Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > When the Relationship is Over...
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-20-2018, 12:46 PM
missingdee's Avatar
missingdee missingdee is online now
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Metro Los Angeles, CA, USA
Posts: 3,376
Thanks: 3,839
Thanked 5,926 Times in 2,240 Posts
Default And then I put my foot down. And then the other foot. And walked away.

A lot of you have followed the E/Dee story for some time. This year has been fairly silent.


I've decided to end things.


This is not about being bitter or angry or hateful or spiteful. This is about a cycle. Addiction. Mental health. Criminality. It's a cycle she's fought hard to break at times and given in to freely and easily at others. I always knew falling off the wagon was a probability. "Relapse is part of recovery." I've heard that story a million times. Except when it's not just relapse....when it becomes a resumed way of life. Then it's not part of recovery. It's just addiction at that point. Ugly, active addiction. To drugs. To crime. To being sick.



I always made a point to her that I wasn't going to do another bid. The direction Dee is going in, another bid seems inevitable. I'm not going to be there if/when it happens.



While I am open to resuming some form of friendship or relationship with her somewhere further down the line if she decides to make change for herself, I have reached a point where I recognize two things.
1.) I'm not going to be able to do great things in my life with a girlfriend/potential spouse who brings unhealthy things into my life constantly and
2.) She's not going to be able to realize her potential if I continue to enable the behavior.


I don't want to get into all the details. There's no reason to summarize the events that led to me making my decision. There's no anger left, no pain left. I'm just here, standing on my own, a bit older, maybe a touch wiser.


I wish I could tell you about a post-prison release story with a happily ever after. I wish I could tell you we had a good first year and she built on it from there. I wish a lot of things. But right now the only thing I truly wish for that would make an ounce of difference is peace. For me. And for her, too. She's got her own struggles. Thoughts and prayers? She could use those. If you've got them, send them her way.



I just can't be her rock anymore. I have to start being my own. And she needs to learn how to be her own. Because I'm going to keep walking. And it has become clear to me that as I put one foot in front of the other, she's just going to stand there, occasionally call for me to come back in her moments of clarity, but not make an effort to take a step toward me OR away from the things that have kept her stationary for, if we're realistic, the past 2 decades of her life. And if this is so....then I need to go my own way and hope that, when the dust settles for her and all is quiet, maybe she will figure out her own way too. Hope, yes. Rely on? Absolutely not. I know better now.



-Eric
__________________
Missing Dee. Finding Serenity.



"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."
-Thomas Jefferson

Last edited by missingdee; 11-20-2018 at 01:10 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 31 Users Say Thank You to missingdee For This Useful Post:
+VERDE+ (11-23-2018), 1Ofakind!! (01-28-2019), a.rare.love (11-20-2018), allmb (11-20-2018), BearsLadyBear (11-20-2018), choclgs (01-25-2019), coachy1 (02-17-2019), Critter07 (11-25-2018), Guccigrl (11-20-2018), jadah (01-24-2019), Kajun48 (11-22-2018), LifeTraveler (11-20-2018), lolo21216 (11-20-2018), maytayah (11-20-2018), mazee56 (11-20-2018), miamac (11-20-2018), MizzyMuffling (11-20-2018), momof234 (12-02-2018), MPsQueen (11-20-2018), MrsDeeKay (01-25-2019), Ms Sunny (11-21-2018), nimuay (11-20-2018), patchouli (11-20-2018), Revenwyn (11-20-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), She'sMyAngel (11-20-2018), sidewalker (11-23-2018), Sloth70 (01-29-2019), smiles844 (11-20-2018), Tddevil (06-14-2019), trauma4us (03-07-2019)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 11-20-2018, 01:26 PM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is online now
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 8,328
Thanks: 8,176
Thanked 10,949 Times in 4,555 Posts
Default

