Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > Domestic Violence
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Domestic Violence News and information relating to domestic violence in general. Please post here if you don't see a sub-forums that fits better.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-28-2018, 04:12 PM
Vicant Vicant is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Thomas
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
Default I called the police on my boyfriend

Iím the reason my boyfriend is facing minimum of 10 years we have a total of 9 kids. He is very abusive and Iím trying to be rational and be supportive hoping for change. In January he was breaking up with me and I was ignoring thatís when he gets worse, well I invited a guy over to make him jealous big mistake. He FaceTimed me while he was over I kicked him out my house and told him never answer or call me again my boyfriend is mean. He didnít listen my boyfriend came over and started texting him and inviting him over my house and I tried to calm him down but he had a gun threading me too. So long story short the guy came back over my house thinking he was getting pussy no he got a bad ass whopping. He let him go and then he was playing on my phone and looked at my Snapchat and thought I was following guys or something and punched me in my face told me Iím never going no where ever again. Over the next week he was calling my job having his kids mother call as well gave my number to random guys and trying to meet with me at hotels and post videos of us on porn hub I cracked. I left work crying called the police and told on him . Iím crazy in love with him I would do anything for him. I want him to change and know he canít hit me, I feel bad cause he really is facing serious time he has a violent record. Iím not sure I did the right thing my brain says yes my heart says no and worst part is I want him home and marry him I also just feel he telling me what I want to help him get out heís a complete manipulator.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Vicant For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (06-19-2018), Serbgirl (07-08-2018)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 05-28-2018, 04:21 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,001
Thanks: 363
Thanked 2,517 Times in 1,186 Posts
Default

Im sorry this all happened to you. Sweetie, I say this with your and your kids best interest at heart: your relationship is toxic. You need counseling. So does he.

You're both trying to manipulate the other and bringing out the worst in each other. You need to regroup and let the chaos die down a bit. None of this is healthy.
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to onedayatatime13 For This Useful Post:
LynnrussT (05-28-2018), Sunnielg (06-20-2018), xolady (05-29-2018)
  #3  
Old 05-28-2018, 05:49 PM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is online now
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 9,918
Thanks: 13,034
Thanked 18,918 Times in 6,823 Posts
Default

If he has a violent record, the sentence he's handed is not your fault. He created that situation by refusing to make significant changes and avoiding violent behaviour. The only choice you have to make are those that protect yourself and your children. Focus on your safety, their well-being and having a stable environment. It doesn't sound like either of you are prepared to be in a relationship right now and certainly not with the other.

Think about contacting a DV shelter or hotline and speak to them. They may have resources if you need help with counseling, court advocates or establishing a safe home. Best of luck.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to miamac For This Useful Post:
Minor activist (06-13-2018), Sunnielg (06-20-2018), xolady (05-29-2018)
  #4  
Old 05-29-2018, 06:33 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is offline
CA, LASO, site sug. SUPER MOD

PTO Super Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ca usa
Posts: 30,395
Thanks: 53,221
Thanked 28,121 Times in 14,205 Posts
Default

you need to get into some counseling. asap.
Pretty sure the county will have some assistance for you.
Im sorry your going thru this but very glad you finally called the police.
And Mia is right.....this isnt on you. Its on HIM.
Stay away from him. Im fairly certain he has a no contact order and lets hope you both follow it. dont try to contact him, and report it if he tries to contact you.
__________________
My windows aren't dirty

That's my dog's nose art

Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to sidewalker For This Useful Post:
Sunnielg (06-20-2018)
  #5  
Old 05-29-2018, 06:50 AM
jordan321's Avatar
jordan321 jordan321 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Arizona
Posts: 285
Thanks: 100
Thanked 197 Times in 122 Posts
Default

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!!

You need to go to some type of therapy or mental health clinic ASAP! 9 kids mean you have been together for a long time, well i'm assuming that of course, but get a order of protection for the moment if he's out on bail or anything like that and follow it.

Do not apply to be able to call him. You need some time to heal.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to jordan321 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (06-19-2018), Sunnielg (06-20-2018)
  #6  
Old 05-29-2018, 06:57 AM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 3,477
Thanks: 3,190
Thanked 3,651 Times in 1,578 Posts
Default

Good for you! You did the right thing and if at all possible move on! What a messed up story! Good luck!
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (06-19-2018)
  #7  
Old 05-29-2018, 08:06 AM
Marseille's Avatar
Marseille Marseille is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,732
Thanks: 656
Thanked 3,385 Times in 1,068 Posts
Default

Ok.. so, there’s no excuse for violence and you absolutely did the right thing by calling the police. However, that’s the extent of the “atta girl” I’m going to give you. Come on, you FaceTimed him while you were hanging out with another man? That is textbook manipulation and incredibly immature. Also, did you call the police and report that he beat up another man? That he used your phone to deceive that man into coming over? If not, then you are complicit in that crime too.

