, and marvelous women is to move on, to give that love to another more derserving. I know you dont do anything outside of the hosue for your enjoyment, and your isolating yourself from the male species...... and you are quetly settleing in to the idea of being alone forever, and your getting comfortable with that..... NOPE,,,, you need to get dressed up, and go out with your girfriends, mingle,,,, do not be afriad of life..... not because of him...
def take your time in choosing the right prince, but laugh, smile, remind yourself that you are wonderful woman, and any man is lucky (blessed) to have you on his arm....... change that attitude and let the real you start flowing out from under that shell. You remember the real you dont you? that my love is the best revenge..... living life to the fullest! Life is short, and I refuse for myself to allow "him" to keep me confined within the walls of my mind out of fear!!!!! its time to take you back..........
There are days when i have my doubts about my husband, i feel like the little girl inside me is waiting for him to hurt me,, i have written him letters on DV, send him the wheel chart, and did my checklist,,, he called me and he was furious with me,,, even hung up on me,,, said he never touched me and he would never,,,,, but in my mind there is always that what if... i cant tell you the number of times i told him "if you ever....."
Trust is hard for me no doubt. I feel like my ex took who i was and and turned me into a paranoid, skittish, and scared woman,,, but then i recongnize the God in my life...... No weapon formed against me shall prosper.............. NO weapon!!!!!!! you cant be afraid to live life because of your past....... We have to go after that prize!!!!!!!! We have to remember that what "he" did was his sin not ours..... "He" will ultimatly reap what he sowed............. Just remember you are a princess and your prince charming really is out there.....

[MKatrinaToo]

Someone is up mighty early after being up mighty late..................

It takes a while to get over residual effects and some things will linger, e.g., strong startle reflexes, walking on eggshells, waiting for something bad to happen, scanning faces to try to gauge the "temperature" of the moment.

HOWEVER, the ability to know that there will be a tomorrow to wake up to....that is priceless.

It's important to remember that we always were winners--we just happened to hook up with bigger losers. Once we were enmeshed in that battle, the war moved to an internal conflict, i.e., we knew we should leave, but we loved him, etc., etc.

There are doubts in ANY relationship; I think being aware of what issues one is willing to manage is important.

Sonja, IMA say it again: Looking at where you came from, you are a HEROINE! And don't you forget it! I had so little hope for you.

You keep preaching/talking. That sister may no longer be a member here, but there are others reading the posts in silence.

[Leowoman]

My current husband knows all about my first marriage and how it has affected me. Every time I turn into that paranoid, scared, questioning woman with him based on fears from my past, he has no trouble helping me through it. We've known each other since the beginning of 2008 and will be celebrating one year of marriage on July 20 and I'm so very happy I didn't let my fears keep me from him.

I'm not saying you need a man to be happy but I do agree that not getting out to enjoy your life because of the fear he instilled in you is no way to live!

I didn't leave my abusive husband (even though I did ask for a divorce) so sometimes I don't feel like I was or am a strong woman but since his death, I have refused to let any man control me ever again and that is my strength.

My current husband was in and out of prison for a total of about 8 years. I was imprisoned by an abusive marriage for 18 years. I love that my hubby didn't allow the horror he lived thru to keep him from being happy now and he feels the same about me.

I'm not speaking to anyone in particular in this post, just making a general statement about not living in fear anymore once you're out of the bad relationship.

[Free Again]

I know you come from the best place in your beautiful heart, the thing is, a relationship is just not a high priority. I am not lonely, just single. I like choosing the channel on telly, I like going to bed when I want, sitting up to read as long as I like, never dissagreeing with anyone about how I raise my children (no one has the right to an opposing opinion) picking up my house when I feel like it (ditto) cooking what I feel like cooking, the list goes on and on and on..... I like it. Sounds selfish, but it's my choice.

I don't think it's cos of "HIM" and if he knew I was still single and thought it was.... I don't really care what he thinks, I am past it. I have a home, friends, a new career that I am really excited about looming and most of all, my family, my babies. Admittedly I can be a tad aggresive, but I had that before him too. I have never really excelled in any romantic type of relationship to be honest and I'm just not willing to put any effort into something that at this point I am quite content without...

So, in short, I'm too selfish AND too lazy for a man in my life... LOL. Sounds funny, but I have really soul searched in order to give you the most honest reply I possibly could because you put so much of yourself in your letter to me you deserve nothing less.

[Nieves915]

Originally Posted by Free Again

I know you come from the best place in your beautiful heart, the thing is, a relationship is just not a high priority. I am not lonely, just single. I like choosing the channel on telly, I like going to bed when I want, sitting up to read as long as I like, never dissagreeing with anyone about how I raise my children (no one has the right to an opposing opinion) picking up my house when I feel like it (ditto) cooking what I feel like cooking, the list goes on and on and on..... I like it. Sounds selfish, but it's my choice.

