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  #1  
Old 01-21-2019, 10:25 AM
tdj tdj is offline
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Default What can DA do with my email?

I'm a bit nervous now, and I think I may have done something stupid. I had been wrestling with this for a few weeks and finally decided it was the right thing to do.
I sent an email (gmail actually) to the court clerk in the county that is handling the felony assault with a dangerous weapons charge that I mentioned on here. I contacted them and told them some of his history of abuse and that he also had sex with a 15 year old years ago (1995) while he was in his 20's that even though it was reported, nothing was done. I said I didn't want any more to do with the case other then what I emailed and wanted to stay anonymous for fear of my safety if he found out who I was. I also said that I didn't want him to go to prison necessarily but that he needed a serious wake up call and to please not be lenient on him.

My husband doesn't know I did this because he is so paranoid and high strung that he'd make life difficult over it. He also has so much of a load of his own.

My question is, what's the likelihood they will try to find me and what is the likelihood they will tell his attorney who I am who will then tell HIM?
It was thru email so I know they can track me down. I should have sent the letter thru regular post.
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Old 01-21-2019, 10:44 AM
Osugirl Osugirl is offline
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If the email you sent can be used in his current case they will question you. Even if you sent it regular mail they could still track you do. You can be called to court. You might have opened a can of worms you didn't want to if you don't want to be involved with the case.
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Old 01-21-2019, 10:54 AM
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Generally speaking, the most you can expect is a visit from detectives. This is not likely. What is likely to happen is that they will contact you via email, ask a few questions, ask if you are willing to testify at sentencing, and respect your wishes.

They may press you to come in and testify. They may press you to use the email at sentencing. They do take your fear seriously and generally won't do something that will expose you. Let's face it - they are familiar with DV cases and DV defendants. They know the risks.

If they use the email at sentencing as a character statement, then the email goes into the pile of character letters given to the judge by the prosecutor. These become part of the record. Can somebody find you through that gmail account? Dunno. They won’t get a lot of help through Google, so it is a matter of whether they can hire experts, or their own computer acumen.

Btw, they will look up the statutory rape case and that will help paint a better picture of the defendant for the purposes of sentencing.

Thank you for wrestling with these issues and stepping forward to try to address both what happened to you and what is continuing to happen. In this way, you know that you have done everything you can to make sure that he corrects his behavior. Any sense of responsibility you have should be absolved as a result. You probably will still feel responsible, but you have done everything you can to get them to take this as serious as possible.
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Old 01-21-2019, 11:15 AM
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Generally speaking, the most you can expect is a visit from detectives. This is not likely. What is likely to happen is that they will contact you via email, ask a few questions, ask if you are willing to testify at sentencing, and respect your wishes.

They may press you to come in and testify. They may press you to use the email at sentencing. They do take your fear seriously and generally won't do something that will expose you. Let's face it - they are familiar with DV cases and DV defendants. They know the risks.

If they use the email at sentencing as a character statement, then the email goes into the pile of character letters given to the judge by the prosecutor. These become part of the record. Can somebody find you through that gmail account? Dunno. They won’t get a lot of help through Google, so it is a matter of whether they can hire experts, or their own computer acumen.

Btw, they will look up the statutory rape case and that will help paint a better picture of the defendant for the purposes of sentencing.

Thank you for wrestling with these issues and stepping forward to try to address both what happened to you and what is continuing to happen. In this way, you know that you have done everything you can to make sure that he corrects his behavior. Any sense of responsibility you have should be absolved as a result. You probably will still feel responsible, but you have done everything you can to get them to take this as serious as possible.
Thanks. I've read his facebook posts and his wife's, and they both swear it was the police who brutalized them both. That's certainly possible, but the police wouldn't have been called in the first place if he hadn't flown into a rage, accusing people of stealing stuff he couldn't find. His wife also claims brutality against her by the cops when one of them tried to push the buttons on his insulin pump. She claims the cop would have killed him, and when she intervened, they slammed her around. They both claimed the cops did all sorts of nasty stuff, like sexual assaults..


Unfortunately, the statutory rape case won't go anywhere. Literally nothing was done even after it was reported. No record even of a police report. I could only remember the first name of the one girl he claimed he was with, but I also gave them the full name of the other girl who I only suspect he was with. He cheated on me because I refused to give in to constant pressure from him to have sex. I was 19. So he did a younger girl, instead. The statute of limitations is long gone on that one.

