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  #1  
Old 01-11-2009, 02:05 AM
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LadyBell LadyBell is offline
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Unhappy Need help to calm down-Please!!

I am really needing my husband right now but if I was to speak to him I would go off on him but I need to be calm and express how I am feeling right now.

I miss him so much even though it's been three days since I seen him last. I do see him weekly but the reason why I am feeling angry towards him is because he lied to me. He lied to me saying that he wrote and he didn't. I have expressed to him all the time that I don't care about the letters if he is able to call home every day. If he cant call home then he needs to be writing to me. For the past two weeks he has been placed on activity restriction which means no rec, no phone calls but he is able to have visits. I am not mad with him being on this restriction but he needs to be writing to me on a daily basis.

When I don't get to talk to him on the phone, believe me I am writing and this week he has received four letters from me, and received a visit. I work two jobs, I am taking care of the home front. I have a 11-year old daughter who I am busy taking care of. I work hard so I can place money on his books and have the money to go see him weekly. I have a cousin who is about to be released after 14 years and will be using my home as a home plan. So I am getting ready for his releasement. I got the normal stresses of working, paying bills ect....like everyone else has.

Why can't he be writing to me and finding the time to do this because I sure find the time for him. He is my husband and I always find time for him. He tells me that he misses me and he thinks of me all the time. Ok if that was the truth, then I would see his letters coming in. Actions speak louder than words and he needs to put his words into action. When I don't hear from him, it seems like my day just goes down to Hell. He is the one who calms me, the one who relaxes me. I am doing my best to have a normal married life with him. If he was at home, would he go days and days without talking to me, no he wouldn't so why would he do this to me like this. I need my husband's attention and I feeling left alone here.

I know he wouldn't like this if the shoes were turned around, and right now I have another couple more days until he is able to call home and I need to calmly talk to him and not go off on him. Cause right now I am wanting to ask him how would he feel if I showed him what I was feeling and going through right now. I know two wrongs don't make it right.

I know I am wrong for feeling this way, my husband has gotten me spoiled. I know I am throwing a tantrum like a little two year old so I am sorry. Just messed up in the head right now. Thanks for listening to me.
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  #2  
Old 01-11-2009, 02:38 AM
Daywalker Daywalker is offline
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I get no phone calls, and I live too far away to visit him regularly - haven't seen him since September, and haven't talked to him since they transferred him out of County.
I too write him everyday. I also have access to WAY more money than he does, and I have a lot more going on in my life than what he gets in his his little bunk bed.
I know he misses me - he tells me in every letter that he wishes I could come see him. But since his funds are limited, he will write me two-three days in a row and then send the letter. So I get maybe 1-2 letters a week from him, depending.
Men, don't tend to be as avid about writing as most women are. And I know in my case, I have a heck of a lot more to talk about - because I have a job, and access to our friends, the grandkids, etc.
Just because you aren't getting a letter every single day, or a phone call, doesn't mean he doesn't care or loves you any less. I know mine loves me, I know he misses me. And it's quite alright to have a tantrum, god knows I have my share. But when it's all over with, remember that he does love you.
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Old 01-11-2009, 02:39 AM
dizsqueen dizsqueen is offline
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I don't think that you are wrong for feeling the way that you are feeling and you dont sound like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum. There is nothing wrong with wanting to hear from your man on a daily basis. A relationship is all about communication and you are doing your best to make sure that the communication is tight on your end so he should be doing the same on his end. I would sit down and write him a letter explaining to him exactly how you feel on your no mail days. Don't be calm in your letter or try and tone your emotions down, I say let him have it (let him see how his inaction affects you and how upset it makes you). But you gotta tell him now that this is begining to become a problem for you so that you can nip it in the bud now as opposed to letting this thing fester and turn into a HUGE argument.
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Old 01-11-2009, 02:55 AM
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SpicaRigel SpicaRigel is offline
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Oh darling,stop whipping yourself! You are human...you are so in Love with your husband! How precious is that? All that talk is really you saying how much you need him and want him. he is so lucky to have you. he is! You so want to feel him,thru letters...phone calls...i so understand. i so feel your separation,and your need to have him as close as you can. He IS as close to you as your own breathing...as close as the beat of your heart you feel in your chest. he is there. he is there. Dont fret...like you say..be calm...and in the calm you will feel him. hes there for you baby. he is so there. You are his. Think on that. YOU are HIS. You are so full of love and you give it to him so freely...men are a little hesistant to express their love... just keep being the loving woman you are,just keep being that. Stay as wonderful as you are...always.
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  #5  
Old 01-11-2009, 02:57 AM
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LadyBell LadyBell is offline
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Thank you to Daywalker and dizsqueen because after I wrote this post I felt better just to write it down to get these crazy thoughts out of my head. I just got so much running in my head right now that it hurts to breathe as much anxiety is going on in my life. I know it's better to vent here on PTO and then cause drama in my marriage that I may later regret in doing so. I came here to let go of the negative and allow myself to take a deep breath.
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Old 01-11-2009, 02:58 AM
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LadyBell LadyBell is offline
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Thank You Wendi-Yes I do love my husband as you said and I am blessed to have him as my husband.
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Old 01-11-2009, 03:02 AM
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SpicaRigel SpicaRigel is offline
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and dont forget..he is WAY blessed to have you. You're wonderful to share your feelings.
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Old 01-11-2009, 03:21 AM
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LadyBell LadyBell is offline
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Oh! Wendi you are too sweet! Hugs!
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  #9  
Old 01-11-2009, 05:36 AM
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Shush Shush is offline
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Lady it helps to write all this down to your Man! he needs to know all this. and what ever happens, you both will learn out of this.