I don't think it's cos of "HIM" and if he knew I was still single and thought it was.... I don't really care what he thinks, I am past it. I have a home, friends, a new career that I am really excited about looming and most of all, my family, my babies. Admittedly I can be a tad aggresive, but I had that before him too. I have never really excelled in any romantic type of relationship to be honest and I'm just not willing to put any effort into something that at this point I am quite content without...

So, in short, I'm too selfish AND too lazy for a man in my life... LOL. Sounds funny, but I have really soul searched in order to give you the most honest reply I possibly could because you put so much of yourself in your letter to me you deserve nothing less.

LOL i can see you sitting around the house doing you!!!!! If your happy then im happy..........

[Free Again]

Yep, I'm rockin it, MY style, you know it.... HAHAHA!!. (LOL)

[The Hug Thief]

Anyone who leaves a DV relationship has it all ahead of them. I can really be a bitch to the people that think their abuser is all they deserve sometimes, but I'm not going to apologize for it. That's what produces the next generation. When you leave, it doesn't matter how many years it takes, you beat them. You stand up and say I deserve better. You and your kids get something better. IMO, the benefits speak for themselves. But it takes courage, so thank you for finding that and leaving. It does you justice.

[tnm8]

Thank you, I needed that. My ex made me question my decision and claimed he changed but I knew better. It has taken a lot to cut myself off from him but I see it is what I have to do. Whenever he's angry he still takes his shit out on me so I finally blocked him. I don't deserve any of it. I never did. Abuse is a strange thing. I tried explaining to someone that they aren't abusive in the beginning otherwise why would we even date them? Blah....

[dixiebelle1973]

Yes! I survived I'm alive and well...sure a few emotional scares. They don't rule me. I've met a wonderful REAL man. Real men don't hurt women. We have a great relationship. So yes...its hard to walk away..its a great feeling now.to be in a truly loving relationship.

[pjnjclyn]

Amen yes we are very strong and the best is yet to come. It took me a long time to realize that I was worrying about the what ifs and thought that all men would be like my ex.
Now I know what real love is! I know that I can yell and not get smacked I can disagree with my husband and not get a punch and you know that is the greatest feeling in the world. I was told that I was ugly and no one would ever want me etc... That is all behind me now
I hope that some women reads these posts and finds the strength to find her freedom and happiness.

[Sunflower]

Originally Posted by Nieves915

i want to take a moment to tell every single woman on here that you are strong, you are a woman of courage. For every single woman who found the courage to walk away from "love" take a minute and recognize your power.... He tried to take it from you, he tired to break you, humiliate you, demoralize you, crush you, abuse you, betray you,, but it didnt happen.............
DV is a four letter word to some.. taboo to talk about to others, a little dark secret kept hidden from the world because of shame... well its time to stand up and recongize that we won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just thought I say that to someone tonight... it takes a lot of courage to walk away and be alone, and afraid of the unknown, be proud of taking care of you first....... he doesnt deserve you and god has something amazing in line...........

we stand united!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and more powerful than you all realize.

I SO AGREE!!!!!! No one knows the true meaning of a survivor till you lived it!!

Thank you for this post it means alot

[chili]

I don't think there are any winners in a DV situation, past or present.

[illusionist]

Originally Posted by chili

I don't think there are any winners in a DV situation, past or present.

Surviving is wining,I guess.
I was married with a man who have 4 personalities.(he could use insanity defense)
Married for only 3months and could escape,(he didn't beat or use weapon,limited my food and I lost 20kg in 3months,my small sickness got much worse and nearly died.But I called Ambulance by myself and survived!

It was 12years ago but I'm still too weak to work like before,I'm on welfare but using my second language(even crappy like this)or began writing letter for US.prison,
Still my brain is working and so as survivors'.

I have no plan for another marriage(I'm already 46)Not sure having another romance would be good

illusionist:this post is from iPhone

[Free Again]

Originally Posted by chili

I don't think there are any winners in a DV situation, past or present.

Oh, I dunno, breaking the cycle for my kids certainly FEELS like winning.....

[Nieves915]

There def are winners,,, we are!!!! To survive what we did and still be able to hold our heads up without fear cowering us down.. thats winning to me,, today was a big win because i got a call from the DA... My abuser reoffended on Monday, two counts of DV, he is again in jail........... Now he will go to prison,,,,,,,,,, and so I win even if i didnt get the conviciton on my case...... Once an abuser almost always an abuser.. So yes,,, there are winners and I sure am one of them......

[beeonkuh]

I love seeing women tap in to their strength! !!!! You go ladies!

[Amy213]

Originally Posted by Nieves915

i want to take a moment to tell every single woman on here that you are strong, you are a woman of courage. For every single woman who found the courage to walk away from "love" take a minute and recognize your power.... He tried to take it from you, he tired to break you, humiliate you, demoralize you, crush you, abuse you, betray you,, but it didnt happen.............
DV is a four letter word to some.. taboo to talk about to others, a little dark secret kept hidden from the world because of shame... well its time to stand up and recongize that we won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just thought I say that to someone tonight... it takes a lot of courage to walk away and be alone, and afraid of the unknown, be proud of taking care of you first....... he doesnt deserve you and god has something amazing in line...........

we stand united!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and more powerful than you all realize.