I also found out not long ago that there WAS a gun, but his wife claimed it stayed in the safe until the police forced her to open the safe, revealing the gun.

But honestly, I don't believe either one of them at this point. I also messaged him under an anonymous name and tried to give him some friendly advice on what he needed to do to make things better. Apparently, he took offense to it and blocked me. I then tried to reason with his wife, and she flew off the handle. Seriously, I couldn't have been nicer in both messages to them. They then went on facebook and told the most outlandish, off the rails story about how I was threatening them. They are also in a fight with a company on facebook that deals with human like facemasks from the movie Texas chainsaw massacre, because of accusations that he has stolen a few hundred dollars worth of merchandise and won't return it, though he says he's just waiting on the postal worker to examine it first.

I also deleted that particular gmail account, so hopefully the D.A won't or can't contact me. I want nothing more to do with it, and feel I may have already overstep what may have been any of my business. But either way I'm finished with it now. I did my best.

Last edited by tdj; 01-21-2019 at 11:22 AM..
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Old 01-21-2019, 01:52 PM
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Try not to worry until you know what, if anything, will result from your email. Once you do, such as if they plan to subpoena you, talk to/retain your own lawyer so you will understand all of the possible consequences. If his case is far enough along, your contact might even be ignored, or be something they already knew.
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Old 01-21-2019, 07:52 PM
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One last thing: Does it make a difference of any kind that I sent the gmail to the court clerk instead of the d.a or judge?
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Old 01-22-2019, 08:36 AM
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Have you spoken to a therapist about any of this? You can't undo what you've done and if they decide they care enough to pursue the sender of the email, they can certainly track you to it, because google will have a record of the IP address it was sent from and then will get to you that way. It's pretty simple detective work.

The question really is why did you do it? It reminds me of people who have affairs and think they're being sneaky, but they're the kind of people that just want to get caught. Maybe you just want some conclusion to this whole thing and this is how you dealt with it (hence the therapist suggestion). Or, maybe you can't let it/him go?

My husband's ex wife has a history of harassing us, including accosting me when he took his plea and then writing a nasty character letter at sentencing which the judge disregarded. She actually thought a federal judge would care that she had no more maintenance (alimony) because of him, and wanted the judge to send him away for the max sentence (his guidelines were 55-71 months if I recall). Needless to say, he actually said on the record he's not considering it. That was classic and I wish I could've seen her face but she was behind me. Anyway, my point is that when she sends him these beyond crazy emails, they are so irritating and just want make me want to send her a kiss off email once and for all or have him send something. What I often do is a draft email only, I don't fill in the "to" line either. Just leave it in my gmail draft box. Whether it's to her, or someone else, writing out how I feel at that time, and coming back to it later helps me see that it would be a big mistake to get into it with her and by the time I come back to it, I've calmed down. Sometimes I draft an email for what I want him to say (before he was in prison - thank god in prison he has heard nothing from her) and same deal, by the time we review it again, we've mellowed. Perhaps if you did something like that, you would be able to refrain from the temptation of sending it, but my advice is to stay out of it as much as possible. What's done is done, but you need to move on and let him move on. He doesn't want your help and whatever bs they're feeding to the cops, the cops will figure it out. It doesn't sound like something you want to be involved in regardless. Not to mention have them start coming after you. They obviously know you're the one sending them anonymous emails. They don't want to hear from you, you don't want to seem like the ex who can't move on, which is how they will portray you because that's how it will look to everyone else. Trust me, they will get their just due. Karma is a bitch.
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Old 01-22-2019, 09:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockchalk1 View Post
Have you spoken to a therapist about any of this? You can't undo what you've done and if they decide they care enough to pursue the sender of the email, they can certainly track you to it, because google will have a record of the IP address it was sent from and then will get to you that way. It's pretty simple detective work.

The question really is why did you do it? It reminds me of people who have affairs and think they're being sneaky, but they're the kind of people that just want to get caught. Maybe you just want some conclusion to this whole thing and this is how you dealt with it (hence the therapist suggestion). Or, maybe you can't let it/him go?

