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  #1  
Old 08-12-2012, 07:29 PM
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Lately my man has just seemed so unappreciative. I think I spoil him too much.
I do everything for him. He's in the band so I send lyrics and tabs all the time & tonight even though it's been many months since I sent him anything I sent him like 23 dollars to get some hygiene stuff & he just acted like it wasn't enough.
I told him I got bills to pay too and he needs to appreciate the fact that I do what I can for him & he just got mad and hung up on me again.
I told him I can't keep doing this shit with him and that it hurts but it's just like he's oblivious. I KEEP money on the phone so he can call EVERY night. It hurts like hell.. I don't wanna leave him but I dunno what else to do..
Ignore his calls? I just need something to open his eyes..
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Old 08-12-2012, 07:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tripsgirl
Lately my man has just seemed so unappreciative. I think I spoil him too much.
I do everything for him. He's in the band so I send lyrics and tabs all the time & tonight even though it's been many months since I sent him anything I sent him like 23 dollars to get some hygiene stuff & he just acted like it wasn't enough.
I told him I got bills to pay too and he needs to appreciate the fact that I do what I can for him & he just got mad and hung up on me again.
I told him I can't keep doing this shit with him and that it hurts but it's just like he's oblivious. I KEEP money on the phone so he can call EVERY night. It hurts like hell.. I don't wanna leave him but I dunno what else to do..
Ignore his calls? I just need something to open his eyes..
I had an argument with my love tonight about feeling so appreciated and how he makes it seem I can't do anything right. And in the middle of me yelling at him he tells me they are moving him tomorrow. Like wtf kind of timing is that lol. I just shut up.

I've also thought about not answering his calls but I couldn't because god forbid something happened and I ignored his call I wouldn't have been able to say I love you.

I suggest you just cut back on things. That's what I decided to do. Let him see your serious.
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Old 08-12-2012, 07:41 PM
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I had an argument with my love tonight about feeling so appreciated and how he makes it seem I can't do anything right. And in the middle of me yelling at him he tells me they are moving him tomorrow. Like wtf kind of timing is that lol. I just shut up.

I've also thought about not answering his calls but I couldn't because god forbid something happened and I ignored his call I wouldn't have been able to say I love you.

I suggest you just cut back on things. That's what I decided to do. Let him see your serious.
Yeah he just said I love you and hung up on me.
I feel like he doesn't love or care about me anymore.. it's just about him now - not us.
I'm gonna try not to answer the phone. I may just have to take off my money thats on there now and let him be without me for a while.
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Old 08-12-2012, 07:45 PM
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Unfortunately when they are in there they have to be in the mind set to be selfish and watch out for themselves and i think sometimes they forget that they can let their guards down with us... Maybe he just needs a reminder that you do as much as you can... give him and ultimatum, tell him how you feel and say if he doesnt start appreciating things more then you are walking away (not that you really mean it) but maybe that will open his eyes and give him the kick in the bum that he needs to realize it! Good luck hun!
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Old 08-12-2012, 07:47 PM
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Unfortunately when they are in there they have to be in the mind set to be selfish and watch out for themselves and i think sometimes they forget that they can let their guards down with us... Maybe he just needs a reminder that you do as much as you can... give him and ultimatum, tell him how you feel and say if he doesnt start appreciating things more then you are walking away (not that you really mean it) but maybe that will open his eyes and give him the kick in the bum that he needs to realize it! Good luck hun!
Thanks I'm gonna try. I was hoping he'd call back to apologize but doesn't look like that's gonna happen. Another night of crying myself to sleep.
We've been fighting like this for a week. </3
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Old 08-12-2012, 07:54 PM
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I'd break it down for him and let him know if it didn't stop, it would be over. It's not fair for you to have to deal with his attitude all the time. Your doing the best you can so don't allow anyone to ask anymore of you.

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Old 08-12-2012, 07:57 PM
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Girly this happens a lot with these men. My husband does it too, he normally checks himself after some time. I remind my husband how no one has his back but me and I don't have to do this time with him but I don't want to abandon him.... My husband has opene up about how it is in there, and it's survival of the fitness ... Don't let DOC ruin ur relationship... This too shall pass
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Old 08-12-2012, 08:00 PM
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He just called back..
He asked me what I wanted & I told him YOU!
& he told me he's just going through it & was like you don't know how it feels to be walking around in shoes with holes in them so every puddle you step in you get your socks soaked or how it feels to wash yourself with soap that breaks you out and dries your skin up so bad it hurts.
No, I don't - but I told him he needs to think about me too not just himself & what he needs. I told him that I loved him but that I couldn't deal with this much longer & I asked him what he wanted & he told me don't ask me a stupid question you know what I want... and he said me. Then of course count screwed us up..

I let him know that he really needs to think about the way he talks to me. Guess we will see if he thinks about it tonight.
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Old 08-12-2012, 08:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tripsgirl
He just called back..
He asked me what I wanted & I told him YOU!
& he told me he's just going through it & was like you don't know how it feels to be walking around in shoes with holes in them so every puddle you step in you get your socks soaked or how it feels to wash yourself with soap that breaks you out and dries your skin up so bad it hurts.
No, I don't - but I told him he needs to think about me too not just himself & what he needs. I told him that I loved him but that I couldn't deal with this much longer & I asked him what he wanted & he told me don't ask me a stupid question you know what I want... and he said me. Then of course count screwed us up..

I let him know that he really needs to think about the way he talks to me. Guess we will see if he thinks about it tonight.
My man can b like that too...I'm sure he prob gets bugged f I dnt send him Wat he requests...but I let him knw when n how much I can send ...no exceptions...I have stuff I want n need not just him...I tell him he needs to b grateful n appreciate all I do cuz I bet does dudes n der wish dey had a girl like me...he says he does appreciate everything but. Like ur man...my man also tells me stuff n der sux n he needs his own things cuz he don't like asking others for stuff...hes been lucky lately I been able to do a lot...so ya just talk to him I knw everyone says just tell him how u feel...its true it will work f u communicate with him n let him know WATS up...
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Old 08-12-2012, 08:29 PM
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My man can b like that too...I'm sure he prob gets bugged f I dnt send him Wat he requests...but I let him knw when n how much I can send ...no exceptions...I have stuff I want n need not just him...I tell him he needs to b grateful n appreciate all I do cuz I bet does dudes n der wish dey had a girl like me...he says he does appreciate everything but. Like ur man...my man also tells me stuff n der sux n he needs his own things cuz he don't like asking others for stuff...hes been lucky lately I been able to do a lot...so ya just talk to him I knw everyone says just tell him how u feel...its true it will work f u communicate with him n let him know WATS up...
Makes me feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one who goes through this. He was never like this til recently. He's been in about 8 months now. He knows I WILL not hurt for shit - I pay my bills and every spare dollar is not gonna go to him. I would like to be able to go out sometimes too!
I told him exactly how I felt - I think he gets the point now but he still wasn't really showing his soft side. Guess we will see.
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Old 08-12-2012, 08:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tripsgirl
Lately my man has just seemed so unappreciative. I think I spoil him too much.
I do everything for him. He's in the band so I send lyrics and tabs all the time & tonight even though it's been many months since I sent him anything I sent him like 23 dollars to get some hygiene stuff & he just acted like it wasn't enough.
I told him I got bills to pay too and he needs to appreciate the fact that I do what I can for him & he just got mad and hung up on me again.
I told him I can't keep doing this shit with him and that it hurts but it's just like he's oblivious. I KEEP money on the phone so he can call EVERY night. It hurts like hell.. I don't wanna leave him but I dunno what else to do..
Ignore his calls? I just need something to open his eyes..
Why not put enough money on the phone for 2 or 3 calls a week and send the remainder of the money to him. That way he will see what he is missing. You will still talk and he will still get money for hygiene.My son told me the soap there is so bad he gets a rash from it.so i send soap for him.

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Old 08-12-2012, 08:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tripsgirl

Makes me feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one who goes through this. He was never like this til recently. He's been in about 8 months now. He knows I WILL not hurt for shit - I pay my bills and every spare dollar is not gonna go to him. I would like to be able to go out sometimes too!
I told him exactly how I felt - I think he gets the point now but he still wasn't really showing his soft side. Guess we will see.
He has no choice but accept Wat u say cuz u already do more for him than u have too...he needs to appreciate u n not hang up on u cuz u can't send money ...My man has only hung up on me once over other problems...n let me tell u I was soooo angry I told him he better not ever do that to me cuz dats one thing I sooooo dislike n next time I wouldn't pick up his calls
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Old 08-12-2012, 09:04 PM
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I hate to say it but we all know they put themselves there. Its not the Hilton its Prison!

If I were you and my babe called and did that to me, believe he wouldnt be getting another mofo call! I dont send him money since I dont have it. I do calls and thats the best I can do. For birthday and xmas I send money but thats it.

I dont understand why hes being this way. Nip that shit in the butt!
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Old 08-12-2012, 09:10 PM
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Originally Posted by tripsgirl View Post
Lately my man has just seemed so unappreciative. I think I spoil him too much.
I do everything for him. He's in the band so I send lyrics and tabs all the time & tonight even though it's been many months since I sent him anything I sent him like 23 dollars to get some hygiene stuff & he just acted like it wasn't enough.
I told him I got bills to pay too and he needs to appreciate the fact that I do what I can for him & he just got mad and hung up on me again.
I told him I can't keep doing this shit with him and that it hurts but it's just like he's oblivious. I KEEP money on the phone so he can call EVERY night. It hurts like hell.. I don't wanna leave him but I dunno what else to do..
Ignore his calls? I just need something to open his eyes..
I suggest you stop all forms of support and see if he doesn't change his tune. I know that sounds harsh, but if you want to give him a reality check, that is the way to do it. No calls, no commissary, nothing...until he can show a little appreciation.

Then when he finally writes you a letter to ask why you are not helping him with anything, you can explain that you feel as though he does not appreciate what you do for him and when you do something, it seems as though it is not enough. I am thinking he will pull his head out, or you will know what your next step should be.

Peace~
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Old 08-12-2012, 09:17 PM
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I pretty much don't comment on your post anymore because this is a relationship that is definitely a roller coaster. This man has been disrespecting you off and on for awhile now. One minute he is disrespecting you, next minute he is proposing to you. One minute he is hurting you, next minute you are defending him. I really don't know what to say. I know you deserve better then this, but the question is do you know you deserve better then this. Him saying he wants you is one thing, him showing you he wants you is another. If your crying yourself to sleep now, what are you going to be doing when he is home still claiming you do not understand.
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Old 08-12-2012, 10:09 PM
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Actions speak louder than words. You need to show him you're serious by saying what you mean and mean what you say. Otherwise he will keep disrespecting you. Love yourself first and he will follow suit.
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Old 08-12-2012, 10:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Klewis
I pretty much don't comment on your post anymore because this is a relationship that is definitely a roller coaster. This man has been disrespecting you off and on for awhile now. One minute he is disrespecting you, next minute he is proposing to you. One minute he is hurting you, next minute you are defending him. I really don't know what to say. I know you deserve better then this, but the question is do you know you deserve better then this. Him saying he wants you is one thing, him showing you he wants you is another. If your crying yourself to sleep now, what are you going to be doing when he is home still claiming you do not understand.
I kinda agree with klewis. I have seen ur posts around on here and don't address them many times because truthfully something just doesn't seem right here. Now like I said my husband can be a miserable cranky ass but as soon as he realizes he disrespected me at all he gets on his hands and knees apologizing... But in my husbands defense we have a language barrier being that English is his second language so we see things different them they were meant to mean... Just keep ur eyes open... Actions speak louder then words... IJS
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Old 08-12-2012, 10:22 PM
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I think I would cut it off for a while. Reality hurts some times and just like in prison, they screw up, they get sent to the 'box' or solitary confinement. I would put him in solitary confinement. My hubby acted like he wanted to try it when he was in the county jail and I think I scared the bejesus out of him.
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Old 08-12-2012, 11:23 PM
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As much as I love my man, if he put me on an emotional roller coaster like this, I'd tell him to kick rocks. And that's me putting it nicely. I have a horrible potty mouth so I'm sure it would come out a teensy bit meaner.
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Old 08-12-2012, 11:34 PM
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ok the way I see it, you sent him $23 that should get a good bar of soap, where my guy is he can get dial for like $1.95 a bar. I usually send him about $20 every 2 weeks, so $40 a month he buys all his hygiene with that and some snacks he likes to keep around because he does workout alot so he likes to get protein snacks and such, and then whatever is left for the month he saves and puts towards something he wants from the store or something he needs, so with that money you sent him why doesn't he take $5 or $10 depending on what he needs for hygiene an save that on his account till he has saved enough to get new shoes. Thats what we would do if we needed new shoes, we just don't go out and buy them because we think we need them right then, we save up till we have the money and go get them. He gets 3 meals a day, a cot and roof over his head. You don't have a guarantee of that everyday!

So I would explain to him that you send what you can when you can, if you can't then he needs to understand that you just don't have it every week or every 2 weeks! If he can't grasp that than do like someone suggested, take and cover what 2 or 3 phone calls a week would cost and put that on the phone weekly and then send him the difference weekly and tell him to work out a budget because you will not be sending anymore than what you are weekly.

Mine would never hang up on me over something like this, because 1 he knows I will not answer when he rings back and 2 he knows thats very disrespectful to me. We have already discussed this and we both agreed that we would never hang up on each other, because that doesn't solve the issue and usually makes it worse in the long run! Thankfully we have been together almost a year and we have not had 1 fight yet, we both don't like to argue and even when he's going through it or I am, we are adults and we talk about what it is thats got us going through it at the moment. No use fighting or arguing over the phone, it just wastes money and nothing can be resolved in just a 15 min phone call so they either call back (waste money that could of gone to another call on another day) or you go the rest of the day or night mad because you fought and can't apologize or work it out!

I don't know if just not answering would show him anything, I think he would just keep calling back over an over till you finally break down and answer, thus defeating the purpose your trying to show him.

Communication is key in any relationship, you need to break it down for him and tell him you'll help he set up a budget for what money you can send him and how he can try to save $1 or whatever, here or there and in due time he will have enough saved up for a new pair of shoes. If he doesn't want to do this or starts arguing with you over what you need to him to understand then maybe just maybe you need to reevaluate this relationship! No one deserves to be hung up because he's upset you only sent him $23 dollars.

I have a friend on Death Row his mom and grandpa are all he has besides me and they can't send him money on the regular and I don't send him any money, but on his birthday and christmas Ill get him something Ill have a package sent into him. But generally this is about all he gets extra, sometimes alittle more if his gpa or mom send him some money, if not he gets $16 a month from the state because he's not eligible to work and that's what he lives on for commissary stuff and he makes due with what he can get! He conserves certain hygiene so he can make it last 2 months so that will leave a few dollars every other month to get some snacks or whatever he might need or want from the store!

Ok my rant is over Im off my soapbox now ..lol Good luck I hope he comes around and treats you better and starts appreciating you for what you can do for him!
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Old 08-13-2012, 12:08 AM
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Last time I checked, a good man makes sure that his family's needs and wants come before his. A good man does not act like a petulant child and hang up when he doesn't get his way or take his loved one on a roller coaster ride that wasn't a part of a fun day at Six Flags. Are you in prison right along with him? Money for the phone every night and absolutely nothing left over for your own enjoyment, that is just bat shit crazy. You work hard and you should enjoy yourself from time to time. If youdont put an end to this now you are just in for more misery. Its your decision if you love yourself enough not to keep babysitting this little boy.
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Old 08-13-2012, 01:59 AM
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Well you already know how I feel about hanging up...and I'm beside myself to hear that he did it again. That is just downright disrespectful, especially if you had a conversation with him about how that makes you feel. It's like rubbing salt in a wound. Just today I was thinking about how nice it is that my man tells me often how much he appreciates me and the little things I do for him...and I appreciate the things he is able to do for me from a prison. Personally I'm not in to the whole "stop taking calls" etc thing because while I understand the concept of "showing him what it would be like without you" it feels a bit immature and like game playing to me. I guess I'm more the kind of person that wants to talk things out and see if it's something that can be worked on. But if he is hanging up on you, being disrespectful and causing you to cry yourself to sleep every night because he is being mean and unappreciative, and he's cheated on you in the past, then I don't understand why you would want to stay with this man?

I am the kind of person who tries to understand both sides of the story and see where he might be coming from...and yes, it's heartbreaking to hear him talk about holes in his shoes and the crappy soap. My man tells me those things too but he doesn't throw it in my face like I'm supposed to do something about it...he says "well, it's prison...not Hawaii!" and then moves on to another topic. It might be a little easier on him than some other guys because he grew up in such a horribly poor situation. He knows people from his home country that would LOVE to live the way he does in prison in the USA...they would think they are being treated like kings!!! OK, thats a little bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point.

But hon I think you need to re-examine why you let this man treat you the way he does.

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Old 08-13-2012, 02:16 AM
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I have been with my husband for 13 years, this is his fourth time in....I send him ONE PACKAGE when he first gets there, that's it!! He knows I love him, he knows i'm faithful, and that i am working my ass off to make sure that our kids are well taken care of. he also knows he'll have a place to come home to...I send stamps every other month and pay the phone bills so we can keep in contact, other than that...nothing...no cash...he can find a hustle. ( haha ) I didn't commit the crime, and I didn't put him there...yet he never gives me a hard time. yes he'll vent, complain a bit...but he says it just makes him appreciate what he has here at home...he doesn't want to get " too comfortable ".... talk to your man...let him know that just you being there for him is a gift..that it's hard enough to take care of yourself and that you do what you can. But take these ladies advice to heart...if the disrespect continues...I'd re examine your relationship..it only gets harder.
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Mrs*Axeslinger (08-13-2012)
  #24  
Old 08-13-2012, 06:54 AM
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tripsgirl tripsgirl is offline
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I realize that this relationship has been a roller coaster but I'm not ready to get off yet. I am reaching the end where I will leave him if things do not change, however, I'm not there yet. We were fine for MONTHS until this last week. Were both stressed - & no I'm not making excuses for him. Usually he wouldn't have called back - & the last time he called back where he would have flipped out & hung up he didn't - he talked to me until they called count and we had to get off the phone. I'm gonna give it until after our visit September 3rd to see how things go.. and I really hope we get out of this funk.
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  #25  
Old 08-13-2012, 11:00 AM
agomez84 agomez84 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tripsgirl
I realize that this relationship has been a roller coaster but I'm not ready to get off yet. I am reaching the end where I will leave him if things do not change, however, I'm not there yet. We were fine for MONTHS until this last week. Were both stressed - & no I'm not making excuses for him. Usually he wouldn't have called back - & the last time he called back where he would have flipped out & hung up he didn't - he talked to me until they called count and we had to get off the phone. I'm gonna give it until after our visit September 3rd to see how things go.. and I really hope we get out of this funk.
True...Im sure that half da girls saying dey leave der man n a heartbeat prob wouldnt cuz u don't really knw until u go through a similiar situation urself...its easier said than done...while I'm not saying its ok for him to treat u like that cuz its not...u do whats best for you...
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