I really needed that! Sometimes its hard cause I think I don't deserve the little blessings I do have & its all from being beat down physically & mentally!

[chili]

I don't think its ever about who deserves abuse and violence, and to say one person doesn't deserve it is to imply there are people who do, its about some people being enabled to behave in ways that are cruel and illegal. Someone assaulting their partner or children is no different than assaulting someone elses' partner or children and should be seen as that both by the victim and the community.

[Nieves915]

Originally Posted by Amy213

I really needed that! Sometimes its hard cause I think I don't deserve the little blessings I do have & its all from being beat down physically & mentally!

OMG AMY you deserve all the little blessings all wrapped up in the big blessings. You are a woman of strength, courage, and determination. You have shown the world that you are a survivior. A testimony all in yourself. Never forget that please. You are wonderfully and fearfully created by God, and you didnt deserve any of the abuse he put you through. You won mamma.... you won,, beause he didnt break you!!!!! Never forget that......

[Amy213]

Originally Posted by Nieves915

OMG AMY you deserve all the little blessings all wrapped up in the big blessings. You are a woman of strength, courage, and determination. You have shown the world that you are a survivior. A testimony all in yourself. Never forget that please. You are wonderfully and fearfully created by God, and you didnt deserve any of the abuse he put you through. You won mamma.... you won,, beause he didnt break you!!!!! Never forget that......

Thank you so much. I have forgotten the person that I was before the abuse & to be completely honest I'm not sure I need to remember her cause she fell for him. I just wannabe all that I can for my son & myself we both deserve it!

[Free Again]

Originally Posted by chili

I don't think its ever about who deserves abuse and violence, and to say one person doesn't deserve it is to imply there are people who do, its about some people being enabled to behave in ways that are cruel and illegal. Someone assaulting their partner or children is no different than assaulting someone elses' partner or children and should be seen as that both by the victim and the community.

I'm not being rude or argumentative, but, it's pretty left field to say that we as survivors, celebrating our succcesses and bolstering some of our more vulnerable Ladies are implying that ANYONE deserves to be assaulted.... Our entire purpose is to prove to each and every one of our victims and survivors in here that NO ONE deserves this treatment, no one at all.

In fact, Le Beau asks that same question time and again, "If it had been a stranger....." I think the hardest part to overcome is the fact that we put our trust in, gave our love to our perpetrators, brought them into our homes and families ourselves. It does NOT absolve them of their sin, give them license to behave this way.... We can get bogged down blaming ourselves sometimes when it is not our burden to carry. We are celebrating taking that knowledge to heart and lifting that load.

[Nieves915]

Everyday someone out there walks away from thier abuser. Everyday someone finds that stregth within themseleves to free themselves, it doesnt always have to be from being hit, it could be from someone constantly verbally abusing them, emotionally beating them down. Making them feel like this is all they can get, or deserve. Im so proud of all of my sister, and brothers, yes there are many men out there who are being abused too, yet society can not fully wrap thier minds around that, but it happens, and not enough men actually speak out, out of shame... its really sad.
I realize that when we get on this site or any DV site and we read a woman contemplating staying, and loving her abuser those of us who have survived wanna scream and shout, and panic rises in us cuz it takes us right back to our last time in thier shoes. It is so hard for someone being hurt to admit that they are in a bad place with no way out... We have got to understand that they will walk when they are fully ready...... All of us have been there, we didnt leave cuz a parent or a friend or a chaplain or a counselor urged us too, it was when we were ready...... I only hope that by reading some of the posts that someone finds thier strength and realized that all that your abuser has said to you, "youll never find someone like me", "no one will want you", "your ugly, fat, too skinny, etc etc" they are wrong,,, they dont like themselves so they beat you down with thier words.... wanting to make you as miserable as they are..... Today is your day! today you take back your life, today you make a new start for yourself and your children... stop the cycle,, dont let your little boy grow up thinking its okay to hit girls, dont let your little girl think that love is being beat or humiliated. TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!
I dont know, I woke up today thinking that someone is tettering on the idea of making a change, and if you are reading this i pray that you do just that. Its time for you to laugh again, feel good again, and smile and really mean it... ITS YOUR DAY.....
I have been abuse free for 18 months today,,,, and i feel fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My abuser is in jail again for DV, my first thought when i saw the mug shot was thank god it wasnt me, then my heart was heavy for HER. Chances are she will take him back, but I pray the system wins this time and puts him where he belongs and gives her time to heal and grow and find herself again..........
Okay ima get off the soap box now,, just really wanted to share with you all that today is a great day and its up to us to keep those good days going............