My husband's ex wife has a history of harassing us, including accosting me when he took his plea and then writing a nasty character letter at sentencing which the judge disregarded. She actually thought a federal judge would care that she had no more maintenance (alimony) because of him, and wanted the judge to send him away for the max sentence (his guidelines were 55-71 months if I recall). Needless to say, he actually said on the record he's not considering it. That was classic and I wish I could've seen her face but she was behind me. Anyway, my point is that when she sends him these beyond crazy emails, they are so irritating and just want make me want to send her a kiss off email once and for all or have him send something. What I often do is a draft email only, I don't fill in the "to" line either. Just leave it in my gmail draft box. Whether it's to her, or someone else, writing out how I feel at that time, and coming back to it later helps me see that it would be a big mistake to get into it with her and by the time I come back to it, I've calmed down. Sometimes I draft an email for what I want him to say (before he was in prison - thank god in prison he has heard nothing from her) and same deal, by the time we review it again, we've mellowed. Perhaps if you did something like that, you would be able to refrain from the temptation of sending it, but my advice is to stay out of it as much as possible. What's done is done, but you need to move on and let him move on. He doesn't want your help and whatever bs they're feeding to the cops, the cops will figure it out. It doesn't sound like something you want to be involved in regardless. Not to mention have them start coming after you. They obviously know you're the one sending them anonymous emails. They don't want to hear from you, you don't want to seem like the ex who can't move on, which is how they will portray you because that's how it will look to everyone else. Trust me, they will get their just due. Karma is a bitch.
Thanks for the response and the insight. Yes, I have been asking myself for some weeks now why am I doing this, and frankly the messages are mixed. I hadn't seen him in some time now. It does infuriate me whenever I hear of one of these cases, except THIS time I felt like I had the power to DO something about it. While I was pondering what to do, a few memories that had been hidden all of a sudden came back up.

I guess I felt that I should have spoken up years ago to the authorities about some of the stuff he was doing, but I didn't, and I'm maybe trying to make up for that? This is going to sound stupid, but it's true though I'm not making excuses. I was literally quite sheltered as a child and young adult, and didn't KNOW I was legally required to turn him in for some of the things he was doing. I honestly didn't know at the time that it was illegal to have sex with a young teen girl like that. I thought he simply cheated on me. I was 19, and the girl was 14. Looking back, it's sad because she became scared of me, afraid that I would physically attack her. I didn't realize it was illegal until years later, when the statute of limitations was already up. This was back in the mid 1990's when the subject wasn't discussed like it is now, and police didn't pursue it like they do now unless the guy in question happened to piss off the cops.

The physical abuse he did to me, fortunately there wasn't that much of it. Just once that didn't amount to much except for a sore hip. What would have gotten me killed would have been the fact that I would have eventually starved to death. I was such a nervous wreck around him that by the time we had been dating for three months, I had gone down from 115lbs to 95lbs.

So I think that while I do recognize that some of it may be retaliation, I also really believe much of it was simply to alert the d.a of past behavior in the event she could or would use it. But I didn't and don't want any more part of it for fear of what he would do, and the fact that I have a family of my own to consider. That's why it was such a hard decision to make. I only hope I made the right one. Regardless, I don't feel guilty anymore, and I finally feel as though I did my part. But yes, from here on out, I'm staying out of it. I'll look up the court case online from time to time to see how it's going, but that's as far as I'm taking it .
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Old 01-23-2019, 06:40 AM
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Thanks for the response and the insight. Yes, I have been asking myself for some weeks now why am I doing this, and frankly the messages are mixed. I hadn't seen him in some time now. It does infuriate me whenever I hear of one of these cases, except THIS time I felt like I had the power to DO something about it. While I was pondering what to do, a few memories that had been hidden all of a sudden came back up.

I guess I felt that I should have spoken up years ago to the authorities about some of the stuff he was doing, but I didn't, and I'm maybe trying to make up for that? This is going to sound stupid, but it's true though I'm not making excuses. I was literally quite sheltered as a child and young adult, and didn't KNOW I was legally required to turn him in for some of the things he was doing. I honestly didn't know at the time that it was illegal to have sex with a young teen girl like that. I thought he simply cheated on me. I was 19, and the girl was 14. Looking back, it's sad because she became scared of me, afraid that I would physically attack her. I didn't realize it was illegal until years later, when the statute of limitations was already up. This was back in the mid 1990's when the subject wasn't discussed like it is now, and police didn't pursue it like they do now unless the guy in question happened to piss off the cops.