This is a post I hoped I would never read. Even in the darkness and chaos I thought you guys would find a way. I hope you find your peace Eric. She is a fool and one day she will realise that and all she has lost.
Right now you owe yourself a happy positive life free of addiction crime and drama and full of exciting opportunities. Good luck friend
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army.
Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to maytayah For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (11-20-2018), BearsLadyBear (11-20-2018), Critter07 (11-25-2018), missingdee (11-20-2018), MizzyMuffling (11-20-2018), Revenwyn (11-20-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), She'sMyAngel (11-20-2018), sidewalker (11-23-2018)
  #3  
Old 11-20-2018, 01:40 PM
missingdee's Avatar
missingdee missingdee is online now
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Metro Los Angeles, CA, USA
Posts: 3,376
Thanks: 3,839
Thanked 5,926 Times in 2,240 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
This is a post I hoped I would never read. Even in the darkness and chaos I thought you guys would find a way. I hope you find your peace Eric. She is a fool and one day she will realise that and all she has lost.
Right now you owe yourself a happy positive life free of addiction crime and drama and full of exciting opportunities. Good luck friend

I believe that life is long and ways are found.


But right now, this is my way. I've made my peace with it.


I'll still be around. Despite everything, I believe that I can still provide insight and perspective to other men and women who are walking the path I've walked down. As long as I am able and willing to be of service, then I will be.


-Eric
__________________
Missing Dee. Finding Serenity.



"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."
-Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to missingdee For This Useful Post:
+VERDE+ (11-23-2018), a.rare.love (11-20-2018), BearsLadyBear (11-20-2018), choclgs (01-25-2019), Critter07 (11-25-2018), LifeTraveler (11-20-2018), maytayah (11-20-2018), mazee56 (11-20-2018), nimuay (11-20-2018), patchouli (11-20-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), She'sMyAngel (11-20-2018), sidewalker (11-23-2018), Sloth70 (01-24-2019)
  #4  
Old 11-20-2018, 02:21 PM
safran's Avatar
safran safran is offline
Owned
 

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Azkaban
Posts: 3,341
Thanks: 1,470
Thanked 4,262 Times in 1,925 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
This is a post I hoped I would never read. Even in the darkness and chaos I thought you guys would find a way. I hope you find your peace Eric. She is a fool and one day she will realise that and all she has lost.
Right now you owe yourself a happy positive life free of addiction crime and drama and full of exciting opportunities. Good luck friend
I agree more than I can find words to type.
__________________
Owned
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to safran For This Useful Post:
+VERDE+ (11-23-2018), BearsLadyBear (11-20-2018), maytayah (11-20-2018), missingdee (11-20-2018), Revenwyn (11-20-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), She'sMyAngel (11-20-2018)
  #5  
Old 11-20-2018, 03:06 PM
patchouli's Avatar
patchouli patchouli is online now
PTO Administrator

PTOQ Editorial Team Member Staff Superstar Two Time Winner Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 41,502
Thanks: 41,934
Thanked 35,002 Times in 16,144 Posts
Default

Perhaps in her aloneness she'll realize what she's thrown away. Most likely that will happen after sitting in a county cell a couple of days or so. I hope not though. I hope she wakes up and smells the burnt toast well before that happens, But its her choice to make...and she is well aware of the consequences.

I take that back, it is her consequences, but its not her choice to do drugs and live the life at this point. The life has now chosen for her to continue doing drugs and living that lifestyle. Its terribly hard to break away. Its almost as if that lifestyle has a life of its own that sucks people in and won't let go. Eric, I honestly don't know how to explain it....my daughter explained it to me once, it all made sense (in a weird sorta way) how she could be so very unhappy yet keep doing what she was doing knowing the consequences (dead or jail).

I don't feel like I explained myself very well, so I'll send some positive energy to you both in hopes that you'll both find peace and contentment

As for your "being around," you better be You absolutely can still provide insight and perspective to other member's. The combination of experience & knowledge that you've accumulated on your journey is invaluable
__________________
prisontalkhelp@gmail.com

patchouli, PTO Admin




Last edited by patchouli; 11-20-2018 at 03:08 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to patchouli For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (11-20-2018), choclgs (01-25-2019), jadah (01-24-2019), Kajun48 (11-22-2018), maytayah (11-20-2018), missingdee (11-20-2018), Rigora (11-24-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), sidewalker (11-23-2018)
  #6  
Old 11-20-2018, 03:38 PM
missingdee's Avatar
missingdee missingdee is online now
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Metro Los Angeles, CA, USA
Posts: 3,376
Thanks: 3,839
Thanked 5,926 Times in 2,240 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by patchouli View Post
Perhaps in her aloneness she'll realize what she's thrown away. Most likely that will happen after sitting in a county cell a couple of days or so. I hope not though. I hope she wakes up and smells the burnt toast well before that happens, But its her choice to make...and she is well aware of the consequences.

I take that back, it is her consequences, but its not her choice to do drugs and live the life at this point. The life has now chosen for her to continue doing drugs and living that lifestyle. Its terribly hard to break away. Its almost as if that lifestyle has a life of its own that sucks people in and won't let go. Eric, I honestly don't know how to explain it....my daughter explained it to me once, it all made sense (in a weird sorta way) how she could be so very unhappy yet keep doing what she was doing knowing the consequences (dead or jail).

I don't feel like I explained myself very well, so I'll send some positive energy to you both in hopes that you'll both find peace and contentment

As for your "being around," you better be You absolutely can still provide insight and perspective to other member's. The combination of experience & knowledge that you've accumulated on your journey is invaluable

I don't think there is a "good way" to explain it. I don't think we can understand where she is or where she has been unless we've lived it ourselves. And that is a life...I don't want to lead.


But I appreciate the attempt. And the positive energy. Thank you.


I want to make something else clear...because so often when I see people post in this forum (not always but often enough) I read about this hate and "he/she ain't comin' back in my life!" or some long-winded list of wrongs.


I don't have that hate. I don't have a "the door is closed forever" policy on people. I do have an "I'm not falling for that one again" policy. A friend of mine recently asked "do you see you and Dee ever getting back together?" and I told them "I'm a stubborn mule, so yes. But if that is the case, it will happen on my time. On my terms. For my reasons. And it will be because we both moved forward. Not because I elected to fall back. I can't go back where I was ever again. I walked that entire mountain range. Earned my participation trophy. I don't need another one. If I ever earn another participation trophy, let it be for an actual marathon or something."


I was, and remain, Dee's biggest fan. I maintain a belief that she has it in her to succeed and to be the woman that I know she can be. But I maintain that belief with the knowledge that if she doesn't decide to have that success and work for it, if she doesn't decide to be that woman, then it's never going to happen. And there isn't a damn thing that I can do to make it happen.


I hope there is a day where I can make a post a lot different from this one. Maybe it won't be the success story I envisioned. Maybe it will be something like "she is happy, she is healthy, she finally got help, she finally put in the work, she got a job, she's found success, she's doing what I always believed she could do."


(And maybe she'll even allow me to post a picture of it on Social Media for once and use her real name. Wouldn't that be nice? Oh, to dream of the future....but I digress....)


For now, I have my NarAnon meetings, my daily walks, the same spectacular group of friends who have lifted me up.


I also have the blessing of quality people who have come into my life because of her.


The people here at PTO, who I would have never thought to reach out to if she did not come along.


I have Sandra Trento, who I have referred to in the past as "Trusty" (her street name), who looked after Dee the entire time she was in prison, has been an absolute model inmate, and who will soon, with 30 months to go on her bid and an exemplary disciplinary record, be released to a community supervision program. A woman who I only knew through letters and glass visits until we finally had our first contact visit in McFarland back in August who has called me "brother" and treated me as such, who has given me counsel, who always shared news both good and bad about Dee. I am grateful for her presence and her efforts. "What you have done for the least of my brothers and sisters, you have done for me."



Charlene Campos, who I have referred to here in the past as Cee or Cece (Charlene Campos...C.C....Cece...get it?) who did much the same, and despite her own post-prison struggles has found her own peace and started a family in Ohio (her twins, Robert and Carla, are 10 1/2 months old, the cutest things, and Dee and I are their GodParents....though I've been a bit more up to the duty than she has, as you might be gathering.) Charlene doesn't have family, so I told her I'd adopt her as a sister, and as such, she has been.



Kim, Dee's younger sister, who has become an incredible friend and has been a source of support and comfort even in recent times and has always welcomed me into her home. She has been invaluable and has made it clear to me that she would like to continue our friendship.



Dee's parents, who have always welcomed me in their home as well and promised me tamales are still coming this Christmas (and to give me a warning if they ever kick her out of the house because chances are if they do, she's showing up at my door sooner or later.....hey, some heads-up is better than none.)


That is another point of peace....if Dee does wake up, there is an incredible, INCREDIBLE group of people around her who can help her back on her feet.


But at the end of the day? Dee is responsible for Dee. It is up to her to write her own success story.


I'm in-progress working on my own.


-Eric
__________________
Missing Dee. Finding Serenity.



"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."
-Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to missingdee For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (11-22-2018), BearsLadyBear (11-20-2018), choclgs (01-25-2019), Critter07 (11-25-2018), Francis213 (11-26-2018), jadah (01-24-2019), LifeTraveler (11-20-2018), MizzyMuffling (11-21-2018), patchouli (11-20-2018), Revenwyn (11-21-2018), safran (11-20-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), sidewalker (11-23-2018)
  #7  
Old 11-20-2018, 03:42 PM
smiles844 smiles844 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 279
Thanks: 122
Thanked 226 Times in 137 Posts
Default

I was one who had followed your story...and I am so sorry to hear it come to this, but I think you have made a very wise, albeit very difficult decision. It is time for you to continue to build and grow, pursue life...Hoping she will come soon behind, realizing what she's lost and wanting this positive change more then the negative she's become enslaved to... my thoughts and prayers are with you both! Take care!
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to smiles844 For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (11-20-2018), maytayah (11-20-2018), missingdee (11-20-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018)
  #8  
Old 11-20-2018, 04:34 PM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Always Remembered

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 24,729
Thanks: 7,207
Thanked 30,832 Times in 11,078 Posts
Default

Eric, I'm sorry it's all come to this, but I understand that silent, quiet place where's there no hate and only disinterested caring. I can't always summon it up, but I've had to find it a few times (well, maybe more than a few), and it's like a Buddhist blessing. I'm glad you've found it, very glad.

And glad you're staying here.... you've got plenty to share, and there ar plenty who need it!
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.

Last edited by nimuay; 11-20-2018 at 05:19 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (11-20-2018), BearsLadyBear (11-20-2018), choclgs (01-25-2019), Critter07 (11-25-2018), LifeTraveler (11-20-2018), maytayah (11-20-2018), missingdee (11-20-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), sidewalker (11-23-2018)
  #9  
Old 11-20-2018, 06:21 PM
BearsLadyBear BearsLadyBear is online now
One Day Closer
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 434
Thanks: 1,103
Thanked 494 Times in 224 Posts
Default

Tears came to my eyes reading this.
I just knew you were going to be the couple that made it.

E, you are a true gem and a wealth of knowledge and you speak from the heart.

I understand your need to have to walk away when you tried everything to make it work. I know what it's like to bend in so many ways that up becomes down and down becomes up.

Thank you for sharing your truth.

Last edited by BearsLadyBear; 11-20-2018 at 06:27 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to BearsLadyBear For This Useful Post:
joybubby (01-31-2019), maytayah (11-21-2018), missingdee (11-20-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), sidewalker (11-23-2018)
  #10  
Old 11-20-2018, 07:21 PM
a.rare.love's Avatar
a.rare.love a.rare.love is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,205
Thanks: 5,408
Thanked 786 Times in 545 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
I believe that life is long and ways are found.

As long as I am able and willing to be of service, then I will be.


-Eric


Hola pa, good evening Eric.
You're here for me, via online forum, public post and pms' and always was so and remain astute prudent, and i hope you're going to stick around, Eric.
-
I am very sorry insofar as what has transpired regarding Dee. #SMDH
-
However:

I commend you, insofar as the three R's, and that's
-Realizin'
-Recognizin' exactly what you have to do, for your own peace,Eric.
and
-Remembering to put yourself FIRST, and not last when it comes to such person.

Life can be long, but not for all.
Life is short, and by time 1 find out just what they lost it might be too late for him/and or her, as what happened to my loved one,(my partner's brother rip) ended short for him several months ago, unexpectedly.
-

" I want you to know you're to continue focusing yes, on you. She will 1 day regret what she has lost, and that's a wonderful hombre(man) she has(or had)in her life, and i wish you well, and please keep me/us at PTO posted if any change, alright?
-
Yo estoy aqui por ti, pa.(I am here for you) as you were/are for me as well."
God bless.

Hugs and blessings your way tonight, E...and remember ..."This too, shall passed." You're going to be just fine."

-
__________________


...

Lead with your "mind" and not your heart."
Let no one hold you back from being happy.

Life is too short to "settle for anything less."

#Strength is Power. #KnowyourWorth

#taas (there are ALWAYS signs.)Don't ignore them.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to a.rare.love For This Useful Post:
missingdee (11-20-2018), PinkMarshmallow (11-27-2018)
  #11  
Old 11-20-2018, 07:32 PM
LifeTraveler's Avatar
LifeTraveler LifeTraveler is offline
Crazy Cajun Super Moderator

PTOQ Editorial Team Member PTO Super Moderator 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Louisiana, USA
Posts: 16,993
Thanks: 17,283
Thanked 18,836 Times in 7,310 Posts
Default

I can't say that I didn't see this coming, but what is the most gratifying is the way that you are handling it. A lot of folks in your situation would be bitter right about now. It's difficult not to be in that type of situation, but you are handling it well and yes, I was concerned for you.


I'm sorry it all turned out this way, but a man has to do what a man has to do.
__________________
Life Traveler
Super Moderator
LASO, Immigration, Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehab, Louisiana, Ohio











Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to LifeTraveler For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-25-2019), joybubby (11-25-2018), maytayah (11-21-2018), missingdee (11-20-2018), MizzyMuffling (11-21-2018), safran (11-20-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), sidewalker (11-23-2018)
  #12  
Old 11-20-2018, 08:15 PM
missingdee's Avatar
missingdee missingdee is online now
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Metro Los Angeles, CA, USA
Posts: 3,376
Thanks: 3,839
Thanked 5,926 Times in 2,240 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BearsLadyBear View Post
Tears came to my eyes reading this.
I just knew you were going to be the couple that made it.

E, you are a true gem and a wealth of knowledge and you speak from the heart.

I understand your need to have to walk away when you tried everything to make it work. I know what it's like to bend in so many ways that up becomes down and down becomes up.

Thank you for sharing your truth.

And thank you for letting me share it.


I had high hopes that we'd be "the couple that made it," not that we'd be the only ones ever to do it, but that the success story would come.


All I can say is her success story is yet to be written, and I sincerely hope that, one way or another, it is still yet to come.


-Eric
__________________
Missing Dee. Finding Serenity.



"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."
-Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to missingdee For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (11-20-2018), LifeTraveler (11-21-2018), maytayah (11-21-2018), safran (11-20-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), sidewalker (11-23-2018)
  #13  
Old 11-21-2018, 12:22 PM
missingdee's Avatar
missingdee missingdee is online now
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Metro Los Angeles, CA, USA
Posts: 3,376
Thanks: 3,839
Thanked 5,926 Times in 2,240 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by a.rare.love View Post

Yo estoy aqui por ti, pa.(I am here for you) as you were/are for me as well."
God bless.

Hugs and blessings your way tonight, E...and remember ..."This too, shall passed." You're going to be just fine."

-

Thanks, Ma, and thank you for always being a support
__________________
Missing Dee. Finding Serenity.



"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."
-Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to missingdee For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (11-22-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018)
  #14  
Old 11-21-2018, 12:23 PM
missingdee's Avatar
missingdee missingdee is online now
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Metro Los Angeles, CA, USA
Posts: 3,376
Thanks: 3,839
Thanked 5,926 Times in 2,240 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeTraveler View Post
I can't say that I didn't see this coming, but what is the most gratifying is the way that you are handling it. A lot of folks in your situation would be bitter right about now. It's difficult not to be in that type of situation, but you are handling it well and yes, I was concerned for you.


I'm sorry it all turned out this way, but a man has to do what a man has to do.

One day at a time. One step at a time. Thank you.


-Eric
__________________
Missing Dee. Finding Serenity.



"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."
-Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to missingdee For This Useful Post:
joybubby (12-29-2018), LifeTraveler (11-22-2018), maytayah (11-21-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018), sidewalker (11-23-2018)
  #15  
Old 11-21-2018, 02:22 PM
R&R R&R is offline
Registered User

Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

 

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 659
Thanks: 245
Thanked 680 Times in 324 Posts
Default

It's now your turn.
__________________
Good bye ticker! You went from 7 months and one week down to ZERO in one day!!!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-22-2018, 01:22 PM
a.rare.love's Avatar
a.rare.love a.rare.love is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,205
Thanks: 5,408
Thanked 786 Times in 545 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
Thanks, Ma, and thank you for always being a support


Hola y' como tu esta E., yo soy bien hoy y'(i am good today) & even if this thanksgiving is spent without DEE, i hope it will still be a blessed happy one for you,
and tu' eres de nada(you are welcome.)Just hang in there, as she is clearly going' to regret it, if not already.
-
Dios sabe qué es lo mejor para ti en la vida, así que confía en él y ora para que se traduzca, tambien y' Eric...(i said that GOD, as i always say truly does know us best and what is BEST for us in life)so trust him and pray on it, that DEE realize what she is losing Eric... I do hope she one day soon realize it.

-
So happy people you're listing are en tu vida, (in your life) and realize, as we all do here, what a great man you are for dee, as she will (i hope 1 day before it's too late) realize just how precious life is and you are clearly the best man for her, to travel through in life, for the rest of her days and nights,E., so hang in there, and if she doesn't realize it, it's HER loss. NOT yours pa... cuidate ahora y' (take care now)and you're in mi thoughts
this holiday.Adios... hugs and blessings today for you.Any woman would be blessed to have you to wake up to and have in her corner each day for the rest of her life."adio.



__________________


...

Lead with your "mind" and not your heart."
Let no one hold you back from being happy.

Life is too short to "settle for anything less."

#Strength is Power. #KnowyourWorth

#taas (there are ALWAYS signs.)Don't ignore them.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 11-22-2018 at 01:29 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to a.rare.love For This Useful Post:
missingdee (11-22-2018)
  #17  
Old 11-22-2018, 08:32 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,642
Thanks: 445
Thanked 3,416 Times in 1,597 Posts
Default

Prayers for healing for both of you. You are a class act.
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to onedayatatime13 For This Useful Post:
missingdee (11-23-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018)
  #18  
Old 11-22-2018, 09:54 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,379
Thanks: 22
Thanked 1,600 Times in 806 Posts
Default

Like the others, I too am very sorry to be reading this. I am sure your decision was not an easy one to make.

Addiction is a horrible and tough illness that destroys many lives. I cannot imagine what it is like to have to deal with this from your end of watching her go through this and supporting her all this time, etc. but I also understand that at some point you have to do what's best for yourself and put your needs first. Maybe that will be the straw that breaks the camels back and helps break the cycle for her.

I wish you nothing but the best and thank you for always having such a positive presence in this group during such a difficult time.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to rockchalk1 For This Useful Post:
missingdee (11-23-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018)
  #19  
Old 11-23-2018, 07:03 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is offline
CA, LASO, site sug. SUPER MOD

PTO Super Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ca usa
Posts: 32,138
Thanks: 56,868
Thanked 30,662 Times in 15,310 Posts
Default

Im sorry she has not chosen the healthy path.
And Im sorry that its been a difficult one for you to watch.


Im glad that you recognize and accept that you cant really do anything for her at this point and that its up to her.
Huge hugs, Eric. (((((((((((((((((((((E)))))))))))))))
__________________
My windows aren't dirty

That's my dog's nose art

Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to sidewalker For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-25-2019), missingdee (11-23-2018), Sarianna (11-23-2018)
  #20  
Old 11-23-2018, 10:23 AM
Sarianna's Avatar
Sarianna Sarianna is offline
Que Sera, Sera 💜
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Swinging from the chandelier
Posts: 3,311
Thanks: 16,712
Thanked 4,681 Times in 2,044 Posts
Default

So very sorry that things had to go this way, Eric - but also very proud of you for putting yourself & your health first at this point. I hope this coming new year will bring you much earned love & happiness Addiction's effects are heartbreaking and it pains me to see people suffer, addicts and family members alike. I don't know what Dee has ahead of her in this life but I do hope she'll find her way eventually.
__________________

Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Sarianna For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-25-2019), maytayah (11-23-2018), missingdee (11-23-2018), Rigora (11-24-2018), sidewalker (11-24-2018)
  #21  
Old 11-25-2018, 09:38 PM
Grolarbear's Avatar
Grolarbear Grolarbear is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: TN, usa
Posts: 176
Thanks: 400
Thanked 296 Times in 105 Posts
Default

This makes me feel very sad for you. I don't read a lot of male blogs or have access to the inner workings of a man's mind, but I'm still going to venture to say that I think you, took much more interest in the emotional layers of your partner. In every one of your posts you were always bending over backwards to accommodate her issues, always putting yourself in her mindset, always showing an insane amount of patience for her problems, always considering her past, thinking about her feelings, and analyzing all of her behaviors. It was almost like reading what a therapist would write about a patient. I don't say this in a negative or a positive way, just an observation. I hope that your future wife flips the script on you, and she's the one to take care of you. I hope she puts you first, and considers your feelings, and surprises you with things you like, and has an uncomplicated past and is so easy that all you guys do is have fun and laugh. I wish so many good things for you.
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Grolarbear For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-25-2019), Hurley123 (12-26-2018), jadah (01-24-2019), missingdee (11-26-2018), Sarianna (11-26-2018), She'sMyAngel (11-25-2018), sidewalker (11-27-2018)
  #22  
Old 11-26-2018, 05:02 PM
missingdee's Avatar
missingdee missingdee is online now
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Metro Los Angeles, CA, USA
Posts: 3,376
Thanks: 3,839
Thanked 5,926 Times in 2,240 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grolarbear View Post
This makes me feel very sad for you. I don't read a lot of male blogs or have access to the inner workings of a man's mind, but I'm still going to venture to say that I think you, took much more interest in the emotional layers of your partner. In every one of your posts you were always bending over backwards to accommodate her issues, always putting yourself in her mindset, always showing an insane amount of patience for her problems, always considering her past, thinking about her feelings, and analyzing all of her behaviors. It was almost like reading what a therapist would write about a patient. I don't say this in a negative or a positive way, just an observation. I hope that your future wife flips the script on you, and she's the one to take care of you. I hope she puts you first, and considers your feelings, and surprises you with things you like, and has an uncomplicated past and is so easy that all you guys do is have fun and laugh. I wish so many good things for you.

Oh, I'm a stubborn ol' bear (he said even though he's still got a good trek left to go to age 40,) I can take care of myself But a relationship with a more equal exchange of emotional capital (ha ha, yeah, I went there,) would be nice.


Dee was, is, and will remain I suspect, the most interesting person I have met in my life. If she ever does decide to get right, while the relationship will likely be very different, I am willing to be a support to her in doing that. That said, where her mind is right now, we're a long way from me having to make good on my word for that.



I spent time with a very nice young woman last night. I'm not in a rush to be in a new relationship and I'm not sure if that's where it's going. But she's 28, and this ol' bear's just shy of 37, so I still got something working for me


-Eric
__________________
Missing Dee. Finding Serenity.



"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."
-Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to missingdee For This Useful Post:
Anna7 (11-26-2018), choclgs (01-25-2019), Grolarbear (11-26-2018), maytayah (12-03-2018), nimuay (11-27-2018), Rigora (11-27-2018), Sarianna (11-27-2018), sidewalker (11-27-2018)
  #23  
Old 12-02-2018, 11:36 PM
momof234 momof234 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 206
Thanks: 162
Thanked 136 Times in 94 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
A lot of you have followed the E/Dee story for some time. This year has been fairly silent.


I've decided to end things.


This is not about being bitter or angry or hateful or spiteful. This is about a cycle. Addiction. Mental health. Criminality. It's a cycle she's fought hard to break at times and given in to freely and easily at others. I always knew falling off the wagon was a probability. "Relapse is part of recovery." I've heard that story a million times. Except when it's not just relapse....when it becomes a resumed way of life. Then it's not part of recovery. It's just addiction at that point. Ugly, active addiction. To drugs. To crime. To being sick.



I always made a point to her that I wasn't going to do another bid. The direction Dee is going in, another bid seems inevitable. I'm not going to be there if/when it happens.