Therapy, pronto. We know what’s wrong with HIM. He’s not going to change, no matter how much you want him to, and frankly, I’m not convinced you want him to. Find out what is wrong with YOU and why you want to play these sick little games.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Marseille For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (05-29-2018), jordan321 (05-29-2018), miamac (05-29-2018), MizzyMuffling (05-29-2018), Ms Sunny (05-29-2018), Ne Plachí (05-29-2018), Shelby67 (06-14-2018), Sunnielg (06-20-2018), WARWICKSHIRE (06-05-2018), xolady (05-29-2018)
  #8  
Old 05-29-2018, 08:41 AM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,463
Thanks: 149
Thanked 2,792 Times in 1,745 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marseille View Post
Ok.. so, thereís no excuse for violence and you absolutely did the right thing by calling the police. However, thatís the extent of the ďatta girlĒ Iím going to give you. Come on, you FaceTimed him while you were hanging out with another man? That is textbook manipulation and incredibly immature. Also, did you call the police and report that he beat up another man? That he used your phone to deceive that man into coming over? If not, then you are complicit in that crime too.

Therapy, pronto. We know whatís wrong with HIM. Heís not going to change, no matter how much you want him to, and frankly, Iím not convinced you want him to. Find out what is wrong with YOU and why you want to play these sick little games.
You took the words right out of my mouth!!!!
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to nygirl17 For This Useful Post:
WARWICKSHIRE (06-05-2018)
  #9  
Old 05-29-2018, 08:46 AM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 3,477
Thanks: 3,190
Thanked 3,651 Times in 1,578 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marseille View Post
Ok.. so, thereís no excuse for violence and you absolutely did the right thing by calling the police. However, thatís the extent of the ďatta girlĒ Iím going to give you. Come on, you FaceTimed him while you were hanging out with another man? That is textbook manipulation and incredibly immature. Also, did you call the police and report that he beat up another man? That he used your phone to deceive that man into coming over? If not, then you are complicit in that crime too.

Therapy, pronto. We know whatís wrong with HIM. Heís not going to change, no matter how much you want him to, and frankly, Iím not convinced you want him to. Find out what is wrong with YOU and why you want to play these sick little games.
Excellent! Totally on point!
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
SusanR610 (05-29-2018)
  #10  
Old 05-29-2018, 11:03 AM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 24,460
Thanks: 6,884
Thanked 30,169 Times in 10,875 Posts
Default

Listen, hon, you need counseling for Stockholm Syndrome, also called trauma bonding. And you need it for a year or two. Your kids need counseling, because they've been hostages to this violence and are seriously traumatized themselves.

All the advice above is correct; protection order, calling the police, contacting your nearest domestic abuse agency. And you've got to learn to understand that what you feel is NOT love for him. It just isn't, and you need to learn the difference.

He is not fixable. And it's not your job to try to fix him anyway. That kind of personality is not susceptible to either talking therapy or drugs. He will continue to be exactly who he's always been.

And you need to act quickly. Your kids are already damaged; therapy starting right now will start to undo the worst of that, but there will still always be shadows on their souls from what they've lived through up to now. You've been damaged in ways you don't even begin to understand (which is showing up in the childish baiting of your boyfriend, for one thing).

You can get away from this, and you can learn to understand the ways you've been warped, and you can learn to live healthy! It's do-able. It's not quick, it's not always pleasant, but there's a definite payoff!
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
miamac (05-29-2018), Sarianna (06-13-2018), sidewalker (05-30-2018)
  #11  
Old 06-13-2018, 12:43 PM
Minor activist Minor activist is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: WA USA
Posts: 1,632
Thanks: 1,034
Thanked 1,453 Times in 797 Posts
Default