The physical abuse he did to me, fortunately there wasn't that much of it. Just once that didn't amount to much except for a sore hip. What would have gotten me killed would have been the fact that I would have eventually starved to death. I was such a nervous wreck around him that by the time we had been dating for three months, I had gone down from 115lbs to 95lbs.

So I think that while I do recognize that some of it may be retaliation, I also really believe much of it was simply to alert the d.a of past behavior in the event she could or would use it. But I didn't and don't want any more part of it for fear of what he would do, and the fact that I have a family of my own to consider. That's why it was such a hard decision to make. I only hope I made the right one. Regardless, I don't feel guilty anymore, and I finally feel as though I did my part. But yes, from here on out, I'm staying out of it. I'll look up the court case online from time to time to see how it's going, but that's as far as I'm taking it .
Maybe then, you needed to do this for the closure. Hopefully that’s it and to get it off your shoulders. You did that now maybe you can finally move on from the pain he caused you. As you said, you have a family to think of. Try to move on and consider yourself lucky you got away from him.
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Old 01-23-2019, 08:37 PM
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As to the question of sending it to the clerk v. The DA - to the clerk, it becomes part of the file. Everybody will see it, meaning the judge will read it and copies may be given to both the DA and the defense.

It is always best to communicate straight with the DA. But, chances are, nothing will come of it and he will never know about it.

This has obviously brought up long buried issues. I encourage you to see a therapist to help you process all of this. Seriously - it can really help.
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Old 02-05-2019, 12:41 PM
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Quote:
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As to the question of sending it to the clerk v. The DA - to the clerk, it becomes part of the file. Everybody will see it, meaning the judge will read it and copies may be given to both the DA and the defense.

It is always best to communicate straight with the DA. But, chances are, nothing will come of it and he will never know about it.

This has obviously brought up long buried issues. I encourage you to see a therapist to help you process all of this. Seriously - it can really help.
Thanks. I don't know how long it would take for the D.A to usually get in contact with someone if they were going too, but it's be two weeks now and I haven't heard back, so chances are you are right in that I probably won't.

I also scheduled an appointment to see a therapist one week from now, so either way, I'm thinking it's going to work out. I realized after I sent the email, that several incidents involving him suddenly popped up that I had completely forgotten about for years. Like long buried memories. Very strange, and I never had anything like that happen to me before. I didn't realize that it had affected me so deeply. Just thought all this time it was a less then good chapter in my life, and not the traumatic event it obviously was.

I won't lie, part of me hopes that he gets stuck with a felony. Not so much to teach him anything, or make his wife's life safer with him not being allowed a gun (which I found out was involved in this incident) but just for pure satisfaction. Petty, I know.

Last edited by tdj; 02-05-2019 at 12:47 PM..
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Old 02-05-2019, 04:10 PM
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That is common with PTSD FYI, for memories to be repressed and then have them pop up years later. It sounds like this event has triggered your PTSD so great idea going to therapy. I regret not getting therapy for my PTSD it almost swallowed me whole.

I can relate also to the cheering on for this case of his. The PTSD I was referring to, I had pressed and dropped charges (revenge porn, it’s a long story but dropping the charges were the best thing for my sanity and mental health once they’d been removed from the internet). He got in trouble again last year and I have been waiting on baited breath for him to go back to jail. I’ll probably throw a wee party once he is sentenced in the next few months. It’s not petty. We didn’t get justice for ourselves, and this is the next best thing. Seeing a man who abused you being held accountable for his shitty abusive behaviour is still justice for you, regardless of whether the case is related to you.
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Old 02-11-2019, 04:11 PM
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I hate to beat a dead horse, so to speak, but I never did ask this and I'm curious: Anyone here who has often worked with D.A's know of a general time frame they WOULD respond to an email, assuming they'll respond to this one? I wrote it on January 18, at around 4:00 p:m. That following Monday was a holiday, so I didn't expect to hear back, but it's been almost three weeks and I haven't heard a thing. I'm not worried about it anymore, but I am curious on what the general time frame would be, which I should have asked a long time back.
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