it can be a mail problem behind all this, sometimes this happens. ....... but him writing regular, this is what HE needs to take care for (also for having the stamps!).... it is HIS to do..... you can only decide what YOU are doing!
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Old 01-11-2009, 02:23 PM
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Infinityandbeyond Infinityandbeyond is offline
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I hear your frustration. But like the ones who have responded so far, you have each other, be thankful for that. I feel the same as you at times. I've told him and written to him that I feel he should write everyday. When I have a no-mail day I feel bummed. But he has told me he just cant think of that much to say everyday. He's in protective custody and only gets rec.1 hour every other day in a cage. So, his life is pretty mundane right now so I'm trying to understand. Like daywalker said, I have my job, friends, kids, family, activities, etc...to write about and I do write him daily. He has a bed, toilet, and an occasional cellie (no t.v, no radio, nothing for 5 months) so I'm trying to understand how confined he is and how hard it would be to write daily. Doesnt mean I wish he wouldnt but I'm trying to understand his perspective. Not to mention, he's a MAN. Most men I know would not write that much. I get approx. 3 letters a week and on those days, I'm on cloud 9!!!
He calls once every other day, from the cage. We only get to visit 1x month between glass.
As hard as it is at times, be thankful you have what you do. When I get frustrated and feel lonely, I try to remind myself I will be getting a call or letter within a day or two. It could definately be much worse. There could be no visits, no calls, no letters (for whatever reason) so I'm so thankful I get to hear his sweet, sexy voice every other day and see him once a month. It helps me keep going.
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  #11  
Old 01-11-2009, 03:57 PM
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Papi'sBaby Papi'sBaby is offline
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Hey Lady!! You were definitively not acting like a child. You were feeling alot of emotion and it needed to be released. I am hoping you are feeling better now because too much stress can make you sick. Take care of yourself, your family and keep loving your husband, no matter what. Write him, write him, write him and then some. Hold on, be strong and ask God to help you be strong because it aint nothing wrong with missing your husband. Maybe your husband is feeling alittle depressed about his situation right now and he may need alittle extra TLC also.

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