>I’m not sure I did the right thing my brain says yes my heart says no

Take a minute and imagine something. Imagine that your best woman friend were in a situation just like yours. After you heard her out and gave her a hug and a shoulder to cry on, what would you tell her?
__________________
I'm collecting Best of PTO posts and quotes in my blog here.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Minor activist For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (06-13-2018), Shelby67 (06-14-2018)
  #12  
Old 06-15-2018, 10:43 PM
momof234 momof234 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 140
Thanks: 103
Thanked 83 Times in 60 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicant View Post
I’m the reason my boyfriend is facing minimum of 10 years we have a total of 9 kids. He is very abusive and I’m trying to be rational and be supportive hoping for change. In January he was breaking up with me and I was ignoring that’s when he gets worse, well I invited a guy over to make him jealous big mistake. He FaceTimed me while he was over I kicked him out my house and told him never answer or call me again my boyfriend is mean. He didn’t listen my boyfriend came over and started texting him and inviting him over my house and I tried to calm him down but he had a gun threading me too. So long story short the guy came back over my house thinking he was getting pussy no he got a bad ass whopping. He let him go and then he was playing on my phone and looked at my Snapchat and thought I was following guys or something and punched me in my face told me I’m never going no where ever again. Over the next week he was calling my job having his kids mother call as well gave my number to random guys and trying to meet with me at hotels and post videos of us on porn hub I cracked. I left work crying called the police and told on him . I’m crazy in love with him I would do anything for him. I want him to change and know he can’t hit me, I feel bad cause he really is facing serious time he has a violent record. I’m not sure I did the right thing my brain says yes my heart says no and worst part is I want him home and marry him I also just feel he telling me what I want to help him get out he’s a complete manipulator.
I’m sorry you are going through this. The man is an abusive that’s not going to change and it would probably continue to get worse. I’m sorry to say this but it could threaten your life. Like someone else said it’s not your fault he’s getting 10 years it’s his fault for being violent not just with you but in the past. As a mother, I will just say this. I’m not judging you for being in your situation it sounds awful you guys have a history and family together. BUT your kids are getting the worst of this. They have witnessed all of this happening no matter how hard you try to hide it (?) they know. And it is very scary for them to see you (mom) afraid getting hurt and not being able to protect yourself or them. There are plenty of good men in the world who would never lay a finger on your for one or play games with you psychologically. I know you are stuck on him and that’s why I agree with others therapy will help, and family therapy. Kids can be very responsive to therapy and getting yourself will help them and their future. Please reach out there are plenty or resources for women experiencing domestic violence and their kids. Prayers and good luck
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to momof234 For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (06-16-2018)
  #13  
Old 06-19-2018, 07:17 PM
a.rare.love's Avatar
a.rare.love a.rare.love is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,123
Thanks: 4,970
Thanked 701 Times in 499 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicant View Post
I’m the reason my boyfriend is facing minimum of 10 years we have a total of 9 kids. He is very abusive and I’m trying to be rational and be supportive hoping for change. In January he was breaking up with me and I was ignoring that’s when he gets worse, well I invited a guy over to make him jealous big mistake. He FaceTimed me while he was over I kicked him out my house and told him never answer or call me again my boyfriend is mean. He didn’t listen my boyfriend came over and started texting him and inviting him over my house and I tried to calm him down but he had a gun threading me too. So long story short the guy came back over my house thinking he was getting pussy no he got a bad ass whopping. He let him go and then he was playing on my phone and looked at my Snapchat and thought I was following guys or something and punched me in my face told me I’m never going no where ever again. Over the next week he was calling my job having his kids mother call as well gave my number to random guys and trying to meet with me at hotels and post videos of us on porn hub I cracked. I left work crying called the police and told on him . I’m crazy in love with him I would do anything for him. I want him to change and know he can’t hit me, I feel bad cause he really is facing serious time he has a violent record. I’m not sure I did the right thing my brain says yes my heart says no and worst part is I want him home and marry him I also just feel he telling me what I want to help him get out he’s a complete manipulator.

your boyfriend?or husband?
or common-law spouse etal., not sure, i think he is your boyfriend and father to your nine children it say, i have to re-read.
"You're crazy IN love with your abuser...?"I used to believe that mess too. Until i realize, 1 evening at four a.m., i love mi self more chica, and i was happy to move on.
I loved myself enough to not remain his abuse victim, and i loved my girls 1000000% more to make sure they were seeing mommie was :
-Safe
-Happy-
Being a great mother by leaving and teaching both daughter's i was better than "that" and they will 1 day grow up to also be strong like mom,kind and never a victim.
-


I read your post(i just re-read it 2x)

Not sure you are intending on returning, but no matter how much chica you want him to "change", and or any of us, d all of us women want the man to become a caring LOYAL mature, attentive non-abusive real man, HE has to want that, more than you, and i've been there(shared some here for years on that)and i know 1 thing. Get out while you're able. So many are now RIP too early premised on they "love him.So, they elect to stay when they really could've gotten away...How do i know? Because, (over a decade ago in my 20s)i sure was one of them.
A girl i went to school with. .so pretty... she RIP yep... We didn't know "where she was" til' it was on the news, and i will always think of her, and wish i knew that was happening to her, in late eighties/early nineties, i still think of her often, but she is rip because she did not "get out."I pray for her eternal peace, and others who did not have to stay...But you did the right things as others are saying, and PM me anytime you want chica, god bless..


#NEVERAGAIN #LoveYourself enough to move on as best you can with the help of GREAT COUNSELING,heck, i went for years and loved each minute of it and most important for the sake of my girls, my daughters, i was able to leave, get help, never look back, now going to law school soon and own mi own biz, author, and artist, for a long time, never ever going back... Keep it Movin' chica. Get counseling for sure,it will help trust me on that.. chica, hugs and blessings to you, good luck adios.
__________________
-
#TAAS(there are always signs,so DON'T ignore them)
-
Lead with your MIND + not your heart.
CONSISTENCY..."is key.
loyalty,maturity + respect to his el reina,(his queen)
Without "action" applied to his words, it's not real.#DON'T SETTLE.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 06-19-2018 at 07:25 PM..
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I called the police and wish I hadn't (Someone please help) StrivingStar General Prison Talk 18 12-22-2010 05:24 PM
He had the police called on him California Sunshine Now That Your Loved One Is Home... 23 01-15-2005 05:52 PM
Daughter turns in dad who called police on her. Retired-10 Crime & Court Talk 5 11-27-2004 10:14 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:34 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics