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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: What worries you most with him being locked-up?
Physical health/Getting hurt by another inmate/CO/Diseases/Poor nutrition 228 53.77%
Mental Health/Becoming too "institutionalized"/Losing his confidence in himself 174 41.04%
Picking up more time due to his behavior 79 18.63%
His love for you diminishing 61 14.39%
Treatment by the staff/CO's at the facility 87 20.52%
Not knowing if he is corresponding with others (ex's, etc) 98 23.11%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 424. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 09-20-2011, 10:32 PM
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Default Your worries about him...what are they?

I know that we all have a ton of stuff to worry about in our own lives (i.e. kids, school, bills, job, health, etc.) but I was wondering what 'extra worries' you have as it relates to your man being locked up. Do you worry about him getting into additional trouble thereby picking up additional time? Do you worry that the love he feels toward you will fade? Do you worry about his health...mental health and/or physical health?

Clearly we all have a great deal to worry about, and I'm just wondering what some of you concern yourself with.

For me, I don't worry about him physically too much. He can take care of himself, but more importantly he is considered a veteran (he's in CA and his CDCR # starts with a K....you ladies with men locked up in prison know that means he's a veteran) so no one messes with him. Plus, he's smart/savvy and knows the politics in prison really well.

All that aside, I do concern myself with his emotional well-being. I make every attempt to be positive when I write him and speak to him on the phone because I know there is a HUGE amount of negativity he has to deal with on a daily basis. I also make sure to 'build' him up as much as possible. Everyone needs positive reinforcement and it's not like he's going to get any from a CO!! He knows he made some bad decisions in life which ultimately ended him up where he is, but those bad decisions DO NOT define him...and tho' he recognizes that on his own, I'm there to cheer him on and to make sure he never forgets that. Our running joke is that he's my ROCK-STAR and I'm him groupie!!

At any rate, sorry for the long post...I'm wanted to share my thoughts and get some of yours.
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  #2  
Old 09-20-2011, 11:03 PM
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Von has seizures when he's stressed so that worries me a lot I also know he's short tempered and won't let anyone talk to him any ol kind of way he's gotten into a few scuffles. Hopefully he'll grow up alil and focus on the things he can do to prove tht he's worthy of being back out into society.
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Old 09-20-2011, 11:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by futuremrzC View Post
Von has seizures when he's stressed so that worries me a lot I also know he's short tempered and won't let anyone talk to him any ol kind of way he's gotten into a few scuffles. Hopefully he'll grow up alil and focus on the things he can do to prove tht he's worthy of being back out into society.
OMG, the seizures would DEFINITELY worry me too. Hang in there!!
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Old 09-20-2011, 11:29 PM
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Like the OP I don't worry about him physically too much. He is old enough and strong enough to fend for himself. Luckily though he doesn't cause trouble and usually only associates with the same people who are around his age. My boyfriend is "liked" because he is unfortunately very young and doing a long term sentence. A lot of people, especially those new to the prison system go to him for advice so I'm not worried about fights. I more worry about his emotional stability as like all our loved ones he has so much time to think!! I also encourage positiveness which works well with him most of the time.

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Old 09-21-2011, 03:05 AM
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I worry about a lot he is respected thankfully so no one messes with him so in that case he is good but I still hate knowing he might fight he has a real bad bad temper and he's almost home so I don't want him getting into anything and I do worry about other girls coming in between us all the times he hasn't given me a reason too but I guess is just insecurities
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Old 09-21-2011, 05:33 AM
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Physical health/Getting hurt by another inmate/CO/Diseases/Poor nutrition nobodies messing with him :-) and is health is great :-) Mental Health/Becoming too "institutionalized"/Losing his confidence in himself Not this one at all.

Picking up more time due to his behavior far from this one, he isn't trying to mess up but trying to get home sooner.

His love for you diminishing never that

Treatment by the staff/CO's at the facility not at all, my husband respects and is respected.

Not knowing if he is corresponding with others (ex's, etc) na I KNOW it's ALL ABOUT ME.

Last edited by 3up4eva; 09-21-2011 at 06:13 AM..
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Old 09-21-2011, 06:01 AM
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I worry about his health, he has high BP and a few other probs and i know he's not on the right medication....he's old enough and knows enough to not get involved in any trouble while he's in there so that doesn't worry me....just want him home in 1 piece and healthy
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Old 09-21-2011, 06:08 AM
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I worry about his health and emotional well being. I know he can take care of himself and he gotten into several fights over the years he has gained a rep.
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Old 09-21-2011, 06:24 AM
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I worry about a lot of things. Mostly I think I worry if he is just ok in general and his mental state.
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  #10  
Old 09-21-2011, 09:05 AM
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I mostly worry about him getting into a fight because he is respectful to others and he wont take disrespect in return. Like last night for example. He called me, we had 5 mins left n this new CO wanted to power trip on some racist stuff. He told my husband to get off the phone now. My husband tried to explain nicely that we had 5 mins left no big deal. Well no he wasn't hearing it. After my husband got off the phone early, he immediately let this white man use the phone even tho it wasn't even his night. My husband went to the sergeant who then wrote up the CO because he can't do that and gave my husband 10 more mins on the phone. My main fear was the CO getting payback on my husband while my husbands main thing was worrying if he could finish talkin to me. I've read horror stories about COs like that. His safety is my 100% concern.
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  #11  
Old 09-21-2011, 09:10 AM
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I worry about him writting other woman because i was recently told by a few people that he has been writting 2 woman that he was messing with before he went in. Him and i were not speaking before he got locked up so once he was in there i got THE LETTER begging me to give him a chance because I am the only one woman who has his heart. So i asked him about those chicks and of course he denied it. I am just really tired of all the stress....ughhhh
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  #12  
Old 09-21-2011, 09:32 AM
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I thought I had anxiety before my relationship, man was I wrong!!! Hahaha. I constantly worry about John. Not because he can't take care of himself, but because I'm a worrier & that's what I do. He doesn't really have any health problems to speak of, but I do worry about him getting into fights because whether he can take care of himself or not I don't want him even involved in that stuff lol. I do have my own insecurities about other girls, but he's never given me a reason not to trust him so that's more my own issue than an issue with him.
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Old 09-21-2011, 09:36 AM
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I worry mostly about his emotional help, he feels like his whole life has went to hellsince being arrested and having them take all his cars, house,etc.

I think all of our men feel blessed to have women like us ladies in their lives ;-). For once,we have to be the rock.
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Old 09-21-2011, 09:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mel.s
I worry about him writting other woman because i was recently told by a few people that he has been writting 2 woman that he was messing with before he went in. Him and i were not speaking before he got locked up so once he was in there i got THE LETTER begging me to give him a chance because I am the only one woman who has his heart. So i asked him about those chicks and of course he denied it. I am just really tired of all the stress....ughhhh
Things will get better girl, he probably realized those girls meant nothing to him & that he fu-ked up. Tell him you want the truth regardless how painful it mightbe, if yall wernt together then he should be willing to be honest so you can move past this emotionally
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Old 09-21-2011, 10:55 AM
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At first I wasn't really worried about much. He has friends in there and stays out of trouble. He has always worked hard and earned the respect of the COs and coordinators. But he had an incident on Sept. 5th where a kitchen coordinator disrespected him by refusing to let him go to our visit (I was in the visiting room already), threw a bag of leaky garbage at him, and grabbed and twisted his arm (xray shows cracked shoulderblade). The COs and the captain know about the interaction, but now he is being treated with disrespect and being singled out. I worry that something will come up and he will be sent further away (currently a 4 hour drive). He found out that I have a terminal illness while he was in and so our visits are really important to us, and they only happen every few months. That was our last one for probably 6 months or longer and now it is has an ugly overshadowing.
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Old 09-21-2011, 11:14 AM
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I'm mainly worried about his emotional stability. He is currently taking medications for his bipolar and without those he has a very short temper and doesn't think his actions through. They have to keep him on those so I'm not too worried about that. I am just hoping that he holds on to himself and not feel like there isn't an end. He is more than this...
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Old 09-21-2011, 01:37 PM
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Well he has been in almost 15 years so I don't worry about fighting, he has grown up and will walk away from things that before he would have ended up in the hole at the end. His growth has landed him 2 hrs from me and I KNOW he's not trying to mess that up. Have NEVER worried about him contacting other women. His health has always been great. I worry about HIM worrying about ME. In recent years I have had some serious health issues and I know that it's always on his mind if I am okay.
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Old 09-21-2011, 04:18 PM
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im not worried at really bou him fightin or getn into trouble he can defiently HOLD his own in there..the only things that makes me worry is his emotional being cus he can gt down alot and i do m best to picc hi up but thts the main thing that has me worry.
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Old 09-21-2011, 05:23 PM
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I'm just a worry wart and worry about everything and anything. I'm like this about ppl I love on the outside too. I just pray he comes home healthy and on time. This is a very tough situation to be in for all of us and takes a lot of strength. I wish everyone health and the patience to endure this rollercoaster we are on.
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Old 09-21-2011, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HisRockerGirl View Post
At first I wasn't really worried about much. He has friends in there and stays out of trouble. He has always worked hard and earned the respect of the COs and coordinators. But he had an incident on Sept. 5th where a kitchen coordinator disrespected him by refusing to let him go to our visit (I was in the visiting room already), threw a bag of leaky garbage at him, and grabbed and twisted his arm (xray shows cracked shoulderblade). The COs and the captain know about the interaction, but now he is being treated with disrespect and being singled out. I worry that something will come up and he will be sent further away (currently a 4 hour drive). He found out that I have a terminal illness while he was in and so our visits are really important to us, and they only happen every few months. That was our last one for probably 6 months or longer and now it is has an ugly overshadowing.

Oh HisRockerGirl, I am so sorry to hear about your health and about your missed visit. I can understand that you worry about what can happen regarding that situation, I hope nothing else comes up. Good thoughts and sending good wishes your way
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Old 09-21-2011, 06:36 PM
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His smart ass mouth lol but him losing his cool with people
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Old 09-21-2011, 07:19 PM
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I'm worried about his mental health or becoming too institutionalized. I've told him I'm scared he'll be a different person by the time he gets out (if he has to serve a long time). He wasn't worried about this originally, but now he is.
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Old 09-21-2011, 07:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeleyezob View Post
I'm mainly worried about his emotional stability. He is currently taking medications for his bipolar and without those he has a very short temper and doesn't think his actions through. They have to keep him on those so I'm not too worried about that. I am just hoping that he holds on to himself and not feel like there isn't an end. He is more than this...

That is how I feel about my husband. But he has been good taking his meds so I don't worry as much.
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Old 09-21-2011, 07:47 PM
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I am new to this I have a husband who will be heading to quarantine very shortly in Michigan is he allowed and contact such as phone calls etc. What happens there and how long is he in this quaratine?
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Old 09-21-2011, 08:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by futuremrzC View Post
Von has seizures when he's stressed so that worries me a lot I also know he's short tempered and won't let anyone talk to him any ol kind of way he's gotten into a few scuffles. Hopefully he'll grow up alil and focus on the things he can do to prove tht he's worthy of being back out into society.
i can sympathize my boyfriend has those and anemia and that damn prison charges there books if they need to see the nurse
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