While I am open to resuming some form of friendship or relationship with her somewhere further down the line if she decides to make change for herself, I have reached a point where I recognize two things.
1.) I'm not going to be able to do great things in my life with a girlfriend/potential spouse who brings unhealthy things into my life constantly and
2.) She's not going to be able to realize her potential if I continue to enable the behavior.


I don't want to get into all the details. There's no reason to summarize the events that led to me making my decision. There's no anger left, no pain left. I'm just here, standing on my own, a bit older, maybe a touch wiser.


I wish I could tell you about a post-prison release story with a happily ever after. I wish I could tell you we had a good first year and she built on it from there. I wish a lot of things. But right now the only thing I truly wish for that would make an ounce of difference is peace. For me. And for her, too. She's got her own struggles. Thoughts and prayers? She could use those. If you've got them, send them her way.



I just can't be her rock anymore. I have to start being my own. And she needs to learn how to be her own. Because I'm going to keep walking. And it has become clear to me that as I put one foot in front of the other, she's just going to stand there, occasionally call for me to come back in her moments of clarity, but not make an effort to take a step toward me OR away from the things that have kept her stationary for, if we're realistic, the past 2 decades of her life. And if this is so....then I need to go my own way and hope that, when the dust settles for her and all is quiet, maybe she will figure out her own way too. Hope, yes. Rely on? Absolutely not. I know better now.



-Eric
I just wanted to say that I am really touched reading this post, and I admire that you’ve found the strength to be honest with yourself and to break out of a viscious cycle with someone. Also that you don’t sound angry or resentful. It’s hard when you have a long history with someone and you’ve seen them go up and down. I have a history with addiction though I’ve been sober now for many years and I’ve had partners that have struggled with addiction also. It is so painful just watching somone to through it and not really being able to help. You bring up some good points about enabling people. I love what you said ‘I just can’t be her rock anymore. I have to start being my own’ there is so much to that. You sound like a gentle person and you’ve been strong for her. I too hope that she finds whatever she needs for her own recovery and that perhaps you walking away will force her to have to do so. I really wish you the best in your journey and I have always enjoyed your perspective your posts and your comments and also hope that you will stick around 🙂 as long as it’s helpful to you also. So sorry to hear things didn’t work out, it can be so hard to leave someone you care for but know they are not good for you but I think it could be the best healing for you both. Prayers for you and yours
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to momof234 For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-25-2019), maytayah (12-03-2018), missingdee (12-03-2018), patchouli (12-03-2018), She'sMyAngel (12-03-2018)
  #24  
Old 12-03-2018, 07:23 PM
missingdee's Avatar
missingdee missingdee is online now
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Metro Los Angeles, CA, USA
Posts: 3,376
Thanks: 3,839
Thanked 5,926 Times in 2,240 Posts
Default

Anger does no good. Dee has some wonderful traits. If only she would consistently go with those rather than the ones that are...well...not-so-wonderful.


I'm at peace with my decision. I'm at peace with her. What will be, will be.


-Eric
__________________
Missing Dee. Finding Serenity.



"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."
-Thomas Jefferson
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to missingdee For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-25-2019), momof234 (12-04-2018), patchouli (12-03-2018), safran (12-03-2018), sidewalker (12-04-2018)
  #25  
Old 12-03-2018, 11:38 PM
IzzyLouWho's Avatar
IzzyLouWho IzzyLouWho is offline
Mischief Makin' Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 3,093
Thanks: 946
Thanked 3,222 Times in 1,572 Posts
Default

I am so sorry. I really hoped the two of you would make it. When God closes a door, he opens a window... It may be a tiny window in the back of a closet, but there is one somewhere.
__________________
Angela




Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to IzzyLouWho For This Useful Post:
choclgs (01-25-2019), maytayah (12-04-2018), missingdee (12-04-2018)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I put my foot in it... LovingSharieff New Jersey General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat 17 11-11-2009 05:53 AM
How does he put his foot down? Wobabi Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 63 12-21-2008 05:12 PM
If the shoe was on the other foot? ahannah1561 Met While Incarcerated 1 12-08-2008 11:11 AM
cubic foot vs. square foot 1dayatatime PTO Lounge 4 03-19-2005 01:34 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:12 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics