Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

sadandalone · #1 07-17-2012, 02:33 AM

I realize that my situation is probably pretty dumb compared to others' but I found this site and thought it'd be a good place to get out my thoughts.

My sister dated a guy for 6 years. He was in my life from when I was 16 to when I was 22. Although he and I never talked much, he was like a brother to me. He came to all of our family events, helped when my mom had cancer, and was part of our family. As I said, he and I weren't particularly close but he was a brother. I liked him a lot in a brotherly way.

My sister broke up with him last year because he was getting into drugs and cheating on her. (I was very surprised when I found out.) I was happy she got away from that since she is my sister and she deserves better.

Recently, this guy got arrested and charged with several felonies and misdemeanors. He is in jail right now and will probably go to prison for years. The outlook isn't good as of now.

I feel a looming sense of loss. I lost him because my sister and he broke up....but knowing he is in jail has made me feel much worse. I will never be able to have him in my life again because 1. He and my sister are over. and 2. He'll be in prison. I can't write to him because that would be crossing a line with my sister. I have to let him go completely or she will become very angry with me and feel like I'm on his side.

On the one hand, I'm happy my sister got out of the relationship. On the other, I grieve for the loss of my non-biological family member that was in my life for so long.

I also worry about him a lot. I wonder if he's beaten up at jail, if he will stop taking drugs, if he gets enough to eat, if he has joined a gang like his brother did, or if he will continue taking drugs until he ODs or gets more charges. I think about him from time to time and I cry for him. I'd be lying if I said I don't care about him, even with how he treated my sister. I don't think I could ever stop caring about his well-being.

Sorry if this is long or not the right place to share my story. I was wondering if anyone could relate.

**Patty** · #2 07-17-2012, 03:01 AM

Your situation is NOT dumb! There is room for everyone at PTO. I am not in your situation currently but in the past I have had close friends who were extensions of our family and when they became incarcerated they had hurt others, perhaps not me directly but I do understand feeling torn about it.

You're obviously a good sister, friend, human being. I hope you can make peace with the situation you find yourself in. I'll be keeping you and ALL of your loved ones in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

**sidewalker** · #3 07-17-2012, 08:40 AM

I dont know for sure but would think that if it was me, I'd ask my sister if she could get past it if you were to write him letters.
I understand where your coming from and can see that your sister might be angry or hurt about it, but letters to simply try to cheer him up or keep in contact???
That should be cause for your sister to be mad. After all she isnt involved with him anymore.
Just because he behaved like a jerk to her does not mean he does not deserve a friend thru letters.

msgreenthumb67 · #4 07-17-2012, 08:46 AM

I'd tell her what you told us. It's a familial attachment and you can't just write him off anymore than you can her. Explain it's not a betrayal on your part and you can keep anything about her out of it....you're just concerned about his well being....

1 Corinthians 1:25-29